Ok, having the warped sense of humor that I have; I loved it! We all sit around and wonder "when did she become so famous?" Yes, I my heart was sad for her and her baby and the loss of her son; but, do I have to do it 24/7. Thanks for your comical view of "us humans". We deserved that! Keep writine as I love reviewing!
This poem says a lot about relationships and emotions. I like the way you use building blocks to describe building a relationship. My favorite part is the last three lines; and no, we can't put them back. I enjoyed the poem and think you should Keep Writing!
SouthernDiva
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This was a great story, she says as she wipes the tears. What a pleasure it was to read the emotion in your memories of your brother. It is with special words that you remember him. Thank you for sharing this story; your talent shows through.
Keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
SouthernDiva
I needed this smile today. The story has a cute twist. We all seem to go unnoticed in our daily routine even when it means "food" to others. I bet if we stopped doing things, they'd notice....
Anyway, a delightful tale and any compliment will have to do. Now, (compliment) you are talented and I love the way you take an everyday occurance and make it a story. I hope that, with practice I can do the same.
What I liked This is a very deep piece of writing. I can feel the frustration of searching for answers in your writing.
Grammar/Spelling No obvious spelling or grammar errors.
Overall impressions Writing is great therapy and you should continue! I enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing it. If the question is death, you may not find your answer until you do say goodbye.....
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
SouthernDiva
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What I liked That I can relate so well with your "addiction". You did a great job with characters and depicting their actions. My favorite part was the pen and paper writing.
Grammar/Spelling "vacuuming. Again." maybe replace the first period with a semicolon. "Not even her books, and she had plenty of them because, normally, she loved to read." Not a complete sentence but not sure how to fix it; just wanted to bring it to your attention. "jealous mind you. Just annoyed" instead of a period, do the semicolon Overall impressions You are very talented and whether with computer or pen and paper, I think you should WRITE ON!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
SouthernDiva
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What I liked I liked the description you used to show the actions of the surroundings; the jumping frog, the mud puddle.
Grammar/Spelling No obvious errors
Overall impressions The story was inspirational and had a little surprise in the last paragraph. The mystery; were they betrothed to each other? I really enjoyed the story!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
SouthernDiva
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What I liked I loved the flow and description in this poem. I am normally not a reviewer of poetry but this one caught and kept my attention!
Grammar/Spelling None obvious
Overall impressions You have great talent and should continue to write! It is good for the soul and you have a unique way of putting those thoughts from head to hand!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
SouthernDiva
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What I liked The passion that you felt when writing this letter. Writing is a great therapy!
Grammar/Spelling No obvious spelling errors. Consider breaking it into 2 paragraphs for easier read.
Overall impressions You have great talent in putting your thoughts and feelings into words. I enjoyed reading this and thing you should "Keep on writing"!!!!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
SouthernDiva
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It just scares me how well I can relate to your town. I guess I'm a yankee to you though I'm only one state away!! Still a CAROLINA GIRL though! I enjoyed the poem and think you should keep writing.
Reading, Writing and Reviewing
SouthernDiva
What I liked This is a great story. When you are older, like me, you will blame it on age.
Grammar/Spelling This is not my strong review point but here are the things that jump out at me:
"important. Vitally important" try important; vitally important There are a few places where you use commas that should be periods. We need an English major to point those out
Overall impressions This story shows that you have talent. It kept my interest. I especially like some of your words. Examples being: exuberantly, mimicked, ruckus. Good luck with the contest!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
SouthernDiva
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What I liked We can all put ourselves in this poem. It brought thoughts to me of all the things I am because of where I have been.
Suggestions
I'm not perfect,
But I am real.
I am a woman.
I am so for real.
This paragraph seems out of place and incomplete.... I love the poem but got lost here. I'm not a poetry writer so I'm not sure what it needs...
Grammar/Spelling "I've cried endless reivers of tears" rivers; "I struggle just to survie" survive; "I am preserverance" perseverance; "A woman who's joy no one can steal" whose
Overall impressions This is an awesome piece of writing. You have talent and are able to express emotion. I loved it!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
Overall Impressions
I like the plot of your poetry. It is something we can all relate to. Strong Points
I like the flow and the fact that you don't use the "groomed" outline. Grammar and Spelling
Saw no obvious spelling or grammatical errors Final Thoughts
I saw your plea for reviews in the newbie review forum. I'm glad I checked you out. Keep writing and I'll keep reviewing. Hope you enjoy WDC as much as I do
What I liked You captured my attention in the first paragraph. I liked how you brought about the story and reeled me in to read it all
Suggestions I got lost in the second paragraph and had to go back and reread. This was not your fault but mine. I have a tendency to skip but it got interesting and I had to go back to see what I missed.
Grammar/Spelling None of note
Overall impressions This is a great write and you stayed on the prompt for the contest. I'm impressed with your writing and wish you much luck in the contest!!
Please keep writing so I can keep reading and reviewing!
I am not one to normally review poetry but this is so emotional. I feel the old man's pain in the flowing of your words. I have not studied the art of poetry (on my list of things to do) but it rhymes and flows well and I enjoyed reading it. I can only hope that after all the years I've tried, I could find an elusive love like that. Please keep writing so I can keep reading.
From one newbie to another,
BabyDiva
Ok, I'm still laughing! This is a great story and only one who has lived with snoring and/or apnea can relate. I think my divorce was caused by snoring. My ex could actually be heard in another room of a motel; this I know because we used to have knocks on the door by irate customers! My ex, of fifteen years, and I still laugh about this.... Get him a tennis ball and sew in the back of his nightshirt.. It gently reminds him not to sleep on his back!
Seriously, you did a great job portraying your good-natured humor but also your feeling of helplessness over the situation. Good job on the story and the writing.
BabyDiva
Overall Impressions
I like the story! You have talent but I kept getting lost and having to reread paragraphs to really know what was going on. Strong Points
The graphic detail of the wreck and being able to actually feel the characters involvement and where they were and how they felt and looked was great. Areas for Improvement
Reread the story yourself. Try moving the paragraphs around. I missed or got lost on the transition from the wreck to Greg coming in drunk. I'm not sure why, I just did. Grammar and Spelling
This is not my strong point of review but obvious stuff follows: "trying to come in the passenger door. The passenger door." May be a fragment sentence or just a missed deletion. worked for. His boss needs different punctuation So much for his blood pressure. fragmented sentence Maybe put the story through a spell check... I would put in some punctuation here and there Plot I like the story and the plot. I like the ideas and the falling off the wagon. This story has great potential. Final Thoughts
Do not give up on this story. Please read it over and make some adjustments. You have great talent and like me, just need some guidance. Being as new as I am to WDC, I'm not sure I'm the one to guide you but I am an avid reader and these are just my thoughts and ideas. Keep writing and you can be assured that I will keep reading!
Oh my word! This is a cute story and probably true! Your husband was a true gent for not telling you what the whole congregation probaly heard. Thank you for sharing and giving me a much needed dose of laughter. I feel your pain with the growing older and the water pills.
I really enjoyed this and hope that, with practice, I can bring laughter and joy to those that read my words.
The thing I like the best about this writing is the emotion that it evokes of me. I feel for the writer, I am consumed with his feelings and I relate to his pain. So many times life deals us more than we think we can handle. You relay this so well in your writing. Here's to winning the battle each and every time and may the times that this demon rears its ugly head, you are victorious! Keep writing; it calms the demon!
BabyDiva
There was so much said in so few words. It captured my attention! You did a great job and left me wanting to hear more. How did Eric react? Did Harmony marry Eric? Did she explain? You have to do a part II. The plot and the characters were interesting and exciting and you did a great job with descriptions. But now I'm lost. I truly want to know what happened. I was expecting a fight between the two girls and Eric surprised me. Please keep writing as I enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing!
BabyDiva
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Keep writine as I love reviewing!
FIRST IMPRESSION: My first impression was the sadness and emotion that a teenage boy must go through when he thinks he's "different"
PLOT THOUGHTS: You did a great job portraying the thoughts and feelings and actions of yourself and your family.
ERRORS: This is just a suggestion: Separate your paragraphs. Old eyes like mine have a hard time following along if the spacing is all bunched up.
SUGGESTIONS: Keep writing, it's good therapy for the soul!
"trying to come in the passenger door. The passenger door." May be a fragment sentence or just a missed deletion.