I loved the canvas on which you drew this picture. Could see the different hues and experience the shades and sample the vibes.
A wonderful depiction and an unusual outlook, how can I not rate it at 5 just for the treatment, theme and perception?!
Kudos to you!
One question: Is it "lush" or "lust" in the line "Swirling lust colors"? Just curious to know.
Bests,
Sarah :: Member of the following forums::
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A very soft and sad poem. The last few lines reminded me of the loss and regret one feels when ones dreams are shattered and hope is lost.
If only all the yesterdays were not reality,
If only all the tomorrows would be radiant
If only there could be a real rainbow after the clouds and the rain of tears ...
To bountiful courage and plenty of hope moving forward ...
Wishing you the Bests,
Sarah :: Member of the following forums::
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***RAOK***
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What an impossible thing you have done!? By capturing the truth of the masked strangers in this world, who hide their truth. We are forced to wear this mask, because of so many factors: our fear of ridicule, our fear of being rejected, our fear of being put down. {c}
But one day, we start to fear the mask ourselves, cause the mask sticks on so fine that if it does not exist, we almost feel naked. It becomes like a second skin to us.
I can related to your writing with all my heart, because so many times not wearing a mask has hurt me so.
Thank you for a fine piece of writing that embodies the feelings and captures every nuance of the masked reality.
Bests,
Sarah :: Member of the following forums::
***WDC Angel Army***
***RAOK***
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Gee! I liked it. Was just imagining the traffic jam of clouds and their grey boiling bellies and it looked so perfect. Maan, whew! great imagination. Mars, you are truly a star, and I am so very proud that you are evolving a distinct style of your own dear.
This is a very unusual thought process and a very distinct poem. It questions and captures the essence of what we relate to, is it God or Science that defines the scope of our being, of our living? Which is more defining?
Absolutely brilliant job, the last few 3 lines define that time is of science as a different alternative to the no time of God and your belief that it would save you. I hope I am right in understanding this poem. If I am wrong my dear friend, my apologies.
It is true that compassion is very little in some so called places of good deeds and charities.
Take for example doctors, who are supposed to be healers, not all are healers, some are so materialistic and run after just money over service. You have captured your sadness at the turn of events.
Thank you,
Sarah "Ideas are the cornerstone of Innovation"
Topic is very well handled! You deserve a pat on the back for making this topic engaging and for keeping the reader going. A serious topic dealt in a very serious way, it does make a very interesting read.
The theater of war engages so many people, the mighty politician to the network news stations. The casualty in the war is the people who fight these wars and the civilians who are cluster bombed. No one knows if the real reason the war is fought ever gets told even to the soldiers who are fighting these wars. Probably it will come to light only after decades, after the veil of secrecy is lifted and FOIA is put to use.
Life has become an expendable commodity, be it a soldier's or be it a civilian's. Be it governments or guerillas, they seem to think that soldiers and civilians are mere collateral damage.
Your piece of writing reveals the pathos and pain of such a situation.
This is good. More of a song rather than a poem it is for me. It reminds me so much of the song that has this piece of lyric "with or without you". Good job! Write On!
Bests,
Sarah
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Good thought. It is so hilarious. I just could imagine my 4-year old newphew doing the same. It needs a little bit of rework. Some of it flows smooth like the river, and some of it seems to have got stuck in the middle of rocks.
You are good dear. The best part for me was the "muscle pop" bit - that was really so true and sweet. Continue writing!
Bests,
Sarah
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Beautiful imagery indeed dear. I just fell in love with the last stanza (especially the first 2 lines of it). You have done such a splendid job. Kudos to you!
Keep making such beautiful poems and one day we have to find superlatives other than the ones we are using to describe your work.
Please let me outright say that I am not at all an expert. I am sorry that this poem did not catch me as much as I would have liked it to. I seem to have missed it somehow.
The part that is good: the last 3 lines in the second stanza in terms of meaning and expression
If you don't mind, please do pay more attention to the use of apostrophe as I seem to have found some missing
Despite these few hiccups, I still find that the poem has merit, and all that is needed is some fine piece of editing and more flow. Hope you are fine with this review and it helps ...
Thank you,
Sarah "Ideas are the cornerstone of Innovation"
Candy
The idea is pretty good and your expression is pretty good as it rather is questioning and also stern. The only thing where I feel that you should have put a little attention is regarding more depth in terms of exploring the theme. This too, I feel only because of the subject you have elected to write and not to take away from your effort. Your poem could have been great had you explored and captured all the nuances of the subject you have selected.
I really liked the last 3 verses a great deal as they have a lot of clarity and flow smoothly.
Bests,
Sarah "Ideas are the cornerstone of Innovation"
You know Sask, the idea behind this poem is what I appreciate the most. People like Gabriella and Sherri come once in this world and they touch so many people's lives in such a positive manner that life seems better for living.
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not letting it touch it touch me.
Good imagery
For we were not he men who were imprisoned --> ... the men ...
