%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
|
Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... 
|
| Hello sunshine, I am in the mood to clean my inner house. To make some room in my heart for a new love. I am ready to forgive and move on. I am going to take the month of August to breathe. I need to stop the emotional drama that my heart has created and live in peace. I need to focus on my career and not my heart. I need to be a full time mom. I need to run away and take a personal vacation by myself. I need to get my mind ready for school...but not yet... I need to play I need to laugh I need to teach Jackson to control his mouth! I need to LOVE! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Have you ever been in an emotional rut? I am beginning to think I might be in one. In fact after reading Bill's email today I know I am. I am in awe of the life around me and how my heart continues to keep breaking. Bill and I have been friends for 5 years. I have never met him in person we have been email buddies. He is the guy I would write when I was upset and I was the girl he would write when he was lonely. For some strange reason we connected and our friendship was unique and wonderful. We both filled a void we couldn't find in the real world. Until last night when he told me he is "in Love"!! Now part of me is over the moon happy for him. He needs to be in love. He needs to have someone to touch and hold. I am glad he is happy but also so very sad for myself. How strange that I would be jealous but I am. I am because I feel like I am losing my best friend. I need to lose him. I need to let go and say goodbye. I have never been in this place before. I have never had so many goodbyes and painful moments. I really took stock of my life this weekend and felt every pain. I still have a bunch more to let go. I have to feel everything so I can heal. I am not ready to forgive myself yet but someday I will. I am not going to go looking for anything anymore. I am not going to be anything but broken for a while and then one day this pain will lift and I will be ready for love. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am feeling much better today! I suppose I needed that self-indulgent day. I needed to feel horrible so I could feel better again. I am not sure why God is bringing people into my life for such huge life lessons but he is. He is testing me. He is allowing me the chance to feel pain and to experience love all at the same time. I am not ready for what he has planned for me. I will be honest. I am not ready to be so open and raw. I have my walls build pretty dang high. I am going to live with what little protection I have. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am hoping someone has the sunshine because I sure don't. In fact what I have today is a bad case of self-pity and some pretty ugly love issues. I couldn't be more wrong about love. I am finding out just how shallow and conditioned I am. I am finding out that what I think is love is nothing more than smoke and mirrors. I am a fake. I am not of real stock. I don't think I even know what real love is anymore. I was so hurt by his rejection that I went looking for a lover and found a million men to play the game with me. maybe a few of the men were real but most were not. I am not ready for real. I am not ready for dirty or messy. I am not ready for unconditional. I am not ready to lower my society standards. I am not ready to have you like me more than I like you. I want to be knocked off my feet. I never will be because I can't find my feet. If I never stand up for what I want, I will keep getting knocked down. maybe I should just stay down... Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Today is Brian's birthday. I still have to run out and get his present for the kids and they have him all excited. I love that part about birthdays. The surprise factor is the best!! I know I am a nice ex-wife. I know I am lucky I have a nice ex-husband. I do. I am not ashamed of it. I did the best I could for a long time in the relationship but I am happier now and so is he. I love being in a good place mentally. It wasn't always this way. Life moves on and I am not going to get dragged down by the drama of it. I am in a good place and I am staying there! I do create a lot of my own drama by my craziness but I am beginning to understand that is just who I am. I like it. Life is wonderful! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Louise, I took the kids to the fair yesterday. I am glad I did because today it is raining! I don't think we would have enjoyed all the spinning rides in the rain! Speaking of spinning...It was the first time in a very long time were I felt like getting sick on a ride. I am not normally one to do that but the kids had me go from ride to ride and by the third one I wanted to hurl! In fact all three of us just looked at each other and said that's enough of that! So we walked around and looked at the barn animals. It was pretty funny because I said I didn't grow up around animals and Savanna looked at me and said "Well neither did I" and rolled her eyes! As if I was torturing her by looking at the animals. Oh I love being the mom! It was funny. I let Jackson play some games and then we left. It wasn't much of a fair but still it was nice to get out with the kids and do something. I need to do more of that! I felt like a kid and it was good to laugh! I could use a lot more fun in my life...What about you? Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Are you good at guessing ages? I am not! I can never get the right age. I might be close but never right. I suppose in many ways that is a good thing. Unless I over-age someone. Yesterday I had someone guess my age and I couldn't stop laughing. It's one thing to be off by a couple years but when she marked me ten years younger...I couldn't stop laughing! She was serious and very shocked that I was as "old" as I claimed to be. Funny thing is that this is coming from a young teenager that wants to be older. It opened the door to a great conversation about age looks, and wanting to be something that you are not. You can fool people all you want but you can never fool yourself. I look in the mirror and I see every year on my face. I know exactly who I am and how I got here. Sometimes I do get surprised that more wrinkles haven't shown up but I know they are coming. I am okay with aging. TO me age and wrinkles mean wisdom and beauty. I find it so funny that we measure beauty by youth. I get that we are that kind of society but I am Italian. I live in my mind a place of ageless beauty. Of classic wrinkles that mean life was well lived. Love, Michelle |
| Hey Sunshine, Oh man when reality slaps me in the face. I can feel it. I am about to puke with the way I feel right now.I should have seen this day coming but seriously I had my blinders on. I am a strong believer in karma and that things go around. Still, in my bizarre way I like to think that somehow I am excluded from that list. That what I have done onto others will be forgiven or at least changed around so I won't feel the true impact. That couldn't be farther then the truth. I am sitting with reality today and I don't like it. I can't explain this. I can't even talk about it is so private. All I can say is that I am sorry. I am sorry that I was ever in a position to hurt someone. That love never ends evenly. I am truly sorry for any pain that I have ever caused anyone. I am sorry that life changes people and I made new choices. I changed. I am living every day with those changes. I am living from this moment on with honesty and authentic feelings. I am not pretending, hiding or lying. I might get hurt a million more times but I will never forget that I am a lover. I love with all my heart and soul. I love until it hurts. I love until I learn to let go. I love until I am loved. I will be fine. I believe I have put enough good karma out in the world that this sharp pain I am feeling will go away and I will be left with a small dull pain that will remind me to live honestly. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I finally had a chance to say a few words to Pastor Steve. I was able to tell him I was going to miss him and that I wished him well on his new journey. I love it when he sits down in front of me at church and we have a little chat. I know that our hearts connect and that I feel Gods love and acceptance. He told me to listen very carefully during his sermon because it was about divorce and he really wanted me to get the message. God might hate divorce and call it a sin but he would never hate me. He wouldn't want me to be hurt. I know I knew that but it sure is nice to have it confirmed out loud. I don't feel like a sinner. I don't feel like I have committed a crime. I am sure I have. I am sure I am not one of God's good kids. Still like a good parent he loves me anyway. He knows. Which could explain my dream about my dad last night. I am always so amazed when I see him in my dreams. So alive and acting just like I remember him stern, scary, and loving. My dad had an awesome affect on me. I could be so scared of him but also so happy to be around him. He really was like every emotion under the sun. He had no fear of his emotions and expressed them without regret or concern for others. He was blunt, direct and often rude. Damn that is what I loved the most about him. He was honest to a fault and so believed in God. He truly gave me his faith. It was one of his many gifts to me. I am loved! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Well it's hard not to be upset with the news. It's hard to think that someone could plan such a horrible attack on innocent people. I went to the movies by myself yesterday to see the movie TED. It was located next to the Dark Knight movie and I almost didn't go in. I sat down in my seat on the other side of the theater and checked out the exit sign and watched every single person that walked in. Trust me that is not my normal behavior. I normally don't care but I do always look around. I sat there and thought about the safety of night time and a full theater. I thought about how movies are pure entertainment. I thought about how it must have felt having no place to hide. It really bothered me but only for a few minutes. Then I got into the movie and enjoyed myself. I just wanted to say that whatever his motives were to kill. He will be punished. I will never understand it. I will always be sorry that humans can have no respect for life. I pray for the families in Colorado and all over the world. It is never easy to lose someone to violence. I am going to church today to pray for everyone! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Louise, I am in a smooth patch today. I got up early to help out Brian and now I have the whole day to myself. I have a few chores I should do around here but I am going to ignore them so I can have a date with art. I love art and haven't been to a big art fair in a long time. This weekend is the huge Ann Arbor art fair and I am going to take myself. I couldn't get anyone to join me but I don't care. I love being alone. I find that being at peace with my decisions and who I really am are okay. I like that I can make myself happy. It's about this whole life changing event. TO get to the place were I could be true to myself. I am. I am a little bummed that the guy next door is moving out this weekend. I never got a chance to really get to know him. I am hoping that who ever moves in next is a little more social. I like talking to my neighbors. Plus with kids it's not like we are a loud bunch but we do make some noise. I suppose it is time to get moving myself! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine Louise, Did you know that after almost 6 years of friendship I just found out that my best buddy and I share the same middle name? Louise! It's so funny when you learn something new about a friend. I love that discovery part. I am so glad that it never gets old and that my gal pals still challenge me to stay fresh. Honestly, I am still learning who I am and what I like. I couldn't sleep last night and I am blaming Ice TEA! I don't know why in the summer I drink so much ice tea. I know it will keep me up but still I continue to guzzle it and then wonder why I am wired at bedtime! I am always able to fall asleep but the staying in that wonderful sleep world sometimes is not easy. I am happy that it is the weekend but sad to see my kids leave. We are going to try and see if exchanging the kids on Fridays will work better for them and be easier when school starts. It won't matter when and how we do it. Both Jackson and I need a day to adjust to it. I don't think this part will ever be unsettling. I suppose that is a good thing in a way. It allows us to appreciate what we have and to make adjustments as we go along. Life is a moving target! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals I have always been a believer in the statement that doors must close so new ones can open. I always like to end my relationships before new ones can begin. I haven't always been on top of that. I have had some overlaps that I am not really proud off. Still, I am honest about it and know that I try. I suppose in my dream world I can be anything I want. Last night I was able to fly. Just a little more like floating around from spot to spot. It was way cool. It got me thinking about my childhood and how I always had this sensation that I was leaving the floor. That my legs were off the ground and I could dance on air. I really did live in a fantasy world. I escaped into my dreams. I escaped into my mind. I left the heaviness of all the anger and danced. I am going to keep dancing until all my new doors are open! Love, Michelle |
| Hello sunshine, I wanted to take the boys to the beach today but it's raining. I will think of something else to do... I'm thinking I should take them to Detroit and go to the science museum and or something like that but I know they would just moan and groan. I really can't win with this group. Oh well...Maybe this is mother's nature way of having me relax and stay home and chill... Yeah, but I do that every day. I wanted to have some fun! Oh well...There is always tomorrow! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Do you ever feel heavy after you sleep? I get this incredible feeling of being in quicksand. My body feels a hundred pounds heavier. It happens to me every once and awhile. I wonder if other people experience it too? I get this way when my mind is heavy with worry. I am sure it is some part of my bipolar or depression. I am happy. I know that my worries are only temporary. I know that I am doing all I can to take care of myself. I am a little worn out on these very hot days. I love summer and told the kids last night I am not ready for them to go back to school. I like it when we can stay up late and watch a movie together. I might not have a lot of money to spend on the kids and I don't own a TV. I still know that the time we spend together watching a movie on my laptop is going to be something they remember when they get old. They will know that I was there for them. I am learning all over again what is important. I just need to take the edge off a little. I don't like being upset or frustrated. It's not cool. I am working on it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Today I am going to practice being calm and steady. I have been a little irritated for the last few days with the kids and I don't like that. I am in a new place mentally and I can feel it. I can feel the responsibilities pilling up in my brain. I can feel the heavy weight of worry and I don't like it. I don't do well with worry. I never have. I also wonder why I am worrying about something I have under control. I mean things are going well. I think this is a much deeper and real pain. I'm still adjusting to all my changes and I will be for a long time. It's all going to be okay. I just have to be steady and calm and allow myself what I need. Slow down tiger and take it easy! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Kids and prank calls, sleep overs, and all nighters. Yes, my kids had a small party last night and they even let mom hang out. I of course had to make the popcorn! Now my small apartment is covered in a mess but I am happy and so are my kids. Isn't that what life is all about? Small messes and big smiles. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Yes, I know the truth hurts. It's still something I like to use. I am an honest person and I get myself in a lot of trouble by being honest. I am honest when I say I am not a one man women. I am honest when I say I am crazy for love. I am honest when I say I didn't pay attention to the cobra payment and you got charged again. I am honest when I look at the mirror and see my flaws. I am honest that I am doing the best I can in a new life. I am honest when I say I wish I had more income. I am honest when I say I lack ambition. I am honest and I like to live a clean life. I am honest and want to be treated well. I am honest and I have high expectations about what man I want to be with. I am honest I do get lonely. I am honest and I do like to be alone. I am always honest with me and sometimes I know that hurts. I am still doing it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Oh to be flexible in body and spirit. To take a moment and live in it fully. I am doing the best I can. I wanted so much to take my kids to a family baseball game tonight. Jackson is refusing to go so Brian is going to watch him so I can take Savanna. I am glad. I really need to get out and see something. Plus they have fireworks after the game..,and I really want to see those! I don't like to think I am a person that uses people. I believe that every person I have met has enriched my life and given me something to think about. However, when your dating and you meet someone you have the real potential to hurt that person without you ever wanting too. I thought I could date but I can't. I thought I could be what someone wanted and I can't. I can only be myself. True to every emotion and thought I keep to myself. I am happy with that! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Just like old times I am meeting up with my gang today. I am so excited about going back to Livonia and hanging out at school. I really miss it. I even miss the reading and writing. I miss the computer lap and feeling overwhelmed. I miss the friendship more than anything else. I miss knowing I could completely be myself. I could say what was on my mind and be supported a 110%!!! I never expected to grow as much as I did and I never thought my life would be this completely different. I knew it was going to be awesome but had no idea how that was going to feel. I am so blessed by my choices. I made some really hard ones. I wanted to be happy and I made that happen. I wanted to have a career and I am making that happen. I have new clients and I know more are on the way. They will find me and I will help them. I don't know how you measure success but I am measuring it by the peace in my heart. It's a great day! Love, Michelle |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
