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 |   New and Improved... but only slightly. |
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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ... I never said my scientific method of predicting Super Bowl champs was accurate. The NY football Jets are sort of like Columbo, just when they're on their way out the door and you think you've out smarted them, they turn around and say, "Just one more question..." But enough about football, let's talk about football's pimp, TV. Yesterday evening I watched Human Target, and I did so for one reason only: Mark Valley. That man can wear a suit. The women want him, the men want to be him. Even I am not immune to his charms. What is a fatal symptom of bad TV you ask? Camp. That's right campy crap humor and sight gags. Camp is only enjoyed by rubes! And I don't cotton to no rubes! There was camp in Human Target, but not as bad as it could have been. The tragedy of TV and I is this, I rarely watch it. Even if there are shows I enjoy. I'm lost when it comes to Lost, I'm a zero now for Heroes, no time to be molestered by Dexter, and I'm so un-gnarly when it comes to iCarly. Everyone says just watch them on-line, get caught up that way, but I'm a purist; I believe in the sanctity of television. It's between a man and a living room, not a man and a laptop. If God wanted us to watch TV online he would have put porn on the TV. Whatever. Not that US TV will ever be as good as Brazilian TV. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke8NqL1CKJg Oooooo, grrrrrl. |
| ... dang thang! There was some good ball to watch yesterday. Them Saints and Colts did work! That's good ball, I say, good ball! I have been laughing more about this LT Nike commercial lately than I have about "Pants on the Ground". [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-owX-EAib8s Challenge that call... didn't like that call! Sticking with sports this past week was CARDINALS LF Matt Holliday and 1b Albert Pujols' 30th birthdays. What do two men with a combined 300 million dollars in contracts ask for for the big 3-0? Well if you're like me, you're just hoping that they celebrate together, hang out together and mutually agree that St. Louis is where they want to finish their careers... GO CARDS. and FREE MARK MCGWIRE!!! |
| ... has a face for football - on the radio, not TV though. I don't watch "American Idol" cause I'm too good for it, so I'm just now getting the "Pants and the Ground" jokes. I apologize for any delay in service this has caused. Gotta smoke some cigars, witch some football, punch some orphans and get a bitching bald eagle with a ninja sword tattoo across my back. That's what I'm doing today, what about you? What are you doing? |
| ... it's hard living when you're the Z-Child. This semester I've accelerated me book learnins, and really need to find a part-time job. Apparently though I lack the qualifications for the corporate world. Come off it! What do you really need to exploit the resources of indigenous peoples, which are in turn manufactured by economically depressed laborers and then sold at mark up in an attempt to make 15% more this year than you did last year? I think there's something wrong with my resume, but I can't find anything unforward therein. Which leads me to two possible conclusions, the first one I will mention here... the government is out to get me. As you know, I always, ALWAYS wear my tin-foil hat to keep out the UN's brain wave manipulators (and if I don't have the hat, I'm drunk, so my mind can't process them). I think they've caught on and are trying to drag me down through economic means. I don't know what to do, how can I get a job when the UN obviously doesn't want me to have one!?! Sure, you're sitting there employed with the UN loving you and what not, thinking I'm mad, but you know the old saying "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean you've fooled me twice and shame on you." The second one is less likely, and totally irrational, and it's that the job market is highly competitive due to few openings and slim hirings. You believe that I got a bridge in Alaska I'd like to sell you. Three day weekend... for professionals. Homework for me. |
| ... God, and I found him today in the gym! If you go to the gym at my school just a little before 9:30 am, you can get yourself a lovely seat for the most awesomest show ever! The dance girls come in at about that time, and holy sports bra, it's a stretchy lycra heaven! I fell to my knees and prayed, "Blessed are you lord that has brought this bounty of fornication!" Then I burnt a calf's thigh as an offering... but my brother Cain got pissed and walloped me a good one. I begin in jest, but seriously, in my Religion and the State class we're talking about, or rather, my professor is talking about, religion being unmeasured in politics (hmmm?). He's spent most of our time justifying religion as something to be measured in the social sciences. Sure. Okay, let's do that. Now tell me how? I said that last night and he couldn't, but he assures me he will eventually. 200 pages into two text books and still no example of this, I won't hold my breath. What gets me going though is how he and other authors claim that science, by its very nature, is anti-religious, which in turn makes people like me, a secularist, anti-religious. I don't think I'm anti-religious. You got a religion, kosher, keep it, do what you want with it, but I can't say that I could look for certainty to the Jewish and Islamic faiths for a solution to their strife. In any event, I gotta do a crack-ton of reading today, tomorrow, this weekend, forever in search of this ambiguous formula for better understanding IR through religion. And then I'm gonna go in search of giants that may or may not actually be windmills (I'm literary, it's so scary). All this reading... you know what I need - a montage! [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuwRfwbFp6E Yup, that looks like an average day for me. |
| ... I was all up in school right? And I see this bird that's just like all whatever and stuff. So I go up to her: "Sup, boo? Get your face over here so I can make out with it" I says all me like. "Oooo, papi," she says back, and we start talking and stuff. Then this poser of a boyfriend shows up and he calls me a "Post-modern, Derrida quoting deconstructionist", this loser couldn't even tell his Derrida from his Wittgenstein! So I call him a "Pedantic, Hermeneutics of suspicion sucking, materialist!" Oh, snap! We came to fisticuffs! I'm punching his face and letting him know how much his redacted world view can really be attributed to Sartre and not his "emo" models of imitation, and he's crying about how I'm approaching this confrontation as a realist (where as I saw my involvement purely in constructivist terms). Long/short, I beat his face off then took his girl, only to immediately dump her cause differentially, or in the quantum measurement of social institutions, we were already broken up before we even got together, and it was only the social conventional understanding of language that identified us as a couple. Sheeeet, you know how I roll. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQycQ8DABvc |
| ... statement I would like to read: *ahem* I come to you today to admit, that during the 2008-2009 blogings I was using, from time to time... blogformance enhancing drugs. I used these not to improve or strengthen my God given talents, but to avoid injury and get back on the field sooner. During the 2009 summer, where I amassed four straight blue months, I used blroids, such as blog growth hormone and blandro, to alleviate finger cramps. Why I am coming forward now has to do with my being offered the position of blogging coach with the St. Louis Scribblers, and the wish to avoid controversy that may distract the team this season. In 2008, when testifying before the WdC Moderator Panel on Blogformance Enhancing Drugs, I said I would not speak about the past, and only about the positives. This was based on the advice of my counsel, as we were looking to avoid jail. Ever since coming to WdC 30 years ago, I have performed for no greater purpose than a love of the game. Back in the late 80s, as a member of the Oakland Blog Brothers, Another Bloke Named Paul and I (with our mullets) enjoyed nothing more than to whop dingers. That remains true to this day, and while I realize that I have done wrong, I just wish I had not blogged in WdC's steroid era. As a side effect of the roids, I need to find a vet... cause my pythons are sick! That's right, get a ticket to the gun show, ladies! |
| ... this weekend with a combination of pig and swine flu. Otherwise known as "Flying-Pig Flu", cause I only get sick when pigs fly. But I feel better now, my homemade remedies of booze mixed with vitamins and OJ worked. In fact, one may argue, I am now more human than human... or something. Did you see MIZZOU beat K-State... and then the K-State coach beat his player? Ha! That's what Missouri does to you America, it beats you into a violent frenzy! I hear that happens often here, where individuals from outside the Show Me State get so downtrodden by my witticisms and infallible logic that they strike the nearest thing to them. How 'bout them Cowboys? F  kers. Here's my Super Bowl prediction: Cowboys v. Chargers. Chargers to win it all. If you have any questions about the science behind my predictions feel free to ask.Otherwise, I got homework to do that I should have been doing while I was watching playoff football. |
| ... Hi, Doctor Zack! Today I want to talk to you all about the act of forgiveness. You know, "the opposite of revenge" (but really a cloak for passive aggressive revenge). Well, I forgive you. Yeah, that's right, you're forgiven for all the times you called me "Chubby Chode" or "Diphtheria Magnet" or "The Uncle of Ugly" or "Viking Vomit" or "The Kyoto Crust" or "Walking Trapped Wind" or "Spiro Agnew" or "Redundant Technology Face" or "Dwarf Planet" or "Private Part Pimple" or "3rd Degree Dungeon Mage" or "Line Producer" or "Hobbit Waste" or "Feet Stinking Missile" or "Serena Williams" - yeah, I forgive you for all that. I really think this moment of healing is going to let us move forward, beyond our petty differences and into our petty similarities. You and I, we have a lot in common, we both like cosplay Pokemon characters and setting fires cause it gets us off. That's what you and I share, let's take that to a whole'nother level. Wow, I feel, like, so awesome, how bout you? Doesn't it feel great to be forgiven after you were such a jack-ass for, like, ever? Brit Hume - ruining my middle name and will be a jack-ass forever - [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgMr_Zc3OtA |
... yeah, you, Rainbowapple  ! You got some spalnin' to do!So I goes to my class, yeah, like the good raggamuffin I is, and the professor comes in and he's from NEW ZEALAND!!! This breaks every tradition my peoples believe in. We believe that Australians exist, and New Zealand is a land and people of myth and intrigue used to apologize for Australia (i.e. the "Good Sister"... Russell Crowe is an enigma). Not only does this "New Zealander" scoff at my questions of what his nation did to Old Zealand, but he keeps us till the end of OUR FIRST CLASS in the middle of a SNOW STORM assigns a PAPER FOR NEXT WEEK and gives us FOUR BOOKS TO READ (one of these being his own, home printed MANUSCRIPT)!! I broke the BOLD button on my computation device! You, Rainbapple, told me that "New Zealand was less a state than a state of mind"... what gives! But enough with the gags, let's get into the gags... uh... that's really all I have... let me check the bin here... yup, nothing but gags. I've got "Self-Deprecating", here's a "Blonde Joke"... "Self-Defecating", no you really don't want that... I've got a whole box of "Grandpa's Racial Commentary" I've never opened... probably shouldn't. Man, wow, I apologize, I've been burying you in gags for like 555 entries. I had no idea, I was just doing this and never thinking about you ("he seemed to say as they cuddled in bed" - see there I go again). Here, let me make it up to... with some insights into me, and my soul. You'll know they're about feelings, cause they're in pink:  I gag a lot about punching orphans here, but I don't want to punch orphans, I want them to get a damn job and stop abusing Obamacare like all the other lazy peopleI joke a lot about love making and romance here, but love making and romance is no joke... they are a myth.On the inside, I'm just a scared little boy... a boy in a balloon... a balloon boy, like every other attention seeking, media whore.Really, I'm just lonely... lonely cause no one HAS BROUGHT ME ANY DAMN IDEAS FOR THE NEXT RESERVOIR BLOGS!!!Your homework is to bring me ideas! It's your newsletter after all! |
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