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569 Public Reviews Given
995 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
All I knew was nothing said "high self-worth" to a teenager like being told you were the descendant of an amoeba, which was almost all we'd heard up until that point.

The underlined portion, was for me, unclear. Could you define for me? *Blush* I just realized what you are saying here and I think it needs some customized punctuation, *Bigsmile* like I've suggested.

I'm suggesting that if I'm confused by wording someone else might be also. We wish for readers who will understand our words. Yes? Natch! *Smile*

most likey from ignorance that they're even happening.

Should be "likely"

After several experiences like that, I began thinking at night just before falling asleep--Why are some people so afraid of God that they want to strip recognition of Him completely out of our culture? I'd only been to church maybe 20 times before the age of 18, but the idea that there was a loving God who sent Jesus to save us--despite all our screw ups--made more sense to me than the secularized alternatives that some people seem to want forced on my generation.

This paragraph speaks V O L U M E S and it's wonderful to read from a younger generation. Thanks!

Enjoyed reading this one from a younger perspective, thank God we still have hope!

Storm
2
2
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mr. Pace -

How truly wonderful, I loved this!

Your meter is natural and rhymes are as well.

Nothing was banged into place with a hammer, it floated. *Smile* Cannot pick a favorite stanza as all are equally excellent.

Going to check out more of your port.

Storm
3
3
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Kenz -

Nice package with all the verses referenced. I will print this one out and refer to it in my emails to Steven.

Plus I could stand to read this a few times myself.

Thanks for following through with this and reminding us all that we have much work to do with ourselves on this Biblical commandment. Not to mention raising up our children in a manner pleasing to Him.

Did you notice the Item Size of this piece? 7.77! He did that through YOU!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




4
4
Review of Rainbow  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Shelly -

Oh my! What a series of circumstances! I didn't think I would be able to finish this piece.

The horror of it all. Ugh!

You are a tower of strength whether you can see that quality in yourself or not. Trust me, your girls have seen you in the worst circumstances and YOU are their
strongest example to draw comfort from. You held it all together Mom, even when you thought you couldn't or wouldn't. *Delight*

I also hope that you realize that God was there with you all the time, otherwise you would not be where you are today. *Heart*

Storm
5
5
Review of The Epiphany  
Rated: E | (5.0)
trisha -

I was moved to pray for you and your daughter. This is a story that all mothers can put themselves in your place. Once that is done, the tears are next.

Your candor of how you handled this shock is brave and refreshing. I applaud your honesty and sincerity and hope you realize what a special place you have chosen to share this tragedy.

We, here at Writing.Com, are the most generous when support and prayers are needed by one of our own.

And you are now one of ours. Welcome to a family of writers who care about you and your child and will always be here for you. *Heart*

Storm
6
6
Rated: E | (4.0)
meta -

I LOVE it when I have to go to my dictionary because I don't know the words used. *Bigsmile*

And you accomplished that THREE times!

rufous
desiderated
threnodies

Thanks for teaching this older feline 3 new words today *Exclaim*

As far as the text goes, I find it to be an Old World style construction, which is remarkable to me considering your 18 tender years.

And to be the beloved ballad of bravery,

I DO like the alliteration in this line.

You have college plans in the written word? I can see you being a bonafide wordsmythe! *Wink*

W E L C O M E * T O * W R I T I N G . C O M *Exclaim*
7
7
Rated: E | (5.0)
peaceful -

S O M E B O D Y * P I C K *

M E * U P *Exclaim*


W O W S E R *Exclaim*

Your message is condensed, intellectual and so On Target. It's style is for above-average thinkers who can appreciate articulation.

I'm off to bunk in your port til I get enough of what you have to share.

Storm
8
8
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Kenz - What a beautiful way to spread the Word. It covers everything.

No telling how many will listen to that story and come away a little different because they will absorb, at least, some of His Message.

The fact that there are 12 items makes this so extra special!

This has to go to Public Review so all can see your latest work!
9
9
for entry "Catching up on emails" 
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Kenzie -

*Laugh* AND *Laugh* AND *Laugh*, girlfriend, what's so hysterical is that I didn't get your little modification either. . . rightaway. *Laugh*

I repeated that over and over and then it hit me, speech impediment, O K A Y!

I GET THAT ONE!


I can't believe that I haven't rated your blog before now. Just overlook me. *Blush*

Storm
10
10
Rated: E | (5.0)
FF -

The contagious emotion here is palpable. Oh my, this is too many kinds of wonderful and the depth that's balanced with meter and rhythm. *Shock* *Smile*

This cadence is, for me, perfect - your innermost heartstrings pulled and plucked when and where your need be, which we readers can all collectively agree upon.

The reader is mesmerized by the message and the MUSIC you have penned here.

Our Lord has given your spirit utterance and what a treat for us all!

Storm
11
11
Review of I Dream  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Southern Diva - Your formatting here is a pleasure for the optical senses.

Very nice.

I dream
Of faithful relationships
Of steamy kisses
Of fulfilling romances
And someone with hope that never fizzes

This is not a rhyme, but it is what's referred to as a soft rhyme.

I really like the repetitive use of the word "Of".

You are in the right place! Enjoy your membership! *Delight*

Storm
12
12
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kenz - Pretty prose!

This makes sense to me!

"Be still, am know that I AM GOD." Yes ma'am!

I am sooooooo relieved that there IS an I AM in our lives. That is a measure of security that no mortal can match.

G L O R Y !



Phyllis
13
13
Review of Sharing Spaces  
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOOK AT YOU!

Meter is purrr-fect, you need to do this more often. Don't you enjoy writing poetry?

Another gift He's given you.

I bet you can interior decorate and paint too. Am I right?

I'm just lovin' you Big Time today! Fallin' deeper in love with my Kenzer! (I know, that you know, how I mean that)

Deeper in Christ' love. The best kind. *Delight*

Mini-me
14
14
Rated: E | (5.0)
Paragraphs 3-4-5 were the most revealing for me and I'm glad I clicked. *Smile*

"Another helpful reason not to copy a complete piece of writing publicly involves honoring the writer's right to choose where he wants his work presented. If he has restricted who can read his material and the reviewer pastes the whole piece publicly, then the reviewer may have damaged the author's chances for publishing elsewhere. At best, the reviewer has taken the choice from the writer, who does own the material."

When I read this point, I realized you had taught me something I never thought of. I've been guilty of doing that. *Blush*

This How-To will change how I write poetry reviews in the future, starting tonight!

Thanks Vivian
15
15
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Kenzie - Awww . . . what a darling rendition of a Christmas Favorite.

So innocently presented as an animal is to the things of men. You maintained the creature's guiltless personality throughout the piece. *Heart*

Some humans see more clearly thru an animal's eyes than their own. Thank you for touching the spirit of those animal lovers for His Glory.

Storm
16
16
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Dr M C Gupta *Exclaim* As you already know, I am the Poetry Judge for "Invalid Item"  and see you have another entry. *Smile*

Following Formatted Biblical Prompt of Author's Choice

His trip to Calvary or better know as the Passion of the Christ. The Greatest Story Ever Told.


Plot/Imagery - Point/Ideal

A clear presentation of the last few hours of Christ's life, to the crucifixation.

Meter, Rhythm & Cadence

Meter is technically perfect however the rhythm is askew at times with inflections that induce some choppiness. I'll give my detailed observations here;

It’s over two thousand years,
In desolate desert land,
Walked a man at thirty three,
Leaving footsteps on the sand.

A lovely start, smooth and sailing. . .


His footprints were rather deep,
Since a burden He carried.
Up along the tiny hill,
Bearing a cross, He tarried.

Here's where it gets a little stiff. I offer this for your consideration;

His footprints were rather deep,
since a burden was carried
up along the tiny hill,
bearing a Cross, He tarried.

In my opinion, tarried is not the best word to use here. My Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines tarry:to delay or be tardy in acting or doing. To linger in expectation, wait. To abide or stay in or at a place.

I understand you were needing a marriage for "carried" but tarried just doesn't fit here.


His tongue was thirsty and parched,
Sensing only salty taste.
Beads of sweat dropped on His lips,
As He lumbered up in haste.

I would always cap He, Him, His.

His countenance was serene,
Lost He was in His own thought,
Musing at the fate to which
His simple preaching had brought.

Again, all references to His Holiness should be capped.

But, in His heart, He knew that
there must be a purpose great,
for which He had sent Him down,
And made Him till this day wait.

Capping all references to God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit.

The first three lines are smoothly done and the last line is squeezed in there rather unceremoniously. Not as gaited as the preceding three.

Nailed He was then to the Cross,
on His head a Crown of Thorns,
He was offered vinegar,
to quench thirst as per vile norms.

Capping all references to Him! *Smile* When I read this the first time, I did not connect to the wording but . . . when I re-read and removed the comma in the last line, I really "heard" your statement.

When no more pain could He bear,
He called up to His Father,
Praying that He forgive them,
And not punish them, rather.

This is an instance of technical correctness BUT Father and rather don't rhyme in Texas. *Laugh*

Those footsteps echo in hearts
Of men, women, till this day.
May we never forget them,
Lord, only this, do we pray.

Allow me please;

Those footsteps echo in hearts
Of men and women today.
Lord, may we never forget,
For only this . . . do we pray.

Spelling, Punctuation & Grammar

All spelling is perfect. Punctuation; I would always cap references to His Holiness. Grammar is a little shaky in spots. *Frown*

Character/Object/Feeling Defined

Even though His Name is not mentioned we know of whom you speak. Hallelujah! *Bigsmile*

Favorite Line (s) or Passage

It’s over two thousand years,
In desolate desert land,
Walked a man at thirty three,
Leaving footsteps on the sand.

Overall Impression/Final Comments

A perfectly metered piece however, some roughness in rhythm that affects the overall cadence.

Both msrystearsand I thank you for entering our "Invalid Item"  and wish you the Best in the final decision. *Smile*
17
17
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dr M C Gupta *Exclaim* - I am the Poetry Judge for "Invalid Item" .

What a real pleasure to read, rate and review this piece! I've known of your penchant for form and quality for over a year and knew it would be a labor of love. *Smile*

Following Formatted Biblical Prompt of Author's Choice-

Your 8-6-8-6 is technically perfect with the "Woman Accused of Adultery" story.

Plot/Imagery - Point/Ideals

For those who know the story and have seen the Passion of the Christ need no "imagery" for the "principle" is the focal point, I believe.

It's strong enough and powerful enough to send your readers to a Bible to read the Holy Scripture for the scene themselves.

That is a definite PLUS *Exclaim*

Meter, Rhythm & Cadence

While the meter is technically perfect, the rhythm is slightly off to my ear, in the 1st and 2nd verses only.

One day there came in the temple
Where Jesus gave sermon,a missing word here makes this rhythm rocky. Should be; A sermon, the sermon or His sermon. As is, it's like a pothole on the street.*Wink*
Some scribes and Pharisees who brought
With them a poor woman. The read on this is unnatural in a needed natural delivery. I wish I could audibly speak this to you so you could hear what I mean. *Confused*

They said: “Look, she is truly an
Adulterous sinner.
Moses said she be stoned to death.
And this she must suffer”.

This verse does not rhyme. How did YOU manage that? *Laugh* *Smile*

We must not judge sins of others,
Lest, others judge our own.
No one is worthy on this earth
Of casting the first stone.

I really like your Refrain. I would eliminate the comma after Lest. Lowercase on last line, Of. Regarding the last line, and this is strictly my opinion. It just seems to soften the line somehow.

We must not judge sins of others,
Lest others judge our own.
No one is worthy on this earth
of casting sin's first stone.

Spelling, Punctuation & Grammar

Where Jesus gave sermon, . . . is the only bumpy grammar that I saw. Spelling & Punctuation, perfect.

Character/Object/Feeling Defined

An above-average poem of the Biblical story.

Favorite Line (s) or Passage

They were testing Jesus but he
At once saw through their game.
He thought of how to save her and
Bring all of them to shame.

A N D Since all of them were deep in sin
And sinless there was none,
Each one of them felt ashamed and
Went away . . . one by one.

I would use my dramatic license and add those elipses.

Overall Impression/Final Comments

I don't know nor is it any of my beeswax how many man hours went into this beauty but it appears you spent some quality time here and I thank you for entering MarysTears and my "Invalid Item" .
18
18
Review of Honorable Mention  
Rated: E | (4.5)
iris - How delightful and whimsical! *Delight*

Your meter is wonderful to my brain's ear and how self-affirming can one get? *Laugh*

When I like a piece I do a meter analysis on it for skips and giggles, sooooooo . . . I have done so with yours.

Stanza 1 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 2 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 3 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 4 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 5 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 6 - 10-11-10=11

YOU ARE IN PERFECT FORM!

I have to link this piece of meter perfection in my blahhhg! Check out "Invalid Item" .

As a matter of fact I will probably go on and on about it since the subject of meter, rhythm and cadence is such a touchy one with those prose and free style writers. *Smile*

I am blessed with this 10-11-10-11 form and it also goes on Public Review for ALL to have a chance to read PERFECT METER.

You have the timing and talent and don't you ever quit!

My Favorite: I could not decide between the following two stanzas.

What are you reading from morning to night?
It seems all reviewers have dropped out of sight!
Hardly a poet, yet writing this verse,
I beg for your comments ere sorrows grow worse.

I have such talent you must recognize
If only my writing gets viewed by your eyes.
Frustration mounts as I wait for the cheer
that says, "It's the best I have read in a year!"

Congratulations!


Storm
19
19
Review of Gethsemane  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a powerful piece that had my attention for the beauty in which you stated your case.

You have made an analogy to this tragedy that I never in a lifetime would have drawn.

Your quiver is almost full *Delight* and YOU have with this piece, given motherhood a brighter crown. If your mnd-set could be instilled in all young women today, wouldn't we all be so much better off?

I applaud your ethic and your seven children. Your husband has found a treasure and my wishes for all your happiness and health.

Storm
20
20
Rated: E | (4.0)
Gee - I thought I had an item of Lorien's, and didn't know it wasn't hers until I started this review.

Oh well, I read it and I'll rate it gladly! *Smile*

This rhythm is delicious. I run into soooooo many negative attitudes about meter, rhythm and cadence that appear in so many young people's work. *Frown*

So I hungrily consumed this delight, complete with the humorous slant. I sense a limerical quality to it and the cadence delivery is light. *Smile* Gosh, I even review in rhyme! Did you catch the preceding sentence *Question* *Laugh*

I'd like to offer my own suggestions from my own artistic POV and do so within the objective of Writing.Com. *Smile*

Allow me to play with your piece. I like to do meter analysis just for skips and giggles.

Yours is as follows:

Stanza 1 - 7-7-7-6-7-7-8-8
Stanza 2 - 8-5-8-6-7-6-9-6
Stanza 3 - 6-7-7-6-8-5-10-5
Stanza 4 - 7-5-6-8-5-7-9-6
Stanza 5 - 6-5-8-6-7-8-11-8

As you can see the meter could be tightened up so the rhythm is even smoother. It ranges here from 5-11. The following is still your words just slightly re-arranged and a couple of inserts in this "my playpoem".

I stepped out on the landing
of that large demanding chat
And found that I was standing
Upon next door neighbor's cat.
Sense perception heard it shriek
Induction was also there,
Seemed to happen every week,
My emotions didn't care.

This start was so strong in 7's, I couldn't resist. 5 of 8 were seven.

Ethically: moved my foot
from the luckless feline's head,
I could've left it angry
But, I petted it instead.
A moral relativist
quickly bit me on the hand.
Suppose it was justified,
but still I am not a fan.

The sense of humor is evident here and I "was a fan".

I left the feline forlorn
and continued with my day,
I trudged to the museum
where all children like to play.
A certain, small, mixed-up girl
asked me simply, "what is art?"
With absolute certainty,
I said . . ."that which moves the heart."

This is, at THIS point, my favorite stanza. Very nicely done.

"The heart is but an organ
used to pump the life-force blood,
commonly so misconceived
to be; Origin of Love.
Since it cannot be just 'moved'
as you're trying to assert;
It's inept of jealousy,
Conceit, happiness, or hurt."

I fell backward in defense,
So shocked by her quick retort.
Language quite offended me!
I just answered her in short:
"The mind is trapped by fences;
makes its own reality,
relying on consensus;
You, on some authority."

It's all Seven now and you can tweak and niggle it to 7-8-7-8, or 8-7-8-7, Or 7-6-7-6 or 6-7-6-7. Combinations are exhausting. *Bigsmile*

I've enjoyed reviewing this piece and have sent this review to you privately.

Look in the near future for a Black Case Only Contest. You might enjoy it.

Regards,

Storm
21
21
Review of More than song  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi PAPA CASON *Exclaim* I am the Poetry Judge for the "Invalid Item" .

Nothing goes unnoticed by Him. If that falling sparrow can't get past Him, nothing will. Least of which would be the melodious cricket. *Wink*

Following Traditional Style Format within Biblical Prompt of Author's Choice:

Executed beautifully! *Smile*

Plot/Imagery - Point/Ideals

The lesson has been learned. *Heart* Your physical size has nothing to do with the size of your love for God. As the cricket clearly demonstrated.

Meter, Rhythm & Cadence:

the couplets meter out the following way;
1. 13-14 8. 14-14
2. 14-14 9. 14-14
3. 13-14 10. 14-14
4. 14-14 11. 14-14
5. 14-14 12. 14-14
6. 15-14 13. 14-14
7. 12-13 14. 11-13 15. 14-14.

I got soooooo excited when I read this entry. It IS highly original in it's structure and I was anxious to do a meter analysis on it ASAP. *Smile*

And look at what I found *Exclaim* You are sooooooo
close and your phrasing is 10 kinds of tranquil along with a subtle lilting factor. A contentment of a sort. Very musical and pleasing to the brain's ear. *Thumbsup*

Spelling, Punctuation & Grammar

A+, A+ and A+.

Character/Object/Feeling Defined:

Consistent and charming throughout!

Favorite Line   or Passage:/b}



Christmas Eve will find me where the love-light gleams,
High up in the rafters where the Star of David beams.

Overall Impression - Final Comments:

Effortlessly done. I perceive this as soul-candy, sweet, delicious, warm, safe, pleasant and truth. Your readers can wear this, goes beyond the skin! Yeah, that's exactly right. This is food for our soul!

O Happy Day! *Laugh*


Writing.Com's portfolio format is such that your item's title and your handle have a specifically designated place so there is no need to title again and identify yourself. *Smile*

The 3rd final closing identification signature is also unnecessary.

Thank you for entering "Invalid Item"  and the Best to you in the Final Decision.
22
22
Review of The Revelation  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I was still unsure what I was doing what I was doing in this forsaken place, this pit

"what I was doing" was duplicated.

I knew that nothing ahead of me had gave any hint to any sign of light or way of escape.

Should be "given"

My body threw itself instinctively against the dark wall amost without a sound.

Should be "almost"

Judging from the distance between the two walls and the floor and the ceiling it appeared that I was in some kind of hallway or tunnel.

Judging from the distance between the two walls, the floor and the ceiling it appeared that I was in some kind of hallway or tunnel.

The figure I had once saw was now gone.

That would be "seen"

No voices or any other sound could be heard, with the execption of my arm shaking violentely with my pistol drawn.

That would be "violently"

I tried desperately to cocentrate.

Should be "concentrate"

fragments,images flooded my mind like a raging storm until everything was soaked up in a single picture:

insert space after comma and replace : with a period

It was the slightest movement of the hands and feet swiftly moving without a sound, making as little nmoise as humanly possible.

Should be "noise"

He positioned himself where there was little light in order to further hide his his appearance.

Duplicated "his"

The second shot rang through the small house with an iron resove, its grasp draining the life of its target.

You have indented here and no where else. So choose to indent or not. You should not indent some and not others. *Smile*

I think you meant "resolve" here.

The second shot rang through the small house with an iron resove, its grasp draining the life of its target.
They were all dead,STOP! Four people dead with only two shots*Exclaim* is how this reads, I think you have miscalculated. *Smile*

the third and final shot ringing resoundly as the final drop of everything that had led to this point

I do not understand this passage OR how it relates to the preceding words. *Confused*

I suddenly felt to small as I looked around the room.

That should be "too"

Unfortunately there were too many spelling and grammatical errors to concentrate on this story. I found it too bizarre for my taste, even abstract in many places, not to mention repetitive. *Frown*

I think the assassin is Satan, but I'm not sure. Only you can verify that.

Maybe other members can find more meaning in this than I did. Don't be discouraged by my review for I am only one person here.

Good luck with other reviews. Placing this one on Public Review so you as a SPANKING BRAND-NEW NEWBIE can get more exposure.

Nevertheless,

*Balloon1* * *Balloon2* * *Balloon3*W E L C O M E to Writing.Com *Exclaim* You've made The Best decision to join this writer's community! *Balloon1*

Storm

Make the corrections and I'll re-rate. *Smile*
23
23
Rated: E | (4.5)
Mrs. H -

Kenzie led me to you. Ain't she a Doll? :)

This is so sweet - You have touched upon what all humans need in their lives, regardless of their age.

To be held, soothed, loved and comforted by His Holy Hand.

Utopia! *Delight*

Storm
24
24
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Molly - Above-average tale of Santa's close call with a naughty female.

Your inferences to things of a sexual nature were a delicious treat, without the obvious overtures most fall prey to.

Suggestive but within the bounds of decency! *Wink*

Best to you in the competition!

Storm
25
25
Review of Somebody's Cat  
Rated: E | (4.5)
PENsive - I love cat stories and you seem to have pegged this independent young man very lovingly. You r love comes through and your husband's.

And you know what? I can quickly warm up to people like you, who love the feline in all their glory and their idiocyncrasies {sp?)

I loved it!

Storm
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