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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: There was a definite sense of hopelessness, of being lost, and dreaming of a place where you can find peace. Quite an emotion filled piece.

Why I could relate to your work: Back in college, my work reflected very similar tones. I felt so lost and aimless without any way out. Probably most of us can admit to having shared in a similar darkness at one point or another in our lives. But as I always say, you cannot have light without darkness nor darkness without light.

My suggestions: "in which destinations are reachable," To help with the flow, I'd suggest "attainable" instead of "reachable".

I'm also not a fan of the concluding lines. "ironically" just doesn't read well given what you're discussing. It doesn't feel like an ironic moment. Don't have suggestions on how you could change it, just not a fan of how it currently reads.

Any noticeable typos: "loosing ourselves little by little each passing day" I think you might have meant "losing".

"I vision a reality so sweet," "vision" is a noun and doesn't really work here. However, "envision" would be far better suited.

My favorite line(s): "Reality is a chaos,
so loud yet so empty," What a great introduction that sucks us. Such despair penned right there.

In conclusion: This was certainly an emotionally charged piece that just needs a little tweaking to really make it flow. Welcome to the WDC.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I felt like there might be some actual connection to New Orleans, that at the very least you looked into a few legends for reference, which was entertaining. I also liked the description of the spanish moss.

Why I could relate to your work: My mom wants to take me to New Orleans and we will so be doing the ghost tours. And someday, I would like to go on a haunted tour of America in an RV so I totally understand the fascination with the ghosts.

My suggestions: I have a few. The first is very important, the tenses keep switching around. Sometimes present, sometimes past, and it pulls my attention massively out of the story. It's a pain in the rear but keeping the tenses straight is important in keeping your reader engaged.

Secondly, there were some things that bothered me. For instance, you put a lot of focus on the decorating of the house, but yet you don't actually put any detail about it in there. You need to make sure you show the readers the detail, not just tell us about it. And that would help with the rest of the story, go into the condition of the cabin, how some of the gravestones were sinking into the bog, the smells, the moisture in the air, make us feel that we're in the story as opposed to just a casual read-by.

Lisa honestly seems a bit ridiculous to me. Her dream terrifies her, she freaks out over the idea of the land being cursed, but when her friends are actually killed, is calm because her fear isn't helping? Seems like she should be way more hysterical given how easily spooked she is. It almost feels like she's taken medication or something because she goes from being overly scared to almost comatose. Make sure you try to keep your characters in character.

Any noticeable typos: The biggest typo I noticed was the tenses. Otherwise, everything looked to be spelled correctly, grammar felt right, and nothing just stole my attention away.

In conclusion: The swamp is scary under normal circumstances but the idea of the haunted grounds and being hunted by the supernatural,is frightening. I think this story has a lot of potential and with some polishing, could really shine. Though the biggest complaint is definitely the tenses. Anywho, it was a fun read. As they say, write on.


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Review of My Psalm  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This feels very heartfelt, something you wrote with all the glory of your faith. It flowed nicely and had a warm message, well done.

Why I could relate to your work: My grandmother was a very religious lady and she guided me through much of my teenage years. I can totally see her encouraging me to write my own psalms and so this right away appealed to me because it made me feel nostalgic.

My suggestions: Honestly, even if there were something really needing fixed, this feels too personal for me to offer my input on. However, set that aside, I didn't see anything just begging to be tweaked. The wording was well chosen and like I said, very heartfelt.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see any typos that pulled my attention from your words.

My favorite line(s): "In the darkest of my nights, you were the brightest light." What an excellent introduction, sucking us in right from the beginning.

In conclusion: This was lovely and felt honest to me. Well worded. Happy anniversary.



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Review of Night Terrors!  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: You definitely built up the fear of a poor kiddo. I also loved the ending, cause well, mothers always know best.

Why I could relate to your work: I grew up terrified of the dark, so much so that for the first few months of my marriage, my husband let me sleep with a nightlight. I've managed to grow out of it, but every once in a while, I'll just be hit with that panic that closes your chest off and feels like something is lurking in the dark with you. So this brought to mind that terror.

My suggestions: I would just suggest breaking the lines down a bit. Most of them are really long and would flow better if formatted into two versus one line. Otherwise, I don't really see anything needing changing.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "Would you like the night light, darling?” asked Mommy" Aw, good thing mommy's there.

In conclusion: This was sweet and frightening all at once, nicely done. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I loved the flow of this, how it sucks you in and weaves a cute, enchanted tale. Those purple pumpkins sound like pesky veggies.

Why I could relate to your work: Last year, my in laws gave us blue pumpkins and it was only then that I learned they come in a much larger variety than the orange and occasional green we regularly see. So reading about the trouble a purple pumpkin can cause was very entertaining.

My suggestions: I do not have any. Though admittedly, a part of me wants to know if the lad was gullible and fell for the purple promises again. Otherwise, it flowed well, didn't feel forced, great imagery and a definite fairy tale charm cuteness to it.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled my attention from your work.

My favorite line(s): ""What will you give me?" said the boy.
"What kind of special treat?"
The pumpkin said, "A pot of gold
I'll lay beside your feet."" And thus begins the chaos of yet another devious purple pumpkin.

In conclusion: This was adorable and made me smile as I read it. Nicely done. Happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: This cracked me up. Poor kitty, but he should know curiosity often gets the cat in trouble.

My suggestions: I don't have any to offer. I think this had a fine flow, great imagery, and I totally saw this shady looking fellow in a top hat slinking about, looking around to make sure no one was watching then stuffing this mangy cat in his hat. What a fun read.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that grabbed my attention from your poem.

My favorite line(s): "He then took off his black hat

and stuffed the cat in there." Lol, poor kitty.

In conclusion: This was cute and not a bad attempt at poetry. Quite entertaining. As they say, write on.


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Review of Victory  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: You fulfilled that challenge perfectly. You told a fantastic story with a hundred different words and who would have thunk such a thing was possible. I found my heart aching for the hero but feeling triumphant too, well worded.

Why I could relate to your work: I love fantasy so this was right up my alley. Of course, I like the dragons to be the victors but this was definitely an interesting read.

My suggestions: I do not have any. You pulled this off flawlessly and evoked a variety of emotions with your well chosen words. It came together beautifully and was full of imagery. Almost felt poetic to me.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "Mournful champion became legend." I love this cause it makes you feel for him and understand what his actions have cost him, both positive and negative. It's a perfect conclusion.

In conclusion: This was perfect for the challenge and told an excellent, engaging tale. Well done and happy anniversary.


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Review of Almost Perfect  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: First off, if you had not announced that English was not your first language, I never would have known. There are so many writers that make me twitch, your writing was fluid and well done. But, set that aside, this was a great self reflection piece, recognition of the amazing things you have already accomplished and may not even realize it.

Why I could relate to your work: I am one of those folks who talk perhaps too big for the common conversation, and I have been since I was little. When someone comments on the dialogue of a story, saying people don't talk like that, it's difficult for me to fathom. I do talk like that and so do the people I hang out with, so do my children. The idea of regularly having people criticize my work because I'm not writing in my first language makes my hackles want to go up and kudos to you for not being intimidated by such words. Keep it up, your writing is strong.

My suggestions: I do not have any. This flows well, has a concise layout that takes the reader on a journey with you, and ends on a strong note.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled my attention from your work.

My favorite line(s): "Ha ha. It’s fun to use some pun whenever I can.

Oh, uh. Where am I? Did I go on a tangent? Are you still there?" Ha ha, yes, a writer after my own heart. I love puns and the direct question to your reader makes sure our attention is devoutly on your words. Nicely done.

In conclusion: Overall, I think this is a well written piece and like I said, had you not mentioned it, I never would have known it's not your first language. Beautifully done and as they say, write on.


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Review of Paging Theodore.  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I love plays on words so that last line cracked me up, what a way to work the prompt into your work. Cleverness.

Why I could relate to your work: Like I said, love plays on words so that totally hit home with me.

My suggestions: I know it was a flash fiction and those things are bears to work with, hate word count restrictions, however, this could use a little more. For instance, you could share how they got separated, why they're in a hurry, what the relationship is between the two.


I would also recommend reading this out loud. There were a couple of awkward sentences and I've found the best way to find those is read out loud. It won't catch everything, but it should help a bit.


Any noticeable typos: ""Paging Mr Hat. Will Mr Hat please head to the Station Master's office immediately." came the droning voice over the intercom." Mr would read better as Mr. and there should be a ? at the end of the "Will Mr. Hat..." line. With that all in place, I'm pretty sure you should also capitalize "came".

"Damn it where was the man?" There should be a comma after "Damn it".

My favorite line(s): "ly"Yes, this is the man I was looking for. I'm sorry, I really didn't see T. Hat coming!"" That play on words definitely tickled me. However, given he's trying to be a bit more formal, it does sound a bit informal with out any Mr. in it ;).

In conclusion: Overall, it was a fun story and a unique take on the prompt. An entertaining read and happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: Omg, the chaos in this. If it weren't for the kitten, I swear you've gone to one of our shindigs. This was painfully realistic when it comes to trying to put together that perfect event. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. And I always thought cats were the devil :P. This was a delightful read that had me laughing and cringing all at once.

Why I could relate to your work: With a family of five, this is pretty much anytime we try to do something. It always seems like there's a child underfoot, something's been ruined and while my cake luck has so far been good, have certainly met with cookie fiascos. I felt for this family cause we've been there and it sucks royally. Yeah, you can laugh about it later but doesn't make it easier while it's happening.

My suggestions: Pshaw, I do not have any to give. I love the personalities you built, the way the story flowed, how you had just enough detail to move the story forward. All and all, it came together wonderfully.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled my attention from your story.

My favorite line(s): "As we filed out the door, Dr. Zhivago maintained his ballerina-pawed delicacy and surveyed the damage with one turquoise eye, as if to say, "What's the problem? The place looks great, and the cheesecake was awesome."" Evil cat :P

In conclusion: I loved this. It made for an excellent read and I'm not surprised to read it was featured. It's beautifully done and like I said, did an excellent job at capturing the personalities of the various characters. Well done.


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Review of It Was...  
Review by Siobhan Falen
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random review and thought I'd check this out.

What I love about your work: There was definitely an ambiguous feel to this that left you wondering what was reality or not. I also liked the connection he shared with her.

Why I could relate to your work: Who hasn't been driven to the point of exhaustion by their job? Whether it be a desk job or at home, whatever, eventually you get to a point where it just feels like a burden. So, we've all been there ourselves.

My suggestions: I would really, really recommend changing up your sentence format. Pretty much all of your sentences start off as "She" or "He" which even in a short story can become monotonous and lose the attention of your reader. You want to try to keep it new and exciting, keep the reader's attention.

Noticeable typos: I didn't really notice anything that pulled me away from your words.

In conclusion: I think this is an interesting tale that would read better if you worked on the sentence format. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: First off, this was full of fantastic imagery. Beautiful and dark, capturing my imagination and definitely curiosity. Secondly, I really like how this is thought inspiring. I take it as a relationship that went sour, for a variety of reasons, but allowed you to grow and move forward.

My suggestions: I do not have any. I liked the flow, the imagery, the cool crisp writing style.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that distracted me from your well chosen metaphors.

My favorite line(s): "I thank you so much for your gallantry,
Lance collecting dust in your wardrobe"

In conclusion: I thought this was very well done and came together nicely. As they say, write on.


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Review of Strange Friends  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Found you in the newsletter "Action/Adventure Newsletter (December 31, 2014)"  and had to take a peek. Well worth a glance.

What I love about your work: Aw, the friends we make when circumstances push us into odd places. I thought this was cute and funny, certainly an adventure into Arizona's oddities.

Why I could relate to your work: As an Arizonian native, I had to read this when I read the description. I mean, really, how could I not check out a story embracing my home state? Although I've never had rattlesnakes as friends, I have had ducks who are amazing creatures, so I definitely understand the odd buddies.

My suggestions: I think if you built this up, it would read a bit better. You kept focusing on the no visitors aspect, but you were telling us, not showing us. And I know it was necessary to have that point stressed so that we understand why he befriended such a dangerous creature, but you should try to show the reader instead of telling.

I would also suggest rewording your description just a bit. The tenses don't align and it's a bit awkward to read which could chase off potential readers.

Otherwise, I thought this felt very smooth, the writing was cohesive, the conversations felt real, not a bad tale at all.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see any that drew me away from your story.

My favorite line(s): "His eyes shot downward and he spoke softly to Alice saying, “Do not move, stay absolutely still, and do not say a word.”" Meep, definitely an "uh oh" moment.

In conclusion: I thought this was cute and it appealed to the desert dweller within me. Nicely done and as they say, write on. Happy New Year's!


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: How dare you insinuate that vampires could chew flowers! Of all the offensive things I've read on this site, this one takes the crown. No, really, if someone gets offended by this, shaking my head, they need to stay far away from anything vampire related. Anywho, this had me smiling as I read it. I particularly liked the end, I was picturing the classic vampire with the widow's peak and heavy black and red makeup on painted white skin. Definitely entertaining.

Why I could relate to your work: Vampires are my all time favorite monster so I always enjoy a different take on them. I like when people choose not to take a subject seriously and put a fun, light hearted spin on it.

My suggestions: Perhaps develop this some more. Maybe have a segment on why he agreed to step into the limelight despite his aversion to giving up old customs.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that threw me for a loop. Well, except for the obnoxious chat speak :P.

My favorite line(s): "NO! LEAVE THAT POT PLANT ALONE!" Lol (oh yeah, I so used that), this made me chuckle again as I copied and pasted it. Not where I saw the interview ending.

In conclusion: This was a fun read that certainly entertained a different notion about the eternal blood suckers. Who knew they would become flower chewers? Anywho, a fun read and happy anniversary.



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Review of Mafia Ink  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: First off, I'm a huge fan of word play so this totally spoke to me. But even set that aside, I loved the wording of this. It felt like candy for my brain. Gorgeous imagery and somehow you either made "badassness" coolly poetic or made a cool prose into "badassness", I'm not sure which but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Why I could relate to your work: Having grown up on the Godfather and the Sopranos and the hundreds of other mobster movies out there, I was totally picturing scenes to go along with your words.

My suggestions: I do not have any, this was beautiful and wicked to read. It flowed well, was entertaining and like I said, candy for my brain.

Any noticeable typos: Did not see any.

My favorite line(s): "'PREY FOR US'" It was a strong conclusion and like I said, love plays on words. A perfect finisher for such a spectacular poem.

In conclusion: I really liked this and wouldn't mind reading it again. Heck, I may share it with my husband cause he enjoys mobsters too. Great read. Happy anniversary, and as they say, write on.



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Review of Carol Ann's Curls  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I love all the little details in this. I could totally picture everything and see the main characters. Poor little girl, hair cuts are devastating when they don't turn out as you expect.

Why I could relate to your work: My youngest has a slight fascination with Rapunzel. Wants really long hair so we haven't cut her hair. Well, about six months ago, she got into scissors somehow. And though she cut her bangs straight, the mullet she gave herself on the back of her head caused her to get a pixie cut. Thankfully, she looked adorable but her dreams of Rapunzel length were gone. So, lol, I understood momma's frustration. I also was the older sibling who cut my baby sister's hair when I was little. Granted, she didn't have thick curls but still, my mother likes to remind me periodically of my fascination with scissors. Not my fault the kitty needed a haircut too ;).

My suggestions: There is a line in the beginning that tripped me up a bit "He used both hands to close the scissors as the slight crunching cut through Carol Ann’s thick brown curls. " I would recommend rewording it a bit because "as the slight crunching cut" doesn't flow very well.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me from the story.

My favorite line(s): "“My curls! You cut off my curls! Mommy!” cried Carol Ann. A tear slipped down her cheek. She dropped the hand mirror.

Tommy flinched as he heard the glass crack. " Uh oh, busted now.

In conclusion: I thought this was cute and captured siblings very well. I definitely would have moved heaven and hell to make my sister happy, especially if I was the one who caused her to be upset. Happy anniversary.


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Review of Who Sits Best?  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I enjoyed how eerily realistic this is. Reality tv show seems like the plague to me and this just seemed to capture that mentality. A funny though disheartening read because it could become a reality next season :P.

Why I could relate to your work: I cannot fathom reality shows. My parents watch a few and when my mom needs to relate what she saw in them, it's all I can do not to roll my eyes. I think they're dumbing us down... sigh, anywho, off the soap box. I think this story did a great job on highlighting how truly lame we're letting our television shows get.

My suggestions: I did not see anything that I would fix. This had my attention from beginning to end and I think played off the prompt very well. Nicely done.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled my attention from your words.

My favorite line(s): "They determine after a minute, Minerva is non-responsive because she’s dead; she toppled over during the commercial break when Vernon nudged her to wake up…" Eeeew, I knew it. But, eeeew.

In conclusion: I enjoyed reading this and think it carries an important message. That perhaps the Kardashians are not the best thing on tv :P. This was fun. As they say, write on, and happy anniversary.



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Review of The Stain  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and enjoyed this quite a bit. Nothing like having a cat in the hat moment when it comes to these situations.

What I love about your work: I thoroughly enjoyed her fixation on being the perfect housewife, having everything presentable and the obsession with the stain. It cracked me up and I had an inkling what was going on so it was nice to have my inklings verified.

Why I could relate to your work: Somehow, I can totally see someone I know in this situation. She's obsessive when it comes to cleaning and certainly has some due anger at her husband. Better warn her to make sure she cleans up all the spots :P.

My suggestions: I think you need to clarify what happens to the kids. Cause you make a big deal in the beginning about the children being quiet but then we never find out what happened to them. Did she kill them too or are they staying at a friend's? You don't want loose ends distracting your readers from the story.

Any noticeable typos: "Once I caught her on bed with my man, I knew that I needed to teach her a lesson." I think "in" would work better than "on".

My favorite line(s): " I opened the door and was confronted by a very attractive police officer." Uh oh, and the plot thickens.

In conclusion: This was fun to read and certainly interesting to see that she was indeed a killer. Think it would be much better with the loose end tied up. Otherwise, an entertaining read. Write on.


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Review of ~Missing You~  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This was a sweet tribute to an unrequited love. There was a lot in it that actually peaked my curiosity and made me want to know more. Is he someone that you just miss cause you never had or did he suffer a worse fate? Hmmm, intriguing.

Why I could relate to your work: I think we have all had an unrequited love at one point or another. Someone we desperately wanted and daydreamed about but never had. I remember mine very clearly and there's this guy who works at a petshop that looks just like him. I smile every time I see him because he reminds me of a different me and a childish innocence that I miss. Anyways, the point is that this is a piece I am confident most of us can relate to.

My suggestions: Honestly, I would just like it to be expanded so we can know more about the fate of your heart's ache. Otherwise, I think it flowed well, the wording was done nicely and didn't feel forced, and it was a bittersweet poem that tugged on the heartstrings.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see any that pulled me from your words.

My favorite line(s): "I thought it was a ghost
Cause I know you are long gone" See?! Curiosity peaked. And if it's a worse fate than not having you, I'm terribly sorry.

In conclusion: I thought this was a very interesting piece that flowed along nicely. Well done and happy anniversary.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Hydro package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I like how you set up we're on a different planet with a nearly completely different race of beings in this story. It's very intriguing and feels like only a small part of something much larger. I also really enjoyed how relateable you made the characters.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm a mom of three small girls, I understand questioning your parenting and wondering if you're making the right decision.

My suggestions: Well, I do hope there is more as this feels like only the beginning. You introduce a lot of intriguing concepts in this and I would like to see it carried through. For instance, the history of the humans is very interesting and I would like to see how that plays into the Neptune occupants.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me away from your story.

My favorite line(s): "Only moments earlier, the seven-year-old's limp, barely breathing body had been placed on the life-giving horse. The girl was going to be fine." Yay, victory!

In conclusion: This was an intriguing story with a fascinating story line that I can see being developed into something more. It was fun and certainly captured my attention. As they say, write on.


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Review of Silence is White  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Found you in the newsletter "Action/Adventure Newsletter (December 31, 2014)"  and had to take a peek. Well worth a glance.

What I love about your work: I enjoyed the atmosphere you built and the signing was intriguing. I definitely found myself asking what was going on. Definitely captured my curiosity.

Why I could relate to your work: This brings to mind The Forest of Hands and Teeth, which I very much enjoyed, so I had to delve deeper into your story to see where you were taking it. I always enjoy tales with sparks of rebellion, standing up to authority.

My suggestions: My first is that I would recommend building up a reason for why they're isolated. This feels like The Village and like The Forest of Hands and Teeth, but without any reason on why they're isolated (even made up), it is hard to begin to fathom why they stayed in the community. Surely meeting others with the same handicap as them is not enough to isolate them in such a fashion. I would suggest adding something like the other colonies went crazy, killing each other or something, so there is a reason to fear other survivors, not want to venture outside the walls.

I also didn't really like the "love" story line. I realize that in such a story, it's part of the formula, but you should try to weave it more subtly in. The way it is currently in there, it feels forced and just thrown in to have some romance. I would definitely recommend something a little more subtle than just throwing all the cards on the table, so to speak.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice a few grammatical things. For example "“What happened to her?” asks a very young Yellow-15." "asks" should be capitalized. Speech grammar is a pain in the rear and something I am working on myself after many corrections from some of the awesome WDCers on here. There's so many rules but if you can begin to fix some of them, it'll really help your work pop.

My favorite line(s): I don't really have a favorite line as much as a favorite part. I enjoyed the bird "crash" and liked how at last, her curiosity was peaked. This felt like the beginning of the adventure, a step out of the realm of her comfort zone and like I said, always enjoy stuff like that.

In conclusion: I think this has a lot of potential to be a really interesting story. With a little bit of work and some more character development, I think it could be quite fascinating. I'm also curious to see where it ends up. Nicely done. And welcome to the WDC.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I very much liked how you progressed us through the seasons and ended it on a hopeful note.

Why I could relate to your work: Winter always feels incredibly barren and lonely to me, so reading the end definitely hit a note with me.

My suggestions: My first would be to break it down a little more stanza like. For instance:

"As a youngster I remember a walk in the meadow and being mesmerized by it’s beauty."

could become:

"As a youngster, I remember a walk in the meadow
and being mesmerized by its beauty."

I think it would help with the flow quite a bit if you broke it down more. I kind of think from the Autumn stanza that you may have had it broken down in such a fashion but perhaps it didn't translate over to the site or something along those lines.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice punctuation errors. For example:

"As a youngster I remember a walk in the meadow and being mesmerized by it’s beauty."

I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after youngster and it's means it is, its is possessive. Minor things but could use a little tweaking.

My favorite line(s): "It feels like the end … or perhaps….just the beginning ?" I like the idea that icy, unwelcoming winter is not the end but is ushering more. Gives me hope when I'm hating this blasted cold :P.

In conclusion: I think with a little bit of polishing, this could really shine. The message was nice and it didn't feel forced. Nicely done and welcome to the WDC.


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Review of Gingerbread  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Solar package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: I'm glad you put what Christmas Carol theme to sing this to cause I instantly had to sing it, er, read it out loud to the tune. Very cute. Loved the imagery in this and am totally craving gingerbread right now.

Why I could relate to your work: My grandma used to have this big thing where we would come over and build gingerbread houses, very exciting, so this brought to mind that fun. Always tasted great and meant time spent with the cousins, so thanks for stirring up wonderful memories.

My suggestions: I don't have any. This flowed well, didn't have any parts that made me stumble, was a cute idea, and certainly a delicious read. Nicely done.

Any noticeable typos: Didn't see anything that distracted me from the rhythm.

My favorite line(s): "Gingerbread, gingerbread
Gumdrop and candy cane lampposts
Yogurt dipped pretzel sticks
This house is such fun to make" Um, did I mention delicious? Craving gingerbread now :P.

In conclusion: This was a fun, holiday read that made me chuckle when I was done cause I had to sing it out loud. Like I said, love the imagery and thought it came together very nicely. And, happy holidays, glad to help put this package to use :D.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I clicked on this cause the description made me chuckle, but by the end, I was incensed and broken hearted for the poor lady. Evil buggers.

Why I could relate to your work: My daughter just did a thing with her girl scout unit where we went and met several sweet elderly ladies in a group home. The thought of them being worked over just made me mad.

My suggestions: I don't have any. You got the point across very well, captured the anger and injustice. I enjoyed the flow, just didn't enjoy the message (not by any fault of your own, mad at the cruelty of those who would prey on the weak).

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "All the lies you told
While you hunted for gold,
Will come back to bite your ass.
I hope I am there to see you pass," I liked this cause there was definitely raw anger coming out here. Nicely done.

In conclusion: This was a well written testament to the damage done by some soulless thugs. It was terrible to read only in the sense that it's horrifying when you read about some creep doing this. Otherwise, it was a well done tale in poem form that pulled at my heartstrings. As they say, write on, and happy anniversary.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Holidays! It's that time of the year for me to leave you a little something something just because. May you enjoy the gift of a review from me to you :D.

What I love about your work: You made me tear up a little! No really, could be I'm tired, but this really touched me and considering how much of my holidays revolve around my children... sniffle. This was beautifully done and well worded. The rhyming did not feel forced and conveyed your feelings perfectly.

Why I could relate to your work: As a parent of three small children, I still have the Christmas magic in my house, but you've certainly made me look to the future and realize some of why my mother is so clingy on Christmas. Really touched me.

My suggestions: I do not have any. It really came out quite well. I was very impressed with the flow and how much emotion you caught in this without actually describing your emotions. Darn impressive.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that threw me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "The kids are grown; they've moved on
to families of their own.
They've taken all the magic
along with the cheap cologne" Again, darn impressive. Seriously, you made this touching poem that made my heart ache, without ever whining or groaning or complaining how dark and dreary the world was. This felt beautifully executed.

In conclusion: I really enjoyed this. I've already raved about it in my review, but truly, this was a gorgeously written piece that really conveyed your feelings very well. You are quite a skilled writer, well done.


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