*"wishes" instead of "wish," you wer actually using the present tense, so you ought to use it all throughout the poem:
with hidden emotions she wish she could tell.
*be consistent, if you capitalized the 2nd line of the first stanza, then might as well apply it to all the other stanzas.
i would just like to comment on the last line: never-will-and-never-even-ever-has-been... did you intend this to be a single expression? if not, then don't you think kicking out the hyphen before and after "and" may help?
other than my comment, which i suppose, is just me trying hard to give a comment other than, "wonderful writing," there's nothing more to talk about.
I just read natalie and the vampire and i kinda liked it... i love a dash of erotica in short stories... they add reality to the characters... and you were successful in your piece here...
i'll be back for the rest of your stories when i have time...
talk about bursting visual imagery!!! your words are like a magic spell, once you've started reading them, they're never a bore and you get enchanted by their spirits. write on, i'd say, write on!!! ^_^
hi to all aspiring writers out there!!! as well as to avid readers... i want ur honest opinions so please don't hesitate to visit my port! ill be more than glad to check out ur works too!
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