%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Some rainbows are bright, some gray, some in colors you've never seen. |
|
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The sun is always shining and there are always rainbows. If it's cloudy, the rainbow may be covered or in shades of gray. If the rain has just passed, the rainbow may be strong, clear, and brilliant. If the sky is crystal clear, the rainbow may appear in colors unexpected. Whatever is going on for you, there's a rainbow out there somewhere. Look for it. And if you find it, let it brighten your day. Keep it in your heart to tide you over until you see the next one. Gonna give this Johari Window thing a shot. If you think you know me or want to see what others think about me, follow the link then follow the directions. Life is words in motion: Flowing from mind, to hand, to page; Sung from heart, to voice, to ear; Life is words in motion. ~Douglas The Human Touch By Spencer Michael Free
|
| Yes, you read the title right. I said "Sex in Church". Actually, I didn't say it in church. But the senior and associate pastors both did - one in each service. Today's message was entitled "I hope you dance" and Rev. Dewayne was acknowledging the fact that our congregation comes from a variety of religious backgrounds: The Intellectual, the churches that taught you how to think and what to believe ~ and why ~ the churches which appeal to the congregants' intellects and mind; The Emotional, the churches that live for the "I feel wonderful" moment, and if you didn't feel good when you went to church, they made sure you did by the time you left; and the Physical, the churches which could almost replace 24Hour Fitness for your place of exercise if it was only open more than one or two days a week, where everyone jumps up and down and runs the aisles and dances in the pews. But, he said, the challenge that faces many churches now-a-days is the ability to bring Mind, Emotions, Body ~ and Soul ~ together into unity. He acknowledged that some people feel they just cannot experience God through one or more of these methods, and that was fine. However, we need to be cognizant of the fact that all four of those aspects of ourselves are God created and God blessed. As a lead in to this week's message, at the conclusion of last week's service, Pride Sunday where we celebrated that we are a fabulous and fearless family in God, We Are Family (you know ~ "we are family... I got all my sisters and me....) was played and everyone was encouraged to dance as if we were at the club on a Friday or Saturday night. This week, Rev. Dewayne pointed out that many did participate, while some sat there kinda wanting to but thinking you can't do that in church and others were saying I really wanted to get out there and do join everyone but I just couldn't get myself to do it. He went on to say that we are made to celebrate; celebrate life, celebrate God, celebrate each other, celebrate ourselves ~ our bodies. Our bodies were made to experience sensation, and God thought that our bodies were so important the God took on a physical body. And ways that we can experience the sensations God intended us to was through dance, through laughter, through sex, through.... I don't know what else he said at that moment. All I was thinking was that I wanted to get up and leave, but I couldn't because I was in the front row of the choir. I was enjoying the service until then. I was agreeing with him on all points. But when the word "sex" was said, the prude in me rose up and wanted to strike him. That is just not a concept or word that is spoken of in church ~ at least not in the sense he was seeming to indicate. Apparently I wasn't the only one who felt that way, though. Someone must have said something to him between services. During the second service he changed the wording to making love. Now, granted, for many people there isn't much difference between sex and making love ~ especially in the GLBT community. And more especially to some heterosexuals and their view of the GLBT community. But for me, the semantics are important. To me, making love involves all four of the aspects ~ body, emotion, mind, and soul ~ that he was trying to bring together. Sex, on the other hand, in my mind, only really involves the body and emotions and does not accomplish the making of the point he was trying to make. But what about the associate pastor? Well, I can only guess that Rev. Dewayne still wanted that word inserted into the service, because someone slightly altered her script, her part of the service. And, though she laughed, she made sure that everyone knew she was not happy with the change in her script to include the word 'sex'. But this time the word came at a point after 'making love' and the shock value and impact of the word seemed somehow lessened. And probably went unnoticed by some of those who had not been at the first service earlier. The overall message, however, was brought to a close with the offertory special music song: Lee Ann Womak's "I Hope You Dance". And it was not only an appropriate closing for the message, but also a kind of balm to the disturbed souls that were rankled by sex in the church. |
| Yeah, I know. The title could use a lot of work. But the idea I'm trying to convey is in there... somewhere. What I'm getting at, though, is that on this day in America (as well as on New Year's Day worldwide), you won't find very many protesters sporting their usual war of words no matter their cause celeb. The most obvious group missing on this day is the environmentalists. Specifically, the clean air campaigners. With villages, towns, cities, and metropolises holding one or more extravagant fireworks display from the Atlantic to the middle of the Pacific (and maybe even as far away as Guam?), millions of tons of pollution are gleefully shot into air. And remember that "what goes up, must come down". So all that paper and carbon debris that is not fully consumed in the explosion then falls back onto the ground or even into various waterways be it a bayou, a river or canal, a lake, or even the ocean. I live in a so-called "red state", one that has a current trend of being staunchly republican. But America's fourth largest city, and Texas' largest, is increasingly becoming "blue". And it is my opinion that most of the residents are unaware of this. My proof? I don't know I'd call it proof, but at the festival last night, I saw no fewer than 10 gay couples (and one can tell the difference between a couple of lovers and a couple of friends) and as far as I could tell, there was no public outcry, no hateful glares, no double-takes, no expressions that said "keep it in the bedroom". In fact, all sorts of people came together here, standing or sitting side-by-side obvious for their differences and there was no hue or cry of disdain or hatred at all. Gay and straight; black, white, latino/a, oriental; activist and passivist; industrialist and environmentalist; atheist and religious (and the multitude of religions); rich and poor. No matter what badge or hat or emblem a person wore, the only colors that mattered at all was Red, White and Blue. Differences are put aside for one day by everyone for a common cause and reason. This "Olympic Spirit" is also the true "American Spirit". We see it happen here in America twice a year about six months apart - July 4th and New Years. Now we need to see if there is any way to have this same spirit of commonality for the remaining 363 days. |
| Yeah, I know. The title could use a lot of work. But the idea I'm trying to convey is in there... somewhere. What I'm getting at, though, is that on this day in America (as well as on New Year's Day worldwide), you won't find very many protesters sporting their usual war of words no matter their cause celeb. The most obvious group missing on this day is the environmentalists. Specifically, the clean air campaigners. With villages, towns, cities, and metropolises holding one or more extravagant fireworks display from the Atlantic to the middle of the Pacific (and maybe even as far away as Guam?), millions of tons of pollution are gleefully shot into air. And remember that "what goes up, must come down". So all that paper and carbon debris that is not fully consumed in the explosion then falls back onto the ground or even into various waterways be it a bayou, a river or canal, a lake, or even the ocean. I live in a so-called "red state", one that has a current trend of being staunchly republican. But America's fourth largest city, and Texas' largest, is increasingly becoming "blue". And it is my opinion that most of the residents are unaware of this. My proof? I don't know I'd call it proof, but at the festival last night, I saw no fewer than 10 gay couples (and one can tell the difference between a couple of lovers and a couple of friends) and as far as I could tell, there was no public outcry, no hateful glares, no double-takes, no expressions that said "keep it in the bedroom". In fact, all sorts of people came together here, standing or sitting side-by-side obvious for their differences and there was no hue or cry of disdain or hatred at all. Gay and straight; black, white, latino/a, oriental; activist and passivist; industrialist and environmentalist; atheist and religious (and the multitude of religions); rich and poor. No matter what badge or hat or emblem a person wore, the only colors that mattered at all was Red, White and Blue. Differences are put aside for one day by everyone for a common cause and reason. This "Olympic Spirit" is also the true "American Spirit". We see it happen here in America twice a year about six months apart - July 4th and New Years. Now we need to see if there is any way to have this same spirit of commonality for the remaining 363 days. |
| When I was in college, we would often order pizza in my dorm room for those all-nighter study sessions. And in the morning there would sometimes be anywhere from a quarter to a whole pizza left and left out overnight. So as any good college kid during the previous three decades ever did, my roommates and I would finish it off for breakfast - especially if we were running late for our classes and didn't have time to make it to the cafeteria or deli for breakfast, all of which were on the other side of the campus. Twenty years later, I still enjoy cold, kept out overnight, leftover pizza. But many pizza delivery joints have added a few things to their menu since way back when: cheesy breadsticks, plain breadsticks, cinnamon breadsticks, and all sorts of Buffalo wings. Most of these would also be fairly good leftovers for breakfast, just be sure that the chicken isrefrigerated overnight! Last night I ordered a pizza and the coupon I used included one of the breads and a 2L Coke. I figured I was getting enough cheese and sauce on the pizza, so I got the cinnamon. But I could only manage to eat half of the pizza before getting full. Good there's lunch I thought or a good early supper before I go off to watch the fireworks. I had all but forgotten about the breadsticks until I began to tidy up before going to bed. I put them aside with the left over pizza and called it a night. This morning as I was drinking my coffee, I looked over to the dining table and saw the Domino's boxes and thought about the cinnamon breadsticks and the frosting contained therein. My stomach began to grumble mightily and I thought how much like donuts or some other standard pastry it would be. I was right. Makes for a great breakfast! So as I enjoy this twist on the cold pizza breakfast, I think back to twenty years ago. How much more broke would I and my roommates have been if these cinnamon breadsticks were available for us then. 'Cause we'd have ordered about 4 extra sides of them in addition to the pizzas - and do it a lot more frequently. But we'd have been more willing to sleep in late and nearly miss more classes, too. Hmmm.. That makes the idea even more tempting (to my old college mindset).  LOL |
| I don't think I've talked much about the concert, Metamorphosis, that I performed in a couple of weeks back other than to say how powerful it was, especially with the addition of some performers in front of the chorus, and that there were a couple of songs that I found difficult to sing because I was crying. Today I borrowed a copy of the CD of Metamorphosis as performed by the original/originating chorus, the Twin Cities Gay Men's Chorus. And as I listened to it, remembering the scenes portrayed if front of me previously, I still cried. This time, though, more forcefully and freely. I still can't sing the songs completely because I choke up. I think the message within the choral piece is important enough that I will be sharing the lyrics here over the next several days. Now I don't expect you to bawl over them by just reading them because the music and performance, in my opinion, combined with the words are what make it so emotionally powerful. But I hope that you find the message meant to be there for all to see and hear. On the face and as a whole, Metamorphosis is the life story of a child/boy/man as he goes through life and finds out he is gay. The reactions and interactions of him and his family through this journey of acceptance is the story. But deeper and more broadly, the story is the story of anyone who has to learn to accept themselves - for whatever reason - and face the rejection of family and friends because of it. And the joy of the final reconciliation and acceptance. <> <> <> <> <> Womb Lyrics by Robert Espindola Helplessly floating in a sea of unknowing I slept as her womb cradled me. With no thought or memory, of what had been what would be ... beyond each breath that she breathed. Swirling inside, did she know that this child would drift into her life as a son? That beyond what is human our spirit illumines ... who and what we are born to become Tossing and turning, no longing, no yearning ... it is here that our journey begins. This song is sung partially in rounds of three voices - tenor, baritone, base. Soft and echoing, the words are sung sin vibrato. The mystery of the beginning of life is conveyed in the music. And even as there is nothing of concern beyond, as the words say, each breath that she takes, there is no emotion. There is just the being and the simplicity. |
| Who'da thunk hot air could be so expensive? I just heard on the news that Republican radio mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh just signed a new contract with ClearChannel broadcasting. I missed how many years it was for, but the dollar amount is absolutely staggering ~ $400 million plus a $100 million signing bonus. It seems the price of oil isn't the only thing that is sky-rocketing. So is the price of hot air. |
| As you may or may not know, earlier this month, California made same-sex marriages legal and one couple from my church went to participate on the first day. And the world took notice. The Director of Outreach and his partner of 10 years made the decision to go and get married almost as soon as the state supreme court issued its ruling. They were then contacted by NBC Nightly News who came out and began an interview for a feature piece which they later showed on June 17 (the news team went with them to California to include the ceremony in the feature). Not to be outdone, our local newspaper also included an article about their trip and marriage. This past Sunday, our pastor made mention of the fact that some other newspapers also picked up the story, including: the largest circulation Spanish language newspaper in SE Texas, a Korean newspaper, and a Jewish/Israeli newspaper (international). It was amazing to all of us in the congregation to see that one simple act of love had taken on such an international notice. <> <> <> <> <> This week my boss is on vacation, and since my workload comes along on a daily basis directly from her, things are kind of slow and boring in the office this week. It's a good thing that I am already half way through my week and that the office will be closed on Friday. Unless I hear from her (via email) today, I think I'm going to be spending a lot of time just doing some general organization of both the office and the stock room during my seven hours there today. Of course, the Artistic Director could make his way into the office and have things for me to do, but he usually works out of his home so there's no knowing if/when he'll stop by this week. Especially as the office is usually closed during the 4th of July week. <> <> <> <> <> If there is one thing I absolutely despise doing, it's the dishes. My sister and I used to have to alternate nights doing them as we were growing up. And even though I would often miss a show that I enjoyed watching, I would take my time doing them and clean up the kitchen and dining room because at the time Star Wars would be broadcast on the radio, or I'd be able to catch Garrison Kelleor's (sp?) Lake Wobegone Days on the local PBS radio station. Now, though, like any good bachelor, my sink is overflowing with dishes just waiting for me to get up the gumption to clean them (this apartment is way too small to have a dishwasher that isn't human). If I could only get a good radio station to come in, well, I might be more willing to get in the kitchen and do what I should. Instead, I'll continue to just wash what I need, when I need it, and be happy with that. <> <> <> <> <> I was supposed to get my government stimulus check last Friday, but it still hasn't come in yet. And this is some money that I am sorely going to need to help cover the next paycheck. I only get paid on the first and fifteenth of the month (a new pay schedule for me). Since I was first hired, I've been paid on those days for my work during those days with a check cut right from the office. But now that I am finally in the off-site payroll computer, they want me to start being payed on the proper rotation. That means my next paycheck would only be for about one week - or 22 hours. And that would have to last me for 16-17 days. That's just not possible unless I get this government check. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will show up during the next couple of days. I guess I'm supposed to give them 10 days from when I received the first notification letter about how much I am supposed to be receiving. That will take me to July 5. After that, then I'll need to get in touch with whatever agency it is that the letter specifies regarding this. <> <> <> <> <> Well, I guess that's enough ranting for one day. See y'all later. |
| Whatever else can be said of this past month, I'm just glad it's all over. Between all the various events and happenings and the job and illness, I don't feel like I've had a single day off during the past 30 days. But now I get the chance to scale back a bit. With a concert on June 21st, I had an inordinate number of rehearsals on Sundays and Mondays with a couple of extra days as the performance neared. And I had to memorize nearly 60% of the words in those first 20 days. For some reason the words just would not stick in my mind, so I had to do extra work to get that done. And since my job is working in the office of the chorus I sing with, I also had to do a lot of the behind the scenes work in getting it ready. Ticket sales, proofreading of program and inserts, creative assistance with the teaser for next year's season, contacts, copies, communications.... Non-stop. While I enjoy writing (hence my presence here on WDC), I think I may have pressed myself just a bit too much with the 15-4-15 and FtL. My creative reserves for personal creative writing seem to have been at the lowest ~ a drought, if you will. Don't get me wrong fellow 15-er's and FtL-er's, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and would do it again. But one thing that we often make mention of at church (where we have as many as 60 different outreach and in-house ministries to participate in) is to know your limits and to not overreach yourself by doing too much and thus burning yourself out. Doing that will make you want to quit all of them and drop out. Know your limits, and learn to say 'no' when you have reached them. Do only what excites you the most and to the rest say, "let go and let God". And church was another area where I had a lot of commitments during the last month as well. The Sanctuary Choir rehearsal every Wednesday and performance on the first and third and fifth Sundays (two services each); HeavenSounds Handbell rehearsal every Sunday after second service and performance on the third, fourth and fifth Sundays; Excel Ministries socials on the first and third Saturday plus a meeting on the second Saturday AND having to write the first draft of the talk I will be giving for the retreat in October ("Invalid Item"  ). Umm... I think that's all for that part of my life.On the personal side I had to deal with a cold/allergy problem during the past week, and last Wednesday I was completely out of commission for everything else. Early in the month, I had a bleeding ear infection to deal with. This past Friday and Saturday I had to help a friend move out of one apartment (with a man who had been his life-partner for over 15 years) and into his own apartment (where he begins again as a single man). Last Saturday was also Houston Pride's 30th Annual Festival and Parade. And as frustrating as it was, I'm kinda glad that a passing storm last night knocked out the cable and internet from around 4:30 PM (central) until sometime after I went to bed. It allowed me to relax and do nothing. Granted, I opted to turn on the PS2 and play Gauntlet for several hours, but I didn't have to think about anything. Oh, yeah, there was a birthday in there somewhere, too... I think. So now we head into the month of July. And since I'm not going to Miami with my chorus for the GALA Festival VIII, I will have a quiet office to work in for a week about mid-month. This week will be quiet too as the General Manager will be on vacation after today. These are both weeks that the office would normally be closed for business, so I don't expect the work I have to do will be very strenuous. Handbells is taking the week off from rehearsal this coming Sunday due to the holiday weekend. And since it is a holiday weekend, I plan on doing nothing but go to the Fireworks show on Friday night. Saturday will be completely to myself. Then Sunday only going to one service ~ maybe. I'll decide later. Who knows? Maybe I'll actually get a full three days to myself which will keep me refreshed and ready for some really creative writing ~ perhaps without even needing to use a prompt from someone else. So here's to the month just past, glad to see you gone. Maybe this coming month I will actually have some relaxing time all for myself. |
FtL: Final Entry  Well, I think I can safely say that, for me, this particular challenge/contest has been anything but a distraction from my own life and point of view and how I feel about things. And the variety of topics covered has been rather amazing to me: surrogate parenthood to jury duty, superstitions to learning ability. There were topics of potential contention and/or joy like family, friend, love, sex, relationships. And there was at least one lead regarding religion; one of the three no-no's of public conversation (the other two being politics and money). However, even though I decided to, as a general rule, allow the lead title to influence my following entries and let myself to open up and, in some cases, discover my feelings about situations, I did find this to be a bit of a distraction ~ as far as current events in my life go. I was able to escape within myself and forget what I was dealing with for up to an hour a day. But there are certainly other means of distraction as mentioned in the lead for this entry. I too enjoy crocheting and becoming numb in the repetition of pattern call out or counting. Piano, voice, and handbells: music to ease the troubled soul and distraction from anything beyond the next measure. Reading: the ability to get lost in another author's words and world whether it be a land of magic, a starship of science, or even a different place in this world working through another's problems. Distractions are a good thing in life and often required in order for one to be able to get a fresh start, to look at a situation with new and clear eyes and a fresh mind. Allow yourself to be distracted once in a while. It's good for the psyche. So to all the leaders of the past three weeks, and the hosts of this journal experience, thank you for this distraction. For taking me out of myself and putting me back in in such a way that I oft feel refreshed and ~ surprised by myself. Later.  |
| I often wonder if I'm ever really getting anywhere in this world. Too often I feel as if my life is stagnant ~ if not outright sliding backwards. So it has taken me a bit of a while to figure out what I was going to write for this particular lead. (I know, I know. I really need to only make some sort of mention to indicate that I read the lead blog. But this one became somewhat more important for me.) So here is a list of seven things during the past seven years which mark successes in my life: 1) I found a group that helped me feel better about myself and accepted me for myself and allowed me to finally be able to come out as a gay man. Oh, I've known for a long time and let only a select few friends be aware of my orientation before. But now I have let my family know. I don't deny it when I am asked. Sometimes, like here on WDC, I even blatantly state it. 2) I've managed to begin a transition in career direction. I've already had a full career in the retail/management worlds and now I am finally beginning to get into the office world. I had to put up with a year on the phone at an in-bound call center. (And, yes, I did have to make outbound calls as well, but they were frequently to companies who were contracted with my company. However, on occasion I had to make cold contact calls to find assistance for my client). Now I'm working at an office and in a business that I really care about. 3) I spent three years taking care of my Grammy easing a burden from my father and step-mother, and making her end years better and healthier. 4) Because of that, I have been able to grow closer to family members on my dad's side of the family (and by extension, his second wife's family). This is something of an accomplishment for me because my dad and I have never really had a close relationship. There was one point in my life where I refused to even acknowledge him as anything more than being the sperm donor towards my existence. 5) I've learned how to live on my own again. After nearly a decade of living in other people's homes, I've been in my own apartment for two years now and enjoying the quite that no kids brings and being able to "dress down" as much as I want. (Now if I could only remember to keep the place as clean as if I were still living with other people. As it is now: clean enough to be healthy; dirty enough to be happy.) 6) While I haven't been published yet, I am writing again. And working to improve my skills. I still need to be able to finish/complete more than a poem or a short story (one online book and one "hardcopy" book are both still in the works of a first draft). But I'm slowly moving in the right direction with that. 7) I've begun to pick up the piano again, and still being primarily self taught. Aside from my mother teaching me where middle C is when I was 4 or 5 years old, I am basically self taught on the keyboard. I learned to read the base clef when I learned how to play the trombone in elementary school, and the treble clef came later with the saxophone in junior high. And both of those music reading skills have been supplemented by singing in choir and the voice lessons I had in high school and college. Now, with a keyboard in my house again, I am working at it once again. I don't see any recitals in my future or other public performances, but I'm enjoying the experience. Well, it certainly makes me feel good to be able to list some accomplishments in my life over the past few years. Now that I see that I can actually do some things that are worthwhile, maybe I can start setting some realistic goals and begin to work towards them with a confidence I haven't felt before. |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
