Hi, George.
This is one hell of a story!
I thought Skipper would storm out with Theresa after the boxer flashed his sick idea of a knockout at them, but he braved it out, and to his credit, the boxer opened up – in a more decent way  – to him. I've heard of crazy beginnings to relationships, but this one tops the list for sure. Not many women would have stood working with Skipper after suffering such indignity, let alone dating and marrying him. Perhaps the bonus she got for her troubles helped smooth things? In which case, it would help if you said Skipper campaigned for her to gain that bonus.
Anyway, apart from the ingenuity of the plot, I liked how you described the environment and happenings at the boxing arena. You captured the training of the boxer, aptly named 'Bruiser', in details that showed a good grasp of the sport and created a vivid mental picture for the reader. You varied from the use of similes, like this:
“The sand-filled bag jerked and jangled at the end of its chain like a condemned prisoner dangling from a hangman's rope.”
To the use of the senses, like in these paragraphs:
“Contrasting with the bright lights and noise of the exhibition hall, the small dressing room seemed particularly dark and quiet. The sounds of training fighters vanished - The clang of heavy, free weights, the whoosh of jump-ropes cutting through the air and clicking rhythmically against the concrete floor, the grunts and groans accompanying thrown punches, and the smack of gloved hands against human flesh.
Sweat and liniment lingered in the still air. One dim light with a dark green, metal shade hung from the ceiling, providing barely enough illumination to get around.”
I also liked the analogies to an animated film, a sleazy film, and a cartoon to describe situations and reactions. I also like this analogy to a childhood memory to put things in perspective:
“The bizarre sight inspired feelings of awe and inadequacy, conjuring memories of being a young boy at the zoo with a peanut in my little hand, reaching through the metal bars towards the extended trunks of the giant elephants. However, in this case, I didn't have a peanut to offer, and I didn't want to be anywhere near that trunk.” Lol!
Through these descriptions, and light moments like when the reporter answered the boxer only to be told, "I ain't talking to you, sonny"; you put a light note to an otherwise horrifying experience for the poor receptionist. You also captured the hunger journalists have for that career-moving scoop, the challenges they have to deal with, and the lengths they can go to sometimes, though in this case it was a lot “longer” than expected – pun intended.
The editing was great; I've seen no errors.
Characterisation was okay, too. The inflated ego of the celebrity, the macho camaraderie in the dressing room, the desperation of the journalist, the naïvety of the receptionist...
Perhaps mention of some previous impression the journalist had made would explain why he got the chance at this break. Mere bugging of the boss surely isn't enough to get a rookie reporter an interview with a whole Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World; especially one that's to be fed to over two-hundred stations!
And perhaps Theresa should have been more inquisitive of what exactly Skipper meant by her helping him get the interview, since she was no expert on matters boxing. Upon which Skipper would cook something up, like needing an extra hand to beat the deadline. Or you could say that she obliged out of the sense of obligation newbies have to impress their colleagues, since she was “the new receptionist”.
That's all. Hope this helps.
Cheers,
TJay |
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| (4.0)
| (4.5)
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