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1,210 Public Reviews Given
1,433 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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301
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Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
I'm afraid I got a little mixed up in this poem.
I am okay until the line "My headache, your champaign"
and then I get confused. I decided that you meant
champagne, then looked in the dictionary and found
that chanpaign means open field or plain. Well, okay;
then if they are joined at the hip, with three legs
and four arms and two heads, how can one be taller
than the other? Anything is possible, of course, but....it's unsettling, to me. It is also adorable,
in a way, but I have the feeling you mean in tongue-in-cheek. Lastly, I don't get the last line at all.
Some days are clearer than others, and while I thought
I was having a good day, this poem stumped me.
Your rhymes are fine, and so is your presentation.
I think maybe it needs a little tidying up.Be well,
VerySara
302
302
Review of Crystal Ball  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very well-written piece. Your presentation
is flawless, almost (there are one or two typos that I
did not write down, sorry). For some reason I felt a
strange sensation of sorrow from the beginning, and
throughout the story. When Stan confronted Randy Flagg
with a "No" it was then I figured someting terrible
was going to happen, as in a way it did. Stan was sent
back to the place he had come from, crippled and all,
only now the crystal broke so he had no more chance of
deliverance. At no time while reading this story did
I feel fright, fear, or that this was anything near
a "darkside." I am sure that it is me (I have had an
exceptionally good day for once!), and I am wondering
why I am missing something. Perhaps the idea of
travelling to other worlds, and landing in a town filled with corpses and an ogre is bad enough, and
if this is true, then I am becoming inured to these
kinds of stories and I don't want to be. It is not
your writing. I feel sympathy for Stan, and even pity,
but surely not fright.
It is, however, a well-written story. (It's like
saying about art, "I don't know if I like it, but I know what is good".) I'm going to read some more of
your work. I love this genre. Your writing makes
for easy reading, which is a definite plus. You are
much more smooth than Stephen King!
All best,
VerySara
303
303
Review of Squirrel Hunting  
Review by VerySara
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is quite an adventure, with a very pleasant
ending. You write clearly and well. There are a few
colloqualisms that you may or may not want to take
out. E.g., "Grr...serious pout mode." Also, I don't think you need to capitalize FAT. Most of us have
been there, at least once. If you really want to
publish this, what would your market be? You have
some good imagry in here, and the overall tone of the
story is tender, truthful, and loving. The husband
seems like somewhat ill-tempered at first, but he does
makes you realize how you do not want to go hunting,
and how he does not want you there either. He also
buys you breakfast. Lesson learned. It's really an
adorable story, but, again, where would your market
be? I am really wondering about this.
Also, a writer is never really bored. We can always
find something to read about, write about, or do.
When I was pregnant both times I sat around writing
poetry. Of course, that doesn't mean everyone does.
Be well,
VerySara
(Member of the Going Pro group)
304
304
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderfully enthusiastic piece! I have only
been a member since August of last year, and I too,
have made many friends, and have been the recipient
of much kindness. I can only hope that I have been
able to be helpful to some of my fellow writers in
return.
Your article is joyful, and that joy is contagious!
You have started my day off in a great way? While I
am not a Muslim, but Ihave nothing but respect and admiration for Islam, having been able to spend a few
years in North Africe (Morocco and Algeria) and loved the call to prayer five times a day. I hated to leave there. In fact I cried the entire flight back
to the States. Being there was an experience I shall never forget.
Be well, and thank you for writing this!
VerySara
305
305
Review of Monster  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a story about Kharma, as far as I can tell,
or what goes around comes around. What comes around
goes around, too. In this story, the fire works came
around to you, and then evn worse went around to him.
One problem I have is that I cannot figure out if Bennie's attached was man or animal. I guess I'd say
animal first of all because animals don't tend to
cut out people's tongues, but there is a revenge plot
somewhere and I, personally, believe it's Kharma/
Your title is quite apt. There are many monsters
among us, from serial killers to Shreck. I don't know
why either. There seem to be more and more of them.
All best to you. Keep writing and posting here on
Writing.com.
Be well,
VerySara
306
306
Review of True Beauty  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good for you! At least you realize that it is much
more important what is inside than out. Your poem
is well-written, and makes it's point clear.
Be well,
VerySara

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307
307
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
WOW! This is a really good poem!!!
You deserve a red awardicon for this one. I only
give five points to something that either blows
me away completely or that I go WOW to (e:laugh}.
This is one of the best poems I've read in quite a
while. You definitely have your own style. Thanks
for posting this one. It is a pleasure to read it.
Your images are fantastic (I have been able to travel
in the Middle East and know about the henna tattoos.)
I love "throw/spices and leaves/over her dry pillow/
so that in jealous insomnia/she suffocates/thinking
of me." You are one good poet!!
Be well,
VerySara
308
308
Review of Love's Return  
Review by VerySara
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"Melting scarlet forms a flowing river" is really a
good line, and the way you got there is just awesome,
and the line following it, which sums up the change
from the first line. I think this is really clever,
ingenious, writing. I hope you enjoy writing in this
form. It captivates me!
VerySara
309
309
Review of Freefallin  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a wonderful story wonderfully written. You
make it sound first, a little frightening, but then
once you jump it seems like paradise. The birds must
have a great life! I have often thought of doing this,
but I have never gone through with it. You are giving
me courage. Thanks for posting this. It is a pleasure
to read it.
VerySara
310
310
Review of Disclosure  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really good. I could just see those eyes
peeking through walls. I am fascinated with this
form, and I find it extremely difficult. "Scars,
like long ago shadows cast" is particular nice."
Good write! A pleasure to read!~
VerySara
311
311
Review of Abundance  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful poem, and I love it. The
exhuberance is contagious, and you have made my day!
Don't change a word!
312
312
Review of Scare Tactics  
Review by VerySara
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
For some reason, this was either too over the top,
or just not paced right correctly to make my heart
race for Kate and her impending danger. It might be
called "And Daddy was a Vampire too". I'm not sure I
can offer you anything concrete to make it more
suspenseful, and remember, I am only one reader, and
there are many many more. In the final analysis it
is YOUR story. You have an Awardicon and high ratings
so just because it did not panic me, bring me to the
edge of my chair, etc., probably says more about me
than you.
Your presentation is flawless, the dialogue is good
not not quickening, and your descriptive passages
remind me of any suburb USA where such a great amount
of land is razed for development housing. I can find
no explitic fault. Nor can I give it five stars.
The idea is great, no doubt about that. As I said,
I'm only one reader. If it were mine, which it surely
is not, I might try to rewrite the dialogue to make
it a little scarier, and little more fast paced. The
ending is done very well. Don't change that!
All best,
VerySara
313
313
Review of An Exiled King  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is quite interesting and quite clever. Whethe or not there is a bit of truth in it is of
little concern because I am treating it as what you
say it is, a letter, and a letter that contains a
story. This is a literary device that is often used,
and it works wonderfully! You write very fell. The
prose flows, and what you have talked about -- the
game of Hide and Seek so that Napoleon could lose
weight -- sounds pretty ingenious to me. Keep writing,
please, and keep posting here on Writing.com. I look
forward to reading more of your work.
Be well,
VerySara
314
314
Review of The Piano Lesson  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting story. You havae one sentence which is
very awkward, I think: "I recalled that at one time he
formed a gang of sorts, of which every member he held
himself personally responsible for." It's easy
enough to but a semicolon after sorts, and then turn
the other half of the sentence to say "he held himself
personally responsible for every member." Remember this is only one opinion, and there are many others.
And most of all, this is YOUR writing. I can only
try to help and suggest.
I am not sure what you mean when you say "Yet, even though it was in my power, I didn't do any of those
things." Do you mean to imply that the piano
teacher, who has watched this young man grow up,
and thus is considerably older than he, has a gift
of being able to change Jeremiah's past, present and
future? This intrigues me, to say the least.
It's just placed there in one line in the story.
The fact that she choses not to do any of these things,
but she just watches him go could mean many things,
from the piano teacher being a cold-hearted person,
saving her powerful gift for someone else, to the
fact that she just did not care, which is doubtful
from the rest of the story, and I could probably go on
and on with various interpretations. It's a good ending because it makes the reader
think, and I love that in a piece.
Your poetry is so straightforward, much of it is even
joyous, and lilting, once in a while sad, but here we
have a different layer of Pony Tail, one that is
compassionate, and mysterious, and older certainly.
You have many levels, zones, what ever word you chose,
and I'm sure you have more that I have not seen as
yet. This is one good trait for a writer to have,
and you are a writer. No doubt about that!
All best,
VerySara
315
315
Review of The Last Trail  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem left me with a beautifully bittersweet
feeling, and a sadness also. You have some very
spectacular imagry in here: the entire apple
transformation is gret; I love "vanilla air",
"silent cotton pockets", and the idea of emptying
the trail of all living things, and of all beauty.
But you keep the reins in the cupboard. As a
reminder; a memorium, perhaps. Unrhymed, this poem
is a study in opposites also: love and anger;
regret and love. You write very well! If you started
with a No. 2 pencil in grade school, I doubt that you
will stop soon. At least I hope not. For you sake,
and for the sake of all your possible readers.
Keep writing!
VerySara
316
316
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poems ~ this is the third that I have read
tonight ~ are full of a joyful sensibility that I
rarely see these days. You must be a very happy
lady there down under, as you say, for that
happiness just exudes jubilance and elation in all
that you write. You love the universe and all that
is in it, I do believe. Your work is inspirational
in that respect, and many people could use a little
of your spirit. Myself included. It's so awesome
to me to have found a fellow writer who has such a
great take on life. I remember the feeling well,
and perhaps your work and knowing you will help me
to get back there. Thanks for writing this; it is
a pleasure to read!
Be well,
VerySara
317
317
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a really good try at what could become a
great poem. I don't want to rewrite the poem, for
then it would no longer be yours, but for example:
line 4: your addiction, I believe, is really to words
(at least mine is). I'd leave off "to paper" and then
in the next line change "its" to "the paper's" (or
"the papers'") emptiness". Another example: 5th line
from the bottom, delete "of creativity" ~ sounds
almost pompous. I have the same problem with the last
line. Prestige only comes to a best-selling writer,or one who wins the Nobel Prize, or is Poet Laureate or
some other noteworthy thing. If you tell people you
are a "writer" they will ask very strange questions.
From "What have you published?" to an "uh-huh" that
means they don't want to argue with you but you are
really a lazy layabout without a real job. I've
been trying to think of another word here, and the
only thing that comes to mind is "belief," and that's
not quite what I want to recommend, "grief" maybe?
"Esteem" is closer to what you mean, and less self-
aggrandizing than "prestige." By the way, there are
many times when I consider each day a new story. I
suffer from depression, and there were days when I could not get out of bed. When I started to turn around
it was my belief in my writing that got me out.
You write well, but I honestly think this one needs
a little smoothing out, a little work. If you do
rewrite it, let me know. I'd like to see the
revision. Remember I am only one person and you
will probably receive many comments. Above all, it
is YOUR poem.
All best,
VerySara



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318
318
Review of TSUNAMI!  
Review by VerySara
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a very well-written poem, one quite topical,
and frightening. The power that the sea holds, indeed
that Nature holds, is one that deserves respect.
Your poem is beautiful, in that its tone seems to me
to be so calm in describing such a terrible thing,
and yet your last lines are quite correct when they
speak of the "waves of destruction from the sea."
Nature does indeed, often manke mankind humble.
Fine job! It is a pleasure to read this.
All best,
VerySara

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319
319
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellently-written article about a man
whom I consider to be The most important person of
the 20th Century. If I ran TIME magazine I would give
Person of the Century award to him. He has been my hero,
my ideal, and my love since I first learned about him, when I was perhaps fourteen or fifteen, and your piece
does well by him. Congratulations for doing such a
fine job, for researching his life and his work as
you must have, and may all gods everywhere bless you
for doing this.
Be well,
VerySara
320
320
Review of Madman's Marsh  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good job on this! I think with just a little bit of
polishing you'll have a first class story here.
Now please remember, this is only my opinion, and
you will get many, and it is ultimately YOUR work,
so you can do whatever makes the most sense to you.
Where you have "Opt. ending" I take Opt. to mean
optional, and I do think the second one is best, but
you are far from ending. The nurse can still say this, as you stay within the character's mind.
You have a sentence that contains "...so that shadows
lay on the floor wrong." This sounds very awkward to
me, and if you meant it to be awkward, then leave it.
Otherwise I'd suggest you end the previous sentence
with "fashion." Then redo this sentence something like
"The shadows fell in the wrong direction on the floor."
I would also leave off the last line, and leave him
there at the side of the marsh. He is not sane enough
to even wonder or know where he is when, it seems to
me. Make sure the "soft, female voice" is identified as
a nurse. Then the reader can draw only one conclusion.
You're doing fine here! Just keep polishing it, and
be open to others'comments. Whatever else you do,
keep writing, and keep posting here on Writing.com!
Be well,
VerySara

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321
321
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a pretty good poem; I honestly do not think
it is as great as some of your more recent work, but
that's why we keep at it, isn't it? To grow. This
horse and you shared a great deal, and the only possible thing I have to compare it with is a red
Doberman I had once, whom I loved more than life itself, and he and I were so close. He slept with me
at night, he watched me in the day. I took him to
the seashore to watch him run and play (see you've got
me rhyming.).
Time Can be very cruel sometimes, and yet it can also be
very kind. It often allows us to heal. This horseis withyou, watching, caring, knowing how much you remember her.
With horses, it's the muscular strenth, those eyes that
look at you with so much love, the gait ~ each one has
it's owm and it's own preferences. They are magnificent animals, and I think that each one that
has you to care for she/he is very special, and has a
very special owner; they sense this, and are grateful.
Again, my very best to you.
*Heart*
VerySara
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PS) I'm sure you have read THE HORSE WHISPERER. I
think maybe you are one. The book is better than the
film. Just my two cents worth.
322
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Review of Don't Cry, Silver  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
OMG, you have me in tears again! What is it about you
and the horses and the poetry? Usually I'm saying
"I feel like crying, but I can't. I don't know why.
And these poems seem to be some sort of catalyst.
You've outdone yourself on this one, Pony Tail! This
is flawless. Don't change a word of it, and the ending
is the kicker, the topper, the best ~ shall I go on.
Congratulations!
VerySara

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323
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Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great poem! Your presentation is flawless, your
rhyme scheme and meter are perfect, your imagry
is great, and there is absolutely nothing I could
say or even suggest that would make this a better
poem! Rain is an amazing thing. It can clense and
then it can destroy. Here I get the feeling that I
love after a sweet sunner rain ~ everything seems
refreshed, and "new" again. It's a very good, lovely
poem. I have just one question ~ why do the frogs
never croak? Is it because you seldom have rain and
they cannot survive. or is there more to this than
that?
All best,
VerySara
324
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Review by VerySara
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is quite a rant about the rating system. I had
not been on the site very long ~ 6 months ~ but I have
noticed rumblings of disagreement and discontent about
the rating system. I myself rate a lot, and I try to
give constructive comments when I give lower than a
3.5. If above that, I still try to help the writer,
but may or may not comment as much about the writing
as the feeling that it brings forth from me. I rarely
five 5's -- only when I say WOW! or am blown away by
the work. I disagree with you about the punctuation and the typos. While that really falls under the
category of "editing", anyone who takes their writing
seriously should try to have a good presentation and
not distract the reader who, if there are errors, has
to try and figure out what the writer means. I do not
think I have ever given a 1.o, but I did give a 1.5
once, quite recently, and lo and behold, about an hour
later that writer reviewed one of my poems and gave me
a l.0. It was spiteful and childish. If I'm going to
give anything below 2.5, I will pass on the review.
I think the rating sustem is really pretty fair. I
am sorry that you don't.
With respect,
VerySara

(image:1000}
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Review of The betrayal  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
WOW. I rarely five 5.0's, but this is not only very
honest, but extremely well-written. It reminds me a
bit of Sylvia Plath;s ability to convey disappointment
and even hatred ("Daddy"), but you are a little gentler
than she. This is an incredibly good poem, I think, and
I think that you write honestly, with every word
chosen carefully, and that the poem is honed and
polished until it says just what you want it to say.
Congratulations! You really did a fine job here!
Keep writing, and keep posting here on Writing.com.
I want to see more of your work!
VerySara

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