Dear iKïyå§ama  ,
Just from that opening paragraph from a male point of view, and depiction with first person, you are nailing down character when you hit on the notes of vanity, insecurity, really getting inside the head of character to project a voice that sounds true. Furthermore, you portray one who is well-to-do with a lot of shame and guilt, ironically the most grounded person in core family. This slow reveal to psychiatrist, as confession moves forward, providing this reader with empathy I can feel for him.
What I can’t comprehend is his status, lifestyle exhibited. The fact that he is grounded in hard work, background of being raised poor, by a single parent with no siblings, he might have been entitled if not for a lack of a mother, having a stern father who taught work ethic.
You’ve developed a very sound and logical character, ironically struggling despite status and wealth, with a mess he feels responsible for. And yet, the breadwinner provides Band-Aids for not being there with family. And it does not sound like the oldest son or wife are likable. The son having a chance by story end to get dad‘s perspective of early life, going back to childhood haunts. This is a great idea for sharing and connecting with a child. And I think his big mistake is thinking his wife could take care of things on the home front, buying his kids, and wife, supplying them because of his job demands.
Here, further we get into first person protagonist confessional, more details emerge that fully conceive something that seems to be building toward outcome, or setting reader up in anticipation of where this is all headed, somewhat like foreboding. And, by the end of session, he has revealed some things about the important people in his life that are already changing, finding a connection to both son and spouse, where she sweetly crawls into bed with him. To me, her likely need to apologize and show that she forgets he is good man, maybe lost in her own delusion -- also could use a psychiatrist, couples therapy, healthy for the two characters.
The steps he’s already made can mend relationship, new start given, as he seeks answers to apply to depicted situation. All very believable, intricate in storytelling, and very relatable for me as reader to immerse in this story that gave satisfaction by end. Happy to read and wish I could’ve given more time in review, if I had not been knocked off internet during this 'read and review' that limits me on amount of time to react. Normally I would outline notes, takeaways, and then draft supporting thoughts using each notion as topic sentences for composed paragraphs. Now, just talk to text with iPad after laptop crapped its pants.
I copied and saved everything before laptop issue, present below what I had been working on. Sorry that it’s not fully developed, but attempt to tie up loose ends. Have to be somewhere, now late, thought I’d be out of the house. Here’s what I had:
Picking up after opening comments above...then, this hits me: “What fatherly instinct is left in me? How the hell do I look at him and say the words my dad said to me many times? Grow up and become a man! Work, work, work till your goddamn hands bleed, and then you’ll understand the true value of money!”
This alone, the epicenter, strikes me with an arrow and so many ways. Psychologically, comes from a generational perspective that could come right out of television drama, mirroring real life. Maybe, confessions you have come across patients with similar stories, time allowed to fully share. Shows observance on the part of writer to cull these male perspectives that zero in on what is happening to this generation, parents who cannot govern their kids anymore...not even because they’re too busy.
I have so much to say on this subject, because it is more difficult to discuss with kids that need a father‘s attention, and tough love, discipline -- guarded in society today. Sometimes, it’s a fractured parent unit that each apply rules without council of the other, and this is not knowing what’s going on because dad‘s are left out of the loop. Even as a kid, my mom sheltered me from an abrasive dad who worked up to four jobs, creating a similar scenario. Mine, with a limited education like, could still apply wisdom that I utter to myself, like, “think about what you’re going to say, before you say it,” without admonishing me. So, surprising how difficult this generation can't find a way to communicate, some walls formed, made much thicker and denser to penetrate with today’s social peril of words or subjects who cannot say or approach, creating further division within.
The character portrayal of yours, with his wealth, unable to discipline as absent parent is sound. But also, the options to discipline with tough love are a further reach. The character might have wealth, but lacks a little intellect to ration or reason a way to intervene, until clarity. But, right in that depicted moment observing son, defeat. It hits me, because I am on the outside, looking in at two adult kids who were my best friends as kids, a father of the year every year until they didn’t need me, fun dad, always accessible.
Your character and my father and these stories are not so different on this front you’ve depicted with such detail, insight, understanding the first person dialogue that seems well considered. Whether researched or possibly experienced, you might be a great listener, knowing your occupation, and apply a wonderful tool to aid, as with your patients. No doubt, your profession is a great resource for stories. I can attest as my wife works with surgeons as a tech and has some very insightful information and colorful stories of personalities and incidents and accidents that have entertained over the years. Could be borne out of your own experiences in that environment, up to and including doctors, who are human, will confess these types of personal insights.
Your story all the more impressed, with my entire existence on this website in your company, likely why I feel safe sharing in this review. I will sum up since I am running out of time and patience with a fickle internet and disappointing laptop, thankful that I have an iPad, with talk to text. I apologize if review sounds confusing, as it is rambling because of struggle. I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge your writing. And, tie thoughts to group affiliation...(attempting the obtuse) something going on at my reviewing group since departure of a great inspiration there. Not being acknowledged for reviews since end of last month; it happened before, despite pointing out to a group leader, was never addressed then, let lapse without reason.
Sad when Eyestar passed on, recruited me to review, fueled a new romance to review again, level up, and that flowed back over to Angel Army. I get overzealous, hungry to feel a part of a safe environment, inspired by mere acknowledgment of crafted words continually noticed by writers and groups. Never disappointed with AA, you, Webbie, others in group. Thank you.
The hassle of the internet has made this a messy review. I am glad to go back over it. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story that goes to the heart of my own character, personal issues that relate, knowing it’s a sad reality in society today to have these rifts, communication between generations further breaking down. Our children need parental influences, sense of family, loyalty, history to form future bonds. I’m saddened that I’ve lost two good friends, replaced by indifferent adults, know spouse operates without my consult, leaves me in dark, possibly giving them the impression I don’t care. While available, it intimidates me into silence, knowing my words go unobserved.
Your story supplies thoughts of a PC world today, where words are redacted from baby boomer vernacular, sadly represents how little information my offspring are willing to consider from me, public education, history, to open eyes, apply to real life. We could all be closer, share family heritage, relate stories.
A good vehicle, your story, and how I wish to express myself that connects all, limited by societal complacence and the gags of conformity. Hence, I write, newly diagnosed neruotypical (on spectrum with ADHD) and been on a learning curve lifelong, awkwardly with many cringe moments that feel like failures. To overcome these obstacles and be what others need, before self, has taken me to new levels of understanding on psychological levels where I shouldn't play. I could just crack open a beer, sit on a lawn chair, and stare at sky and greenery, but no retirement for me until every word and experience documented and written to make sense of all.
Thanks for relating a poignant, insightful, and psychologically depicted dialogue from a perspective that seems so far removed from your own. It intones so many revelations, I feel you’ve gotten inside a lot of heads with your patience and willingness to understand other human conditions, even if drafted from other fiction, or dialogue with doctors/PAs/nurses, describing home lives. Doesn’t matter. Great attention to detail.
Let's see how this goes, thank you,
Brian,
WDC SUPER POWER reviewer
 
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And considering one of the other poem's by you read this evening, it feels like 'suicide' if you spoke the words of someone braver. If we launch into something, we have no idea if we'll hang ourselves with our words. But, we have learned from some ventures to know that feeling. We. You.
"
But, great to break out for kids or to rap?
The poem I came across was discovered after perusing several parts of your portfolio. And, since I'm a lover of the seasonal, found myself walking through the aisles of nature poems right to this. I apologize. I passed up the folder with things that haven't been reviewed yet. I think I was drawn to something that was just the right size for my eyes to consume tonight.
There's the opportunity to disengage from the 'now that I got you caught up' and give reaction to what he's thinking, what he's planning to do in response. Thus, we start wondering about both the woman and speaker and what's happening and what the eventual outcome will be.