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 |  Out of her head and into the world...the real, the scarcastic, introspective? |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** You have just entered the OLIVIA zone! From the far reaches of her wonderful, creative mind come thoughts and expressions that cover every spectrum! Anyway, enjoy my blog.... It's me.... When I get here to dump in it! Cheers! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Member Blogging Groups |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** {/center Day #24: Are you an older sibling? Younger? Middle? Only child? How do you think your birth order has affected who you are today? If you could change it, would you rather have been born in a different order, as an only child, etc.? I am the oldest of two children and my brother is almost 3 years younger than I am. Story has it that mother and dad finally had to move my brother's crib to my bedroom where I would quit sleeping on the floor by his crib at night. I adored my brother from the beginning and am sad that his wife has come between us in our adult life. It often makes me feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life. Psychologically speaking, my personality characteristics such as the innate sense of responsibility fall into the classic characteristics of birth order according to Developmental Psychology. If I could change it, I do not know that I would, but I would find it interesting to explore the personality characteristics of being the second of four children. I could probably write a while dissertation over this fascinating topic, I am off to create a fractured fairy tale or two with my daughter. Perhaps they will find their way into a folder here  .Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #23: Do you believe in divorce? Do you think the present-day prevalence of divorce has made it easier for adults and/or children to deal with when it does happen? Yes, I do believe in divorce under certain circumstances. If one partner is physically, or mentally abusing the other partner and refuses to recognize, resolve, or repair the relationship, then it is time to part ways. Marriage vows DO include the concept of honoring and protecting each other. I have been through this. I asked for discussion, changes, and even counseling. I was willing to work. For him, counseling was never an option until I left the divorce papers on the table and drove away. To me, that was too late especially after he threatened to burn our house down. I was engaged to a guy for a while whose best friend told him that if I was a real Christian woman, I would have stayed in my marriage and taken my husband’s abuse because there would have been greater crowns in heaven for me. When he told me that, we were driving back to his mother’s house so I replied something to the effect of “Well, it sounds like we do not have anything further to discuss about our relationship. Let me swing by the hotel and pick up my things, and I’ll take you and your ring to your mother’s place.” Honestly, I never knew that I could make a man cry. He swore that he did not agree with his friend and he was just making conversation. Needless to say, in the end, when the dating manners came off and the couple’s attitudes set in, we were not compatible, and I “didn’t.” I respect that people have their own perceptions and opinions, but I have had many spiritual Christian men (whom I respect deeply) tell me that they firmly believe that God does not want that kind of treatment for His daughters. I also do not believe that men should be dishonored either. Men have an equal right to walk away and call it quits for the very same reasons. There is not enough support for divorced families. It does not matter whether it is the man, woman, or the children. With divorce so prevalent, it would seem that it would be more accepted and viewed as “normal,” and other people would not treat divorced women and children as “abnormal.” For example: if I had stayed where I was when I filed for divorce, I would have become a social outcast because the other women in the community looked down on divorced women with distrust. The divorced women in the community were looked on as potential “home wreckers” and were treated like that even if they were broken, and hurting, and not interested in getting into another relationship. Where I live now is not as overt about it, but there are similar attitudes I suspect. My daughter is 13 and this school year is the first time in 5 years that she’s had a friend whose parents are not only divorced, but the Dad is as hands off as her Dad is. This change was due to the change in schools. For me, the positive aspect is that I may end up with a good friend that I can identify with. God answers prayer all of the time, it may just take a little time for the right people and circumstances to show up for us to realize. Children always end up believing that their parents’ divorce was their fault, or they could have done something to fix it. Divorcees often have buyer’s remorse. As for me, I miss the man I fell in love with…The person who would do anything for me…The person that I thought hung the moon. I do not miss the man who told me that he only went to a couples’ retreat that we attended because I was jacked up in the head and needed fixing…Not him. I do not miss the man who told me “You brought this on yourself…you deal with it.” When I sat down to talk about my concerns regarding our restaurant, I got the cold shoulder. Interesting note here: When I am not in control of accounts payable and receivable, how can I deal with my own concerns? Oh well. It’s 5 years and 7 months behind me now. I have asked God to bring me my soul mate with whom I have no karma to repair where I might have a happy, amazing relationship before I check out of this existence. I really do not know what the answer to that request is right now and most of the time I am content to wait on the answer while I finish my metamorphosis into a research psychologist. Well, this is my humble position on this issue. One last note on this topic: Unless there is abuse, then couples should make every effort to reconcile if possible. Digging deep and growing together makes both parties better human beings in the long-run. Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #22: If someone were to donate a million dollars in your name to a charity of your choice, which charity would it be and why? (No, you don't count as a charity... think philanthropically! ) Family Abuse Center It would have to go to the Family Abuse Center, or divided up among about 5 such centers located in cities with a population between 100,000 and 150,000 which have many small, rural towns surrounding them. When one thinks about abuse, one tends to instantly imagine physical abuse. Never-the-less, as civilization becomes more and more sophisticated, there is less of that kind of abuse, and more psychological abuse. It is everywhere. Children suffer it at school and we call it “bullying.” College students experience it and we call it “hazing.” In the home and workplace it is called abuse. In a 2012 APA Journal of Applied Psychology study of abuse in the workplace 230 people were polled about workplace abuse. 45% of all respondents reported experiencing some kind of abuse in the workplace in the last 9 months. 85% of those reported that they were psychologically abused, while the other 15% stated that they were physically abused. Where our society should be evolving into a more peaceful the populace, it only takes opening a newspaper, turning on a television, or logging on to the internet to find this reasoning to be false. I would want this money to be used to educate the public about different types of abuse and the different resources available to help both the abused and the abusers to deal with their situation. I would also like to see it used to make sure that the people that seek help get put through a multi-year program of counseling, treatment, and education so that they can get to a place where they are whole and capable of living a good life again. Most people do not realize that psychological abuse is its own form of brain washing and to just up and walking away from it is like quitting a drug cold turkey. For someone to be successful at getting out and never looking back takes an enormous support network as well as a lot of time to heal and form new habits. A million dollars could be burned up in a hurry on projects like these, but perhaps my million dollars would inspire others to step up and help take care of our own in this way as well. This cause is near and dear to my heart. When I hit my “rock bottom” and realized what was going on in my home as well as how it was starting to affect my 7 year-old daughter, all I had to do was call my parents. I reached out to my original support network and said “I’m sorry. I lied and things have not been okay all of these years. I am tired of living in fear and I need help.” I got immediate help. Others don’t. They need the kindness of strangers who are willing to be their guardian angels in their time of need. Especially when there are children involved. There’s where my million would go. Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #21: What's your favorite Olympic event? Do you like the Winter Olympics or Summer Olympics better? Why? The Simple Complexity of Curling When I was a little girl, I looked forward to the Winter Olympics for the very same reason that almost every little girl on the planet who watches them anticipates them. Figure Skating. I dreamed of being a famous figure skater until I got out on the ice when I was about 10 years old and nearly broke my ankle. I learned that my ankles (by genetic design) were not strong enough to hold up to buzzing about on a pair of boots mounted to modified kitchen knives. I still watched in admiration and followed it for quite some years; including the year that Tanya Harding put out a “hit” on Nancy Kerrigan. During my early adulthood years, I do not recall being too thrilled with Winter Olympics at all as I hate being cold. Summer Olympics were much more interesting with swimming, archery, and equestrian events (all events that I can strongly relate to). Late one night in 1998, while the French Room crew gathered at a local dive; decompressing after a hard night’s work, I saw curling for the very first time in my life. I was immediately drawn in by the simple, yet complex game. Although the act of shoving a heavy granite stone down a lane towards the opposite end of the playing field; toward a target (looking much like a dart board or archery target) painted on the ice, it seemed to require calculated contemplation and strategy. The best, most simple way to describe curling (for those who aren’t familiar) is found in Wikipedia: Curling is a sport in which players slide stones across a sheet of ice towards a target area which is segmented into four concentric rings. It is related to bowls, boule and shuffleboard. Two teams, each of four players, take turns sliding heavy, polished granite stones, also called "rocks", across the ice curling sheet towards the house, a circular target marked on the ice.[2] Each team has eight stones. The purpose is to accumulate the highest score for a game; points are scored for the stones resting closest to the centre of the house at the conclusion of each end, which is completed when both teams have thrown all of their stones. A game may consist of ten or eight ends. The curler can induce a curved path by causing the stone to slowly turn as it slides, and the path of the rock may be further influenced by two sweepers with brooms who accompany it as it slides down the sheet, using the brooms to alter the state of the ice in front of the stone. A great deal of strategy and teamwork goes into choosing the ideal path and placement of a stone for each situation, and the skills of the curlers determine how close to the desired result the stone will achieve. This gives curling its nickname of "chess on ice".[3][4] Fun, huh?  In 2002, the network covering the Winter Olympics covered much more of the curling than they did in ’98. I found that I could watch it for hours! Quite intriguing ice event that does not require wearing ice-skates. If there were an ice rink around that had a league, I would SO be on it! I can really get behind sports that can be enjoyed by young people and handicapped people as well.  Curling has junior leagues and wheelchair leagues as well.Until we write again,  Liv** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #20: It's time for a little creative writing! In honor of such a great NFC Championship game between the Seahawks and 49ers earlier, write a poem or a flash fiction story (500 words max) about football... or another sport of your choosing. As a tribute to my daughter: My attempt at Haiku… Water and speed Reaching with need Swimming compete Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #19: What is your favorite holiday and why? What is your least favorite holiday and why? I’m evenly split between Advent and Easter. The first day of Advent is first day of the church year. It is a time of hope and renewal…Reflecting on the growth we have made over the past year, and looking forward to what we can accomplish in the next year. Similarly, Easter is a time of hope and renewal. It is a time when I feel unconditional love and forgiveness of Spirit for humanity even more intensely that most people do at Christmas. It is not about new dresses, presents, parties, and food…It is about Spirit and a feeling that strengthens me and helps me keep growing towards where I desire to be. Valentine’s Day. I hate to stupid, pretentiousness of this greeting card holiday. It should not even be considered a holiday. Seriously. “Here…Let me see if I can squeeze a few hundred dollars more on to my credit card to buy my lover what? Candy? Chocolate covered Strawberries? Champagne? Jewelry? An expensive dinner out? Combination of the above? When you work in fine dining it is the worst day of the year to work. Conceited dicks who have no idea about etiquette, manners, or how to eat out (if it isn’t Hooters) put on like a bunch of pompous cocks, treat waiters bad, order expensive cuts of steak cooked well-done to charcoal, and leave a five-dollar tip; thinking they are doing something magnificent to impress their woman. Anything to get the gal home to get your holler on…Right??? And let us not forget the pretentious babes out there. Lots of affected attitude, and money spent for what? Sex? If you need to create another day beyond a birthday or anniversary to say: “I love you,” then create your own and let it come from the heart and not be something that commercialism has created for their benefit…Not yours. But hey! That is just my opinion. Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #18: What personal quality (e.g. honesty, kindness, faith, loyalty, etc.) do you value more than anything else? If you could guarantee a significant other be completely unfailing in this area, would you put up with serious flaws in other areas (e.g. always kind but lies to spare your feelings, always honest but to the point of unknowingly being hurtful, etc.) to achieve the perfect partner in the area you value most? I believe that loyalty is the quality I value more than anything. In my way of thinking, if you are loyal to someone you love or esteem the following things are true:  Loyalty means you are honest without being harsh or hurtful. Loyalty in an intimate relationship means that you may enjoy window shopping, but you certainly do not “try something on.” Not even out of curiosity. AND creating a profile and looking around on dating sites constitutes “trying something on,” not “window shopping.”Loyalty means talking out difficulties and disagreements like mature adults who respect each-other, not like pre-schoolers who have no social skills.Loyalty means that if a friend trusts you enough to loan you money, you follow through with paying that back within the time you promised. AND if you cannot do that, at least be big enough to come back to the table, apologize, and ask to renegotiate the parameters of the loan.Loyalty means that confidences of your partner or friend are not betrayed. Loyalty means going out of the way to make sure those you love feel cared for and comfortable.Perfect partner? Sorry. There is no such relationship without each partner having the personal quality of being forgiving when the other person's humanness shows up. Then, after being forgiving, it means not being the relationship’s historian. After an issue has been brought to life, resolved, and forgiveness extended, then loyalty means the topic is never breached again. Until we write again, Liv P.S. Have you ever wanted the: Jake from State Farm @ 3 in the Morning commercial to last a little longer to watch the jealous wife get egg on her face? |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #17: If someone wanted to really push your buttons, what would they do to provoke you? Okay, this is pretty easy, and as the Mountain Cedar Pollen is kicking me in the head, this will be brief: 1.) Borrow money from me “swearing” that they will “pay it back within the next two months.” 2.) Criticize my child when you haven’t gotten to know her 3.) Criticize my family based on your assumptions instead of having the courage to find out the facts 4.) Assume that they know me when they have never taken the time to get to know me…Really. Like keeping their mouth shut and listening for several conversations 5.) Out-right judge anyone. Questions? Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #16: Take a trip down memory lane (of your web history). What was the last thing you looked up online and why were you looking it up? I got on my daughter’s school website to attempt to find a cell phone number for a fellow parent. The kid’s winter formal is this weekend and the Middle School kids have a group dinner hosted at a parent home. The woman contacted the coordinating hostess and informed her that her child had food allergies but was not forthcoming about what they were. The hostess contacted me and asked me if I could handle calling her and inquiring about that and then getting with the mother that was cooking the main entrée. No problem. Delighted to help. Accessing the parent directory; and learned that there was no cell phone or email information for either herself of her husband . OMGeez! Are you serious, lady? Really? You had the balls to contact the hostess and inform her that your kid had food allergies but not share with her what they were? Is this your sick way of making your child feel unwelcome at a group event? Well, this was actually the woman who had an “issue” with the fact that the entire school (middle school and high school) has organized social events every month. I (was) made aware of this feature of the school when I was interviewing the school last January. I cannot imagine that any parent (was) left in the dark about this activity. It was in the published information about the school, which was material that we were required to read and sign off on. I really do not understand it all. This (supposedly) is a private school for children who have superior levels of intelligence and make very good grades in school. Kids with extremely high IQs tend to be more interested in having engaging conversations more of the time that letting their hormones fly. I’m sorry lady, but if you have an issue with your 12 year-old daughter going to a chaperoned dance with ALL of her school mates, then… DON’T TAKE HER!!! AND… DO NOT make the rest of us 7th grade parents uncomfortable with your need to make a public drama out of it in the mean-time! I detest drama addicts. I am kinda glad that I did not have to talk to her. No idea what kind of bats would be loosed from the belfry if I accidently stepped into one of her drama traps. Hope this is a smooth, drama-free weekend. Until we write again, Liv |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Day #15: Your best friend with the time machine decides to give you another opportunity to try out his invention, and offers you the chance to go back in time and change one single moment/decision in your own life. What moment would you choose, why did you choose it, and what would you do differently? I have thought about this a lot and I really do not like thinking about it for one reason. That reason is a 5 foot 2 inch tall, red headed, 13 year-old miracle. There are several points where if I had made a different decision, I would not have married her father; therefore, I would not have her in my life. Maybe if I had made a different choice, “the one” would not have gotten away and I would be looking forward to my 20th wedding anniversary soon. Maybe I would have been a psychologist for the last 15 year. Maybe I would be thinner but then again, maybe I would be much fatter. Maybe I would still have the same awesome daughter. Maybe I would have the 4-5 children that I had dreamt of having and they would be just as awesome as their sister. Maybe I would have never been far away from my parents and brother. Maybe. Maybe instead of choosing not marrying my daughter’s father, I would choose to have left him after she was born when I found out that he had defaulted my student loans when I trusted him to pay our bills. Maybe I would have chosen to go back and head off my last relationship before it really got started and broke both my and Chefbaby’s hearts. Perhaps I would just choose not to take the opportunity my friend offered and just let my life be exactly what it has been. Until next we write, Liv |
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