This is a cute ( ... potentially hilarious!) "In and Out"! Makes us think about our views of each other!
I can just imagine what some of the "two kinds" will be like. The world can be divided in so many ways - and each person will see a different bit of humor in it!
Great idea! Keep up the good work!
Have a great night!
"Bella Bunny"
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This is really fun! A little bit ... odd ... but definitely fun. The story certainly takes some unique twists and turns. I look forward to finding out what might happen next!
Cheers!
"Bella Bunny
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This is a lovely poem with rhyme and rhythm. As I was reading it, I could indeed picture the houses near the bay. The houses and perhaps the women who live inside, each weathered and patiently waiting. It sounds like you are writing from direct experience and that you enjoy looking at these old houses.
I prefer rhymed poetry and you have made a good effort with this piece of writing. If you won't be offended, I would like to offer some suggestions to make the rhyme pattern fall into place a bit easier.
In your first stanza, the second line could be modified so that the last word falls into the rhyme pattern with the last line, like this: "Sits a city where jewels line each street." That way, street and feet are in perfect rhyme.
The second stanza is more difficult, with the words teacups and teardrops. It is difficult to change these without changing the ideas completely. What do you think of this:
With care they are balanced upon her hills steep,
Each Victorian house with a shawl.
Under colorful dresses, Spanish secrets they keep,
From their windows, the teardrops do fall.
It still creates an image of a woman, but it may not be quite what you had in mind.
Your last stanza is outstanding. It gives the double meaning of the weathered houses viewed as women or of the women who live in the houses, waiting by the sea.
Again, I am only offering suggestions. You may disregard them or feel free to use them, as you choose.
I enjoyed reading this piece of writing. I hope you continue to write with rhyme!
Have a great night!
"Bella Bunny"
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(Pardon me while I grab a tissue to wipe the tears from hysterical laughter from my face!)
That is a truly funny "MOM" story!! You should submit it to "Reader's Digest" for Life in These United States or one of their other short story blurbs.
I can truly imagine the poor child in panic when that first rocket-fueled toilet flushed and tried to suck her down! Sometimes those toilets make ME a little nervous, especially when you aren't expecting anything to happen. SWOOSH!
This story is truly a gem. You should create a scrapbook for Kendall and put this story in there. I am sure this story will be told and re-told for years to come. (... especially to potential boyfriends, etc.)
Thanks for the giggle!
Have a great night!
"Bella Bunny"
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This is a sad thing to read. Do you REALLY think your dad hates you? I truly hope not.
Being a teenager is difficult and not having a mother around can make it even harder. I imagine your father is having a difficult time adjusting and adapting, too.
Young adults are full of rebellion and do not want to be treated as children. Parents are afraid to let their children grow up because they know the problems and difficulties that will be waiting for you.
Perhaps BOTH of you are in pain? I hope the two of you will be able to work out your differences.
Not only is the subject matter great and the poem does indeed make sense, but the rhyme and rhythm are perfect!
The 1st, 2nd and 5th lines have exactly 9 syllables and end with rhyming words.
The 3rd and 4th lines have 5 syllables and end with different rhyming words.
It is not always easy to find the exact words you want with the exact syllable count to make a perfect limerick, but you have accomplished it very nicely!
I look forward to reading more of your work!
Keep it up!! Nicely done!
--"Bella Bunny"
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I am also an allergy sufferer and I know exactly what you mean!
This is an excellent poetic description of the joys of springtime when you are allergic to everything!
As silly as it sounds, when I read the last stanza, the melody to "Matchmaker, Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof came to mind. You could sing that last stanza ....
Allergies, allergies - they don't play fair,
their blooming cause - is everywhere.
I really hate to say this dear;
I think I'll stay inside this year.
Can you hear it? Did you sing it?? Look out Weird Al - this one could be great!
I love your sense of humor and I hope to read more of your funny stuff.
Have a great night!
"Bella Bunny"
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I like your disclaimer at the beginning ... "If you lack a sense of humor, this may not be for you."
I love humorous poetry and you do indeed have quite a sense of humor! All the young brides-to-be are now worrying about whether or not they should go through with their wedding now!!!
Your poem tells a funny story that unfortunately kinda comes true along the way. In my mind, I could see the young bride in the church, then at home, then dropped into the day-to-day rut of endless housecleaning. Your writing gives great visual imagery to the reader!
I like the rhymed couplets grouped together into 4 line stanzas. Your rhymes are all perfect; none almost or not quite or forced.
The rhythm feels a little off, but it you tweak the lines a bit by altering the syllable count in some of them, it will improve the way the words flow.
I enjoy poetry that rhymes and that tells a story. You have done a great job at both and thrown in a terrific bit of humor along with it.
Keep up the great work and ... Write On!
Have a great night!
--"Bella Bunny"
This is a lovely idea for a contest! Almost everyone has had a pet or an encounter with an animal of some type. This gives them a chance to share the joy or the humor or the irritation with us.
From a sweet little puppy who chewed up your favorite shoes, to a grumpy old barn cat who hissed and chased you whenever you got near, to a birdfeeder full of busy little chickadees - animals give us the opportunity to observe and think and write.
I especially like Rule #3 of your contest. This shows that you have a sensitive soul and you do not want to read about the misery or death of a creature.
I hope you get lots of entries for your contest. Perhaps I will create something and enter your contest myself before the month is over.
Good luck and have a great afternoon!
--"Bella Bunny"
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I just read your poem and I can feel your sorrow and anguish in your words. This person was very dear to you and you are still grieving for his loss.
Writing is a good way to release your feelings and emotions. All I can say is, hang in there. Time truly does heal all wounds. You won't ever forget him, but the intense pain will go away. You will be left with memories that you can replay over in your mind whenever you need him.
One suggestion I have for your poem is to capitalize the word "He" or "His" when referring to God. You can always go back and edit a poem whenever you want.
Try to smile....
"Bella Bunny"
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Your poem tells a fun and lovely story of a family at Christmas. You have made a good effort at creating rhyme and rhythm within your poem. Quite often a rhymed poem will follow a pattern, with rhyming words occuring at the ends of specific lines. Also, poems will sometimes follow a specific rhythm or meter.
I have "tinkered" with your poem and changed it a little bit to show you how it could follow a rhyme or meter pattern. This does not mean that your poem is bad!! This is just something you could consider. Feel free to use any of my suggestions to modify your poem. See what you think ...
When temperatures fall to zero
And there's frost forming on the sills,
I'll be tucking you into bed
And setting up holiday thrills.
>>>>rhythm (syllable count per line): 8-8-8-8
Stockings are hung with bows of red.
Dinnertime toasts and prayers said.
All is prepared, done from goodness within.
The countdown for Santa will now begin.
>>>>rhythm: 8-8-10-10
Sun sparkles off the snow so bright.
Treasures glow like crystals of light.
A mug of fresh coffee at table's end
Our family's joy, that none can transcend.
>>>>rhythm: 8-8-10-10
Gifts are exchanged, some old, some new.
"Look here, Honey, this one's for you!"
With mistletoe kisses hold no fear
It's all in the spirit of Christmas cheer.
>>>>rhythm: 8-8-10-10
As I said before, feel free to use any of my suggestions or toss them all and keep your poem just as it is! Poetry comes from within the poet. The rhymes and rhythms are just a suggested structure.
Have a wonderful day....
.... and Write ON!
"Bella Bunny"
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Ahhh..... I am remembering many late nights watching old Star Trek re-runs and loving every single minute!!
This is a fine Trek sonnet! All the characters are saying all of their time-honored appropriate lines!
My favorite line is: "She's pregnant, Jim." I can just picture those words coming from dear Dr. McCoy.
But it begs the question, .... is the child Jim's? HA!
I saw a couple of writing errors, but they in no way change the wonderful flow and feeling of your work.
---In the 8th line, "It may just be a facade" needs to be in quotation marks.
--In the next to last line, is the word "Girl" capitalized for a reason?
--In the last line, the word "Comes" should not be capitalized.
However, as I said before, none of these small errors takes away from this wonderful flashback to the days of Kirk and Spock.
Live Long and Prosper!
"Bella Bunny"
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This definitely an "in-your-face" anti-Republican poetical political statement!
I can just imagine this as a rap song, with some kind of jived up patriotic song as background music.
You know what I mean??
With a yo, yo, yo ...
On with the show...
Time for Bush and Cheney
To pack up and go...
This could truly be put on the web as a political cartoon, similar to the ones done by JibJab. I can imagine all the responses it would receive!
You have included a large quantity of information and political opinion in a small amount of space. I am sure many other people think exactly as you do and would appreciate your efforts and your comments.
So? On with the show!
Well done. Well said! Write on!
"Bella Bunny"
This is a true (...and sad) statement on the state of our political system today. Empty promises combined with back-room deals, which never benefit the common man. As the saying goes - the poor get poorer and the rich get richer.
The low-income kids go off to join the military as the only way to get an education, while the wealthy kids go to their Ivy League schools, party at night and inherit their daddies' businesses.
Somehow, sweating inside a tank in Iraq doesn't quite compare to sweating by the pool at the summer home. *sigh*
Most politicians are only looking out for a small percentage of the American public. As you say, their "lies will be the end of us." Change is needed, but how?
Your poem concerns an issue that many people feel strongly about, but also feel the frustration of not knowing what to do.
Nicely written with strong feelings voiced. I saw one spelling error, but it does not distract from the work. (You tie up our lifes blood with you bikering.) The last word should be "bickering".
Keep questioning and Write On!
"Bella Bunny"
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Oh my! This is simply exquisite! What a perfect and wonderful subject for this time of year.
You have told the story of Christ's crucifiction with great historic detail and with excellent grace and style. Well done, well done!
Iambic pentameter is such a lovely way to tell a story. It flows easily from the lips and it just "feels" right. Your rhymes are perfect and the unique use of the 3-line stanza seems very appropriate. I keep thinking of the Holy Trinity. Was that your intent or did it just "happen"? However it was done, it is just right!
I can't say enough good things about this poem. If this is the caliber of your writing, I MUST read more!
Write On!
"Bella Bunny"
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This started out so light-hearted and sweet .... then became very dark and disturbing. Excellent transition from light to dark.
Your poem has perfect rhymes in an a-b-c-b pattern. Nice work. The meter isn't perfectly balanced, but it doesn't take away from the message of the poem.
Nice work! Write On!
"Bella Bunny"
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