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1,392 Public Reviews Given
2,269 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
In depth, detailed, and honest. I always point out the things I enjoyed most about an item, highlighting the strengths along with any weaknesses or glitches I might find. To me, it's important to let a writer know how something made you feel and what reactions you had when reading, not just the technical aspects.
I'm good at...
Characterization, punctuation, plot, and grammar.
Favorite Genres
Anything dark and angsty. Horror, erotica, dark dramas are usually my favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Westerns, Sci-Fi, and comedy.
I will not review...
Poetry and non-fiction. I read these for pleasure alone. I don't know enough about the technicalities to give a decent or useful review. Any comments I send are always just based on my personal reactions as a reader.
Public Reviews
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi there, ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: Fantastic opening! You grabbed my attention from the start with that unusual first line and somber follow-up. I instantly wanted to know more. Once I kept reading, my heart twisted and I sat here blinking back tears. I knew it would be a sad story given your opening, but whew, this was like a sucker punch to the soul.

While short, this story is both beautiful and powerfully written. It gives voice to a victim and paints a strong picture of the wounds ripped in so many that day. Not just the ones who died, but the family, friends, and loved ones left behind as well. You made me cry. *Cry*

*Fleurdelis* The characters: Our heroine is nameless, but I can see why you did this. Honestly, I saw it as a measure of respect, while still paying hommage to those who did die. This could easily be any woman who showed up to work that fateful morning. She was so young and vibrant...full of life and hope for the future. So sad to think how many must have admired those views, never knowing what would one day come.

One thing that really struck me was her bikeride through Ireland, and no, that wasn't just the Irish in me. *Wink* It was such a small detail really, but I was so glad for this, and that our MC had a chance to do it before her short life was snuffed out. I would love nothing more than to get to visit my mother land before I go. Overall, she seemed like your average young person, looking forward to starting her life and full of the excitement that comes with the first steps in that journey.

*Fleurdelis* Setting/Plot: New York City in early September. You gave some nice details here. I could see, feel, and smell the air as well as some of the sights.

I think I touched on the plot more than I meant to while covering character, but this was a touching story about life, loss, and the effects of 9/11. I saw no flaws in either.

*Fleurdelis* Style & Voice: Haunting, beautiful, yet you still managed to keep a clean minimalistic style. This character had a very distinct voice that will resonate with people long after they finish reading.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I liked the total package here and the emotional impact. Beyond that, I'm impressed with your opening. It was a heck of a hook!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
You did a great job. I wish there had been more. not so much a suggestion, as it is greed on my part. LOL

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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Review of The Presentation  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: What a delightful tale! This story reminded me of that age old addage that sometimes in life, you either have to laugh or cry...and well, let's face it. Most of us prefer to laugh! *Laugh* Since it wasn't happening to me, I of course saw the humor in it...but good grief have I had days like this where nothing seems to go right and anything that could go wrong did! Very relatable and fun tale.

*Fleurdelis* The characters: I thought Meredith was a pretty likeable gal! She reminded me a lot of myself, but only because of all of her cursed luck! I couldn't help but wonder if she had a touch of the Irish in her! *laughs*

She came across as the kind of woman you could run into at any given time. But what really made her stand out was her humor, and her strength. Despite everything, she refused to give up hope, and kept striving to find a way and the up side to every situation. My hat goes off to her in this department! She was someone we coule relate to, root for, and like. Great job.

*Fleurdelis* Setting/Plot: Good job with setting.I had a clear picture of the character surroundings at all times, even wehn you shifted scenes. I liked the small details you included. they helped me feel like a part of this story. One of my favorite settings had to be the parking garage. You did a wonderful job there.

The plot was fairly simple. It started with a dream sequence, hopeful ambitions on Meredith's part and moved into the struggle of her trying to reach that goal. Her day wis riddled with accidents and conflict which kept things moving and fun to read. More than once, I winced in empathy. i felt you formed a solid structure here and had a nice story arc!

*Fleurdelis* Style & Voice: Beautifully written. I loved the wording and the way this story flowed. You gave beautiful detail without bogging down the pace. the character had a liekable voice and personality, and this story was ploished to a shine.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I really liked the ending you chose. What an ironic twist! It felt like a perfect culmination to Meredith's hectic day and her reaction to it had me in stitches.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* I'd be hard pressed to come up with anything. This was a well rounded and enjoyable read with no errors or loop holes noted!

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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Review of A Good Deed  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Jeff Author Icon! *Smile* I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Open in new Window. by Writing.Com Support Author Icon . Thanks for entering!

*Fleurdelis* Initial impressions: I will admit right off the bat, I'm not a huge fan of zombie anything. Growing up, they were an overkill in my house, with every Night of the Living Dead sequal and spawn imaginable. That said, this was a well-written story that I actually *gasp* enjoyed! It might well be the end of the world! *laughs* Seriously though, they played such a small role in this tale, that I was willing to overlook their presence. Overall, this was an enjoyable and gripping read about survival and the human instinct to do whatever is necessary to keep in breathing. Kudos!

*Fleurdelis* The characters: I found Stella fascinating. She's the same fun-size as me, so I was thrilled to find out what a strong little fighter she is! Just goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover. What I really enjoyed here were the layers and facets to this character. She was tough and willing to do whatever it took to survive. Her thoughts about the little boy showed this. She didn't want to help him...but in the end, her conscience came through and she did the right thing. This was a case of great character development and giving the readers someone (and that change) to root for. Well played.

*Fleurdelis* Setting/Plot: Great job with the setting. You layed a soild visual plan for readers. I could well imagine the ramsacked grocery store and shelving units. It made me shudder. I hope I never find myself in a place like this.

Plot was interesting! I liked the apocolyptic aspect and the fierce need for survival. Be it zombies, weather, or the whole end of the world threat wev'e been hearing about since the dawn of man...most of us have pondered a situation like this at one time or another. Throw in dwindling food, the looming threat of danger, and a little boy who's existence could well be an added burden and you have a series of events that make for an interesting ride.

*Fleurdelis* Style & Voice: Great descriptions! Everything was clear and detailed while maintaining and easy flow. It's hard to pull this off, but you did it quite well.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* I absolutley loved the end. The bunkers were a wonderful surprise for both Stella and reader alike and her parting thoughts wrapped things up nicely. I've always been a fan of stories that end with some thought or lesson to ponder, implied or otherwise. Great touch!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Bullet* He kept looking up and her, refusing to loosen his grasp
Did you mean 'at' her?

*Bullet* I'm not sure the speech pattern and sentence structure fits for a seven or eight year old child. Not many of them are going to say something as formal proper as "in the weeks leading up to the outbreak." Before the outbreak maybe...but even outbreak seems a little far above board. Before the monsters or something along those lines might fit better given the child.

*Bullet* there were a few places where you use Stella's name quite a bit, even starting two sentences in a row with it. I find myself doing this quite often too. *Blush* Don't be afraid to use other terms or mix it up a bit. We will remember her name, I promise.

Note: These are only my honest opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you wish. You alone are the best judge of what works for you and the work of art you created! *Smile*


~Best wishes, happy writing, and best of luck to you in the contest!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*salutes* Brave man! Hmmm...looks like someone is missing a lot of their gear! *Laugh* It happens from time to time I guess, always being in a hurry. Stay safe and best of luck to you always. Thank you for all that your brothers and sisters do. *Heart*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm always scrolling through the contest listing looking for something to bait my interest. This one definitely caught my eye. It looks promising and I think it's something a lot of people will enjoy. I love that you give new prompts once a week and the generous word count allows writers to develop their stories. Not to mention the rating system giving everyone free reign to do as they will. *Thumbsup*

Everything was laid out neatly and your rules and guidelines were clear and easy to understand. That right there is half the battle because people won't walk away feeling overwhelmed. I hope to see this one stick around and gain a following. I'll certainly be keeping an eye on it. Thanks for hosting such a fun activity and good luck! *Shamrock*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~

Adriana *Moon*

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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really have to give you credit here, Nicki! Reading the prompt, I would have thought there would be no way to weave an interesting story out of this, but you have. Not only did it hold me captivated, but it brought tears to my eyes! I could picture everything so clearly and oh my God, was I scared for Christian! *Shock*

You really ratched the tension here. I could see the brush, feel the scorching heat, taste the grit on my tongue and....whew! How terrifying it must be to be ambushed that way, to have no idea what they are shouting, and to wonder if every second will be your last. I loved the bravado Christian showed. I'm beyond confident I would not have been so brave.

Despite the horror and the threat of violence, this was, beyond anything else a story of love and endurance. This ring, much like it's wearer, I'm sure, wanted nothing more than to return back to his beloved. And after so short a time of being married too....when life and love have only just begun.

You never fail to amaze me, Nicki! Everything you write is always so creative and visually stunning. And almost always packed with emotions that choke up the reader and leave them sitting breathless. I haven't read any other entries for this round, but after reading this, I would say they would be hard presssed to beat you. Best of luck in the contest to you! *clover*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~

Adriana *Moon*
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Review of Strays  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Yet again, you never fail to amaze me, TT. There is such depth here, such anguish and pain between the dialogue and the cop's remeniscing thoughts, that one cannot help but feel for him, as well as his neice. It's an awkward position to be in, takking in a teen you hardly know, or going to live with a relative you aren't even sure wants you. Cass has lost everything she's known and she's hurt. Jared's world has been turned upside down and this kid reminds him of the brother he lost. You showed their struggles and conflict so well.

You really have a gift for dialogue. It's so realisitc. Sometimes it's cutting and witty, and other times profound, but as a reader, I always look forward to hearing what your chracters have to say.

I only noticed two little things you may want to take a look at.

*Bullet* “Maybe not, but you’re going through a lot right now and It’s going
it's

and

*Bullet* 'I'd trade places with them if I could.',
Here I'm pretty sure the comma should go inside the quotation mark. It's one of those weird punctuation rules. *Wink*

Another gripping and emotional tale penned by one of my favorite authors on this site. Thank you for sharing your talents, and for being so generous to do it for free. Best of luck to you in the contest! I know you will fix the errors I've pointed out...because you always do, so I'm saving myself the trouble of doing another review and giving you your deserved 5 now. Yes, I'm lazy these days. *Laugh*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is really a beautiful and heartfelt item. Reading this made it hard to fight back the tears. We've all felt the sting of loss...this we can relate to, but this was so personal, that I felt like I got an inside glimpse at this guy and what made him so very special to you. It also struck home hard. I lost three good friends in high school, all on the same day in a car accident....and my best childhood friend ten years ago to the same.

Your words were beautifully crafted and painted strong images. I could imagine so well the bright eyes and smile, the carefree joy of dancing in the snowstorm. What better gift can we give to someone we love than words wrapped with ribbons from the heart? I have no suggestions, this was a well written piece that flowed freely from the soul.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the beauty of your journey and allowing us to share in the life you two shared.

~Best wishes and happy writing~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of The Library Lady  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a beautiful story! I loved how you tied it all together at the end and made everything come full circle. I have to admit, I feel a bit bad about laughing at your title on the phone now, TT, because it fits this story so well.

These characters are what truly made the tale shine. There was a sense of loneliness I got from Tricia, but it was something she seemed to be able to fill with her books and the time she spent with Kasey. Only someone who loves to read or write would understand the freedom and comfort waiting to be found in written word. Because of this, she's able to form a bond with this young girl. It fills the void left in both of them after they lost the people they loved.

As usual, you use great description and managed to pen another moving story. The pace moved right along and I definitely wanted to know more about these characters and what would happen next. It's a beautiful story of hope, compassion, and moving on despite the curveballs life throws. Write on!

~Best wishes and happy writing
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of Let Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Eric and welcome to WDC! *Bigsmile* What a beautiful outlook on life and a grand way to start things off here. I couldn't help but be moved as I read this and wish the rest of the world played by these lovely tidbits of wisdom. There's a grace and beauty to your words. The only suggestion I would have is to possibly try to reformat it into a poem...or into something where the beginning is not as repetitive. Either way though, it's quite good. *Smile*

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of The Watercourse  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Bill! As promised, I'm back for a second read and rate. I really love the changes you have made this time around and have no suggestions for improvement. (I had a hard enough time the first time I read this!) *Smile*

~ What an awesome combination here! I think readers would be pleasantly surprised by the ending and find that this reaches far beyond your average horror story. It's a tale of love and redemption. It shows the price we pay for some of our mistakes, and how not everything is always lost.

~ Jack and Penny were endearing characters. I fell in love with this brave young man as he struggled to keep his sister safe and happy in a strange and terrifying place. You could feel the love he had for her, his sense of devotion and that protective streak us women just love. I wish my big brother were as nice! *laughs*

~ As usual, you weave an entire world with your words. I felt submerged in the rich setting and the pacing moved along perfectly. Just enough given to keep me intruiged and reading along at a fevered pace. The end was, perhaps, the most outstanding element. I never saw that twist coming, though it is also my belief that there is a special place waiting for . . . well, for people like Momma.

Outstanding story! I dare say I'm envious. *Thumbsup*


~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*

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Review of The Watercourse  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there, Bill! *Smile* I decided to take you up on your challenge and take a look at your story with scrutinizing eyes!

Initial Impressions:

What an awesome combination here! I think readers would be pleasantly surprised by the ending and find that this reaches far beyond your average horror story. It's a tale of love and redemption. It shows the price we pay for some of our mistakes, and how not everything is always lost.

Jack and Penny were endearing characters. I fell in love with this brave young man as he struggled to keep his sister safe and happy in a strange and terrifying place. You could feel the love he had for her, his sense of devotion and that protective streak us women just love. I wish my big brother were as nice! *laughs*

As usual, you weave an entire world with your words. I felt submerged in the rich setting and the pacing moved along perfectly. Just enough given to keep me intruiged and reading along at a fevered pace. The end was, perhaps, the most outstanding element. I never saw that twist coming, though it is also my belief that there is a special place waiting for . . . well, for people like Momma. *Wink*

Outstanding story! I dare say I'm envious.

Thoughts/Suggestions:


*Bullet* I feel like were lost
we're ~~~> Should be a contraction here for 'we are.'

*Bullet* The fact that there was anything floating dead in the water at all was enough to make me sick.
I think this sentence could be tightened and rearranged a little for a smoother flow. ~~> The fact that there was anything dead floating in the water was enough to make me sick.

*Bullet* and his mouth hung open as if he had died screaming.
This is good, but it could be stronger. ~~> his mouth hung open in a perpetual scream. (or something to that effect?)

*Bullet* Abruptly, she pulled her head away,
You know what they say about these, Bill. *Wink* Why not change it up a little? Her head snapped back as if I had said something wrong.

*Thumbsup* their mouths stretched wide like empty buckets.
Brilliant description! At this point, I'm really wondering where all these bodies are coming from and why. Good suspense and I'm definitely interested!

*Bullet* I stiffed the air
sniffed

*Sick* Great incorporation of smell at the end of the first segment. Rotten eggs is a well-known and vile scent that the reader will be able to relate to. Simple and effective!

*Thumbsup* Even though they were used and bought at the thrift store, Momma made us take care of them as if they were brand new.
I liked this. It shows that they were poor or their parents very frugal. Of course, reading on, I find out why.

*Bullet* I heard a loud slap echoed through
echo

*Question* Okay, by the third segment, I still have no real clues as to how old Penny and Jack are. Are they teens? Pre-teens? I think just dropping a few hints along the way would give the readers a better idea. It doesn't bother me overly much, but some people will demand to know.

*Thumbsup* Great visuals during the storm. Your descriptions are amazing! And again with the smells, Bill! Gross!

*Bullet* She had that faraway look and I could tell she was getting farther and farther away.
I hate to say it, but this is kinda repetitive. Hmm. Maybe try something like: She had that faraway look and I could tell she was retreating deeper inside?

*Bullet* I could see her grappled to understand
grapple
Excellent descriptions again! I was wrinkling my nose as you described the old woman. Creepy!

~ That's really all I noticed, except toward the end, you tended to slip into using a lot of adverbs. A quick read through should catch those for you. Other than being uncertain about the children's age range, I didn't have any other questions regarding plot or character!


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


*Reading* Your stories are always a delight to read. Very well-written and polished, and equipped with engaging storylines. It's no wonder this piece, along with so many others written by you, boast ribbons and awards. Finding suggestions and picking this apart was no easy feat, my friend! I do hope you find my comments and suggestions helpful. Please let me know if/when you make any edits and I would be happy to rerate. I look forward to reading your next masterpiece!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*

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Review of Psychotic Fury...  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Robin! *Smile* I've always been a big fan of your poetry and decided to stop by for a visit. This one proved to be no exception. My what a tale you tell with your words. an entire story leaps from the page here, and all in perfect verse and rhyme. Amazing feat!

I've always been a big fan of psychology. In fact, I've enrolled to start working toward my PHD. Multiple personalities are one of the most fascinating aspects of the human mind. To think that one could be so shattered that they create extensions of themselves to do the suffering for them....I mean, wow. It's pretty intruiging stuff and I think you covered that aspect quite well here!

I also love that you convey a message, a subtle warning to treat others with kindness and care. It's very true that we have no way of knowing what others have been through, what might trigger their anger, or when they might snap. Pretty scary when you think of it! *Worry*

Your talents when it comes to poetry always amaze me. You have a true gift. As well as this all flowed, I honestly have no suggestions.

~Thanks for sharing and best wishes!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of Noble.  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there, H.M. Godwin! *Smile* I couldn't resist reading this after I saw the title and description. Which, by the way, fit this piece perfectly!

Initial Impressions:

Wow. "Noble" was a very detailed and emotional account of one young man's struggles growing up. The last two years of high school, or in this case, prep school are full of transistions, growth, and unexpected surprises, and you chronicle that very well. I think this is the phase we truly start turning into the adults we will become, and Noble finds himself hating what he sees. The good news is, it's never too late to change.

Characterization: You poured a lot of detail into your cast. I felt I had an excellent grasp on Noble because you did such an amazing job conveying his thoughts and emotions to the reader. He's a complex character, driven by fear, loathing, shame . . . all of the things we feel when we are uncertain of ourselves or our surroundings. I also felt I got to know James quite well, though Noble's eyes, and I, too, fell in love.

James was quite remarkable. He possessed a fortitude not many people have at that age. He was selfless in his actions, concerned more about the happiness and well-being of others than himself. He reminds me a lot of the few people who seem too good at heart, to pure and tender to really make it in this world. Despite his best efforts, he caved beeneath the constant torture and harrassment of his peers . . . but even in that, he still tried to protect the one person he loved. Beautiful. *Heart* As beautiful as his physical description!

The others---wow. What can one really say here? We all know people like this. We either grew up watching or receiving their cruelty, or saw them dish it out on a daily basis. The sad thing is, kids like Evan gather a following, not because they are great, but because they are feared. I'm willing to bet more than one kid felt bad about the way they treated James, but they were too afraid to speak up or go against the flow, lest the "mob mentality" shift in their direction. It's the same quandry Noble faced, but for different reasons. Guilt by association is an awful thing at that age.

Plot Pretty soild here. *Thumbsup* I loved this coming of age and recognition tale. It draws you in and envelops the reader in a platitude of emotions. Fear, anger, betrayl, guilt, love...this story has it all. It shows how we are capable of growth and change. It also shows the harmful,lasting effects intolerance and cruelty can have on a person.

Setting was also well done. The prep school was the perfect backdrop for this tale and you gave enough details to make it easy to see.


Thoughts/Suggestions


The only thing that I really didn't care for, and even that is a stretch, was how the view points changed so often in the beginning of the story. It felt like I was always being jarred out of one point of time or one person's head into another. Honestly, if it were at all possible, I would try to keep the story written entirely from Noble's point of view and divulge the bits and pieces about James and Evan through dialogue and the story. Everything else was very polished and amazing!


*Star* I loved your last few lines. James just was. Perfect wording and it really conveys the message I think you were trying to convey with your story. I also really liked the part where you said in a perfect world, they could have been together, things could have been different. It really makes one stop to think about the state of affairs around them and some struggles others might have that we don't even stop to think of.

Overall, this truly was an amazing read and I would definitely suggest it to anyone looking for a well-developed and well-written story. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of Just Keep Dancing  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi there, JLsqueaks! *Smile* I came across your poem while looking for something to read and thought it had a catchy title. "Just Keep Dancing" reminds me of those things we tell our friends and family, an optimistic line offered to help them keep going. We all need a little motivation and encouragement now and then!

Inside, I found a much different story. The poem covers the driving force of life, the rhythm we all must sustain. It speaks more of "no rest for the weary" and the constant struggle we all undertake, just to keep up in life---let alone get ahead. It has an urgent undertone, the words grim and somber. Dancing here seems to be a metaphor for writing,work, or just the average grind. I like the fact that it is open to interpretation, but also not too vague, as life is often refered to as a dance.

I did have a few thoughts/suggestions I wanted to share after reading:

*Bullet* I think this piece would benefit from at least the standard punctuation and capitalization. For example: i = I
wont = won't

You use periods and such to help accent the flow throughout the item, so why stop there? These are just a few minor edits that will help polish up this piece. *Wink*

*Bullet* I'm not sure about the tempo. It seems you were trying to establish some sort of even beats here, but it was rough in some places and even in others. My suggestion, if this is what you were going for, is to count each syllable out and try to adjust the wording to fit. This does take some time and effort, but the results are well worth it.


Overall, I enjoyed this poem and the message it conveyed. It shows how life is often full of hurries and pressure. If you do decide to make some edits, feel free to let me know. I'd be happy to come back and give this another read and adjust my rating.

~Best wishes and happy wriitng!~
Adriana *Moon*

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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Kathie! *Smile* I was drawn to your piece by the title and description. I love stories like this, of unexpected angels and redemption in the most unlikely places.

I'm not sure if this story is true or not, but if it is, it took a lot of courage to tell. I have several addicts in my family, both blood and inlaws, and I know the struggles they face daily, even as recovering. This story really reaches out and speaks to the heart. It shows how some friends are placed into our lives for a purpose, even if it is just to show us how deep our own flaws are. I'm a firm believer in the power of angels....and in the fact that every thing in life has a season and purpose.

This was beautifully written and deeply moving. I honestly have no suggestions to share, just my gratitude that you would share such a beautiful piece.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there, Intuey! *Smile* I came across your story while browsing the site and couldn't help but stop in for a read! I really liked your title. It grabbed my attention right away, as did your description. These are the types of stories that are hard to put down because of the suspense and psychological horror, and yours was no exception.

Wow! I couldn't help but feel sorry for Bryan right off the bat. *Worry* Diane was more than a bit off her rocker, wasn't she? As a reader, we weren't really privy to what caused the breakdown in the relationship, only it's final death spasm...which she refused to accept as such. The first line really drew me in though and made me relate to Diane (just for that instant) because slamming the door more than once just to make a point when I'm really angry is something I have done. *looks ashamed*

It became clear right off the bat that she was not going to accept their relationship as over. I still wanted to know, even up to the end what caused their breakup....but the action pulled me in as she went from laying in wait for him in his car, to full blown kidnapping! There were some great action sequences as Bryan struggled for the gun, and then when he tried to make a desperate break for freedom.

Excellent plot and very interesting characters. It reminded me a bit of "Fatal Attraction" but with your own unique perspective. I loved the fact that we got to sit inside the unstable one's mindset too...that was refreshing, becuase most stories are presented from the victim's point of view.

The only nits I had were small ones. I would have liked to see a bit more of the surroundings and what the characters looked like. I didn't feel I had a good visual impression of Bryan at all, or the cabin where they went. Also, I wanted more of Diane's emotions...I wanted to feel why she couldn't let go, not just hear it from her lips. Call me greedy, but that's my humble imput.

Overall, this was an exciting and enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Gabriel! *Smile* I came across your poem while browsig the site and decided to give it a read. Your description was quite intruiging, as it's a unique blend of genres/topics to cover in one piece.

I can't say that I fully understand the meaning behind this, or how the title applies, unless Jeanne is the observant mother mentioned. I'll admit, I walked away a litt confused, but here is my understanding. The narrator knows of something bad that is going to happen...that or he is planning it himself, and his thoughts circle around this as he travels.

There are, however, some great elements here, such as the inclusion of the beggar and how most people turn a blind eye to his pleas. We see this so often in society, and it really is heartbreaking to watch. I also loved the grim tone of this piece, it conveys a somber message that reaches far beyond the surface and leaves the reader to ponder many things.

Word choice was good. It painted a stong visual image and imparted a certain vibe that carried throughout. You had a great rhythm and flow, and I do believe the free form was an excellent choice for this poem.

I thank you for sharing and for giving me something to ponder. Good work.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*


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Review of A Punishment Due  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Ello, Calliber! *Smile*

This was quite an interesting story. It's not often you see assassins who harbor remorse, or any sense of conscience. I don't think that line of work allows for it, and this is probably why!

The title fit the story well and from line one, I was hooked. I wanted to know what this code was, and what would follow. It was a strong ay to open and it certainly draws the reader into the story. The body is very well written. I enjoy your style and the rich tone with just a touch of noir. It almost reminded me of the inner monologues you'd see on the old detective shows. Very cool.

I could find only one drawback to this story. It read more like a quick scene to me. The reason for that is we really know little about Harley. For instance, how did he get into this line of work. What sort of people were his intended targets . . . and most importantly, who was this innocent victim? It was hard to have a true grasp on the character, or the story itself when the main catalyst (the victim) is shrouded in mystery. I thought it would have a lot more impact if you described this person in some detail and showed them and the situation through Harley's eyes.

That said, I really did like what we did get to see and know of him. I thought he was a unique character and truly not a "bad" person at heart, despite his carreer. *Wink*

Great premise and fantastic wording. You have a great author's voice and an ability to draw people into your character's head. All of the bones are in place, now you just need to add a little more meat to the tale! If you ever decide to flesh this story out, please let me know. I'd be happy to come back and read it again with a higher rating.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Laugh* How very sad but true this jaunty little poem is, Julie!

Wow, what a hair-raising glimpse at our health and pharmaceudical industries this is! Of, course, those two go hand-in-hand. One profits heavily off the other, so is it any wonder they push pills on us for every little thing? This poem really makes one stop to think about just how bad things have gotten. (in between bouts of laughter, of course!)

I have no suggestions for improvement. It had great shythm and flow and thee subject matter was engaging. I'm always a fan of tongue-in-cheek humor, or pointing the big thumb at the miscreants of society. This was a very clever and witty piece that is sure to make any reader laugh or shake their heads in wonder. Great work!

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review of Prologue  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ello, Circe! *Smile* I came across your story while searching the site and thought I would stop by and let you know what I thought.

The story started off on a powerful note. I loved Gabriel's thoughts on humans and his fascination with them. I've often thought about the gaps between God's two most favored creations and wondered what they thought of us...if they were as curious about us and our motivations as we are them. Here, you made him curious and quite likeable. *smiles* Then again, Gabriel was always my favorite Arc.

It was interesting watching him try to interact with one of his charges. We all know that voice you speak of, and it does seem this could be a likely source. However, one small twist and his attempts to guide her suddenly turn tragic. She dies, and Gabriel is bereft.

You have an interesting plot premise here...however, I couldn't help but want more. Things felt very rushed. Too rushed for me to even get a good feel of Gabriel here and what makes him tick. I know it's easy to do, and we are often bursting at the seams, eager to get the sotry out and "get to the good parts." Unfortunately, when we give into that urge, it shows and the reader misses out on huge parts of the experience. I thought perhaps a bit more embellishment on his days of watching this woman....what other sorts of things she did....what he saw that made him believe her so good would help us empathize and relate. Afterall, it must have been something huge to get him to go against his creator and question His will. Also, during that scene a bit more arguing or provocation would make things more tense and eaiser to believe. I find it hard to see why after only two questions, he would be expelled and banished.

I love what you have, but don't be afriad to delve more into the emotions and actions. Explore them, feel and convey them and give your reader the chance to do the same.

~Best wishes and happy writing!~
Adriana *Moon*
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow. Very interesting poll you have here, SM! The question posed is very straight and to the point, and you give a broad scope of answers so that anyone taking this will find an answer close to theirs. I have to admit, the results of this are a bit shocking! I'm not surprised at all by the leading answer, but the ones that follow do make one wonder the hows and whys behind the answer. I'm glad to see those are in the vast minority though!

At any rate, thank you for sharing and for giving us another opportunity to send in some feedback. As for me, WDC has been and always will be my home away from home. *Thumbsup*

~Best wishes always!~
Adriana
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Review of To Silence a Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
My Initial impressions of "To Silence a LoveOpen in new Window. I just love your work, Fairport. You always develop these fascinating characters in strange circumstances! Plot, character, and setting are all explored fully in your tales, and this one was no different! You also have a distinct style and voice that always graces your work, no matter what the genre. It's decriptive and clear, lending just enough mood to the piece. Well done!

This goes beyond the usual nagging wife drives husband insane story. (Are us females really that bad? *Laugh* James has an unhealthy attachment to a set of wind chimes his grandfather gave him. He believes these special chimes hold the ability to keep his fear and emptiness away. However, his wife believes they sing the devil's song and James is bewitched. Here in lies the conflict...and as most of us knows, in relationship arguments, someone always ends up losing!

I can really understand his attachment to the sea. This made me like him. All the way up until I realized why those chimes were clanging so hard and what it was exactly James was waiting on. *Shock* Talk about playing on someone's worst fears. I can't imagine Martha's horror, and I'm almost glad you didn't explore that aspect. I think James, though a bit crazed, was the safer head to be in! *laughs*

*Idea*Questions and Suggestions:*Idea*
~ The wind currents on the propertie's north side
Did you mean property's?

~ Now, in the songs place, a hell-bent clatter bellowed
song's place

~ There were moments - sometimes creeping into minutes,
Moments and minutes reflect each other too closely for this to make much sense. Is there another word you could choose here to avoid repetition?

~ One particular notion loomed in James’ brain with uncanny patients.
I think you may have meant patience. *Wink*

~ Martha became convinced that James' beloved chimes were fashioned and deliver from hell itself.
I'm not sure, but I believe the saying is fashioned and delivered.

~ The sky was cast in magical silver, as a light, cold rain began to fall toward an earthly beckon
Did you mean beacon?


Parting Thoughts: Great plot, pacing, development and style. The tiny technical aspects listed above were the only flaws I noticed. This was a great read and a thrilling ride. Oh yes how wily all things Celtic can be. *Bigsmile* Yes, that was green pride shining through. gloating, f you will! Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you in the Sinister Stories contest!
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Moon*
Adriana

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Review of Noah's Ark  Open in new Window.
Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ello Shannon! *Smile* Congratulations on your first place win in the Short Shots contest this month! After reading, "Noah's ArkOpen in new Window., I can certainly say it's a deserving win. Then again, all your stories are amazing!

Initial Impressions: Bring your kleenex. This story is a real tear-jerker, playing deeply on the emotions, and the deepest fear of every parent. *Cry* I think you did an amazing job with the prompt here, for when I was reading, I could see the picture in my head very well. Noah's Ark is a story of profound loss and the guilt left behind in its wake. It's the story of a mother struggling to pick up the pieces after her entire world shatters. Very well penned tale.

The characters: Though we never get to meet him, Noah plays a major role in this story. After his death, his mother falls apart, as most of us would. She sees a psychiatrist, but refuses to let go of her guilt. Most of the story takes places through her eyes as she views the world and fights herself in a series of gut-wrenching internal monolouges. This really makes the story hit home, because it could so easily be any of us, and you can't help but feel her pain.

Setting/Plot: For a brief moment, we are on a dry creek bed...we catch glimpses of the house...the scenery, when shown, is given in detail. It fit the plot and mood very well.

The plot, as mentioned above, centers around a mother who feels responsible for her son's death and her struggle to come to terms with this. It's a moving story and I felt you covered all aspects incredibly well. Things move at a perfect pace, neither to fast, nor too slow, but just enough to encompass your reader.

Style & Voice: I think this is why I love your work so much. You have a very emotional style that lets the reader feel the story through the character. Your stories always have a ton of heart. Your wording isn't superfulous or flowery, but it's descriptive and just right.

The voice and tone here is somber and grief-ridden, but you throw in some beautiful phrases and words.

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* Oh my God, Shannon...you really had me here: the end scene where she is on the creek bed and spies the child's toy. Guh...like the proverbial flood, the tears started coming. I also like the way you refer to mother nature. *Laugh* There are days she could use a Midol or two!

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea* Not a thing. It's rare that I say that, but I thought this was perfect as is!

Parting Thoughts: Another wonderful tale! Perhaps you will pull all of them together in an anthology. It would make things so much eaiser for the rest of us. *laughs* In all seriousness though, congratulations! Be sure to let me know when your next story hits the site!
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
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Review by Adriana Noir Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+
Ello Prof Moriarty! I saw your review request and figured I would try to help as best I could.

My Initial impressions of "The Shell NecklaceOpen in new Window. This was such a beautiful story! It was long, but that really gave you time to develop the characters and scenery. This was rich with culture, educational, and a touching tale of love and longing that touches the heart. I have to admit, the ending was something I did not expect but I thought it a bittersweet and perfect choice!

Something else I found unique was the mystery woven into the plot. With the money owed and the husband missing for most of the tale, one was never really sure what Abena, or her family, was up to! I enjoyed all the twists and turns you took me on with this tale and it was fun to read!

The characters: Wonderful job here. I really have no suggestions. Neil was fully developed as an avid buisiness man who enjoys the fruits of his labors. I found him easy to relate to, and despite his wealth and power, a likeable man. He treats his employees well and his modest upbringing perhaps kept him grounded. He shuns the use of formal titles and even through it is a risk, he shows compassion in giving credits to less fortunate people. (At least in one instance.) I have to say, too, that though it was difficult, I truly respect his decision in the end. It proved him to be a man of strong moral standing and it was a completely selfless act. *Thumbsup*

Abena was, perhaps, the most fascinating. I ran a gambit of questions with her as the story unfolded. I wanted to know what her motives were, what the mysterious and sensaul woman was thinking. I confess to thinking at times that her husband had died, that she had poisoned Rosa...you name it! Abena was very soft-spoken and gentle mannered, and gave off the impression of being well-educated (which we find out happens to be the case) Despite the mystery and questions, much like Neil, I couldn't help but develop a soft spot for her.

I loved that the female lead in this story was strong and intelligent, fully capable of holding her own. That's refreshing to read!

Setting/Plot: The plot moves at an even pace. It's not rused, nor does it take forever to unfold. Perfect pacing. There was romance and longing, yes, but it is also infused with tension and mystery....lots of mystery. I think you cover quite a few genres with this one! No suggestions here.

The story takes place in Africa and you give plenty of rich, cultural details that immerse the reader in the setting. I could see the dusty roads, smell the fragrant fruits, see the people and the farm lands...every base was covered here. The only thing I was left feeling curious about was what the inside of Neils house looked like, since much of the story takes place there. Most people may not wonder, but I found myself curious as to what his kitchen looked like, the countertops, the appliances...though I imagined them lush!

Style & Voice: At times, especially in the beginning, some of the wording was over my head and I have a fairly extensive vocabulary. I couldn't help but wonder if simpler words couldn't have been selected to gain a broader base. Romance is a popular genre with readers of all ages and backgrounds and I worry some of the younger (or even normal) readers will be thrown off by the wording when he discusses his buisness and childhood backgrounds. Just a thought.

Other than that, this had a very clean and easy to read style. Plenty of details are given without bogging the pace down and the prose isn't flowery or purple. There are quite a few lines, especially as the story winds down that I thought to be pure gems! It's a pleasure to read this story and become enveloped in its folds!

*Star*Favorite Part:*Star* There were quite a few things that popped out at me here. One was the dark humor in Neil delighting in Rosa still being too ill to return to work. He knew it was wrong, we knew it was wrong, yet we couldn't help but laugh because the reader understood his reasons. I really liked that touch of human nature, however flawed!

I loved not knowing what Abena was up to, and how you dropped subtle hints that raised those doubts.

Your ending...my God. That was beautifully worded. *Heart* Truly lovely prose there in those last paragraphs.

*Idea*Suggestions for Improvement:*Idea*
*Bullet* Are you off your mind?
Maybe this is a common term elsewhere, but I've usually heard this phrased as "Are you off your rocker?" or "Are you out of your mind?" Off your mind kinda sounded strange to me.

*Bullet* from the cloudless, late- September sky
I don't think there should be a space between hypenated words.
late-September

*Bullet* I wished my parents would see me now.
I've always heard this as 'could see me now.'

*Bullet* Never again shall I heed to my heart,
Heed meant to pay attention to, so heed to is kind of redundant here.
heed my heart

*Bullet* Her elaborate, hairdo captivated me.
The comma causes an awkward pause here.
Her elaborate hairdo

*Bullet* A nonplussed Robert didn't ask any question,
questions

*Bullet* “You see, Robert, I want to watch the cocoa trucks enter when the enter our premises.”
I think you meant enter when they enter our premises."

*Question* The scene transition to where Neil is asking Robert if he met with her was really confusing. I had no idea who he was talking about or why. Nor do I really understand why Robert would be the one tracking her down. Perhaps make some mention of Rosa not showing up for a few days and Neil being concerned but too busy to visit her home before this conversation takes place? It would make the transition smoother.

*Bullet* Thank God, Abena will be there from tomorrow.
from tomorrow sounds awkward
will be there tomorrow.

*Bullet* head and the shell necklace looked like an expensive jewellery around
Here, I would suggest a little rewording. It feels like a word is missing. Also, jewelry is misspelled according to spell check here.
an expensive piece of jewelery OR like expensive jewelry

*Bullet* that when they did their household chores or carried firewood from the forests, but had never seen Abena dress so informally .
informally. An extra space crept in on you there. *Wink*

*Bullet* Accustomed only to her reserved nature, her overwhelming femininity and expressive eyes, bewildered me
I don't think the comma after eyes is needed, as it creates a confusing stop.

*Bullet* “I thought you would come from tomorrow.”
This is hard to understand. How can one come from tomorrow?
start tomorrow or come tomorrow

*Bullet* It meant that she no longer hawked fruits and vegetables outside my office because she would be at my house. Secretly, I took great pride that she spent so much time in my house, cooking for me and taking care of my house.
You use home a lot in these few sentences and it becomes repetitive. Perhaps take one or two out. Th reader will still understand, but it will give you smoother flow.
spent so much time there, cooking for me and caring for my things.

*Bullet* Some evenings, I would get really late in going home.
Wordy, maybe consider trimming.
Some evenings, I would return home late.

*Bullet* Accompanied with my Procurement Officer Dino and my driver Joseph,
Names should be set off with commas.
Procurement Officer, Dino, and my driver, Joseph,

*Bullet* “Hello, sir. Hi, Dino. Hi, Joseph.” He shook our hands. I observed
Missing the period after observed.

*Bullet* “When did you come?” asked Abena
Missing the period after Abena.

*Bullet* I observed George gaze at her with affection , and
There should be no space between affection and the comma here.

*Bullet* I motioned toward a photo on the shelf which showed a young Abena holding books pose with an old white man.
Slightly awkward.
holding books and posed with

*Bullet* “Neil, why don’t you go ahead. You will have a good idea about cocoa. Meanwhile, I will go around and meet the other farmers,”
suggested Dino.
suggested Dino somehow ended up on a different line here. *Wink*

*Bullet* “Why did you lie to me about where you live.”
This is a question and should have a question mark

*Bullet* She raised her face, and to my utter amazement, I saw tears cascading down her
face.
Your words ended up being on seperate lines again here. Gotta love those copy and paste issues that pop up every now and then! *Laugh*

*Bullet* I only hope she knows that her love and the shell necklace would, forever, be my most cherished possessions.
The verb tenses here read awkward to me, though I confess, it could just be me. I think it would read smoother as:
I only hope she knows that her love and the shell necklace will, forever, be my most cherished possessions.
((By the way, what a beautiful line!))


Parting Thoughts: I hope that I have been some help here. Overall, this was a wonderful read that many people would enjoy. The characters are solid, your setting wonderful, and your plot touching. It's an ending full of bittersweet promise, and one your readers won't soon forget. Thank you for sharing.
~Best wishes and happy writing!~ *Heart*
Adriana

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