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 |   My 2nd blog. My spot for sharing my life, music, and writing with my friends. |
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Hello, Hello. Fancy seeing you here. I'll work on making this nice and pretty later. *  I also have a poetry blog, for those who dig poetry:
AND I have a mental health group with a monthly challenge:
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car ♡ * I will never make this pretty. |
Artist: Portishead Song: Biscuit [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] I've been here before. In this exact spot, watching someone desperately claw at the shreds. I've watched them attempt to put something back together that never existed in the first place. Yeah, rotate the pieces between your fingers. Maybe if you tilt your head a little... I've tried to submit to the way they shake me down. It's just like you promised. No escape routes. It's all turned inside out and I'm numb now. They're just needling my edges. Can you feel that? Can you feel it? And if it doesn't work out, there's always plan b. It's gone full circle now. It doesn't even exist. But I guess we all do that- chase mirages. We don't speak their language though, remember? We don't climb those guilt ladders trying to break through the clouds. We thrive in the smog of our own lives, so they'll have to excuse us for not bending just so. But that's too much radiation, even for us cockroaches. We talked about as much. "If you came with a warning label..." Be careful what you place inside me. If it doesn't look quite right, it's not. When the sides don't match, we call that better luck next time. There's cruelty in handing me a Fabergé egg and expecting me to take care of it. "This is yours now and only yours. You are solely responsible for its delicacy and everyone knows it. Everyone's watching you, so don't drop it now. If anything happens to it, they'll know it was your fault. And you're welcome, by the way, for the gift." Gift. What a funny concept. Breathe into the hand that covers your mouth. You were right when you said it would always be this way. That there would always be someone around to gnaw at my brain stem, to paralyze my spine and keep me tied down. I can feel the tips of my fingers twitching at the thought of them moving around me, those panic breaths heaving my chest. But shh shh shh, you don't need to consent to this. This is a gift. I can't make myself heard, no matter how hard I scream |
Artist: The Smiths Song: Sweet and Tender Hooligan [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Your fingers are tracing my veins through translucent skin when you tell me that George Washington died from bloodletting. "Is that true?" You shrug and drop my arm. "Probably." I roll onto my stomach to watch you walk to the window and peak through broken blinds. We call it the paranoia impulse. How do you know someone's paranoid without even talking to them? You check their blinds. "I could go out that way." "That fucking looney toon is going through the trash again." I shrug. "Who cares. It's trash." Broken glass. Hepatitis? No whammy. No whammy. "You could go out like what?" "What?" You turn around. "You could go out like what?" "Bloodletting." You scoff. "Tell that to ol' George." You walk over lay down next to me. Let the back of your leg fall over the back of mine. "That's okay because he was old and he would have died anyway." Et cetera. Et cetera. Et cetera. You laugh. "Can you imagine letting someone drain your blood like that?" "Yes." You run your finger down my protruding spine. "We should do something." I look at you. "What kind of something?" "The kind where you're not bored enough to contemplate this." -- After a while, you started calling everything a means to an end and said things like, "Everything just is. It doesn't mean anything. Things happen the way they have to. Stop trying to convince yourself that you have options and just let go. It's not like any of it mattered to begin with." So I called you Jean-Paul for a day. The night devoured us then and that's okay. Stuck under its thumb, we breathed through pinholes. It's thick like molasses, resistant like thrashing under water. It's so far away. You survived on contempt. "Those fucking holy rollers. Vultures, all of them. I swear to god, they'd pick the eyes out of their own mother's corpse." I survived on your survival. Even after you got out, I survived on your promise that the end would justify the means. I lived in a constant state of existential crisis, feeding off the scraps you left behind. Biding my time between, I lived on your promise that everything was going according to plan because there was no plan. I'm still stuck here, you know, surviving on the same contempt I watched you survive on. I'm still screaming out for you with muted tongue, still watching my mind roll back into itself. My lips taste of vinegar. I reek of apathy. I'm a dull pulse without you. And I'm just searching for the end of the means. In the midst of life we are in debt, et cetera. |
Artist: Modest Mouse Song: I Came As A Rat [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] We've had a lot of meaningless love, you and I. Love that comes in pulsing increments, in seconds that just tick, tick. We were melted into the floorboards then, smoking upside down, hanging off the couch. We made decisions using Rock, Paper, Scissors. Even when I won, I lost. "Why do I always have to do it?" "Because you're a natural." You were so fresh. God, you had no idea how to do it. We debated it and I quoted Fight Club: "Don't deal with it the way those dead people deal with it." We laughed, but I ranted anyway. I had a point. Your argument hinged on being two years older than me. My argument was that I had more experience, which you hated, because you knew it was true. I'd done it too. They're easy to spot, once you've done it before. Any park in any major city has them, and they haggle like they're at a pawn shop. I can see them, sitting on benches, staring into space in some sort of existential crisis. Am I a cockroach? Me? Am I the underbelly of the city, scamming on desperate drug-addled youth? No, there's nothing there. Nothing behind those cold Monday through Friday eyes. "We don't have to do it like those street corpses." "I'll watch your back. You know I will." I knew you would, so I did it anyway, just to show you that I would. Just to show you that I trusted you. I went through the back alley haggles with you off to the side, slipping you the cash, changing hands, feeling some sort of deviant middle man. Please stand by. They've got ten minutes and an itch I can scratch. Just like that. Meaningless, thoughtless. "75." He sized me up. "40." "65." "50." "60." "55." "60." "Well, let's go then." I took your advice, only because you gave it to me. I kept my head back, eyes up searching the ceiling or the sky. I tried to keep it up and told them it'd be easier if they didn't talk. Just shut.the.fuck up. And then we were off. In the shifting light, that room was dusty. I kept my head on your chest, listening to the slow, steady beat there. We let the light devour us through a picture window with torn down blinds. Just stayed quiet for hours and you called me on it. "You're thinking about it." "I'm not." "You have to separate yourself from it. It is what it is." It is what it is, baby, you were right. It was what it was, and it was what it was before you came along to tell me that. Back when my frame of mind slipped away and I started thinking things like, if I can do this, I can do that. If I can make 60 bucks, I can make a hundred. If I can make a hundred, I can make two. Your naivety rocked me back. I had already separated, split right at the center, but I let you preach it anyway. I wasn't quiet because I was thinking of what I had done; I was quiet because I was thinking of what I could do. I was quiet because I had ripped myself off. I did my own thing then, raked in on myself and watched you get passionate. But money is money is money. I tried to get you to join me, leaning against you, but you couldn't. "I would kill someone if they did that to me. How could you let someone do that? Isn't that what we're afraid of? Isn't that what I'm protecting you from?" I was so torn between letting you feel like my guardian and laughing at you. So I did both, burying my face into your shoulder, your arms wrapped tightly around me as my shoulders shook. You were so sweet, baby. "Shh, it's okay. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you anymore." God, your purity. And I was wrong. I was wrong for letting you think I was making a sacrifice. For us. For you. I didn't drag you along because I knew you were right. You couldn't let them beat it out of you. Not the way I could. I'm a natural, remember? I was built for this. Isn't this what we're afraid of? I wasn't afraid of anything except your solution to the problem. Gripping dirty bathroom sinks to keep my balance. I'd rather hang myself from these chains. I'd rather pull apart completely.. I came as ice, I came as a whore I came as advice that came too sure |
Artist: Placebo Song: Blind [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] It's difficult to make mistakes with your eyes glued to the ground and your lips sealed shut. I've made so many mistakes; seen two paths before me and chosen the wrong one. I don't want to make mistakes any more. I don't want to see feelings behind eyes. Anger. Fear. Rejection. Not in their eyes and not in mine. I don't want to see anything at all. I want to memorize the width of the hardwood floor planks. Swim the hand-scraped lines, fall in love with the knots. I always thought they'd be cracked cement, dungeon-like. Cold like a mausoleum. Dark and dingy. I can already feel the way the spaces between leave indentations on my knees long after I've stopped kneeling. I count the dents in the wood and tell myself stories about how they got there. Some are more complex than others. When I tell myself stories, I hear my grandmother's voice instead of my own, horrific words she would never say. Terminology she would have never known. I can hear Him in the attached room, kind words of praise falling from His mouth. Affirmations. This is the afterglow. I can picture Him, fingers tangled in His pet's hair, telling him that he had been good. I always wanted to be good. I'm in their safe space, reserved for conversations just like this one. This is where He takes them after they break. I'm intruding, but I can't stop. Can't stop seeing my reflection in history, kneeling just like this, hands laced behind my back. Head up, eyes down. Father will walk in at any moment wearing vestments, carrying the Good Book and He'll begin by quoting Corinthians: "1 Corinthians 10:8 says, 'Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins committed are outside the body, but he who sins sexually, sins against his own body.' Have you forgotten?" I write the verse over and over with my eyes, searing it into the floors. I become one with them, connected cursive. But this does not please Him. "My son, 2 Corinthians 12:21 reads, 'I fear that when I may come again my God may humble me before you, and I will have to mourn over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of their acts of impurity, sexual sin and debauchery.' Repent and be forgiven." The door creaks open behind me, painfully slowly, and I hear my breath hitch before I can regulate it. He moves so slowly. I work on my posture in the meantime. I hear the heavy steps of His boots, feel the slight movement of energy between us. He sits in front of me, feet set apart. I memorize His boots. 8-eye, yellow lace. Doc Martens. Steel toe. He says nothing for so long, I assume He's a mirage and continue memorizing what I can see of His clothing. Finally, "Are you ready to speak?" I nod slowly, deliberately, careful not to look above His knees. His line of questioning is methodic, leading. I can feel myself falling into traps before they're even set. "You should be with him, Sir." I motion my head toward the room behind me. "I know you don't intend to tell me how to fill my role." I almost look up. I don't, of course. He tells me I've lost my way and I nod before remembering to verbalize. He asks about my shoulder and traces a mark with His finger. I shudder, but stay silent. He leans forward in His chair, elbows resting on His knees, hands clasped just at eye level. The silence hangs, growing so heavy I have to sit back on my heels before repositioning. And then finally, "You aren't ready." A verdict. He stands up silently. "It's okay. It will happen when it happens." He assures me that there's no rush and His voice is behind me now. The door closes softly and I hear the lock click into place. Locking me out, or in, depending on your perspective. If I could tear you from the ceiling, I'd freeze us both in time, and find a brand new way of seeing your eyes forever glued to mine. |
| Books you couldn't finish I'll preface this by saying that I don't have much time for novels, so if one isn't pretty much awesome, I don't finish it. I'm not super patient, so some of these books might be good for future reading when I have more time, but... not right now. Others, well, they'll never happen. See #1. 1. Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. Yes, I DID try to read this book. Why? Because I worked in a bookstore at the time and we were completely sold out of it all the time. I remember receiving shipments that were just a hundred copies of this one book. I had to check it out to see what the hype was. I can't remember how far I got into it, but I knew it was gonna be shitty from the first few pages. The "inner goddess" and "oh my" bullshit got to be too much and I tossed it aside. 2. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I might catch shit for this, but what the fuck with this book. My teacher literally APOLOGIZED for us having to read this and be tested on it when I was in school. I attempted to read it and just couldn't. I'm a slow reader anyway. My teacher finally agreed to give us a "study guide" that basically had all of the questions that would be on the test and we went over it in class. Good old memorize and spit back out education. 3. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. 1000+ pages of no-fucking-thank-you. 4. The Tommyknockers by Stephen King. I like Stephen King, but I hate certain things about him. One of the worst things he does is blame drugs for his shit writing. He has admitted several times that Tommyknockers and Dreamcatcher fucking sucked, but he says it's because he was high when he wrote them. No, dude, people write good shit when they're strung out all the time. The Tommyknockers is bad because Stephen King cannot write scifi, bottomline. 5. Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I don't think I even made it halfway through. It was incredibly tedious. It's like I understand what the writer was trying to do, but the execution put me to sleep. I started skimming several pages in a row looking for the "interesting" part, and that's when I gave up. 6. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I don't know what I was expecting. 7. Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. I typically like memoirs, so I thought i'd give this one a try. Who doesn't like fucked up family dynamics? The content didn't make me uncomfortable or anything. I just couldn't get into it. 8. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. I had a running list of characters while I attempted to read this because the names are all so similar. I still couldn't finish it. I'll try again someday, maybe. 9. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. I know, it's a masterpiece. I don't care. Jordan read half of the first chapter to me and then we both agreed that we would just not. 10. Lucky by Alice Sebold. The rape scene in this book really bothered me. I'm sure it's a good book. It just stressed me out when I tried to read it. Another one that I might try again some day. Habits you'd like to break 1. Smoking. I mean, is there a worse habit? Oh, wait, there probably is. 2. Procrastinating. I waste time like I'm immortal or something. 3. Holding grudges. I hold grudges like I'm paid to do it. This one's hard to break because I don't know how to do it. If someone pisses me off to that extent, it's like an endless cycle of "I hate you." 4. Drinking. It's probably better than some of the drugs I do/have done, but it's even worse because I don't really enjoy doing it. Like, it's cool for the time being, but it triggers my migraines like crazy. 5. Burning bridges. I was just talking to Cinn  about this and it's worth the mention here. I get along with people so well and then once I'm out of their daily life, I completely forget that they existed. Really awful for networking in school.6. Cussing. I don't really want to permanently break this one, but I definitely want to be able to talk in class without catching myself almost saying the "fuck" word. 7. Sleeping late. I'm pretty awful with this one. I have so much trouble sleeping at night that I regularly sleep in until 11 o'clock. It wouldn't be so bad if I was productive at night, but I'm not. 8. Not eating. Do you ever just... forget to eat? I do this all the time. Or I'm hungry but I'm too lazy to get up and make food, so I just smoke a cigarette instead.  9. Apologizing.  It probably seems weird that this would make a list of things I want to not do, but I have a terrible habit of just apologizing even when I'm not sorry. If someone starts yelling at me or trying to talk to me about something I did wrong, I just say "sorry" and hope they'll go away. I'm very rarely genuinely sorry.10. Nervous habits. I have way too many of these and they drive people crazy. Just a few... knuckle cracking, twirling my hair, bouncing my legs, wringing my hands, chewing on pencils/pens/whatever's in my hand, etc... I can't even tell you how many times I've had someone forceable grab my leg and tell me to stop shaking the couch/car/bench or wherever we're sitting. It's annoying. |
| Books in your 'to be read' pile (virtual or literal) 1. I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison. So, Cinn has convinced me to give this one a shot. It's technically just a short story, but I'm still listing it here because it's at the top of my to-read list right now.2. Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews. I'm pretty sure I'll like this book, so I bought it and now it has been patiently waiting on my bookshelf for two years.  3. We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. I accidentally watched the movie before I realized it was a book. I typically read the book first because it's almost always better than the movie. If that's true in this case, I'm going to love this book because the movie was super intriguing to me. Like, mother who never wanted to be a mother and "evil" son? It reminds me of how good and bad gets mixed up in A Clockwork Orange. 4. Porno by Irvine Welsh. He wrote Trainspotting, which is one of my favorite books and movies. I'll pretty much give anything he writes a go. This is another book that has been on my shelf for far too long. 5. Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane. I recently found out that this one was a book first too. Psychological thrillers are right up my alley, so I'll definitely be checking this one out at some point. 6. The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson. I loved Lisbeth Salander so much in the first book of this series and I really need to stop being lazy and read the other two because I already know I'll love them. 7. Room by Emma Donoghue. I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea if I'm going to like this book or not. It's told through the perspective of a 5 year old boy whose entire life consists of this one room because his mother was kidnapped 7 years prior and has been held in captivity ever since. I'm very much so not sure if I want to read this one, but I have it anyway. It sounded good at the time. 8. Rant by Chuck Palahniuk. One of the only books by this author that I haven't read. Soon! It's about a serial killer who dies and all of his friends go around gathering information for an oral history of his life. 9. The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks. I was given this book by a friend on recommendation, but I have no idea what it's about. I'll probably give it a read this summer. 10. Blindness by Jose Saramago. I got this book for 50 cents at a used bookstore and still haven't read it. The concept sounds interesting though, a sudden mass epidemic of blindness? Sounds interesting enough. Music that inspires your muse This is all study music. It inspires me to, um, study. 1. Sigur Ros - Svefn-g-englar  . This band is good for two things- sleeping and studying.2. Explosions in the Sky - Your Hand In Mine . It's like 8+ minutes long. Perfect for those 4 hour papers.3. The XX - Intro . I love this band so much. I use them on all sorts of playlists including work, school, and sex playlists.4. LCD Soundsystem - Dance Yrself Clean . Another 9 minute long song that goes on all of my study playlists.5. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues . Chillest band ever. I just have to be careful not to fall asleep with them on.6. Ryn Weaver - The Fool . Her voice is so lovely.  7. Modest Mouse - Gravity Rides Everything . This band just makes me happy. If anything's going to get the brain juices flowing, it's Modest Mouse.8. Lana Del Rey - Ride . I can't help it, I love her.9. Death Cab For Cutie - Tiny Vessels . If I can get past the soul-crushing nostalgia, this is one of my favorite bands to listen to while doing something else.10. Joy Division - Transmission . i've studied for hours with Unknown Pleasures on repeat.Favourite games to play (board, video, computer, card, parlour, etc) 1. Gin Rummy. If there's a better card game, I'd love to hear about it. 2. Monopoly. Because sometimes you just have to hate your family and friends. 3. Oregon Trail. This game was so fun when I was a kid. I think it was the first PC game I played. 4. Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Another game I played on our first PC when I was a kid. I learned geography and other languages! So educational, really. 5. Solitaire. This game never gets old and you can play it by yourself. Win-win. 6. Yahtzee. I played this game so much with my grandparents. We had the scorecards and I'd always keep tally because I liked doing the math. 7. Skyrim. Seriously hours of wondering around and leveling up. Kira and I played this endlessly. Well, wait, I guess it did end because we don't play or even have the system it was on anymore. 8. Yoshi's Island. My favorite SNES game. I beat this game more times than any other game ever. 9. Pokemon. I played on the Gameboy and then later versions on the DS. It's a great time waster and seriously addictive because you just have to catch them all. 10. Clue. As far as board games go, this one is top notch. And unlike Monopoly, I don't wanna kill the people I love in the conservatory with a candlestick while I'm playing it. |
| Books you particularly enjoyed 1. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't care if you don't like The Catcher in the Rye. I don't care if Holden Caulfield was too whiny for you. I feel like I have to preface this book with that disclaimer when I talk about it because people are like, "Pssssh. You only like him because he's as bitchy as you are!" J.D. Salinger created the perfect unreliable narrator, in my opinion. He also had some of my favorite quotes, like: "I knew it wasn't too important, but it made me sad anyway," which is what I want to say half the time when someone asks me WHY I'm upset about something trivial. 2. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. Another unreliable narrator, which might be something I'm just into. It's also cool because it's pretty much autobiographical. Or well, it's not, but it sort of is because Vonnegut really was captured during WWII and sent to Dresden when it got bombed. But the book is also hilarious in its dark way, which is the best way. And so it goes... 3. The Giver by Lois Lowry. I always say I don't like sci-fi or fantasy things, but I sort of do, I guess. I think Cinn might have been trying to tell me that the other day. Being such an incredibly emotional person, I thought the concept of The Giver was interesting af. There's no pain in the Community because everyone is the same. There isn't any anything. No emotions, war, suffering, love, art, etc... and the main character inherits the role as the person who has all the memories from before the Sameness. “The worse part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” 4. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. This book made me a little bit uncomfortable, yeah, but I couldn't get over what a good writer Nabokov is. I mean, it hits you as soon as you read the first page. I think I reread it like 6 times before even moving on to the second. Link if you wanna read the opening and haven't yet. 5. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. What I love about this book is how you can take such a vile character and make the reader feel bad for him. I love how it takes on good vs evil and muddles the lines between the two. This book gave me a totally different perspective on how evil is needed in the world and the importance of a person's free will to choose between doing good and bad things. “I see what is right and approve, but I do what is wrong.” 6. House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. This is the only book that has ever truly scared me. I mean, I like horror books, but I never feel genuinely scared when I read them. Not only is it scary, but it's creative as hell. This is a book that you need a physical copy of to truly appreciate. It's very artistically done with pages that only have a few words and then pages with words that create an image. It's almost like an art book, but nothing like a comic book. Just an example page,  but they're all like this. It might look annoying to read; I promise it's not. If you like poetry, horror and novels, this is your cup of tea.7. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson. This book is such a ride. As with both books into movies, give the book a chance if you didn't like the movie. Oh, it's also better if you're on drugs too. Just throwing that out there. It's a good read for the social commentary alone though. “This place is like the Army: the shark ethic prevails--eat the wounded. In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.” 8. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway. This is the book that made me realize how much a writer can do with dialogue. Some people may find dialogue-heavy books boring, but if it's done right, I don't know how anyone could hate it. Hemingway has become the same as A Catcher in the Rye though for me. I don't really explain it to people who aren't into it. There's no point. 9. Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk. One of my favorite novelists ever, Chuck Palahniuk writes "fucked up" so well. It's unapologetic without even a hint of shock value. I have no idea how he manages it. Of course you're always going to have those "smut" people- the ones who call everything smut unless it's wholesome horse girl family fun. But I'd disagree. Also, this book is king of my favorite quotes: “When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?” “When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves.” “Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.” 10. Junky by William S. Burroughs. I remember ~Minja~  saying that you either love Naked Lunch or you hate it. I think that's true of all Burroughs' writing. It's very much so a "you are or you aren't" kind of thing. You do or you don't. No one's ever said, "I sorta like Naked Lunch."  Favourite drinks 1. Water. There's never a bad time for water. 2. Coffee. Love it in every variation. 3. Tea. I like it hot and iced, especially the fruit flavored ones. 4. Juice. There are probably juices I don't like. I just don't know of any. 5. Screwdriver. Speaking of juice, this is my go-to drink when I'm out because it's hard to fuck up. 6. Dark & Stormy. Ginger beer + dark rum + lime. Yummy. 7. Blue Hawaiian. Because why not have the fruitiest drink ever. I'm not even sure what's in these, but definitely rum and blue curacao. 8. Long Island Iced Tea. For when you wanna get fucked up like ten minutes ago. 9. Negroni. They're super simple to make and usually fairly consistent. 10. Wine. Unfussy and nice to sip on, or chug, depending on mood. Foods you dislike 1. Beets. I've never known anyone who likes beets and I pretty much refuse to believe those people exist. 2. Jello. After way too many hospital stays on a diet of water and Jello, I'll never willingly touch the stuff outside of that situation. 3. Meat. I know I'm alone with this one, but I just can't with the meat, the cartilage and tendons. Way too close to cannibalism for my taste. 4. Raw tomatoes. It's a texture/watered down thing. Add watermelons to this as well. 5. Shellfish. I've never actually had shellfish, but it makes the list for being a food that I don't even like when other people like. Slurping things out of shells like a feral caveman? No thanks. 6. Cottage cheese. I can't even look it in the eyes. 7. Coconut. Love the smell, hate the taste. 8. Egg nog. Better known as elf cum. 9. Olives. I know, but ew. 10. Papaya. Worst smell ever. |
| Things you have learned while travelling 1. Fill gas at halfway point. I think this lesson was learned after running out of gas in the desert after getting lost in the Painted Desert . There's just no real benefit in waiting to fill the tank when you're gonna have to do it anyway. Now when travelling, we fill up at the halfway point, or near it.2. Alert credit card companies. Nothing like getting a block on your card when you're in another state because that shit's suspicious. Which reminds me... 3. Emergency cash. At least 20 bucks, just in case. Prime example: My dad and brothers were travelling through an area that had just been tossed over by a tornado. They ran out of gas because all of the credit card machines at the gas stations were out and none of them had cash. 4. No schedules. Nothing like a tight schedule to turn a relaxing trip into a total nightmare. 5. No tour guides/pamphlets. It's fine to see the major sights, but it's better to see the underbelly. 'Nuff said. 6. Shit happens. You're gonna get lost. Things you want to do aren't gonna work out. Nothing is perfect. Just go with the flow. 7. Talk to people. There's nothing wrong with talking to locals. I mean, don't go into downtown NYC and try to stop people breezing by on their lunch break, but it's OK to meet random people and talk to them. 8. Don't forget the 'Do Not Disturb' sign. I think a couple hotel maids have been slightly traumatized by what they've seen just walking into my room when I didn't answer the door in time. 9. Try new things. Any time I've turned something down while travelling, I've regretted it. I'm always like, "Aw, I should've gone rock climbing!" or whatever. 10. Experience things instead of just taking pictures. Obviously there's nothing wrong with taking some pictures, but I've travelled with people who are so annoying because they stop every 2 seconds to take a picture. Like, come on already, put the camera down and have fun. Favourite websites 1. WDC . I mean, obviously, right? Insta-boot from the site if you don't list it first. 2. Reddit . A pretty good time killer. I'm always browsing it during lectures or before falling asleep at night.3. Weavesilk . I just go on this site when I need to chill out and make something pretty. You just draw shit with these cool electric smoke lines. If you hit "controls" in the upper left corner, you can blend colors and make some pretty awesome shit.4. Wolfram Alpha . This site has saved my ass more than a few times when I'm confused on a math concept, but it's also just super interesting. You can type in all sorts of questions and it'll answer them. For example, you can search: "27 coin flips" and it'll give you a distribution graph, the probability results of heads vs. tails, and a table of the results. It's just awesome like that.5. Al Jazeera America . Every news source is biased in some way, but this is by far the least biased and most fact-based news source I've ever seen.6. ClickHole . This site is like the clickbait version of The Onion. It takes all those clickbait titles and makes them... super dark and often offensive. I've gotten lost here more than once. Here's an example of a trending article: When This Family’s House Burned Down, Their Community Came Together To Read Them A Scathing Critique Of Fire .7. Archive . This is the most underrated site I've ever known. It just has so much archived shit. Just a couple of the things you can do on the site, play Oregon Trail , watch movies , read books, and listen to audiobooks. Free stuff is fun.8. Vox . This is another news site, but it's different because it's for dumb people like me! It explains what the news actually means for those of us who don't know very much about politics, wars, history, and problems in other countries. It's not unbiased, but I can pair it up with Al Jazeera and start to understand things better.9. Khan Academy . I've learned A LOT of math from this site. If I don't understand something we went over in class, I just come home and look up the videos on Khan Academy.10. StumpleUpon . The perfect site for finding more sites like these.Favourite actors/actresses Ah, this is gonna be fun. 1. Tom Hardy. You might know him as Bane in The Dark Knight Rises or Max in Mad Max. My favorite movies of his are RocknRolla (he played Handsome Bob), Bronson, and Lawless. Oh, and he was in Inception too. I like him mostly because I'm ridiculously attracted to him, which is probably not the best reason to like an actor now that I'm thinking about it. 2. River Phoenix. I like his brother, Joaquin, too. I think River Phoenix would have been an amazing actor if he'd stayed alive past 23. As it stands My Own Private Idaho and Stand By Me are two of my favorite movies of all time. He was also good in I Love You to Death and Indiana Jones. Oh, and Dogfight. 3. Jake Gyllenhaal. Probably my favorite current actor. He just absolutely kills everything he's in. Has anyone seen Nightcrawler? He played a completely socio/psychopathic journalist. Definitely one of the creepiest roles I've ever seen. Also see: Donnie Darko, Brokeback Mountain, The Good Girl, October Sky, Brothers, Prisoners, End of Watch, Southpaw, Jarhead, etc... 4. Jessica Lange. There's just something about her I've always liked. Obviously, her filmography speaks for itself, but I love Cape Fear, Big Fish, Sybil, and her recent acting in American Horror Story. 4. Edward Norton. Fight Club, American History X, Primal Fear, 25th Hour, The Score, Rounders. Need a say more? 5. Kate Winslet. I basically just think she's fabulous. She has some serious class and she's a good actress too. She was great in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Heavenly Creatures. 6. Robert De Niro. I don't like his recent stuff, but he can't be left off the list with movies like The Deer Hunter, Mean Streets, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Cape Fear, Sleepers, Casino, Taxi Driver... Just too many good films under his belt. 7. Daniel Day-Lewis. I love this guy because he only makes a movie if it's going to be really good. He makes one like every 3 to 5 years and it's always fucking amazing. Gangs of New York, There Will Be Blood, My Left Foot, etc... Oh, and In the Name of the Father too. And The Last of the Mohicans... 8. Katharine Hepburn. Surely she has to be on this list. If not for Bringing Up Baby, The Philadelphia Story, The African Queen, and so on... then definitely for her performance in On Golden Pond. 9. Greta Garbo. It pretty much doesn't get cooler than Greta Garbo. Flesh and the Devil. Greta Garbo is super, like... weird? For one thing, she retired when she was super young and then she completely stayed out of the public eye for, um, forever. She didn't get married or have kids or anything, and considering the fact that she retired at 35 and lived almost 50 more years, it's just weird and kinda cool.10. Leonardo DiCaprio. I know a lot of people don't like him much. I do. I loved him in The Basketball Diaries, Gangs of New York, Catch Me If You Can, The Departed, The Aviator, Shutter Island, Revolutionary Road, Inception, and yes, even The Titanic. |
| Favourite book characters Only women characters because I'm doing something for a challenge from ~Minja~ that coincides.1. Lisbeth Salander from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. What a total badass. If Lisbeth was a real person, I'd be afraid of her. She's this crazy awesome computer hacker and can remember all sorts of things. She's also been through a ton of trauma but is pretty much a violent psychopath. Basically, she takes care of herself. Definitely an interesting character...2. Brett Ashley from The Sun Also Rises. This is one of my favorite Hemingway novels and Brett Ashley is one of my favorite characters ever. She's like me in female version. She parties super hard and is wildly promiscuous. I don't even know if I could hang with her, but I'd try. 3. Franny Glass from Franny and Zooey. Everyone's read The Catcher and the Rye, but Franny and Zooey is also by J.D. Salinger and I like it quite a bit too. Franny is a short story and then it's followed up with Zooey which is a short story about Franny's brother, Zooey. Basically, in Franny, she's with her boyfriend and during the duration of their conversation, she slowly has a nervous breakdown. It's... super interesting. 4. Cathy Earnshaw from Wuthering Heights. The older I get, the more I realize that A LOT of people hated this book. I'll admit that it is a slow book, like, really slow. Still, I love it. It's creepy and all the characters are antiheroes. Like, none of the characters are your standard protagonists. They're all sorts of fucked up and, oh god, all the wuthering. 5. Weetzie Bat from Weetzie Bat. The book is by Francesca Lia Block and came out in 1989. If you're into the 80s California punk scene, you might like it, because that's the setting. Weetzie Bat is the perfect young adult character and talks about all sorts of issues like homosexuality, AIDs, etc... Given the time it came out, that makes a lot of sense. Weetzie has such a unique voice and it's really a cute little book. 6. Melinda Sordino from Speak I felt way too bad for Melinda while reading this book. It was awful. I mean, it was a good book, but I felt awful. She's a really interesting character because she isn't like the others on this list. She isn't the typical super feisty, confident female character. She's been sexually assaulted before the book starts and now she is completely devoid of confidence and barely even speaks, let alone talks about what happened to her. I think her character is so accurate and really well written. There's nothing... "ideal" about it and that is realistic for this type of situation. I like her realness. There were also a couple good quotes from that book that stuck with me. Like, "You have to know what you stand for, not just what you stand against.” 7. Midori Kobayashi from Norwegian Wood I tell people this all the time, but if you haven't read any Haruki Murakami books, you should go read them. Norwegian Wood was the first I read of his and I really loved it. It's a nostalgic novel because it's written from the future while reflecting on the past, like 20 years beforehand. This book deals with everything: mental illness, a love triangle, and loads and loads of grief. Midori is a great character because she's like the chill, totally cool girl in this situation where the guy she loves is in love with another girl and the other girl is holed up in a mental hospital. It's just complicated and a really good read. 8. Jo March from Little Women. I first read Little Women when I was really young because it's just a quick/easy read. My cousin had a copy of it in her room and I read it on a lazy weekend afternoon. I thought Jo was a super interesting character and she was tomboyish enough that even it didn't really feel like reading a "girl" book, which I probably wouldn't have liked when I was eight. Plus, she was a writer, which I was into at the time and still am, obviously. 9. Susanna Kaysen from Girl, Interrupted. Does it count if the person is real and the book is a memoir? Uh, I'm going to count it. What I really loved about this book was that it brought borderline personality disorder into the light a little bit. It isn't a mental illness that is talked about a lot and I think it's good to have some kind of representation of the illness out there. They also made it into a movie, which is probably where people will know the title from, if they do know it. Anyway, Kaysen definitely had a way of describing things that I dig, plus it's all in vignettes. Also, the movie is a lot different than the book. As in, hardly any of the movie is accurate to the actual memoir. So if you watched the movie and didn't like it, you might still like the book. 10. Marla Singer from Fight Club. Not only is Chuck Palahniuk one of my favorite writers, he created one of the most fucked up female characters ever. People think this book (and the movie) is about fighting, but it's not. People always say it's about materialism, nihilism, etc... but it's not. There are elements of that, but the central point is this love triangle between the narrator, Tyler Durden and Marla Singer. And it takes all three of them to show the juxtaposition that makes up all the philosophical elements of the book. I feel like people forget about Marla a lot, but she's actually just as important as the other two, if not more. Favourite TV series TV is so good right now. This should be easy.. 1. Breaking Bad. This was like a 10 out of 10 show for me. I thought the writing was really good, even if it was over-the-top at times. Bryan Cranston as Walter White couldn't have been a better fit. It was crazy to see the transformation from Hal from Malcolm in the Middle. 2. Game of Thrones. Yes, it's a popular annual challenge here at WDC thanks to Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation  , but it's also an amazing show. Talk about ripping your heart out. That show will kill your favorite characters with no mercy. 3. Shameless. The characters in this show are from the southside of Chicago, so this one hits close to home. And the title perfectly fits them- none of them have an ounce of shame. 4. Fargo. The movie was amazing, the TV show is amazing. Who would've guessed. 5. Orphan Black. I don't typically like sci-fi stuff, but this show about a DNA conspiracy just gets better and better. 6. Seinfeld. I just love this show. I've seen it through like 20 times. 7. Skins. The UK version of this show was awesome, especially the first series. It sort of reminded me of Degrassi, except more vulgar. 8. The Following. Kevin Bacon is awesome. This show was so good. It was disappointing when they cancelled it, and even more disappointing when they blamed it on the fans. 9. Freaks and Geeks. There was only one season, but it was the best season ever. 10. Twin Peaks. Definitely one of my favorite TV shows ever. Who doesn't love David Lynch though? Favourite quotes I'm a total quotes slut, so this should be fun. I'm not into inspirational quotes, but mostly just lines pulled from books and poems. 1. “I wasn't acting on passion. I was simply acting.” Bret Easton Ellis has a way of writing sociopaths like I've never seen before. I mean, American Psycho, anyone? This quote is from The Rules of Attraction, a good book and a good movie, if you have the time. 2. “You may be poor, but the one thing nobody can take away from you is the freedom to fuck up your life whatever way you want to.” Jonathan Franzen is a bit of a tough read for me. His books are long and tedious at times, but they're always worth it in the end. This quote is from Freedom. 3. “Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.” David Foster Wallace is one of my favorite writers. It will take you forever to read Infinite Jest, which is the source of this quote. I don't think this quote could be more true either. Everyone feels unique. 4. “A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” Hunter S. Thompson is great because he sprinkles these little tidbits of life advice in his writing. I definitely live by this quote and I think it's a huge life lesson when you realize that NOT making a choice IS making a choice. 5. “No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close.” I could do an entire list of just Chuck Palahniuk quotes. I think the reason I love his books so much is that they're so painfully true. This quote from Invisible Monsters is a perfect example of that. 6. "I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing particular."Switching gears here, the Smiths have some of the best tongue-in-cheek lyrics I've ever heard. I love the "criminally vulgar" part of this line from "How Soon Is Now." 7. "It takes a long time to make love with someone who hates themselves." In case my Buddy Wakefield obsession hasn't manifested itself clearly enough, here's one of my favorite lines from Information Man. 8. “I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?" Since I talked about Haruki Murakami in this entry already, I thought I'd throw one of his book quotes in. It's from Norwegian Wood. the one I mentioned earlier in my favorite characters list. 9. “I like it when somebody gets excited about something. It's nice.” I don't care what anyone says about Catcher in the Rye, it's always going to be one of my favorite books. I love this quote because it's so true. One of the best human qualities is the ability to get genuinely excited and passionate about any old thing. Bonus quote that I love from that book: “I don't exactly know what I mean by that, but I mean it.” 10. “He's so damned nice and he's so awful. He's my sort of thing.” Couldn't leave without a Hemingway quote, and from one of my favorite books, The Sun Also Rises. |
| Poems you've written this year I've written more than 10 poems this year, but I'm only doing ten per list for brevity's sake. I still haven't written as many poems as I should. I think my Give It 100 challenge is supposed to be over here at some point and Fi  has already been lenient on me with the rules. I'm only, like, 40 poems behind, Kas. 1. "Invalid Entry" This is my most recent poem that I wrote the other day. It's about two different people, hence the title and the separation of the poem. You'll see what I mean if you read it.2. "Invalid Entry" ~Minja~ had me write this one, but I can't remember what the prompt was anymore. Do you remember, Min?3. "Invalid Entry" This one didn't get too much attention, but it's one of my favorite recent ones. Might be something for the writer rather than the reader.4. "Invalid Entry" This one got first place in "Invalid Item" . ¯\_(ツ)_/¯5. "Invalid Entry" Hmm, I thought this would be an easy list, but I'm not a super fan of my own poetry so it's harder than I thought to figure out what to share. I liked the last stanza of this one though.6. "Invalid Entry" I have to share this one because Cinn read this one for me in one of her poetry readings and didn't even stutter through it like I would. Linkage. 7. "Invalid Entry" Nothing to say about this one, but it was important to me at the time.8. "Invalid Entry" Just a funny one that started as a vignette, and probably should have stayed a vignette. @ Elle - on hiatus 9. "Invalid Entry" Um, poem about my grandmother. So.. those are still a thing..10. "Invalid Entry" I can't remember why I wrote this one, but it seemed to matter at the time.Hmmm, maybe I'll write a new poem today and edit it back in here. Maybe. Lessons you've learned in life 1. Don't date co-workers. You only have to fuck this up one time before you learn your lesson. 2. If you love someone, tell them. Seriously, at some point, you're not going to have the opportunity to tell them anymore. 3. Walk away. I'm still learning this one, but sometimes the best thing you can do is just remove yourself entirely. 4. Do what you want. Attribution to Bob Dylan for, "Don't let other people get your kicks for you." There's nothing like the regret of letting someone else dictate your life. 5. Just write. Obviously still learning this one, but I've written more in the last couple years than ever before, so I've greatly improved. 6. Everything in moderation. Extreme = bad. Balance = good. 7. Look at the bigger picture. If I let myself get bogged down in the details, I'll be totally out of commission for way too long. 8. Education is good! You should always be learning new things, even if people think you're a total loser or stuck up for doing it. 9. No one/Nothing is perfect. The perfect situation and the perfect person don't exist. 10. Cut people loose. Definitely the hardest for me, but I'm getting better at it. A person can be good and still not be good for you. Firsts (first job, first teacher, first concert, etc) 1. First job- Hospital. I worked the desk in ICU. Saddest job ever seeing people whose loved ones are dying every day. 2. First teacher- I don't really remember much about my kindergarten teacher except that she had crazy mood swings. Like, super nice one minute and super mean the next. I could never tell if I liked her or not. Oh, and she was a redhead. 3. First concert- Some local band I can't even remember. My first more well-known show was The Bouncing Souls. They're a punk band, for those who don't know. 4. First book obsession- Goosebumps by R.L. Stine. I was in love with those as a kid. 5. First pet- My parents had a dog that died when I was like 6 months old, if that counts. We got another one right after and she lived until I was 14, with a bunch of other dogs in and out between. 6. First CD- The first CD I remember buying myself was the Pink Floyd - The Wall. It was a double album too, so it was pretty expensive. I saved up for it after listening to it at my uncle's house. I was probably around 8. 7. First car- So, yeah, this was a Dodge Minivan. I don't even care. 8. First kiss- Is it bad that I don't remember this? I remember my first actual girlfriend that I kissed though. I was like 13. 9. First time quitting a job- This is a fun one. See rule #1 from above list. I had a terrible time at my first job after being out on my own. Quitting involved me throwing a legit fit in front of a bunch of customers and jumping up and down on my apron after ripping it off. I was only 16 though, so that's a defense. 10. First bad hairstyle- As if I'd ever regret my purple hair. Pshh. Songs that remind you of the past I feel like Fivesixer  and I were friends in another life because our "past" songs probably coincide quite a bit, or at least I'm pretty sure the bands will.1. Taking Back Sunday - "The Ballad of Sal Villanueva" This is my throwback band. When I think of the past and memories, this is the first band that comes up. I was so obsessed with them and so many people I loved were obsessed with them. I can't listen to this band without thinking of specific people and memories. I could do an entire Soundtrackers challenge with just them.2. Brand New - "Jesus Christ" Brand New is sort of a sister band of Taking Back Sunday, both in real life and in the way I connect them in my mind. The only difference is that I really related to Brand New's songs that involved religious imagery and lyrics. This song is a prime example of that.3. Foster the People - "Houdini" I was working at a mall when this album came out and they played it on repeat for a couple months straight. So I legit listened to this album on repeat for 40 hours a week. The fact that I didn't get sick of it has to say something good about it, but every time I hear it now, I can only think of that job.4. The Used - "Take It Away" I was 12 when this album came out and going through a weird time. I went through 3 copies of this CD because I listened to it so much and the copies got scratched. 5. The Get Up Kids - "Long Goodnight" Yeaaah.. this entire album. Too many old feelings.6. Sunny Day Real Estate - "Pillars" I still listen to this band a ridiculous amount. I have memories surrounding this band that span over half my life. Just... yes.7. Ride - "Vapour Trail" I can hardly listen to this band without wanting to cry. I mean, I don't cry when I listen to them, I just want to. Too many good/bad times punctuated by their music.8. Slowdive - "Dagger" Another shoegaze band. This song plays when I'm in the passenger seat. Always different drivers, but I swear I've looked out passenger window at about a million different landscapes with this song playing.9. The Offspring - "The Kids Aren't Alright" This band was absolutely huge where I lived as a kid and I thought it was unique to that area. It wasn't. This band was just huge among teens/young adults everywhere from the mid 90's to the mid 00's.10. Bright Eyes - "June on the West Coast" Obviously I still listen to Bright Eyes, but it really reminds me of being sixteen. I was so into Bright Eyes at that age, it wasn't even healthy.Your house rules 1. No shoes. Yeah, I'm one of those annoying people, but I have carpet and I like when it's clean. 2. No smoking. Even I go outside to do it. 3. Shut the door. I have three cats so I hate when people leave the front door open. Come in, shut it! 4. Do your own dishes. Can you tell my house is, like, freaky clean? I go party at other places and they're filthy, but they're "party houses" and I don't live in a party house... anymore. 5. I run the music playlists. I just do. 6. Don't fight inside. That's for outside. Also, we never follow this rule. 7. Don't wake us up. I just asked Kira what our house rules are and she immediately responded with, "Don't wake us up." So, apparently, don't do that. 8. Wash the sheets when you're done. Her immediate follow-up response. So, do do that. 9. You can eat/drink anything. You know those people who have specific foods that you can't eat/drink in their house because it's "theirs"? Yeah, you can eat/drink anything you find in my house. 10. Don't go through my shit. As a writer, I'm super particular with this one. I can't stand it when a guest comes over and just starts going through my journals. Like, what in the fuck are you doing? |
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I'm still so confused. How did they get to senior-level finance with so little know-how. I don't get it. 
People definitely tend to jump straight to the worst conclusion when any problem arises, which is why you so frequently hear, "My computer is broken!" when there's really a simple fix. 
Just why. It's so gross. We need to get you some personal finance help! This is only tangentially related and not a statement on you, but one of the nonprofits I work with consists of me making budget plans for people who were recently homeless and have just gotten back on their feet. A lot of the people I work with have only been at their job for less than a month or been in an apartment for a week or two. My role is to gather all of their financial information and then consult with them on their bills, disposable income, purchases, and stuff like that. It's shocking to see the financial decisions people make after just being homeless. I'm like, dude, you were just homeless 2 weeks ago. 
I have seen so much of the disasters it has caused with some people. I have in the past been unconsciously roped into financial situations that were most unpleasant and having to make sensible plans to unravel them.