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 |  My Blog. Generally Intended for Reading-Not Eating!. |
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Rose-Tinted Ramblings ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** A Little of What You Might Expect & A Lot of Everything Else that You Don't!. My writing style for my blog is invariably 'snarkastic'. This is because I am a nice, unassuming and quietly-spoken person IRL-and this blog is where my innermost moments and torments happen. Trust me, I am no exception to that delightful rule. Greetings! Welcome to my THIRD blog here on WDC. A re-incarnation of my earlier version of my Blog, here "Insanties and Sensibilities" this v.03 should prove to be equally...challenging and hopefully, entertaining. That said, life often weaves through our writing in mysterious ways, and this Blog will probably prove to be no exception to that. We are very likely all quite different, yet the same, us writers and our collective little whims, fascinations and insecurities. |
September 10, 2009.  Lots of parents will be contemplating the sudden silence surrounding them, this week, as their children start another school year. I was raised with the school year beginning February 1st and ending December 1st. Typically, August represented three weeks of late Winter vacation. So, here I sit this morning, bathing in a heady mix of notknowingquitewhattodowithmyself. "Beanie", I am very happy to report, had a better day at school, yesterday. My impression was that she deliberately stayed busy and kept moving. In addition, there were far fewer children there yesterday, so maybe some of the troublemakers had moved on?. My husband also went and spoke with the school yesterday morning. Bullying seems to be an inevitable part of school culture, but that still has us wondering- up to what point, and to what end?.  In terms of writing, I'm in the midst of setting up a new blog somewhere else, which will have more of a serious tone and subject-matter. I'll post a link in my port here, so folks here can follow it, too. Need to find something to keep my escalating boredom at bay. Meanwhile, a nice big bar of Cadbury's should do the trick!. |
August 30, 2009.  Love endures and only highlights the goodness of the 'community' on this site. Now, a philosophical, pensive entry for today...this sleepy, subdued Sunday. When I was at university, although I majored in English Literature (by deliberate accident), I also did numerous papers in Philosophy. If I was convinced that English was a heavy reading major, then philosophy ran a pretty close second to that workload. Anyway, it was also a hugely popular subject-a convenient fall-back subject for first year, especially for professional courses, like law and engineering, which required one arts subject. If there was one subject that taught me how to think critically, it was philosophy. I learned a lot from a diverse range of philosophy lecturers, too-ethics from the late Professor David Novitz, and philosophy of art and aesthetics from Denis Dutton (Denis founded the websites, "Arts and Letters Daily" and "Climate Debate Daily"-and recently appeared on "The Colbert Report" about his most recent book,"The Art Instinct: Beauty, Pleasure and Human Evolution"). I also learned the art and craft of articulating coherent, reasoned and defensible 'discussions'-some people call them arguments, but I happen to think that 'discussion' is a less confrontational term-despite the fact that discussions can be as prone to pervasive hot air circulation as much as any other forum. To sit and consider for just a moment, everything being presented on the table-from hearsay, personal attacks, to conspiracy theories-and other ideas that are generally "pooh-poohed" by mainstream society. Interestingly, it was, and continues to be remarkably refreshing, because, each day, I learn something new about someone or something, other than myself and my 2000 sq ft corner of my personal existence. I get excited, inspired and shaken up, and my first instinct is to share my inner epiphanies with as many people as are prepared to connect with me. As a tangible project, it is something that my husband has discussed with me a lot-a method to distill and disseminate a variety of information in a palatable format. Isn't that what writing is, in its own way?. So, watch this space...! |
August 29, 2009.  Last night, there was a sudden, stunned silence that descended on our household. A silence that rarely happens to us. A irrevocable rupture in the world we have known. Our hearts and internal thoughts were most immediately with a couple-who I don't need to name, because there are so many here whose hearts, indeed, daily lives as writers and fellow human beings, have been touched deeply by them. Sheila and Lance and family-we love you so-and at each glimpse of today's sunshine here on the North Coast, we remember Lance's love of sunshine- Lance himself being a great hero of the sun in his own, special way- and our hearts break a little more for the loss of this funny, remarkable and insightful man.  Sheila.There is an emptiness, not to be fully felt, nor to be absorbed, yet. |
August 26, 2009. I'm SO behind on responding to reader comments to my blog, and replying to my Blogville email in general-I really need to get my poop all in one sock, as far as that's concerned. I've had to stop commenting, myself, about the health-care debate.  Our subsidized pre-school care for Beanie has been approved, on appeal. We have an 'orientation' appointment tomorrow-and then she starts 'officially' on Tues, 1st Sept. I'm -ical either way on the subject. Full schedule shaping up fast. I just had fun preparing my hair for being highlighted "Cupcake Pink". Who would have thought that the color spectrum of pink was so varied?. They all fade differently, too. Hmmm. Is it really Wednesday, already?. |
August 24, 2009. First up this Monday, I owe two sets of thanks, really. To those who've stopped by and reviewed and/or otherwise commented on, "Chill of Change"-my sincere thanks. This is hugely motivating, and I keep your feedback close to my even as I'm now working on Part Three. Part Two is still fairly rough and raw, but will be up later today. My other thanks is for the greatly supportive feedback about the dilemmas and difficulties we've been confronted with, trying to get Beanie into a subsidized preschool. After some thought on our part, we concluded that we weren't going to accept or 'settle' for that gut punch standing up-so we went back to the school, and basically asked them to re-phrase the issue for us. As with the majority of health and welfare systems (wherever you live) the primary motivation is payment for services rendered. In America, the cultural thinking is, how cheap can we get something, with the least possible aggravation, without having to be held personally accountable for it. Progress on that front is being made.  I have been engaged a little with Shawna on this site, about her entries on the proposed overhaul of the U.S health system. While we do not always agree with each other on our respective points of view, we each bring our unique experiences to the table-which, incidentally, in my view, is the only way that this issue will resolve itself-through constructive dialogue. I'm intending on writing more on this same subject, myself shortly-just as soon as I'm through with my current, writing projects. While the media is providing close to saturation coverage on this, many more salient and crucial points are being overlooked in the midst of hype and over-simplification. So, too are the Town Hall meetings, which are just another form of political point-scoring and posturing. If only regular townsfolk would stop pitching fits for a moment, to realize just what is motivating the politicians on both sides of the aisle to say what they are saying. Politicians have become very well polished and strategically versed by lobbyists and special interests to use every scare tactic available, and to prey on the fears and misunderstandings that keeping ordinary people ignorant invites. Is it just a happy coincidence that there are currently 3000 lobbyists working in Washington, and millions upon millions of dollars being spent by special interests in order to bend Congress and Senate ears on proposed legislative changes to public health care and health insurance reform?. Some of these lobbyists are re-invented variants of the same, original 'stakeholders' who crushed The Clinton Health Plan. So, what's really changed here, and what have we learned from history about the intent and workability of real health reforms?. It's definitely a work in progress-that's all I'll say for now.  Other than that, I'm continuing on my quest to look for full-time employment. I have to feel some sympathy for the new college Bachelor's graduates currently looking for employment. Many job descriptions I've seen recently, call for a minimum of a Master's degree, plus relevant experience-and that benchmark is applying to voluntary roles and internships, as well as to paid positions of employment. There are also many hiring freezes in the public sector-a traditional 'safe haven' of entry points for the hiring of new graduates. |
| August 21, 2009. Same blog/different name-time for a change, in more ways than one. I've had a topsy-turvy morning, thanks to some topsy-turvy 'administrator' who bowled over my apple cart and stomped on my apples for good measure. My husband had to walk away, because he was just plain furious. We just had our application for subsidized child care for "Beanie" terminated. Not, "Come Back Later, and We'll Work On a Solution". We're a low income family, who would have more income, if my husband could get more work (he has a firm offer of more hours)-only, he has to stay home and help me take care of Beanie (and take care of me). If we could just get Beanie into preschool, we could make some headway. We could all have some respite from each other, and I could keep looking for full-time employment. But, because my husband is on-call, that doesn't fit with what they want. They want him working a set schedule, five days a week. They want him to have eight hours of sleep before he drops off Beanie at 9am. &**(())@@#$$%!!!. We're low income, and they told us we should just pay full price-$1500 a month!. We LIVE ON $1000/month right now!. So, we walked away-until we can calm down and think through what to do next. Hubby's employer has offered him a set hours schedule, predicated on Beanie being in school, but the school has it arse-backwards. They want the schedule first, then they'll think about offering care...&&^%%$$##@@# I'm so mad, right now....what has to happen here?. I just very reluctantly emailed a 'So-Shall' Worker at the Dept of Education, to ask if we actually qualify for anything at all. If Beanie were living in a tent right now, and her father and I were shooting junk up our arms-we'd get their attention, but noooooooo-because we work every hour we can get, we must be doing well. It makes me so angry!. I can be a strong person, but I was in tears, this morning. End of my rope. At the end of it all, Beanie misses out, and that is what really riles me up. |
| August 18, 2009. Life is filled with individual choices, from the moment that we wake up each day. That much is certain. Today, 11 years ago, I made several choices that changed my life for each day following that one, for many years to come. Indeed, likely for the remainder of my adult life. With those choices, came harsh consequences-and not ones that I would wish upon anyone else. Proof positive (as if we needed or wanted it) that bad things can and do happen to good, law-abiding people-but that also, when tested, that goodness can still prevail. “Something” allowed me to survive that awful day-and, by something, I don’t necessarily mean references to religion, or even to spirituality. Perhaps, what transpired that horrific day, activated within me a determination that I wasn’t meant to know of, or to call on, until that moment. Some- call it, ‘fight or flight’. Others-call it ‘luck’ or ‘grace’ In any case, my first part of that complete narrative is now in my port. It has been very difficult to write, but it is basically my first-hand, word-for-word recollection and re-telling of events. As a dear, writing friend, who looked at my initial drafts commented, “Getting it all down…will give you some power back.” It has. It contains and discloses material that I found so excruciatingly difficult to articulate, even to my professional, clinical psychologist, the delightful “J”, who mentored me through my life for years afterwards, and who got me living and writing again. Some days, she was desperately worried about my survivability, and I will always be amazed by the fact that she was continually, quietly present, and held my hand while I stood on that knife’s edge of insidious shame and blame that sexual assault can visit upon survivors – whether or not they tell what happened. I still experience days of deep anger and rage, at something and someone otherwise unseen. I struggle daily with my own perception of myself, and with how others see me. I still have days of immense sadness-sadness that someone like the convicted criminal in my case, could have such a dark, evil side to his personality, and how that may have eventuated within him. Sadness, too, for my family, who were also unwitting participants in its aftermath. I am still angered by the fact that HIS family got consolation and recognition in the media publicity about my criminal case. Some have suggested that they are equally victims, too. I don’t think so. He was a skilled predator. I still have days of extreme anxiety. Today happens to be one such day. I’ll get through it, and tomorrow is another day. Please don’t feel compelled to read what I’ve written. But, I would appreciate any and all feedback. That too, is like therapy to me. Even though the event itself is beyond rationalization. If one person reads it, and re-thinks about the vulnerability of their mother, sister or daughter-indeed-anyone-then it is worth it, to me. This item will be the first of three in a series. The second part will go up shortly, while the third and final part, is still "in the works". "Invalid Item"   This entry today marks the end of this blog, and the start of another. I hope that you'll continue to follow along in my journey with me. ~A. |
August 17, 2009. My migraine eases off periodically, and then re-appears. Last night, I had numbness and tingling in my right hand, and could barely see out of one eye. Being in bed wasn't any better. My husband says that I need to see the doctor about it. Whereas, I say, "BAH!". I'm pretty much convinced that my headache difficulties are mainly hormonal, although they are not progressing in a good way. Had to quit my BCP-too many risks, including for a blood clot. My stress level is escalating again, as much as I'm trying to keep a firm foot on it. My cooking for the restaurant is not up to my 'standard'. Unlike writing, food service rarely gets a re-draft or a dress rehearsal. Added to that, I have a meeting at DHHS this week, which I'm SO not looking forward to-the excitement of it is killing me. I baked two, Summer citrus cakes for the sushi bar tonight, but am not feeling very sanguine about it. As with many here on WDC, my thoughts are constantly with Nada   and Lance. I'm just amazed that she can log on here to post updates for all of us. It is a testament to the outwardly and inwardly feisty person who she is. May she have an abundance of whatever it takes in the days and nights ahead!. Lance, too. |
| August 15, 2009. Now, since we've all been caught up in the case color debate here on WDC, here's something else to get outraged about for a change --other than the health care debate, personal navel gazing, pick-up lines...or whatever today's 'buzz' may be: Fury over 'they shake me' baby T-shirt BABY HUMOUR: 'They shake me' t-shirts for babies are commonly found at online stores. A baby's T-shirt bearing the slogan "they shake me" has sparked an angry online response from parents. A complaint about the T-shirt was posted on the popular parenting blog Mamamia this morning, sparking an email and Twitter campaign against the company responsible, Cotton On Kids. "What the hell are you people thinking and how dare you try to turn children into the sickest kind of human billboards to advertise your smart arse and grossly insensitive slogans?" read the blog post on Mamamia. "What's next Cotton On? Kids t-shirts that say 'My Parents Sexually Abuse Me'?" The subsequent flood of comments on Twitter accused the popular children's clothing and accessories company of making jokes about child abuse and called for it to stop selling the T-shirts. "There's humour and then there are sick references to child abuse! You got it wrong," read one tweet. "Cotton On - how dare you. I will not be setting foot in any of your stores," read another. Another Twitter user wrote: "How amusing, to mock brain-damaged, blind babies." Cotton On's other slogans for babies include "I'm a tits man" and "I'm living proof my mum is easy". A spokeswoman for Cotton On Kids was not immediately available for comment. However, in an emailed response to a concerned parent, published by Mamamia, the company said it serviced "all personalities" and its products were "intentionally edgy and irreverent and are certainly not meant to be taken seriously". -AAP and smh.com Now, don't we all feel better, madder, badder?. |
August 13, 2009. I'm unhappy with my pank hair-it's all over the place, and fading in fast and strange, disturbing ways. So, tomorrow, I'm bleaching the crap out of it, and then waiting 2-4 weeks to add some highlights in Cupcake-a vibrant pink that fades to soft pink, much more gradually. I finally found a picture of what I want to do, so that is better than me just 'experimenting'. So, yes, Z-you will get your pictures-good things take time and are worth the wait. Oh, and for some other reasons, I look better in pictures without makeup...that's just...backwards. My mother, who did stage makeup for a lot of years, has always told me as much, so perhaps she was right, after all?. She still believes in a good brow pencil and pressed powder. I watched the latest grind-house film with Zoe Bell playing a leading character. She sounds so like me that it's comforting in a bizarre way. According to my husband, she even expresses herself just like me, and says things that I'd say (only to him though  -a girl has to have some mysteries). Meantime, Beanie had an excellent afternoon out, bicycling at the local park with the grandparents. We finally got to see their new townhouse, which is still undergoing some renovation-looks like a neat little Winter nest - with the mountain house still reserved for our Summer vacations and water activities.  I've been to a certain retail outlet a total of six times since I've known my husband-this afternoon being one of those times, and was immediately reminded of why I dislike it. It's an over-priced representation of numerous goo-gahs and doo-dads. Some days I wonder what I'm doing here and for what purpose. I have a headache. I think my day was strange from the moment that I discovered 'off' milk in my morning wake-up cup of Earl Grey tea. No wonder things turned sideways, er, south, er, sour Ooh-I made a great appetizer for our dinner last night-french onion soup-made from scratch. It was delicious. Good food should be the least unpretentious and uncomplicated as possible. |
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