What I liked I love this writing. It really depicts the nature of relationships. I used to say that people put "wedges" in their dealing with others. Things were fine until you did this or did that or said this or that and each time it put a wedge between you. The story is one many can relate to.
Suggestions Finish the thoughts. Finish the story. Add pieces as you think of other things that can hamper a relationship
Grammar/Spelling Not my strong point unless it jumps at me and I saw no obvious spelling or grammar issues.
Overall impressions I truly enjoyed reading this writing and think that you have talent. If I picked up a book and this was the first page, I'd buy the book!! :)
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
Now that is cute and so creative with just a few hours and a prompt! You are very talented and it gives the question of which really is the wrong side of the tracks... I wish you luck in the contest and will proceed to your port to find your other items..
What I liked How sad. This poem grabs you and makes you feel the pain that is being portrayed. It's hard to tell if they left your or they died but the pain is there!
Grammar/Spelling This is not my strong point. I was never good at English or grammar or spelling, so unless it jumps out at me, we need an English person. But I did notice in the last paragraph: "The feeing of loss", looks like it should be "feeling"
Overall impressions :) I enjoyed the poem and it kept my attention and I could feel the pain. Good job!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
What I liked I love the way you paint the pictures with your words and you truly do. I can almost feel the girl's frustration at her parents praise and the disappointment of not being noticed.
Grammar/Spelling This is not my strong point and I only notice obvious errors and I see none.
Overall impressions I enjoyed reading this. This story goes to show that we can always find a good side to most bad situations. I applaud you on a picture well painted!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
This is so cute. It flows so well and keeps the reader's attention. Being a lover of poetry but not a writer of it, I truly enjoyed seeing the talent portrayed in your writing. You used comedy and rhyme to put your point into a nice piece... Keep writing and I wish you much luck in the contest.
Babydiva
What I liked I loved the twist at the end. I had to look again at the rating to make sure I wasn't reading a submissive erotica story...
Suggestions None, you are a very talented writer and I wouldn't change a thing
Grammar/Spelling This is not my strong point but check this to see if it's correct "and the fact that I wont does not" in the first paragraph.... Should it be won't
Overall impressions You are very talented and I will read more of your writings. Thank you for sharing with those of us who love to read!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
This is as cute as can be. It kept my attention and really had a great subject matter. We all look for that elusive happiness!! I love the way you brought the point across and used humor to do it. Keep writing! I hope, as a newbie, I can bring smiles to people like you did to me!
I can really feel the pain in your words. Your writing really held my attention. I am a new member to writing.com and stumbled upon your poem as my first read. If the rest of the site is as good as your reading, then I'm thrilled to be a newbie. Thank you for the poem. It is deep and with conviction!
Baby
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/southerndiva/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 5:45pm on May 10, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Finish the thoughts. Finish the story. Add pieces as you think of other things that can hamper a relationship
Not my strong point unless it jumps at me and I saw no obvious spelling or grammar issues.
I truly enjoyed reading this writing and think that you have talent. If I picked up a book and this was the first page, I'd buy the book!! :)
I loved the twist at the end. I had to look again at the rating to make sure I wasn't reading a submissive erotica story...