I really enjoyed this piece of work. It was short but satisfying and nicely written. I loved the last line! It really brought the rest altogether. I also liked the first three questions that were asked in the beginning. Well done!
Wow. I really liked this poem. Usually I don't read much poetry (probably because it seems hard to understand) but this I enjoyed. It was very serene and had a sort of calm quality to it. My favorite lines I think are the first lines which is always great because it pulls you in from the start: The air is raw tonight
It is almost surreal
Standing here beside you
Our fingers interwoven
Nice! I enjoyed it very much and for this, I give it a 5.
Wow. This was beautifully written. I could tell you took some time to make it really great. It was powerful and envoked emotion in the reader and for that, I give it a 5!
Very exciting and action-packed. I loved it. You're TEN YEARS OLD? Man, incredible :D Only suggest: try and get some setting in the scene, just to set the place.
Wow, I liked the idea of this story! The idea that kids are trapped in a school gone mad is so intriguing. I have to say I haven't read anything like this. Are they trappedi inside of the school, unable to get out? It reminds me a little of Gone, a book about something that happens to this one town where the adults in the world disapaear and the children must fend for themselves. There are multiple differences of course, especially since this happens in a school.
Hi, Hidden Author, sorry I was late getting to your interactive. But I never go back on a promise! I find this interactive fun, adventurous, and overall, I genuinely wanted to figure out what happens next. :D 4.5 all the way baby! I'm really getting into the knights theme by the way...Oh, and I checked out a few of your other interactives and I thought the concept was really interesting so I just wanted to commend you on that. More often than not, a lot of interactives are often boring or too plain but this isn't.
I really enjoyed this poem! I loved the metaphors (I believe they were metaphors, ha) and personification you used to tell a story. I love these lines:
'I was accosted, assaulted, nearly assassinated
by Today.
It started with an alarm clock
that sucker punched me -
a gutful of A.M'
It started off wonderfully and ended just as wonderfully with a promise of tomorrow.
'Because soon,
maybe before I knew it,
just maybe -
the sun would set.
And we could do it all over again -
Tomorrow.'
Those two stanzas along with the one I put above are my favorite. Beautifully written.
-Summer
Wow. I really enjoyed this. It was very creative having 'I' in every word and even better, the story flowed into a wonderfully written piece in my opinion. That must have taken you some time. I'm impressed! :D
I'm reviewing "Screaming Kettles" courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions:
I liked how you began this piece, with simple dialogue that held my attention. It made me want to read on and it was the perfect beginning.
Grammar and Spelling:
'Billy, Jackson and Glen continued to make predictions...' Here, I'd just add a comma after 'Jackson' Really other than that I found no grammar mistakes.
Plot:
The plot worked for me. From the very beginning you could tell something wasn't right was about to happen. When it actually did, there was a feeling of satisfaction from me, the reader. And I was glad of course that Joe didn't die.
Character:
From the very beginning I liked the character. I could relate. I especially liked where you wrote '"A little," Joe answered. And he was, but not nearly as much as he'd expected.' This foreshadowing made me want to read on without my even noticing it.
It was also great how you slipped in a bit of background and you were able to do it in a way that I barely picked up on.
Suggestions:
My only suggestion would be to show a bit more setting. Maybe you could add that it was cold, or describe how the beams of the train looked or the smoke and whistle of the train.
Overall: I really enjoyed this short story. I hope I'll see you around the site.
Hi Elyse. I really enjoyed this writing . It took me a second to get that Robert had been the one to attack her but when it struck it was a big shock! :D I liked how you described the mess the kids had left in the kitchen.
The only suggestion I have is to heighten the suspense, maybe describe the groan of floorboards as the man came up the steps or subtle sounds or 5 senses that wold add even more suspense.
Why would he do that?! Ha, well, maybe we'll never know...anyway, great piece.
Summer
Hi Turtlemoon,
I enjoyed your poem. The title really drew me into the poem. I could really feel the cold which I believe is what you'd intended. I liked how you described the snow and cloud.Description when talking about snow is very important and can be anything from 'spiraling' snowflakes to what you wrote here: "its frozen cloud remains suspended" This line was one of my favorite in the poem.
Hope to see you around the site,
Summer
Braddock,
I enjoyed this poem. :D it reminded me of lost treasure, secrets...something that interests me now especially since that's sort of the basis of the novel I'm writing. I thought ihe title fit well and really what was what made me read this poem. Your word choice was also very strong.
See you around,
Summer
I'm reviewing (item) courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions:
I liked how this poem was laid out. Since I knew it was about the Holocaust I automatically expected it to be powerful and this poem matched my expectations.
Grammar and Spelling:
I found no errors.
Pace:
The pace flowed well. It wasn't choppy at all, and although several lines were repeated it worked well, blending in with the rest of the poem and adding emphasis after each stanza.
Mood:
The mood was dark as the poem was meant to teach something. It was a poem that touched the heart.
Overall: This piece was very well written. I hope I can write a poem nearly as good because we are required to write a poem about the Holocaust for class.
I'm reviewing "THE ANCHOR" courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions:
The title of this poem is what first drew me in. I enjoyed the metaphor you gave here."With our Father’s arms to hold you" One of my favorite lines was: When you find yourself adrift" Which again plays with the metaphor. It was easy to follow and I could just imagine an iron anchor like a safe place.
Grammar and Spelling:
I found none.
Overall: I enjoyed this poem and how you were able to use this metaphor in your writing. I hope i can read more of your work in the future.
I'm reviewing (item) courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions:
I'm impressed at how you were able to tell let the reader in on a situation with just a short amount of words to deal with. The story really came alive with the dialogue. It drew me into the story and right away I was able to know what had happened and feel her emotions and her pain. Sentence variation was done well too, making the story flow well.
Very nice job.
Grammar and Spelling:
I found none.
Overall: I enjoyed this piece and hope I can read more of your writing soon.
I'm reviewing (item) courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions: I liked how you were able to convey a story with several realistic locations. The names, too and the situation and authentic and I appreciated this. I also like the idea of adding a parrot in cracking the case. Very inventive.
Grammar and Spelling: "Danny turned startled." A comma after the word 'turned'
Plot and Setting:
I'm not sure setting would be At the department, Danny asked for a more thorough check into Patty and Michael’s backgrounds.
Two days later, Danny found a fat envelope on his desk. Exactly what he was looking for. In a few hours he was on the grounds of Docklights Hideaway Resort, with two police cars in tow.
I'm adding this here instead of under "Suggestions" because it has to do with the plot. There doesn't seem to be much of a transition here. I would suggest adding a small interlude between these two paragraphs.
Suggestions: “What a painful way to die!” Danny murmured to himself in remembered horror. It seems a little off to me that if he murmured it there would be an exclamation point. When i see this I think he shouted this, but murmuring doesn't come to mind.
I would suggest ending the story with more of a shocker, something that would make this story extra memorable. I also liked a hook at the beginning and a clincher at the end.
Of course these are just suggestions.
Overall: I enjoyed this piece and hope I was able to help.
I'm reviewing the introduction into The Account of Jade Young courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions:
Hi, I stumbled across your book and already the few sentences have pulled me into the story. I would though, suggest maybe adding the main character's name somewhere where you write: What choices have lead the human race to where they are today?
What if someone had made a different choice, would the whole species be different?
What if someone controlled the choices people made? Would there be different outcomes?
Which alternative is superior?
These are questions that rock ethical values, but somewhere, somebody has done more than just wonder.
Probably near the end is where I would write it.Of course this is just a suggestion.
Overall: Very nice beginning...well, I'm off to read the first chapter. Its interesting how you say this is a sci-fi book for people who don't like sci-fi. I like that concept.
I'm reviewing (item) courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions:I really enjoyed the storybook feel of this story. It seems like a book that has already been published, and if not, it should be. I could just imagine the pictures of a storybook being read to kids. It was a wonderful tale from beginning to end with an important lesson to be shared with readers. I really enjoyed it.
Grammar and Spelling:
I found none besides, and I could be wrong when you say "...so he left the Sultans palace..." In the story you write "Sultans" I believe there would be an apostrophe between the N and the S because its possessive. I'm not sure about this but I wanted to point this out to you.
Plot and Setting:
The plot went by well. There were several examples of Muhsin's generosity and Zalimun's foolishness,so much so, that the lesson was clearly laid out
I know that setting and in-depth description isn't needed in these type of stories but I could still imagine the setting in my mind.
Suggestions:
One thing that would I would suggest is very briefly explaining what a Wazir does. I'm not sure what a Wazir is but I'm guessing its someone who helps the Sultan...maybe its just lacking in my common knowledge.
Meanwhile, Zalimun decided that he could do great things for the Sultan if he learned medicine. "Meanwhile, Zalimun’s school was very successful..."
Here, you use the word "Meanwhile" twice. I would suggest substituting this word with another. You could say something like "Back at Zalimun's school..." or something like that.
Overall: A really great read. I hope I can read more of your writing soon.
I'm reviewing (item) courtesy of the Paper Doll Gang.
I hope you find this review helpful. Please take what you need and discard the rest.
First Impressions:
I appreciated the subject you stated. You were able to add a lot of detail and bring up some important points. You were also able to cover several different aspects of writing.
Grammar and Spelling:
I found none
Overall: Thank you for the suggestions. I found this helpful.
The reading reminded me of the great poets you read about in history books. It was lovely. I loved how you used the candlelight, the wax, and petals. It paints a picture in the mind. Beautiful.
Its me again. I decided to check out your port and I'm impressed yet again. The story was gripping and it kept me wanting to read on. The character's thoughts came out crisply to me even when they were fuzzy. A page-turning story.
I hope I can continue reading more of your writing.
I really enjoyed this piece! It felt as if I were reading Sherlock Holmes (though I've never actually read it) I love the mystery in this and the twists and turns were suttle but they kept me reading. I'm definitley going to favorite this one!
Only one thing I caught:
In the twelfth paragraph you write: "It hurt he didn't care." I would suggest either making this two sentences, adding a semi colon, or 'but' between 'hurt' and 'he'
Overall, nice story. The interaction between the characters really brought the story to life. The description also was flawless. Very nicely written. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. This is why I'm giving this piece a 5.
First Impressions:
I liked how you started this piece, with an element of mystery with the cat. You were able to show school life well.
Grammar and Spelling:
I found none.
Character:
The character's personality came out pretty well in this piece.
Suggestions: A mixed aroma of cooked food and perfume assaulted the friends as they entered the cafeteria.
Here, I think the word 'assaulted' may be a little strong for the context. I would suggest 'greeted' or whatever word sounds best to you.
I would suggest taking a quick look at the dialogue. Some of it seems a little too formal for the average teenager. For example this sentence: "...What chance do I have of beating Fiona? Besides, I need to concentrate on my studies. I really don't need the extra headache." Maybe instead of having the character say 'I really don't need the extra headache' you could write it in 3rd person about her.
Overall:
I enjoyed this piece and hope I can read more of your work soon.
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