the shock of the introduction "This carries a cast of fictional characters that have magically been exhumed from the last book called "Charlotte's Hummock". It is now fifteen years later." then nothing follows. it would have been an intersting story. why did you kill the fun at the beginning
i have some problems with this poetry. it is not traditional. it does not fall easily into any genre, haiku sonnets , what have you. but it is flowing with refershing figures. i think tou did a good work , but only next time, put in a garb of m ore formalism
the work is long and interesting. one particular feature stands out , sex politics and religion are one and the same thing ting. i have always known this myself , although you as the writer may not see this as very obvious . i also fancy tour figures and logical presentation of facts
the poem is purely ordinary - devoid of all clothing of traditionalism. yet in its very chaotic form can be seen some form of order - the ever flowing waves of perfect lyricism - like the poems of Okigbo, like angry Clark in emotional bursts, like Ali Mazrui in meditative worship of Okigboid excellence like honsbira's academic psychologism
the introduction is very catchy and poetic. the story unfolds with vivid dialogue and carries the spirit of the writers along. figures are catchy and down to earth . i have quite a lot of stories with equally heart rending figures of speech. this is quite a good work
I like Science Fiction with a passion. But most of the write-ups are so mundane that they smack of Western imperialist motives. People from other planets have been chronicled in all cultures of the world. in my native Isekiri-Yoruba from Nigeria, we have the stories of Olero, Brikimo, and others worshiped today as gods, who actually rode vehiles made of metals , and they came from outer space. thhey were all good creatures. not creatures bent on destroying earth. earth destroying UFOs smacks of western materialist world view
The first shocker ! This work is not gay at all. it is more of Science Fiction, - at least from the introduction. I wonder then why you should list it as a gay work. The work is very picturesque, full of imagery, tantalizing and fresh . i think you have inspired me to write in similar line
a good page to express ones opinion on the gay life. unfortunately in my country, Nigeria, no one has opportunity to discuss something of this nature. the sledge hammer of a fourteen year jail term hangs on the head of any one who discusses it, if the president assents to a new bill sent to him by the legislative house
good beginning , a description and introduction of the scene in question. "Here, within the confines of the gleaming, circular conference hall sat fifty-four heads of state, arranged in circular rows that lined courtroom-like hall" this is rather clumsy. it will be better to rephrase this sentence to the hall like a court room . a good work in all.
a short good poem, it is not really traditional, but has a type of effect your mastery ascribes to it. can dreamers actually listen. are dreamers not really in a world of bing spell bound. it is highly philosophical. tour works tend more to philosophy than to poems.
gay men have to be gorgeous. they need fellow males. male like things that are colourful . since they are male they instinctively k now what fellow males will like . that is why gay males are actually more colourful than other males. i hope you are satisfied with this answer
i am totally impressed by your metre. i read from beginning to end , there is no single problem with your metre. again i checked the rhyming scheme. that , too is perfect from top to bottom. your figures are also good, but they can be better, take a look at my sonnets and see the figures there. but since i have not seen a better sonnet than yours, except from - Shakespeare. Keats and the masters- i score you 5
Your introoduction of the main hero is explicit, but a litle clumsy for being too lenghty The xposition is beautiful, from the descriptikon of the wqriter, to his weapons and to the children, who will learn the anceint wisdom from him. this is a new word in my vocabulary "scythethorn " whhat does it mean. this is a very lofty teaching 'As ever though, a man with the freedom to make his choices also has the necessitated freedom to face the consequences'you have a good job
the first paragraph is what i can cfall an awakening. we all wake with kyle foor thhe adventure to save earth. i perticularly like this metaphor of yours :"Elyk, walking forward with his hands sparking up in a Silver Fire, but the one who seemed to be the leader held an arm". i like the way most of thhe heroes have the power of disappearing. but you have to make your imagery longer annd clearer. you are a little too jumpy to conclusions
I did not score your introduction 5 n in order to flatter you. your introduction is so catchy. It stand erect without blame or blemish like the innocent dick of an infant in need of maternal caresses . Your series of rhetoric questions , don't only hold the mind to task, but lifts the fancies in apprehension of a n enthralling story. you are great. i wont look for any introductory note greater than this.
although the first two lines are correct as per metre, they are rather clumsy. in iambic pentameter, we use words that are sharp and brisk, not clumsy sounding words.the rest of the poem is good and well measured. i love your imagery and figures of speech. i love your courage in writing a traditional poem , it is not easy
your method of rhyming the second and fourth line reminds one of one Catholic song used for sdoration of the sacred heart of jesus. it has pure lyricism. it sure passes as a musical poem dressed in traditional cloak . i think you rEALLY have a good poen.
some oof your figures are terrific eg -" the cloud of rainbow smoke the surrounded him"."his chest beginning to eminate a greenish glow" the story starts with chill and a dramatic irony. you also used some rather queer words - 'stubble' for one, never heard of it. it work is quite thrilling
you have a jumpy way of introducing your best friend and dedicating this piece to him/her, but unforttunately, you did not continue anything of the story here. it would have been better when upgrading this page, you tell us more about your best friend, oor something more about the writeup. dont be too vague
your work is superb and chilling. it brings gory memories to mind. computers - robots outsmarting man. the picture is dismal and apocalyptic. it foretells the end of man should that happen. minus that, i love your allusions to classical mythology - the presence of Isis Odin and the like. it is a great work
your metricity is very near perfect, very few can achieve such a feat.some of your lines are a little clumsy - lines two and six are such. outside of these, yoou havve a very beautiful work , worth consideration anywhere. i think you are great. keep up the good work
i love the onomatopoeia "shoooed". it portrays man as a senseless and wicked killer. this sounds rather like what the indians have in the bhagavad gita. men will eat and drink and forget to do devotionals that will help him to attain eternal liberation. this is the picture of these chicken over here
your arguments are very sound and interesting. but the reasons you pose are not intriguing enough. aliens actually exist. the mytho-legends of all peoples on earth , believe in a supercivilisation. i am an African , a Nigerian of isekiri-Yoruba extraction. we believe so much in super human beings from outside this planet. some among us have actually contacted these aliens. no scientist of today can actually capture an alien - the type of proof that will appeal to you. you did a good work, well reasoned, but false
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