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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let Scarlett   know that a Blogger sent ya!Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| This blog was originated so that I might have a space to consider my own universe, condition--my own reality. Today, I'm going to use it for that purpose. The reality is that there is a real human being behind these words. That can be a shock to some folks. If you are interested, or along for this amazing journey, please feel free to read on. Otherwise, thanks for stopping by. See ya next time. You are in control of your actions. I am still in control of the words and world here. If I were asked to give a cogent title for this entry, I believe it would be "Fear!" Many friends along this journey speak to me often about one fear or another they are experiencing. One (probably the first) question I ask is "How long have you been experiencing this fear?" The surprise is not in the asking of the question. The surprise is (for me) the frequency of the same answer: "Recently." is a close approximation that will generally do. Recently. Old fears or is this a new one? "Old fear revisited." or "Brand new fear, it seems." are the most common answers. Only because I am still alive do I particularly care about the questions AND the answers. Why? Because I can totally relate to both answers. On this journey, we (regardless of our position within the journey) become intimate with fears both nefarious and nebulous. "Something, I don't know what, is making me fearful!" I won't dig too deep in that particular trench at the moment because it is, in the greater scheme of things, of less importance--with one exception. It seems that virtually everyone I know is experiencing NEW fear, and it is not something of their own creation. It is something coming to them from outside their reality with the force of an armed invasion. Note that. We'll discuss it soon. I visited my docs today. Specifically, a pain doc (new to the team). Seems I likely have a broken rib. Pretty painful, that. Compared to other pain, it's right up there. And mightily inconvenient, if I do say so myself. So, what? It's a fear I can touch. If I touch it, it hurts. Logical understanding eradicates fear. Example: eliminates fear of lung cancer, eliminates lying awake during sleep time making sure I take a breath (PE Fear never leaves.), etc. Stay with me, if you will. It matters. It may well matter to you. I can deal with anything I know. It is what I do not know that creates tension, stress and fear. Yet, like many of the people I have been talking to, I too have a sense of impending dread and doom invading my peace. We didn't coordinate it. It has come upon each of us at different times, and in different ways. I would submit it is not a personal fear so much as a national fear. Yes, national. If someone were to inquire of me whether or not I had fear about my nation, and my citizenship, my answer would be a resounding "Absolutely!" You who know me will know that I am, and have always been a political being. I came from a home environment where politics shone brilliantly, where citizen and citizenship really mattered, where national patriotism beat in every heart. For those of us in my family still left breathing on this orb, these things matter still. They all play a vital role in my rising up and in my lying down every day. More than the issues of these days that lay heavy upon my heart are the fears they are causing to invade my peace. These are the fears that seem to be unearthed as being the most common among those with whom I discourse regularly. So, what is going on? This was the question that resulted in my inquiry of Dad. The answer I was given has resulted in my determination to create the first of several "Encounters With Christ". (See what trying to be brief and succinct get ya?) Even before the probability that the nexus of such fears is actually a crisis of faith, it is important to survey the landscape for possible answers, better questions, and a reasoned way of dealing with both. Rationality, emotion, logic and common sense all have an important role to play on this journey--and they will be. But the origin of both problem and answer exist in only one word: FAITH. Rather than blathering on about politics, politicians and the national condition, I feel compelled to write about, in the middle of all these things, blathering on about how faith is the problem, and how only faith is the answer. That is why I have limited this first "encounter" to those who consider themselves to be "born again" Christ followers. This encounter is not designed to define, or lead to having faith; it is presumed existent in those who will participate and experience this first encounter. This blog is for my thoughts, but it is also a journal of the expansion of those thoughts. That is why I am putting my thoughts about the encounter, the writing of it, and how it transpires to what is for me a logical result. I'm already astounded by what I am learning, and even what I have written here. I worry (fear) this blog will not last until the conclusion of this particular activity. It would be a real dilly of a deal to have to split this across blogs. What to do? 1. Find out how many entries are permitted in a blog. 2. Find out how many entries are used, and how many are left. 3. Eliminate the fear with knowledge, and plan based upon data. 4. Pray without ceasing. In His Care, Budroe PS: Labs and X-Rays tomorrow, along with a scheduled dressing down from my Endocrinologist about the importance of taking Blood Sugars regularly. And insulin. And diet (trying like mad to gain weight: a Challenge for my Endo Nutritionist. PCP the next day. It seems things are happening (again, still....) with my body. I'll let you know here what develops. Your prayers are coveted. |
| Is there anything more oxymoronic that trying to organize? Yet, that is my current activity for the encounter. This time, I thought I would organize the work like a web developer would. You know, files and folders. Yes, there is even a Code Book for this one--templates and all!). I'm hoping that shorter is better, leaving plenty of room for participation and personal encounters for the participants. It is intense, but completely "doable", I think. Those consuming this product will be the telling quality of this particular meal. I just have to get it write right. It's going to take a bit of time., Patience, Dad. I'm working on it. In HIs Care, budroe |
Well, you know how it goes. I've got the idea, the concept, the view of an expected outcome. The box is built. Now to put the "stuff" into the box. *Crickets* Where did it all go? Working on creating the product is taking just a ton of time. I have the time, at least deadline-wise. I determine (most of) that. If Dad says "Go!", I will. This part of an "adventure" is the toughest, but the very best. It's Dad and I, walking together on a journey that will become an activity for His kids. Most will not know (but now will know) that, before presenting such an activity, long before I write it--I must first live it. I am inevitably the first participant in any journey that WDC members will see. When I tell you that an activity is going to be "tough", I generally know my audience well enough to be able to say this with a tad bit of authority. I, long ago, gave up trying to determine whether or not an activity, an adventure, or an encounter was "too tough" or "too hard" or "too..." anything!These don't come about by fancy, whim or chance friend. These writings are a reflection, a history of a part of my faith story. The reason you ever see, or participate in them is because of what I personally have experienced. You get to see the good parts, and occasionally you get to experience a few of the tough parts. But an adventure, or an encounter activity is usually a reduction of a much larger story. Every day of an adventure or encounter has multiple possible forking points. I must have the authenticity to allow each participant to experience what it is they need. Some of those points come from choices I have made on that same journey. I usually know where most of the forks will exist within the activity. Sometimes, I don't. Dad is by my side every step, or it is a step not taken. That gets to be a difficult reality sometimes. I do get a keen sense of when it is time to be still on these journeys through faith. I try to "institutionalize" them into the activity without institutionalizing the entire activity. That's where the writing "fun" comes in! Sometimes, I expect a certain reaction, result, or outcome at some definable point within an activity. Sometimes, that is an amazingly stupid thing to do. When a participant is compelled to be still at a point I hadn't programmed, there are two confirmations I get: 1. They truly ARE on the journey, working diligently, and 2. They are not alone. Dad is with them, and they are in relationship at that moment. Not only do I get confirmation that authenticity and legitimacy exist as a part of the work of the author of the activity (not me, I'm just the typist), but I get confirmation that it (the activity or part thereof) is being done as instructed. I just have to breathe deep at these first points, and be still. He will, in HIS time, instruct me. And He does. He comes to me. That is how I know that I know that you, too, can have just such a moment. The activities of the adventures and encounters are life-changing, authentically His, and yours. That is what this new "Encounter With Christ" is all about. That's when I have my own personal encounter with Christ. The excitement, joy and determination I have compel me to continue, In His Care, Budroe |
| I'm being reminded, in a rather exquisitely painful way, why I stopped writing so darn much on this site. It never seems to completely overcome me, but it often gets darned close. I know that I am not alone in this. You KNOW who you are. 1. Bare bones writing. Get the words down "on paper", as it were. Or, as it weren't if you are of that particular persuasion. 2. Begin to "dress up" the words. Links are always a good and easy start. 3. Links don't work. They used to. HEY! Who messed up my links?? What is an "x-link", anyway? 4. Links working. 5. Add an image for contrast and interest. 6. Links not visible. OH, NO! 7. Go through the entire portfolio tree to learn where the clash of permissions exists. Fix. Several steps, and shots of Bourbon may be required. 8. As if by magic, images appear when you use the {image:} tag. I used to know that. Oh, man. I'm getting old. What's your name again? 9. Begin word edit. Preachers, Lawyers and Teachers do (or at least should) be paid by the word. 9A. It doesn't have to be eternal to be immortal. Say it already! 10. Emphasize, italicize, neutralize this puppy! Brutal is best. The agony is short-lived. How did you get so committed to that word? Ere ye crazee? 11. (Should be #2 on list. Move to #2.) Save early. Save often. Okay, I think that's got it. I'll just save and chec...what do you MEAN site down for maintenance?? One hour's well-deserved break later... Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, missed a curly brace. The whole danged thing is in italics. Find it. Fix it. Save it. Check it. Curly brace in wrong place, and visible besides. Find it. Fix it. Save it. Check it. Checks out. Upward and onward. 12. I find it imperative to edit as I type. I never said I was perfect at it. Word by honkin' word, already. Man, I write too long. One hour's work later... 13. Brace by brace, bracket by bracket, paren by paren. GET IT RIGHT, ALREADY. You're a WRITER, already! Write like it! Edit like it. (As many professionals withll immediately confess, being a writer and being and editor are two distinctly different professions as far away from each other as East is from West. Find an editor you can trust to fix your writing so that what you mean to say is said without all the salad! Hire them. Use them. Celebrate them. Sing their praises to the universe!) But, in the meantime.... 14. One static item written, formatted and edited. HUZZAH. Only 300 more to go, and this puppy's done! Curls up into fetal position. Cries for his Mommy! Next day, opens email from editor. Has melt down. Goes fishing. Never writes again. A note to editors everywhere, to a few generally and to one in particular: You may very well be the most valuable tool in my, or any other sorry, useless, impertinent, omniscient, omni-pain-in-th-rear writer's toolbox. I am eternally grateful for all that you do, and especially that you do for me as my writing journey continues. I apologize for being such a present, constant and complete jerk and humbly beg your forgiveness. To be fair, this writing thing is not now, nor has it ever been a particularly easy thing. We just keep trying to improve one publication or one chapter or one sentence or one word at a time. Even a blind squirrel finds the occasional nut. Sorry for you lot. You find too many. Take me, for instance. Please. |
| Yes, it has been a while. Yet, I do know myself well enough to recognize the muse when she appears. Not only has she shown up, but she is showing off by sitting on my head like she belongs there! For some months, my journalistic (and other) activities within the political realm have been (more or less) centered around an attempt to understand what is going on in the United States these days. That's a pretty broad brush, often with strokes beyond my visual range. Over the course of some months, I have whittled down, bit by bit that huge topic into more "chewable" bites. As is often the case when one does not pre-determine outcomes, but rather depends on skills of observation, etc., the smallest bite I could find shocked me. But, I do believe there IS an answer, it is completely understandable, and actionable. There really IS something we can do about it. But where that took me has me stunned still. I will, for now at least, simply say that it drove me to my knees. Yet it is an answer that ticks all the boxes, makes reasonable sense to anyone with even an average intellect (something I have rarely been accused of having), and can have a restorative plan. That got me excited, but not like having home made ice cream in your favorite flavor for desert. No, exited as in "I MUST write this down!" But, where? It didn't take more than a moment: here! So I have, I am, and I will. It is not an introductory, or basic explanation. It is much more spiritual than I ever imagined, so it will be written as a spiritual writing. I've written several Spiritual Adventures here for the WDC community, but this one requires a bit more. So, I'm writing it as a "next step", a more top-of-scale intermediate activity to add value to not only the adventures and adventurers, but to the WDC community-at-large. As is always the case, my writing is personal. It is a particular joy to share that writing here. Why? Because as you can see here clearly, sharing with others multiplies the joy, and diminishes the pain and sadness of life, of living, and even of leaving life. My writing matters first, but not only to me. I hope this writing will matter to you, as well. I do look forward to sharing it with you. The writing will serve as a "skeleton" for what will become an activity offered to the WDC community. Framing the activity (putting muscles, tendons, ligaments, and clothes on the skeleton)would be greatly enhanced by having several other folks as a team to create the activity. If you find that an interesting possibility, please email me and let me know. I could definitely use the help. :) I'll let you know how it goes. I hope you will let me know what YOU think of it, as well. I can only complete this rather significant writing assignment In His Care, Budroe |
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