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This has a delightful whimsical flavor to it and starts out well metered and rhymed.
I found several stanzas a bit rocky on flow as I had to re-read and focus stronger.
Look at stanza #14 - last line: Mine in pink.
"Now we're as happy can be"
"Now we're as happy as can be."
One more - 22nd stanza, 3rd line:
"The ingredients to elephant-like"
"The ingredients too elephant-like"
The smoothness that was evident in the beginning loses track and becomes more about rhyming with a sledgehammer and away we go!
For me the flow fades starting with #16 And then returns briefly. I will do a meter analysis for you on a separate email.
Some minor adjustments can polish up the rough edges as the premise is universal! You might considering shortening it a tad, but that's a personal opinion.
Again welcome to this extraordinary place and have the literary time of your life!
A M E N Miss Kenzie! Always be open to the Holy Spirit.
We must not concern ourselves with what man thinks about our "visions" and only concern ourselves with what specialness He had in mind when laying those things upon our minds and hearts.
How sad that those members who were so blessed to receive a vision, were fearful in sharing it.
Dogma has crippled the spontaneity that could be ours throught the Holy Spirit, I'm so thankful for the churches that allow the Spirit to lead the service.
As usual you are soooo right and I'm glad the Spiritual newsletter featured your item!
Sirjerry - such a sweet surprise here. I have to pick the middle verse as my favorite based on imasgery but then the last verse is so powerful and leaves the reader with a positive glow!
Just a beautiful piece on the peace you seem to know so well.
Donielle21 - This is magnificent and obscene in it's appalling subject matter, but you bring this national sickness of ours to light in the most heart-wrenching way.
It gave me chillbumps after the first verse. I hope this little girl was not you in any sense of the word.
Very powerful message here - I'm placing this on Public Review so others may read this amazing poem and be touched by the horror of child abuse.
Billy - The story behind your lyrics is more inspiration. The lyrics are of course the catalyst by which people ungrudgingly search their pockets and whip out their checkbooks to make their donations to a unfortunate, however worthy cause.
The story behind those lyrics is a thousand kinds of unselfishness that we never tire of reading and rejoicing over.
I thank the Holy Spirit for moving you out of complacency into such a caliber of character that you were the largest part of this precious song.
God Bless You, Mr. Billy for all you have done for Meghan and her grieving parents. Your reward is God's delight and He may reward you here on this earth or may wait til you walk through those Pearly Gates.
In any event, I'm plum proud to have met you!
Placing this review on Public Review
so other members may see and click.
Oh Dee, Oh my Goodness! This is not a 5- item, it's a 7- story!
Killer tale. - That ending is G L O R I O U S !
You know I 've read the fall asleep/dream sequence thing many times and never thought the authors did a good job, but this is spectacular! You have done it!
This is the kind if story you were looking for in your Christmas contest.
Just made me stream a little river. It was a cleansing stream.
puppysgirl - I believe this one is a real contender!
Really! I have read so many that are soooooo abstract that I can barely and rarely maintain any congrouent objective/point.
Unless I'm struck suddenly with a bolt of knowledge as it pertains to Palindrome, I have only balls of paper surrounding my feet. But Jack likes it, (thinks I'm tryin' to play with him!) and then I have to go find them all!
Best to you in the competition.
StormyWindsPsalms 107:20 in specific need ofMichelle M
Come On! Yall can do this! Re-Write a simple nursery rhyme. It's F U N !
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I hope for your success in the competition!
StormyWindsPsalms 107:20 IN SPECIFIC NEED FOR Michelle M
Treat the inner child in you and Re-Write Ravenwand's
Classic Child's Song.
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Slowpoke - A heartfelt poem that your wife/significant other is bound to be pleased by.
Second stanza is my favorite. Why don't you consider printing this out on some very special paper, select a special frame for your art, take it to the frame shop, double mat it and present that to your Lady in Waiting in lieu of chocolates that will only make her gain weight!
She'll adore you and show it off to everyone entering your home! And she'll also maintain her dress size!
Best to you in the competition.
StormyWindsPsalms 107:20 in specific need for Michelle M
COME ON FELLOW MEMBERS!! You recall that childhood ditty. Ravenwand wants us to Re-Write Puff.
You know! The Magic Dragon. You can DO this!
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Mr. Pendleton Hammons - Just where is that ending line punctuation? Your ending line and P O O F... no finality. What? Just leave all your readers hanging on such a heartfelt display? Nay! Your last line, is how you end it all. How you make closure {or not} in your audience's mind. So please ........ use punctuation. Please.
There must be a muse for this piece of brimming emotion! Make sure she gets it, printed on beautiful paper, double-matted and framed, of course, but not before you've had a chance to autograph it for "My Lady".
StormyWindsPsalms 138:8 in specific honor of Louve
Treat the inner child in you and try this fun time.
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Such beautiful rhythm. I was a smidge disappointed that it wasn't longer! The Second Verse is so well crafted it could be on C-Notes and make you rich in GP's!
All kiddin' aside - I love this! Best to you in the competition!
StormyWindsPsalms 138:8 in specific honor of Louve
Please take a peek at:
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"RAOK Logo"
P.S.
Fist, second and third stanza - last line - This is strictly my opinion. For dramatic purposes, instead of a comma after "listen", I would do this:
J. A. Buxton - Oh my! What an unusual story! The deciding factor to click on your story was that of all the animals in God's Kingdom, the opossum is the ONLY one that makes me crazy with disgust.
And here you have met one, made it a pet of sorts and truly communicated with it. I just find that so bizarre and brave of you.
An animal control officer told me that possums are the only animal on this planet that cannot get or carry rabies, so there is a viable reason to safeguard them, scientist and medical researchers are studying them for their natural immunity to rabies. That part is way kuh-ool!
I really enjoyed your description of the late-night concert.
I would probably have some kind of seizure if I actually touched one!
Best of everything to you!
StormyWindsPsalms 148:8
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But Jack likes it, (thinks I'm tryin' to play with him!) and then I have to go find them all! 
