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 |   New and Improved... but only slightly. |
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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ... investing in Russian rocket science. Did you see the spirals in the Norwegian sky? Crazy stuff. When you're done with these come see me in my office. http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/12/norway-spiral-in-the-sky/ http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93237?fp=1 Ah, you're back, good, we need to talk. I'm bored, and it's up to you to entertain me. Tell me a joke, do a little dance, pour me a drink, whatever. I'm relying on you. There's absolutely nothing going on! I'm only like two days removed from the semester and already I am bored. I know, I know, you're saying "Go throw rocks at cars", did that, twice. Or you're saying "Watch Glenn Beck", and then I remind you I'm educated and can think for myself. Nope, you're going to have to entertain me, and it better not be with no Twilight crap! [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihZ1gFoadaM |
| ... to me! I speak of science! As you know I am an amateur scientist (professional bachelor) and have contributed many inventions to the world. Through scientrifical force I have invented "randomnimity", both the word and theory, and expect my Nobel soon. I have been out scienced though by, of all places, Japan! They have done what every scientist wishes to do... they invented "Space Beer"! http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/12/barley-space-space-beer/ To do so they would have had to work out the "Singularity" we call it, and that's getting an ice cold Rocky Mountain taste out of an asteroid... or something. There's only one way to be sure that this beer is truly space beer and that's to drink it. Does it taste of galaxies far, far away? Does it leave a supernova hangover in the morning? Will it make that chick at the end of the bar who you know a relationship with would suck you into a black hole of despair much more appealing!?! I will wait until Dr. Michio Kaku discusses it. I watch his show on the Science Channel all the time and think I am but five years away from designing a space machine that also acts as a time ship. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFLzV5ziWDI It's cold outside and there are flurries blowing around (which is another scientific discovery for me, because until today I had thought snow only existed in theory). But, I got nowhere to go, no homework to do and no life. So, I think I will start my control studies on beer in anticipation of drinking space beer. |
| ... that I'm a man who stands up for his feminist sisters, yeah? I mean I have been sticking my neck out for you broads all the time. I don't like it when chicks suffer, so I say no to women's suffrage. It's what I do, I'm a stand up guy. So I don't know what to think about this video. I mean on the one hand it's all about dames getting guns like men do it, but then on the other hand... [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjAunQGf5J0 "Let's shoot, then go shopping!" |
| ... mail to catch up on and I will, but first... You may or may not have noticed it here in the past a tendency to favor Asian media. It's fractured and crazy and nonsensical. Can anyone tell me what QT is up to though in this commercial? [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9-z1A-PXXk For that matter, does anyone really ever understand Quentin Tarantino, or do we all just experience Quentin Tarantino? Starbuck was the right answer yesterday, In Your Dirtiest Pants  got it. 80,000 respect points for her! I defy anyone to take them from her! I don't care what you people say, Canadians may be socialists, but, by God, they do good work. Did the Rams win yesterday? I'll take your silence as a yes. They'll find Sandra Levy and Hoffa before the Rams win another Super Bowl. But I digress... [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3WTelB4NAE And still I pee. |
... paper in record time! As in it took me a record long time to write 15 pages  .I finished it yesterday actually and have no pretensions about it. I'll pass, but I may not wow the crowd (I'll let my body handle that!... well, maybe the crowd doesn't need a wow-ing). Can I tell you what I learned? Thank you. If you want to free Tibet, you gotta stop shopping at Wal-Mart. If enough people will boycott Chinese goods until China democratizes then wammo. The government can't impose sanctions to enforce change, so it's up to us. And even if you don't care about Tibet, the People's Liberation Army of China owns some 20,000 corporations that manufacture goods. You want to line their pockets do ya!?! I better not hear about how you hate that "China owns us" (they don't) and then see you with Wal-Mart bag... God-d  ned hypocrite!And while I got the rocking, let me talk to those of you working on pieces for the next RESERVOIR BLOGS. By the end of this week I need your pieces on my desk! Just cause I had homework doesn't mean you had this time off... artists, sheesh.Let's play a Sunday Stumper: On the TV show "X-Files" what was the nickname Scully's father gave her? Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Trivia! |
... then who is writing my paper!?!?!?!?!  No one, pimpernickles, that's who. I did get a good deal done yesterday, that's encouraging. If anyone out there has a paper on USG foreign policy responses to Sino-Tibetan issues... could you slide it under my door? I had the craziest dream last night! I dreamt I was a toothbrush and instead of toothpaste I was being slathered in gravy. And instead of brushing their teeth, people ate me... or maybe I wasn't a toothbrush but a turkey leg. Come to think of it, I can't be sure that I slept last night... In any event, come sit next to Uncle Zapple and let me rub your thighs. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_czxTedXpc |
| ... under a paper due Monday. Shut your faces and let me tell you something... I absolutely hate writing a research paper. If I could turn in one of these entries for my class I would be like genius x 2 (= double-genius). But then I wonder if any professor would see the academic relevancy of expounding on the virtuous of midget tossing as foreplay. So, for the next few days I will be locked away inside a sarcophagus of research and tears. I will be crafting a final draft, not meant to advance the field or introduce a new theory, no... but merely to finish and pass. In the end, isn't that what life is about? Phone it in, fake it till you make it. I am so over being an academic though, like for real... I think I want to enter the clergy. Be a priest, convert to Catholicism ya dig? I think that would clear up a lot of stuff for me, you know? Cause there's nothing confusing or contradictory about religion in the least. I don't know though! What should I be when I grow up? You tell me. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJ0I_x3Ow14 |
| ... tov, schmucks! It was brought to my attention by readers unnamed that I don't do enough for my Israeli demographic. So today we de-goy and yarmulke-rize! [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6RuURE9Y44 The Jewish faith and its followers have done much for the world. Why, Jesus was Jewish. So too is Ben Stein, and both Cohen brothers. Jews have invented the Uzi too... which I think speaks for itself (although the Uzi's heyday was the 1980s, you know, it's sort of more kitsch than cool now). Goys have some sad stereotypes about Jews unfortunately, and some wackos like to spread schmutz about their image. For instance, the stereotype about Jewish people being money-hungry, penny-pinchers. The root of this can be found way back in day when the Roman Catholic Church said that charging interest on loans was un-Christianly and forbid it. Jews could still do it, and many a Christian went into debt (ironically there's no stereotype of Christians being deadbeats). Then there's the one about Jewish women being cold-fish in bed. Puh-leez, I've had Jewish girlfriends and they've always schlepped their half of the load. Wowsers did they ever, Oi vey! I do want to say one thing though. When I was a little goy, growing up in a Fiddler on the Roof styled WASP village in the old country, I always believed that Chanukah was A short for numchucks and B like the best holiday ever cause you got like way more presents. Boy was I disappointed to learn that my Jewish friends received no more presents than me in total. I think that might have killed any shot at conversion... that and the tattoo thing, cause I couldn't be buried at all in Jewish cemetery. לכל האחים והאחיות שלי היהודית, חג שמח! [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VP6DCxhXmc |
| ... I hate to admit it, but... I am a selfish lover! That's right, I think of me and me alone in bed and ... wait a minute, that's awesome! High five! Sharing in bed, like in the market, is socialism and I don't care about my partner... I'm an American. Most of you reading this are women with womanly parts, and I think it's time I gave you my advice for the bedroom. This is the advice you've been dying to hear, I know. 1) Candles are a fire hazard: Knocking boots next to an open flame may have been romantic back in like the 14th century, but these days it's just dangerous. Especially if you, as I have been known to do, use midget tossing as a form of foreplay. And speaking of foreplay - 2) Cool Whip, Chocolate Syrup and Strawberries Make Not a Hot Treat: Oh sure, they may sound sensual and what not, but practicality is the cornerstone of any relationship built to last... through the night. I enjoy sprinkling EAS protein powder over my prey lover. This gives me a 25g shot of muscle building protein. 3) A Man Is Never Tied Down: We've all been there (us men that is). We wake up and we're tied to the bed posts with our tie and belt. Of course the first thing that goes through our mind is "Al Queda finally caught me" and now you can't fight for your freedom. In actuality it was some broad who thought you would enjoy being enslaved. Lady-folks, if God didn't want men to protect women he would have given chicks wieners (although I hear in south-east Asia he did). Don't tie men down otherwise when Al Queda invades your home, you'll be in big trouble. 4) If He Leaves His Socks On: Men everywhere have important, time consuming man work to get done. If I leave my socks on, it means I gotsta go get that work done. Accept it. Oh man, I literally have a Lisa Frank folder filled with these. Anything in particular you want to know about the sweet art of love making, let me know. Until then, I have to go to school which has nothing to do with doin' it. Except today may be the day I trick woo some unsuspecting co-ed. I better get the protein powder out. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5StHRrfUKgk |
| ... Christmas time. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- Humbug! This year's X-Mas is looking like it's going to B-low a big one. I can't rouse my inner child to the level of "wonderment" over the lights and what-nots. I can barely get aroused (  ) to the level of "disinterested".I think it has to do with my family's having shrunk to 4 (+ 1 on the way). We've been ostracized and what not by the hub of our family tree because of weddings un-attended and wives of cousins not getting along. Personally, I'm like whatever, but I think this has peripherally contributed to my apathy. But, because it's my duty and I love you (but am not in love with you) I will now offer my tips on celebrating the holidays with these key holiday items. A HOLIDAY MOVIE: Die Hard. Hands down the best X-Mas movie ever no matter what anyone else on this site will say in the comments. It teaches the true importance of X-Mas, which is securing hostages from international thieves. Also, you need a machine gun "ho...ho...ho". So, pop this one in and curl up next to someone special. "Yippee-ky-yay, mother-f ker".A HOLIDAY BOOK: "A Child's Christmas in Wales". It's been a long time since I've read this, and I can't remember why the little kid lives in a wale, but I assume it has something to do with the bible. Anyhoo, there's a fire in the story and then they get out of the wale and get their presents. A HOLIDAY SONG: [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCr30OVMjHA A HOLIDAY-HOLIDAY: Celebrate Boxing Day for once Americans. I have no idea how you do it, but getting drunk seems like the way to go. Well, that's all I got. You wanna know what's on my Christmas list this year? Respect. I hope Santa finally brings me some. What about you? What's on your list? |
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