Mara's Musings

Tough Times

Tough times ... we all have them. Why is it that it seems when you are down the problems pile on? The past year and a half my husband and I have worked hard to turn things around. Bills were being paid on time, no credit card bills, and we even managed to have a tiny cushion in the bank. They say most of us are an unexpected expense away from financial hardship. They aren't wrong. My hubby had to have knee surgery. Suddenly we had to come up with $1500 upfront. There went the cushion. He was off work for 2 1/2 weeks and we still haven't seen a disability check. We get his check today from his first week back and it is $90 light because they took out 3 weeks of insurance deductions instead of the normal one. I have a stack of medical bills and 1/2 of this months regular bills left and it's the 30th. I had to let the landlord know that they won't have rent on the 1st. That hurt. Living paycheck to paycheck catches up with you when there is no paycheck. The stress builds until I just feel like I am crawling out of my skin.

Lord, but I miss the days that I could lose myself in my writing and just escape. What changed? When I write the stress is still there. I find myself agonizing over every word and piece of punctuation. ( THE DAMN COMMAS!!! ) When did writing stop just being fun? Am I treating it like a job because I dream of having a novel published? Is it the stress from life bleeding over? I'm not sure. All I can say is I miss the days when I couldn't wait to get to the computer, when I gobbled dinner after work and ran for my desk. I've never been a fast writer, but I could churn out 4-5 pages in an evening without problem. Lately I've failed to even make one. What's changed? I wish I knew.