An interesting idea. Maybe more interesting is how you tie it into Olympic games.
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Just a few things I noticed that you might want to look at.
It had bee a struggle to get it ready for the massive influx of visitors... (bee)
The game didn’t start for nearly an hour, but people enjoyed getting there early... (didn't - wouldn't - I can see didn't used in thought, but here I would use wouldn't.)
According to the official roster, nearly Americans occupied 90,000 of the seats, and they showed it. (? - nearly Americans - Is this "almost Americans" or are words out of place?) (? - roster - Roster is an unusual word to use outside of military or team lists. Just above, the stadium is already full of spectators so I assume the 90,000 are not participants in whatever sporting event this may be.)
“Oh well. At leas they haven’t made a big deal over the Alaska Dispute. (leas)
“Quite a display, isn’t it? I guess they’re still not quite over the 1st Revolution” Anthony started at the sudden voice and spun around. (period after Revolution.) (It seems more logical to flaunt their win of the second revolution than their failure in the first.)
It was being dealt with under the table and without a lot of fan fare. (fan fare - fanfare)
No sooner had they done that did the royal announcer, dress in a puffy red and gold outfit, announce the first of the many-to-come nobles. (dress - dressed)
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Something for your consideration:
“Anyways, it appears that the royal announcer has arrived. I expect we’ll be doing a lot of standing and bowing, so let’s stand up and greet the rest, shall we?” Patrick quipped, setting down his water and standing. Anthony did the same, straightening his cloak. Had to look nice, after all. No sooner had they done that did the royal announcer, dress in a puffy red and gold outfit, announce the first of the many-to-come nobles.
(Anthony and Patrick must have attended many such functions. Both should know what to expect. We didn't know Anthony was holding water until he sets it down. It is not a big problem, but I probably would give him some water earlier. I changed set to sip only in anticipation of the long presentation to come.)
(“Anyway, it appears that the royal announcer has arrived. Shall we?” Patrick quipped, as he took one final sip of water. Anthony did the same, straightening his cloak. Had to look nice, after all. No sooner than they were on their feet did the royal announcer, dressed in a puffy red and gold outfit, declare the arrival of the first of the many-to-come nobles.)
This might be the way I would write it, not the way you should. It is your story and you should tell it the way you want.
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I would break up long paragraphs, especially the first two. Making them 6 or 7 lines long makes the reading easier. Almost always there are natural breaks. One is below.
...you got a view of the entire field. The seating also did something else.
...you got a view of the entire field.
The seating also did something else.
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Nothing but my opinions, please make of them what you will.
Wally |
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