*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shadowsnflames/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
Review Requests: OFF
968 Public Reviews Given
968 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 3 4 5 6 -7- 8 9 10 11 12 ... Next
151
151
Review of hush hush SCREAM  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I love the imagery and intensity you captured with your words. A very strong piece that builds up and builds up, nicely done.

Why I could relate to your work: I've had moments where it seems like my inner voice is trying to drown out my voice of reason, keeping me up and making me dance to its rhythm. So, this appealed to that aspect of myself.

My suggestions: I'm not sure why, but this strikes me as something is missing. I can't decide if maybe being made a little longer would help or maybe a different formatting style. But I think a little something more might help really make this pop. Sorry, I know, vague, but it's the best I could come up with :P.

My favorite line(s): "Cascading ice, a willing partner,
Bleak, its burnt sienna aura," Love the images here, very strong and interesting.

In conclusion: It held my attention from beginning to end and spoke to something within me. Nicely done and happy anniversary.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
152
152
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found a review of this story on the public review page and thought it sounded tempting. I was not disappointed.

What I love about your work: I loved how this unfolded from beginning to end. Enough so I had to share it with my husband. I loved the distinct line between the sexes, what entertained one group versus the other. All the details were perfectly included, and for a 300 word flash fiction, it didn't need any more or less.

Why I could relate to your work: My husband has been subjected to many an experience he's had to glaze eye his way through. And I can think of many things I've had to, including one of his tv shows that has this guy who's voice just drives me insane. Anyway, definitely understand the difference of the sexes and loved how this addressed it.

My suggestions: I don't have anything to offer. You put it together beautifully, it flowed well and the betting had me cracking up. Wonderfully done.

My favorite line(s): "Every husband, save one, was intently looking forward, as if hanging on Martha’s every word.

Every husband except Charlie who was hoping he had somehow become invisible." LMAO, as if staring ahead doesn't make it obvious. This was a great conclusion to a hilarious tale.

In conclusion: I loved this and am glad I decided to check it out. Thank you for an entertaining read. Excellently done, write on!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
153
153
Review of True happiness  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Well, hello there: I thought I would return the kindness you did me.

What I love about your work: I really love the concept of this. How many times do we walk by the people with the signs, averting our eyes and pretending they don't exist. I like that this fellow faces that guilty side and does something to enhance both of their lives.

Why I could relate to your work: While I can't afford to give a homeless person a motel room, my family does what we can. I carry several bags in my car that have a bottled water, a little bit of food, and personal hygiene items in it to hand out to people when we see them. So, I very much enjoyed how this turned out.

My suggestions: "You’re contemplating about true happiness.”" This line read just a bit awkward to me. I would remove the "about" as it would help it to flow smoother.

Any noticeable typos: "Then a man in a grey suite sat next to him. " "suite" should be "suit".

My favorite line(s): “No PS3, no computer, no phone. This is torture.”

Trent sat down and pondered his situation. “I can’t imagine how people lived in the 1800s.” Oh my, how I can relate. The idea of being without my spotify music, shudder. Or gasp, writing.com! NOOOOOOO!


In conclusion: I thought this was a sweet tale that invited us to question our own attitudes about people we consider the dregs of society. It shouldn't take a power outage to make us extend our hands, but sometimes, that's not enough to awaken us. Nicely done and best of luck back :D. As they say, write on!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Review of Fatal Attraction  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: well, tickle me pink, not what I expected from the title of the story. Granted, I'm in a horror mindframe so lol, it happens. I'm reviewing a couple of my fans for one of the Game of Thrones activities and since you're always kind to my work, thought I'd come by and visit yours.

What I love about your work: I loved the obvious planning she put into this, the idea of being hot and bothered at the prospect of pleasing your partner. I always find the different personalities in people's stories fascinating.

My suggestions: I don't know if this was written for a contest, but if word count isn't an issue, I would suggest building it up more. As it is, Corey seems kind of like an a jerk considering his text gave no indication at all that something was up. Seems a bit cold-hearted to act like everything's fine and then, we need to take a break. Maybe a "We need to talk" kind of thing.

I also would suggest giving Natasha more motivation to go off the deep end. Trashing your partner's apartment cause they said they wanted a break seems extreme and made me lose sympathy for her. And to be honest, if I came home to such an attack, my reaction would not be the same as Corey's. I think there needs to be some reconciliation, addressing of the problems, and actually fixing it to spur the makeup sex. Otherwise, as the reader, I'm kinda of scratching my head, wondering how he just overlooked the craziness unleashed on his home.

"The separation has been difficult since this is the first time they have spent any large amount of time apart since they started dating six months ago." I would replace one of the "since"s with another word. Try not to repeat the same word in the sentence.

"Walking into the bedroom, she dumps the contents of the bag she brought with her on the bed, picking up the rose scented candles and smells the scent of them while imagining making love to the man she loves." A couple of things here. I would suggest breaking into two different sentences. It feels like too much packed into one line. Perhaps end it at bed and begin the new one with picking. I would also suggest different words for love, too repetitive too close. Perhaps making love to her heart's mate, making love to her beloved (realize love is in the word, but it's different enough it doesn't sound the same).

"Natasha walks over to the bed, picking up the bag of rose petals she walks to the front door, leaving a love trail for Corey to follow to her, in a path to his bed where she will be waiting for him." Again, I would just break this up. It's too much packed into one sentence.

"Nipping her thighs as he licks her moist area while sucking the juices he loves the taste of her" Sure, make me blush. Set that aside, I have a couple of suggestions with this line. I don't think many people can nip thighs as they lick a woman's moist area. Usually, they nip thighs on their way to the licking. It can't all occur at the same time. Also, I would not switch to his pov for that one line. You're in Natasha's head the whole story and then flip it for that one section. It feels out of place.

My favorite line(s): I won't deny, I enjoyed the last section. It was fun and playful, definitely an interesting wrap up to the story.

In conclusion: I think this has a lot of potential, just needs some tweaking. Would love to see the build up and a little smoother transitions between the moods. A very entertaining read that definitely brought some color into my cheeks and made me grateful my husband wasn't reading over my shoulder :P. Anywho, as they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
155
155
Review of "Mirage"  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: What a great buildup and while I figured it out at the end, I didn't catch on until before the revelation. Love the descriptions and think you did well on making this eerie situation come to life.

Why I could relate to your work: I was scrolling through the newbies, looking for something to review when I found this piece. The description sounded intriguing, and the story appealed to the horror fan within me.

My suggestions: I totally think you can develop this further. It has a lot of potential and makes you wonder what kind of situation would have droves of people fleeing the spirit.

Also, admittedly, I a not a fan of the formatting of the last few lines. If they're a paragraph, the sentences shouldn't be on separate lines. If they're not a paragraph, you might want to keep with the formatting of the story up to that point and put an extra space between. Otherwise, it distracted me somewhat from your story.

Any noticeable typos: Only the formatting really pulled my attention off your work. Otherwise, I didn't see anything that grabbed my focus.

My favorite line(s): "It wasnt intended for me, but it still creeps with naughtiness to my reach:" I loved the imagery this evoked, a soft whisper crawling across the icy cold distance and revealing itself. And, when I posted this, I caught an error. "wasnt" should have an apostrophe in it. See? Was so focused on the story, didn't even notice that util I posted it separately.

In conclusion: I liked the dark atmosphere in this and the conclusion was well executed. It left me with some questions, but overall, well done. Welcome to the WDC.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
156
156
Review of The Book  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: The description grabbed my attention right off the bat and the poem did not fail to live up to my hopes. It was beautiful and easy to relate to. Loved the word choices :D.

Why I could relate to your work: I picked this to review as your anniversary present because I have had issues sleeping at night since I was in my early teens. I'm a night owl who wakes up when the sun sets, no matter how much I was dragging through the day. Many a story has come to life at the 1-3 in the morning period. So, like I said, this instantly grabbed my attention.

My suggestions: I do not have any. This flowed beautifully and usually, when poems rhyme, they make us speak awkwardly, but this didn't do that. I love how it came together and appreciated all the beautiful imagery and ideals captured in this.

Any noticeable typos: Didn't see anything that detracted from your work.

My favorite line(s): "For as we write our song tonight,
we hope the book will dowse the light.
And she will lift us from within,
and let us go to sleep again." Amen.

In conclusion: I really enjoyed this and could identify with the message behind it. From one writing insomniac to another, good job. Happy anniversary and write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
157
157
Review of Wasn't I Young  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I like how even without the description, the point was well made and easy to read. It captured those reckless feelings of young love, the way you throw yourself whole-heartedly into it, but have to eventually let it go. Enjoyed this.

Why I could relate to your work: I still have a special place in my heart for my first loves. They opened up my heart and caused me endless grief, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. We've all moved on and found our places in life, but I still look at the with a warm smile and usually a shake of the head.

My suggestions: When it comes to personal poems, I don't usually have something to suggest unless there is a blatant error. This flowed well, was very clear and easy to understand, thought it came together very nicely.

My favorite line(s): "but I'll always love you
I will always love you" Amen.

In conclusion: I thought this was a pleasant read that stirred up my own fond though painful memories. Nicely done and happy anniversary.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
158
158
Review of Breaking Point  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Dang, that got super intense fast. I find it impressive that you took such a horrific event and wove it together without being tasteless or going for the shock factor. It came across as almost a tragic beauty and had me holding my breath until the end.

Why I could relate to your work: As a mom, I find it hard to read such stories but I was able to enjoy your tale without shying away. That's a delicate line to manage and I think you mastered it.

My suggestions: I would suggest trying to eliminate the passive voice in your tail, words like had, was, were, and such. I know, it's a pain in the rear and it's something I have to focus on too, but if you can pull it off, it definitely makes your words pop so much more. Otherwise, I thought this flowed well and conveyed all the characters' emotions.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that pulled me from your story.

In conclusion: Gruesomely beautiful and heart-wrenching. Well done. Happy Anniversary and as they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
159
159
Review of Knock Knock  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there: You know, it's always a relief to know there are others out there just as twisted as myself. Every time I read one of your horror stories, I feel such a kindred soul bleeding out of your words. Anyway, playing in the Game of Thrones stuff and doing the newsfeed activity, so get to review some of my "fans". Couldn't pass up on the opportunity to dive into some of your awesome work.

What I love about your work: I love how you can take something so nonchalant and weave it into something horrific. There is no blood and guys in this tale and yet, it's brutal and makes you cringe. I also can't deny I got a kick out of recognizing dear Seumas from your story where the poor fellow tries to overcome his writer's block by clicking on the link. Feel like I'm reading a bit of Stephen King where everything's woven in together, you've just got to find the clues.

Why I could relate to your work: M'eh, you know me and freaky stuff, can't resist it.

My suggestions: I wouldn't mind seeing this expanded a bit. And given you do have a tendency to weave in your tales, I a curious to see what's really going on with his neighbor. Hmmm, stroking my chin whisker, could be interesting.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that leaped out at me.

My favorite line(s): "Not tonight, Seumas. Not tonight. You know we have to let the meat hang for a few days." Shudder, leave it to you to turn a friendly fellow into a cannibalistic leprechaun lover.

In conclusion: I laughed when I read this. It was fun and gruesome without being in your face. I love how it subtly builds up, giving you a hint that everything is not what it seems. It flowed really well and was quite an entertaining read. Well done. Write on!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
160
160
Review of The Void  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Aw, so you requested a review from me and here I am. Hope it is up to your expectations.

What I love about your work: This has so much potential to be something bigger. The tale of the pond could be done as a story in its own right, told from the view of someone who survived it, or even by the Void himself. And you could take it further with the boy perhaps encountering the nothingness and being consumed by it until he began to follow in the footsteps of Kaurin. Nonetheless, even if you don't do anything more with it (but I totally think you should), this was an intriguing tale that took you on a dark adventure ending in misery and heartbreak. Enjoyed it quite a bit.

Why I could relate to your work: I'm a huge fantasy fan so this had my interest from the beginning. I liked how it played out.

My suggestions: "Kaurin matched his father's fervour and went far, far beyond. Where his father had been content to rule the vale and nothing more Kaurin looked to the mountains and beyond." I would suggest using a different word than beyond as the end of both lines. It felt redundant and distracted me a bit from the tale.

"Both princesses were given free roam of the hill fort where Kaurin's father held court, and while Yana, the youngest stayed within the mead hall Verna, the eldest was fascinated by the world she suddenly found herself in and wished to see it all. " Seems like a comma might be needed before Verna or some sort of punctuation to help it flow a better.

Noticeable typos: "A year after Kaurin had vanished a scourge came down from the mountains. Men from beyond, vile barbarians, twisted and hateful, they sought only to revel in slaughter." I think a comma would be better than a period in the first sentence. Otherwise, both lines are only sentence fractures. I also think a word is missing between Men and from. Perhaps "came", "invaded", "swarmed", something to help announce what they did from beyond.

In conclusion: This is quite an interesting tale with the makings of a twisted fairy tale. And definitely leaves us wondering, what was the voice? Was he possessed by a demon in the mountains? Was there a spell cast upon him? A fascinating tale that held my attention from beginning to end.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
161
161
Review of It's Time.  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I like how her memories are slowly bringing her comfort, slowly bringing her to the point of functioning again. It was a pleasant though sad read about her struggling with the daily routine, and making it.

Why I could relate to your work: My grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away years ago, but I still find myself aching for her. The loss of a loved one leaves such a hole in your life, it can never be filled though remembering them and smiling in honor of them is one of the greatest tributes you can pay them.

My suggestions: My first is that the conversations feel very stiff, too formal. Particularly when the father would be speaking to his daughter. I would recommend trying to make it feel a little more natural so that your reader can identify with the characters instead of stiffly reading through

My second is you switch between the present and past tenses, which wouldn't be a problem if it were just with the memories versus her day, but you switch within her current day. This is distracting from your story and makes it difficult to decide if she's narrating her day as it occurs or looking back at it after it has already happened.

Any noticeable typos: Other than the issues I pointed out, I didn't notice anything that stole my attention from your work.

In conclusion: I think this is an interesting rendition of a woman overcoming her grief, one day at a time, but would read better with a little bit of work. As they say, write on, and welcome to the WDC.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
162
162
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and oh, how this spoke to me.

What I love about your work: I think you captured the longing for warmer weather perfectly. I definitely understand the bones speaking in the cold.

Why I could relate to your work: I hate winter, like passionately despise, shudder when the cold rolls in. Even living in Arizona, I find our winters too cold for my taste. Give me the heat, the time to live in the pool, the sun tanning up our hides and making the cold an idea we embrace with ice cream and ac. Yeppers, totally can relate to this poem.

My suggestions: My only problem is that sometimes, the rhyming scheme feels a little forced. It might read a bit better as a free form poem that allows you to speak naturally. Otherwise, I don't have anything to say.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that blatantly knocked me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "I remember the warmth of the summer sunshine." Ah, I don't want it to be a memory. Time to roast again.

In conclusion: Being a summer baby, I love the sun and warmth and hate the cold so this completely spoke to me. I liked how you described the cold, then had the middle stanza feel like a promise of what's to come, and the ending was just all about the warmth. It came together nicely. As they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
163
163
Review of The Diaper Change  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Lol, I liked how cute you made a diaper change. It doesn't sound like an icky chore, but rather something fun to embrace. Takes skill to make something yucky sound fun.

Why I could relate to your work: As a parent of three kids, I've had my fair share of diaper changing. Was our biggest disappointment when we found out I was pregnant with our third, we didn't want to back into diapers. Sol, lol, had to read this and found entertaining that you almost made me miss diapers. (Almost, but not really, so glad they're out of them :D)

My suggestions: I don't really have anything to offer. I thought this flowed well, the images were funny rather than gross (even the hot fudge part made me snicker), the love was apparent, and I liked how it all came together. There were no obvious typos to distract me from your work, well done.

My favorite line(s): "Hug me tight,
A kisseee too," Aw, I miss baby affection. They way they snuggle into you and are just too cute. Still get snuggles from my older ones, but it's not the same. Definitely something that tugs at my heart strings.

In conclusion: This was cute and fun, a unique take on diaper changing. Great sense of humor and happy anniversary.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
164
164
Review of What's In A Name  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: I like where he's going through the list of names and hating on all of them. It cracked me up and made me think there just might not be a name to satisfy him. Though I do agree that Tracy seems a cruel name for a boy.

Why I could relate to your work: I used to lament my first name, so much so that I started using my middle name, which consequently makes for a great writer's name (Siobhan). But my first name is extremely common to the point that I was in an art class of ten girls, including the teacher, and four of us shared the same name. Oh the horror. So I understand Tracy's dissatisfaction with his first name.

My suggestions: I don't understand why you changed the point of view in the middle of the story. Was it for a contest entry? Otherwise, it feels completely unnecessary and doesn't contribute to the tale. If anything, it pulls me out of slipping into Tracy's shoes.

The "gawds" started to make me feel like I was watching Napoleon Dynamite. I would suggest perhaps using a different slang, something that feels like "gawdy" :P.

Any noticeable typos: I did notice a few punctuation things, but nothing that really tore me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): ""His favorite singer was Pat Boone. We named you Pat."

Oh my Gawd!" Though I think you should change a couple of the other "gawd"s, not this one. What a perfect ending and a definite giggle inducer. Poor fellow, he was just doomed no matter what way he went. Yikes.

In conclusion: This was a humorous read that certainly made me feel for poor Tracy. What's in a name, other than a lot of teasing? Cutely done and as they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
165
165
Review of Winter  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This is absolutely beautiful. The images are stunning, the flow perfect, the sing song rhythm doesn't feel forced or cause me to stumble, what a gorgeous read.

My suggestions: I do not have any as this came together perfectly. I didn't see any typos or anywhere I would choose to fix.

My favorite line(s): "and all the noise outside the glass
lends credence to her crouch." I could totally picture this cat stalking the window, making that trilling noise in her throat at the sight of the birds zipping about for food.

In conclusion: I thought this came together just beautifully and there was nothing I saw that I would change. Very nicely done and happy anniversary.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
166
166
Review of To Be Pretty  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: This was a dark poem capturing one side of society that certainly does have brutal expectations of our ladies.

Why I could relate to your work: Hanging out in high school taught me that you don't need to fit into your perceived expectations of beauty to find people who appreciate you. There is always someone who finds beauty in you being you, even if you think society doesn't find your beauty worth noticing.

My suggestions: I don't know that I have any other than I totally think this all depends on where you've put yourself. Sure, there are certain branches of society that tell us how to act and think, but there are other branches that embrace our individuality. You've just got to find the place for you.

My favorite line(s): "So, I just wanted you to know...
If that is ever what it means to be pretty,
Then I would rather just stay labeled ugly." I've always enjoyed the idea of not being willing to conform and embracing yourself instead. But that's why I never aimed for the popular group, I didn't want to perform for people I couldn't pretend to like :P.

In conclusion: I felt this was an interesting read that explored many of the expectations put on people that no one should have to try to meet. Nicely done and welcome to the WDC.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
167
167
Review of Wraith of Time  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, hello there: I found this on the random reviews, and wow, it's beautiful.

What I love about your work: This is heartbreaking, but gorgeous all at once, a bittersweet read. I love the details you slipped in and how sadly time transformed the once majestic free creature.

My suggestions: I do not have anything to offer on this. I liked the quote in the beginning, it set us up perfectly for the following lines. It flowed well, didn't feel forced, the rhythm was perfect, the details beautiful, all and all, it came together beautifully. This was certainly a pleasure to read.

My favorite line(s): "Her cage now her throne
Her silence her crown
She forgets all she wanted to be" I read this and went, "ooooohhh". That's a perfect conclusion to this piece.

In conclusion: I thought it was beautiful even though sad and tragic. The decent from desperate prisoner to broken queen was just heartbreaking and it only took place in a few stanzas. Well done. As they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
168
168
Review of God's Creation  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This is a nicely done tribute to the miracles of our world. I like how you examined everything and ended it with life, nicely put together.

My suggestions: I almost feel like, since you started it with an observation by you, that it would be a little bit better if it ended with an observation from you. Because it feels personal at first and then just kind of disconnects.

Otherwise, I think the flow's nicely done, I didn't see any blatant typos, the details were well chosen, and it didn't feel forced.

My favorite line(s): "The many chemicals in the air, sea and ground
These amaze scientists daily" I like how you bring science in as part of God's world, rather than dismissing it, I thought that was a unique take.

In conclusion: Definitely something to remind us to be grateful for all the small things in a day, for everything is a miracle if we're willing to examine it. Nicely done and happy anniversary.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
169
169
Review of The Steel Dragon  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing your work for the Nuclear package on "Invalid Item" 

What I love about your work: What a terrible tragedy that you capture in your work, but you approach it in almost a humorous fashion. It was very entertaining.

My suggestions: There were a few lines that read a bit awkward.

"These storms aren't infrequent this late in fall." So, these storms occur regularly? Just a little hard to believe the lake dwellers would hold such storms in esteem if they happen constantly.

"The kids building sandcastles saw it all." You describe the storm as being the worse one of all, so this line made me scratch my head in confusion. If this one was the worse, why were kids out building sandcastles? Sounds like tempting fate.

Just feels like it needs a little bit of tweaking to make it flow a little more believable.

Any noticeable typos: "One's like these, the lake-dwellers fear." Ones is plural of one, and would fit better than One's.

My favorite line(s): "And the Steel Dragon sank, crew and all." What a great opening, sucking us in to find out the story behind the destruction of the poor Steel Dragon. What a tragedy.

In conclusion: I found this to be an interesting tale of a horrible incident. Nicely done and as they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
170
170
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: Aw, this was full of imagery, like I was sitting with you and watching them hunt for their seeds... and then the ending made me react with an out loud "ohhhhh". It is bittersweet, beautiful but sad, and I think wonderfully written.

Why I could relate to your work: My family had to move to an apartment temporarily and rehome our ducks. Reading this made me think of the way they would quack at me when I'd do my dishes, and come running up for their meals, even how my sweet Omega would snuggle into my lap and go to sleep. I love those silly birds and miss them dearly, so while not exactly the same thing, this poem still stirred up my own feelings of longing.

My suggestions: I do not have any. This flowed well, invited us to have a peek into a different world than our own, perfectly detailed, and ended on such a touching note. All in all, a well rounded piece without any distracting typos, at least none that distracted me.

My favorite line(s): "I don’t see the juncos anymore.
I haven’t missed them until today." It just kind of hit you right in the heart and like I said, made me comment out loud.

In conclusion: Such a lovely though sad poem. Hope you're not feeling too homesick for the north. Well done, and as they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
171
171
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I had this pop up on the side of my screen and thought I'd take a peek. Glad I did.

What I love about your work: I love how sincere and touching this felt, even though it's only a few paragraphs long. It sucks the reader in and shares a horribly painful story without feeling like it's milking the situation or trying to bury us under emotion. I really liked how you conveyed the pain of the main character without making it feel cheesy.

Why I could relate to your work: As a painter, I needed to take a look cause I can certainly understand using paint to battle whatever current stressful situation I'm in. I wanted to see how you used the paint in your story to deal with the loss of Vanessa and I think you wove it in very well. It helped the story flow forward and gave us a sense of the deep loss the main character feels.

My suggestions: I don't really have any. There were not any blatant typos, no lines that tripped me up, it flowed well, the imagery was done nicely and I was sucked in right at the beginning.

My favorite line(s): I enjoyed the comparison of the colors, side by side, life and death but death will always win out. It's a dark though accurate way to look at the reality of life and death. It definitely worked for me.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this piece quite a bit and am glad I clicked on that little link. I think it provided an unfortunately accurate look at the place insurance companies often place families. Well written.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
172
172
Review of Just a scalp  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: This made me laugh out loud. You captured a wide variety of emotions in only a few lines and got your point across very loud and clear. Nicely done.

Why I could relate to your work: Personally, I prefer a bald scalp to a comb over any day. And so does my husband, thank goodness. Hair is definitely a peculiar thing that can make people oogle and make people giggle. So, I had to sneak a peek when I saw the title, needed to see exactly where it lead to.

My suggestions: I don't have any. The rhyming did not feel forced, the rhythm was well chosen, the message was clear, and this made me chuckle. Not a whole lot I could offer to change that up for the better.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "It's JUST a scalp, so WHAT it's bare?" Oh yeah, this was right where I laughed. How could you not? The exasperation and indignation were so vividly captured, it worked well.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this quite a bit and couldn't help but laugh. You did a lot in only four lines and made a smooth, easy to read poem that didn't trip me up. Welcome to the WDC.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
173
173
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Found you in the newsletter "Fantasy Newsletter (February 4, 2015)"  and had to take a peek. Well worth a glance.

What I love about your work: I love the atmosphere you built up in this piece. The ball was beautiful and full of tension, the fair felt real and the danger pressing. I also liked the characters you developed, I found myself rooting for Matt and Jenn.

Why I could relate to your work: When I was in junior high or high school (long time ago), I read a book about a cursed young woman who would die on her sixteenth birthday over and over again and they were were trying to break the curse before she died again. I don't remember how it ended, but this story made me remember it, and hope for the best for Matt and Jenn.

My suggestions: I finished reading it and my first reaction was, "Wait?! Come on, not a fair place to end it at all!" Is there more to this? Or did you just tease me with the promise of an intriguing battle between lovers and obsessor? Shaking my fist at you, tease :P.

I enjoyed all the detail you put into it, without overloading us, loved the flow, felt it had a strong story line, and certainly left us on a cliffhanger moment. Must know if they beat the icy blued wench.

Any noticeable typos: Honestly, i was too involved with your story to be keeping my eyes open for typos, but I didn't see anything blatantly obvious either.

My favorite line(s): I loved the description of the ball, but I'm a sucker for ball scenes. I also enjoyed the balcony scene and felt you built up the romantic tension very nicely without being cheesy.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this and would like to read more. I definitely found myself rooting for Matt and Jenn, hoping they could conquer their obstacles and finally find peace in each other's arms. Well done.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
174
174
Review of Pause the World  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This was a very sweet read that I'm confident we can all relate to. When we're little, we want to stay with our parents forever and when we have children of our own, we want them to stay small and with us forever. If only we could pause the world, even if only for a short while...

Why I could relate to your work: I picked this because it immediately appealed to the mother in me when I was looking at your portfolio. Some days, I don't want to let them go but think cuddling would be a grand way to spend the day. My daughters regularly tell me they want to live with us forever, and it's like, I'm sorry loves but some day, you'll grow up and not only want your own place, but need it and it tears my heart apart. So, I could completely relate to this work.

My suggestions: My only hangup was the description versus the actual body of work. Your description sounds like it's the parent writing to the child, but the actual words is the child writing to the parent. It just took me a few moments to get into the groove because I was expecting the opposite. Otherwise, I thought it flowed well, didn't feel forced, and captured the sweetness of children.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me from your work.

My favorite line(s): "I will stay small and you will stay young" Gosh, I wish. My mother is starting to stress to me that she could die due to age complications and I always tell her, she's not allowed to die. In my mind, she will always be young, but that's not how real life is. Gonna go cuddle my kids after school, this is making me all mushy.

In conclusion: I thought this was a sweet read that really captured that relationship between a child and parent. A lovely read, well done. Happy anniversary.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
175
175
Review of The Email's Tale  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: Meep, not the ending I was expecting. I love how you took us on this journey from the email's perspective and ended it on a frighteningly chilling note.

Why I could relate to your work: I always joke I'm going to barbecue my children and husband, but I can't imagine being so angry over a cake that a knife is the way to go. Yikes. Lol, made me think of my dinner threats and chuckle.

My suggestions: There were a couple of lines that threw off the flow of the work. For instance, "soon we both will be dead. ". While it does make sense, the way it's worded just kind of tripped me up a bit. I would recommend reading this out loud, seeing if there's anywhere you have to alter your reading pace to make it work.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me out of your work.

My favorite line(s): "He had burnt black the birthday cake
and now his raging wife,
walked to him, in her mind a goal
and in her hand the knife. " Again, meep. What a conclusion that leaves our imaginations to go wild. Would hate to see her reaction when she finds out he forgot to get a gift :P.

In conclusion: This was a fun, unique read that ended on an interesting key. I thought it was entertaining and makes me think about sending out my emails, including just this review. Hmmmm. Another delightful read, well done. As they say, write on.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
416 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 17 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shadowsnflames/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7