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1,406 Public Reviews Given
1,464 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Love the myths that are dispelled in this piece. Go chocolate!

Ms. J
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77
77
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting piece. I like that it is from the perspective of the autistic child. That is unique and thought provoking. By using this perspective, it shows us the basic human instinct for survival, and also there is a feeling of love from the woman to the child. I don't have any suggestions for improvement. Nicely done.

Regards,
Ms. J
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78
78
Review of Forgiveness  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is an interesting piece to read. I particularly like the message. Darn Jamie Hale in elementary school (my own personal bully) *Smile* Ok, true it's time to move on. Being a religious person this piece has an added layer of meaning for me. This poem will strike a cord with other readers like me.

Regards,
Ms. J
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79
79
Review of Deep Well  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I particularly like the theme of this piece. I feel that it is inspirational. I'm not sure if you meant to or not, but I noticed that you used a little bit of assonance in your lines. That adds to the flow of the piece.

I also like how you have use the image of water as a symbol of life and rebirth. I don't have any suggestions for improvement. Thanks for the good read.

Regards,
Ms. J
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80
80
Review of "Free"  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Suggestions:
His eyes fixed upon the mirror.= At this line you switch from present tense to past. I would keep it all in one tense.

Alice in Wonderland. comma The book his mother read to

This is an interesting story. You've done a good job with the twists and turns. My only suggestion would be to put it all in one tense. That would make it read more smoothly.

Regards,
Ms. J
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81
81
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I just have a couple of suggestions:

Why do Cowgirls love their horses? = drop the ?

my daddy thinks their lazy= I'm not sure who their is. Is it the speaker? Is it cowgirls?

Cowgirls love it when their they'reriding high

If you just fix those few things you will have a great little diddy. It just needs a bit of spit and polish.

Regards,
Ms. J
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82
82
Review of how you say it  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like both versions. However, I would suggest that you not leave out punctuation. The punctuation would help the piece read more smoothly. Ex: can't and but if you feel it, you may cry. Without the punctuation the reader has to stop and think about the flow of the sentence and the message gets lost.

Regards,
Ms. J
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83
83
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Some quick suggestions that I have include when you do revisions, try to cut out down on the helping verbs... was, were, and so on.

Also, I felt there was a big jump from when they got out of the car to why it was Anthony's job to find the uncle. I was a bit confused by that.

I do think that you've created some characters that are interesting. The uncle sounds like fun.

Regards,
Ms. J
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84
84
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
In my opinion, the disjointed flow add to the overall surrealism you create with the mood. You've done a nice job of describing the hall, and woman, and the things in the dream. I find these dreams interesting. I like the way you use the senses in this piece. I don't really have any suggestions for improvement.

Regards,
Ms. J
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85
85
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I find this to be an interesting piece. The format of free verse to tell the story is unique. I like it because it sounds and looks like something a teen would write, a teen with a decent editor. I teach high school, and the voice sounds like a teen trying to navigate through their world. The fact that it is in poetic form also adds to the authenticity. Many of my students find it much easier to express themselves in poetry. Nicely done.

Regards,
Ms. J
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86
86
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
My first reaction to this way seeing red. Not a Sarah Palin fan. Then I detected a bit of cheekiness in the line about her cunning and the tv show. Re-building and re-growth huh? I do think that if you are using satire, it could be a little stronger. Maybe talk about things like former governor or Alaska, beauty pageant queen and so on. Who could have thought that a beauty pageant contestant could really help bring about world peace.

Regards,
Ms. J
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87
87
Review of Final moments  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting piece. I made me think. That's a good thing. At first I wasn't sure what the box was, but it quickly became apparent. I especially like that the man ended his life with a smile despite the fear and unknown. I think that is something we would all like. That will make this piece appeal to many readers.

Regards,
Ms. J
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88
88
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, I wish the result of writer's block turned out as good for me. I quite enjoyed this poem. It used wonderful Images to define poetry. Honestly, I admire this piece. I have no suggestions for improvement. Anyone was has ever wanted to write something can relate to this piece! Thank you very much for the great read.

Regards,
Ms. J
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89
89
Review of Graham  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Suggestions:

By the time he was three comma all

When he was five comma he

But it was only the front gate. comma And his mothers solid crake comma "come on d Darling, m Mummy's here."

He had created himself.

The war had stolen his chances at love.

But this time comma it was not the wind that had caused it.

You do a great job of describing the scene for the reader. I particularly like your details in the chalk letters.
This piece also has a nice flow to it. It has a rhythm that give the piece a lilting quality.

Regards,
Ms. J
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90
90
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My suggestion would be to put in punctuation. That would make the poem read more smoothly. Readers look for punctuation for cues. You did have some quotation marks, but not in the beginning, Be consistent.

I do like your take on the story. You give it a fresh new voice. I also like the little changes you made to Cinderells's personality.

Regards,
Ms. J
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91
91
Review of True Nature  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not sure that Legacy needs to be capitalized, but it would work either way.

I do like you how you used personification. Legacy can be a burden. I also like how you described life as ajourney to better ourselves. That is something I firmly believe in. Your piece has a good theme.

Regards,
Ms. J
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92
92
Review of "Prologue"  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Comments:
beginning, extra space before There were several place where there was that extra space. When you revise, just keep an eye out for that.

Where their skins touched, the fabric of time and space was formed You can do without the was. It best to cut down on helping verbs.


This is an interesting piece. I do not find your ideas offensive. After all is not the universe a diverse place?

Regards,
Ms. J
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93
93
Review of Strength Within  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Comments:
now it ' s time

This is a good poem that can help someone in this type of a situation. I think when you are there you feel that no one else can possible know what it is like. You feel alone. I hope that someone will read this and gain courage to leave.
Regards,
Ms. J
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94
94
Review of Homeless  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a powerful poem. I like that it is written from a different perspective than most of us are used to hearing. That makes it thought provoking. You have done a good job of using the acrostic form. That was very appropriate for the theme of this poem. Nice job.

Regards,
Ms. J
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95
95
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Comments:
They settled in chairs and on sofas and on the floor. I would go with a comma here. Some softly crying.

transferred into him like a virus.= Good comparison

Julio had takentook Tony When you look at revisions, you may want to cut down on some of the helping verbs.

You did a really good job of portraying the raw emotions that were part of this story. That is a strong point in the story.

Regards,
Ms. J
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96
96
Review of The Dating Game  
Review by Ms. J
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Comments:
“I really like you as a friend Sybil (a pseudonym), but also in ways that are more than just a friend. If you don’t feel the same way though I completely understand...” etc.*Paragraph* My roommate considered this a pathetic tactic;

*Paragraph* I lacked the confidence

I made some suggestions above. These are a couple examples where you need a paragraph break. I didn't mark them all, but you get the idea.

I do think that this is a piece that many people will be able to relate to. We've all been rejected. It's nice to know that people can live through the experience.

On a personal note, I have a degree in history, so that made it double cool.

Regards,
Ms. J
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97
97
Review of Hell  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting description of hell. Your statement that this is what you believe hell to be caught my hell. Perhaps hell is different for all of us.

You used the sense of sight well in this piece. It was the strongest sense in the poem followed by touch. I would like to see more sound and smell. That would add to the sensory experience.

Regards,
Ms. J
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98
98
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I feel like such a dork. I guess I need to brush up on my capitals. None of the states I've lived in were on the quiz. (Maybe that's a good thing.) Thanks for the fun challenge. You were really tricky with the capital of Kentucky and the two different spellings. Now I'm off to find an Atlas!

Regards,
Ms. J
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99
99
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this piece. I like that you combined the notion of wishing on a star to the reality of science behind the stars. You do a nice job of returning to the mystical state of stars. You theme comes through best when the speaker asks the audience to consider what kind of star they want to leave. That is a good thought to ponder.

Regards,
Ms. J
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100
100
Review of Moving On  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an interesting monologue. I particularly enjoyed your personification of deeds done. You have done a nice job creating the scenery with your words and imagery.

I did have a question though. Was your reference to the peach orchard meaning it was in Gettysburg?

Your theme comes through strong, especially with the death of the drummer boy.
Nicely done.
Regards,
Ms. J
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