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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Summer is flying by, faster than I can even imagine. It's already been a month since the kids have been out of school, which is hard to believe. Luckily, they don't go back until September 4th, so that gives us some time to just enjoy ourselves and each other and kick back. Journey has decided that she no longer holds interest in the flute or band, and is not pursuing it any longer. I can understand, and I'm glad she spoke up and told me. She gave it all she had, and just realized that getting caught up to everyone else was very hard, and she just didn't have the aptitude for it. I don't fault her in the least-it was good to try over the summer, and see how she did, rather than try at the beginning of the school year and get stuck with it and be miserable for the entire year. This way, we allowed her to try, and if she decided it wasn't for her, no harm done. It didn't cost us anything to rent the flute through the school, and now her teacher doesn't have to worry about lessons and spending extra time on things. She can gain an hour of her Sunday mornings back. I hope she doesn't mind, and I know that I don't mind. Like I said, better to try over the summer and realize it wasn't for her and step down than try to do that in the middle of the school year. Monday, I'll give the school's 7th grade counselor a call and let her know that Journey would like to change her schedule back to art. Hopefully there are no issues there. I also need to call the school to get our Girl Scout calendar and community usage approved by the secretary to the principal. I hope that goes through right away. I want to be sure we have everything covered. I'm hoping to borrow a community's meeting center as well on the days that the school has early dismissals or is closed, so we can be sure to keep the "Every other Friday" a continuing fashion. I know I might have to alter the calendar a bit for things like dances and talent shows, etc. I don't want the girls to have to choose between those things and scouting, because scouting will always lose out. I don't want to lose anymore girls than I already have, so I'm trying to keep them together and engaged as best as possible. We're going to hold a meeting before the start of the scouting year to find what we should work towards for the year. The only things I know are that there are going to be at least 3 girls working towards their Silver Awards, and all the girls wanted to run a cookie rally for the service unit this year. With some good planning and plenty of meetings, we can do so. I was also hoping to see if maybe we could go camping at the start of the year, get the girls involved in that, since I know that they enjoy it. Not sure of the time or the date yet. We'll see what's available. Ryan is doing Ryan things, like video games and talking with his friends. I'm cool with it, because it's a summer thing, and I'm not going to ride him to do things right right now. we all need some down time, and I'm not going to deny him this. Work him to the bone over the summer, he gets burnt out and pissed off, and then he doesn't want to do anything. I don't want to make him miserable, but I do want to hold him accountable, so I make him take pauses and do things like chores, time on the family elliptical, and clarinet practice. The kids have to switch off all the time on the game system, and when Don gets home, he gets precedence on it since the kids have been able to play on it for the day. We're a very techie family (the internet brought us together, after all), but we don't let it rule our lives. Well, I don't allow it to rule their lives, because it doesn't rule mine, and I like having connections and conversations. Usually when I close the computer down, the kids follow me upstairs so we can talk, and I really like that. They're not particularly glued to anything, and that makes me proud. Our summer is plenty busy, even though we're not really doing anything. We met up with Journey's old friend who goes to a different school. It's so funny, because when we met up, she used to be the same size as him, and now she's 3 inches taller! She's sprouting as we speak, and it's amazing to finally see her grow some height! I also wonder if she's taller than her friend from kindergarten too? Only way to find out is if we meet with them sometime soon. For her sake, I hope we do. We met up with Journey's old speech pathologist as well, and we had such a good time catching up! We were both so happy to see her! I hope it's not too long before we get to see her again! Ryan got to spend some time with his best buddy for the Capital's Stanley Cup win, so I'm really pleased that they were able to do that. I know that they like to be able to see their friends as much as they can. It's a bummer that we only have one car, and we have to coordinate when I can have it and Don can get rides. I usually only do it for when there are doctor's appointments, because I don't want to have him getting rides all the time. I will ask though if we schedule something with someone though. The days are kind of blending together once more, one into the next. Sometimes, the only way I can keep track of what day is what is by the trash pick up schedule. I know it seems sad, but I think maybe it's better this way? I know that any time we have an appointment or a special event, I have it posted in my phone so that way the reminder can go off, and I know that we've got something going on that day. Those little calendars in my iPod and my phone are magical, it helps that I can put things in there, and before I can forget, I get a reminder the day before to let me know. I look at my calendar every day to see what's coming next. This week, we've got a couple of things to attend, but later in the afternoon and early evening, and then the next week we have some appointments and meetings to take care of. Summer has so much going on sometimes! For now, we'll just hang about, and soak it all in. The days fly by fast, so might as well make the most of them. |
| Journey is DEFINITELY going through a lot of changes these days, both physical and emotional, and I'm pretty excited for her! I know she's excited as well, so so far puberty has been a kinder ride to her than it has been to Ryan, although it's been some smoother sailing so far for the both of them. Journey grew an inch in 22 days. She just shot up. I was super amazed. Don was too. He didn't believe that it was an inch, so we grabbed a ruler and I proved it to him. Journey was beside herself excited-she's always been one of the more petite girls in her class, and now she's sprouting up. She was jumping up and down, learning that she had just grew an inch pretty much overnight. I'm going to have to play Journey fashion show before the start of the year to see what all I need to buy for her. I know she's grown out of most of her shoes, and all of her pants (which are now floods on her...it's crazy!), but I need to see what else we have to move on from. Luckily, most of her dresses are size 10/12, and I'm pretty sure at this juncture, she's a 12, so at least we've still got a little bit of time in the dresses department. A few days ago, Journey asked if she could dye the ends of her hair hot pink. I was super excited at the thought of doing so. I would never deny my kids a chance to express themselves, and in my opinion, hair is just hair. You can do pretty much whatever you want to it, and it will almost always grow back, so I'm cool with letting them grow it out, or cut it to whatever length, dye it, style it, etc. Journey's been pretty bold these days, so asking for a shockingly bright color and being excited for it got me excited too! I attempted to dye the ends of it yesterday, and it came out alright-I definitely need more practice at it, but I'm happy to report that Journey is THRILLED with it, and I'm very honored that she not only was open enough to ask for it, but she also asked me to do it for her. I've never really done something like this before, but I used my knowledge of what I've seen in hair salons and tv shows to get me through, and it sort of paid off. Hopefully I can get my technique down throughout the school year. I can't believe how much my girl is growing and changing! Last year was her best year of schooling ever, in the history of her schooling. We're both looking forward to seventh grade and seeing what all that brings in store for her. For now, we're going to continue to hang out in the summer, have her practice her flute as much as possible, and just keep rolling through all the growth. Right now, she's getting some more eye rest...another sign of a growth spurt! |
| Yesterday was Ryan's fifteenth birthday. I cannot believe how fast time is slipping by. it's so crazy to realize that we've been here so long, and my kids have been growing up so fast. Yesterday at the pediatrician's office for Ryan's yearly and Journey's med refill, I asked the nurse how long it was that we had been going to that particular pediatrician (as we started out with a different one who was terrible for Journey, if you guys remember that far back), and she commented that we had been going to this pediatrician's office since 2009-when Journey was three. I remember distinctly that the first time she saw him, she went up and hugged him, which was extremely rare for Journey in those days. She wasn't very verbal then, so to see her take to someone like that so quickly and just give a hug, I knew he was the right pediatrician for us then. It's strange, because when you see your kids every day, growing and changing, you don't really notice the big things, until either someone points them out, or until it's a milestone of sorts, or until it's passed. I realized that Ryan was growing, and I realized that he was going to be fifteen, but it never really dawned on me just how much he's grown and changed until yesterday, when we were sitting there at the restaurant for his birthday, I looked at him closely, and realized, my son is going to be grown soon. He's grown so much taller than me now. He's wearing men's size clothes and shoes. He's got whiskers on his chin already, and that just amazes me. He just finished his first year of high school-he'll be a sophomore by fall, and that's coming up faster than I realized it would. I cannot believe June is almost over already. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Journey is super excited to become older, and can't wait to be 12. She even got ahead of herself yesterday and quoted that she'd be 13 soon. I begged her to roll back the clock and stay 11 until 2 months from now when I have to face the truth that my baby will be 12. I've been carrying on blogs about my kids since I was pregnant with Journey. This documented journey has been going on for over 12 years now. I can't believe just how far we've come. I couldn't be prouder of the young adults my kids are growing into now. So, I'm ushering fifteen, with the hopes that this year will be a good one, and Ryan will continue to grow in all ways for the better. Journey as well. |
| I've noticed that this blog has become somewhat a story about myself, and not enough about the kids. When I started this blog, it was supposed to be mostly about the kids, and not so much about me. It seems the last few months, I've changed that, and personally, I don't like it. I don't mind remembering about myself, and when things started changing, that's all fine and dandy, but this blog is and should be focused on the kids. I'm not happy that I've lost that mindset on here. However, these are big changes that are happening to me, so I feel compelled to share my story, even though technically it's not about the kids, but myself. To finally make my point, here I am. So, as you may remember, I was talking about sleep studies and getting a c or bi-pap machine. Well, after a couple of sleep studies, doctors appointments, an interview, and a call to medical equipment office, I am now the owner of a very efficient bi-pap machine. The night I started it, I awoke feeling like I was alive for the first time in YEARS. This was during the school year, so I had to wake at 6 am to get Journey ready for school. For the first time since I was a teenager, I woke up at 6 am and didn't go back to sleep until 10 pm. To say I was shocked, amazed and thrilled is quite the understatement. The fact that it continued to happen was not lost on me, and I felt more energetic, alive, alert, and active than I have in ages. For the longest time, I used to huff and puff going up the stairs, I couldn't walk very far distances, I would be out of breath doing simple tasks and chores, I know some of the problem is the weight that I'm currently at, but it was also as though my lungs were barely deflated, and I couldn't handle the job of trying to take in as much air as possible to be able to breathe correctly. When I started my bi-pap, all that changed. I know it sounds silly, but it feels as though my lungs were finally properly re-inflated. I could breathe again, so much easier than I have in a really long time. Because I could breathe again, my energy increased, and because my energy increased, I felt myself becoming more active, accomplishing more things around the house than I had been able to previously. My yawning during the day stopped. My falling asleep randomly stopped. My copious napping habit completely stopped. I stay awake ALL day now, sometimes even into 11 pm, which I shouldn't do, but I can again. I used to drink something like 4 diet sodas a day just to get some caffeine into my system to try and stay awake, and even then, it hardly ever worked. Constant napping had become my new normal, and I didn't like it at all. There would be times that I had the car for the day, and I would need to pick up Don from work, and I'd just be so exhausted that I'd start zoning out driving the car. I was seriously scared the couple of times I chanced it, and worried that I was going to be in a car accident, so after two attempts, I started asking Don to find a way to get a ride home, since I was such a liability. That all ended once I got my bi-pap. It's really been a life changing experience. Right now, we've got some tinkering to do. The air pressure that I was on, after fully inflating my lungs, seemed to be too high afterwards, and started filling my stomach with air, which caused a lot of gastrointestinal issues, and a lot of pain and discomfort. I took my bi-pap back to my sleep specialist, where they re-calibrated my machine to a lower setting, but now that I've been on this lower setting (which is two settings down from what I was before), this one seems to not do a well enough job. I'm starting to wake up tired and stiff, yawning constantly through the day, stretching, trying to get in as more air as possible. I'm starting to notice that if something takes a little effort, I become out of breath or breathing heavily again, and I don't like it. Now that I know my lungs can hold more air and I don't have to breathe heavily for anything, I'd like to go back to that. Tomorrow I'm headed back to the sleep specialist's office to get the bi-pap machine re-calibrated again, this time to the second highest setting, to see if it's an improvement. I'm sure hoping it is! I believe last month, my psychiatrist and I decided to up my dosage of my anti-anxiety/anti-depressant, as I was feeling very lethargic, apathetic, irritated and grouchy. One month into my upped dosage, and I feel like I've awoken from a slumber that I've been trapped in for almost 16 years...maybe even longer. It's such an amazing feeling. My family has noticed these changes, and also agrees that they're for the better. Because of both the bi-pap and my upped medication, I'm much more bubbly, happy, talkative, active, and smiling. I find myself doing chores around the house again, and sleeping straight through the night. I find myself engaging with people, and enjoying their company. I find myself smiling and enjoying life and all it has to offer. I dance, I sing, I talk, I laugh, I joke, I'm just open and free again. I haven't felt this good since...I can't even remember. Before I had kids, I know that much. It's like who I was has been locked away in this shell for such a long time, and everything that I've gone through, all the depression, all the moodiness, all the down times, all the excess weight gain, everything, it's starting to just dissipate. I'm happier than I have been in a really long time, and I'm me again. I've missed this me. This is the real me. The me that's happy and bubbly and funny and outgoing. I was this way from the time I was a kid till the the first time I had a major depressive episode when I attempted college for the first time. It was like it was a subsequent blow to my being, and every episode after that just kept diminishing who I was, over and over again, until I was just this shell of a person, apathetic, worn down, busted, angry, irritated, upset, withdrawn. I feel as though these two things have breathed new life into me, and I'm becoming the person I used to be. I'm eager to be able to exercise again, and hopefully lose some weight, and feel even more energetic, and sleep even better through the night. I want to get to the point where I don't have to wear my back brace anymore, especially when trying to walk farther distances. I want to be able to walk farther distances. I want to be able to sleep on my back again. I want to be able to not have to use such high pressure on the bi-pap. I would love to be able to start fitting in my clothes better again, so they're not so tight. These are smaller, more easily attainable goals. I'm not looking to drop 30-50 lbs right now. I'm not looking to hit a size 14 right now. I'm just looking to get to the point where I can walk to town square again, without my back killing me, and me losing breath. I'm looking for the clothes that I currently wear to fit me less snug. I'm not worried about smaller sizes right now. That's a goal down the road. Right now, I need to focus on what's more achievable, and work towards that. I have my eye on the prize at this time, and I have the energy and the motivation to do so. Now that I can breathe again, now that I'm alive again, I'm working towards it. Because I've let myself go this far into the weight, I don't quite yet have the stamina to last me, but with the work, I'll get there. The more I work, the more stamina I'll have, and the more stamina I have, the more I'll work. All that work will pay off to hopefully the point I'm trying to get to, which will be very beneficial. As long as all of this keeps working for me, there's nowhere to go but up from here. :) I'm excited for what comes next. |
| If we hearken back to a couple of entries ago (the May 30th entry to be precise), you'll see that Journey has made the decision to try and join 7th grade band. I have no qualms about it, and we decided to change her schedule and give it a go. Yesterday, she brought home the flute that she'll be renting over the summer, and we attempted to try and figure out some logistics of it. The first thing we attempted to do was put it together correctly. All the keys have to align perfectly, as well as the mouthpiece to make sure you get the correct pitch from the pipe itself. Once we accomplished that, she attempted to try and make notes from the flute. At first, it was a lot of huffing and puffing, blowing air through different pursings of her lips, or in different directions, or in different places of the hole in the mouthpiece. It took a lot of trial and error, but finally, we were able to make a few pitches. With the aid of Ryan and her beginner flute band book that was rented to her, we were able to figure out how to position her arms and fingers to correctly hold the flute. As of this time, it's a work in progress. She's getting it down a lot faster than I know I ever could, and I'm quite proud of her. I know that if it had been impossible to make a sound out of the flute after the first few tries, she would've given up and called it quits. I let her know though that we're going to stick it out with band and the flute this year, so her best bet is to keep practicing and have a little patience. I went through the trouble to change her schedule next year to incorporate band, so she's going to need to stick with it, at least till the end of the year. If, after the end of the year, she decides it's not for her, that's fine, and we'll go ahead and move onto something else. However, she needs to stick it out for the entire year. This will not be a case where she can just give up before it's even begun. I don't agree with that. I said the same to Ryan when he first started band and the clarinet when he was in 4th grade-and look at where he is today! I'm so glad that he loves band and he loves the clarinet and he takes his craft seriously. I'm not expecting Journey to do the same, but if she happens to, it will definitely be the icing on the cake. This spark, this idea, this...well, risk...is something entirely new to us with her. It's funny, they say that girls at this age begin to become uncertain of themselves and their capabilities. They begin to be insecure, and worried about what other people think of them. They're scared to try something new, or say something different, or change. They're frightened of failure, and consumed with anxiety over what society will think. I was one of those girls in middle school, and it pretty much ruined my entire middle school experience. Journey, on the other hand, seems to have made her middle school years a time about growing and changing, being bold, being independent, taking risks, being brave, saying what she believes, doing what she feels is right, and not backing down. That's something I didn't learn to do until I was in high school, so I am EXTREMELY proud of her. She's showing an amount of maturity I have yet to see in any girl her age. (Grace is a close second!) Journey looks for the positives in things, and she finds the sunshine in the rain. It's not to say she doesn't see the storm clouds or feel the rain itself, she does. She can feel the lightning of anger, or the sadness of the rain clouds, but she chooses to be the rainbow at the end. She has a very positive outlook on life, and that is an amazing way to be. In all my years on this earth so far, I have never met anyone like her. She is the kinder, sweeter, gentler, friendlier, happier, more social, forgiving, caring, loving version of me. She is all the good parts of me, and none of the bad. I thank God every day for that. I'd rather send the good version of me out into this world than the messed up, broken, angry, dark side of me. So, next weekend, we are headed to the private tutor, which just happens to be the middle school band teacher for both Ryan and Journey, where Ryan will get his private lesson in the multitudes that he's had this year, and Journey is able to get her first lesson on the flute with said teacher because at this point in time right now, said teacher is not currently HER teacher, until the school year starts. This will help her learn the basics of the flute. After the school year starts, we can seek out other helpers, such as Ryan (although he plays the clarinet, he still has a vast knowledge of music itself that he can lend to her), or the little sister to one of our troop members, etc. There's always a place to find help somewhere, and we are more than willing to look for it if needed. She also knows that most of the learning rests on her and how often she practices. With time, things should start to improve. I'm excited to see where this is headed! I'll keep you all informed. |
| The school year is almost over (just 5 more days), and things are starting to wind down for summer. Last Friday, we had our last regular Girl Scout meeting of the season. It's funny, because it all just seems old hat now. I guess 6 years of doing this, and me and the girls are like it's not a big deal anymore. I dunno. I've been looking back through time again, both here on this blog, and through our troop Shutterfly account, and it just astounds me how fast time has gone. Most of these girls I've known since they were 7 years old. Almost all of them are 12 now. I'm watching them grow up before my very eyes-something not everyone gets the privilege of doing, other than their family members. I'm almost like a family member to these girls...how amazing is that!?! I don't think I ever realized how close we would be. They're like daughters to me, and I want to make sure that everything is good with all of them. Some I lose along the way, and I understand; scouting isn't for everyone, and girls tend to grow out of things. I've got a core of 6 out of 10 girls that have been with me since the very beginning of our troop, and that makes me so happy I could cry. How many troop leaders can say that? I dunno, I mean I'm sure there are plenty that can, but...it just makes me feel special. I love that they keep coming back to me, and I love being able to make things interesting and fun enough for them to want to come back. We've had so many fun adventures, so many amazing things done within the course of 5 years, and I'm super thrilled that I saved it all on our webpage for posterity. I love being able to go back in time and look at them as Brownies when we first started the troop, all of them so little, missing their front teeth, tiny little dresses and sneakers, it was all too adorable. And now, they're on the cusp of teenagehood, and it just brightens my heart to know that I get to be there and help them when they want me to, as necessary. |
| You know, I do entirely too shitty of a job to be a blogger. I really do. I swear, I had only half the story out to you, I got tired, and I never finished it. I lack motivation. Good story tellers don't. I suck at this. But, I digress. Lots of happenings around here. I'm going to bullet point and then talk about each one-hopefully that will help me stay true to what I need to say and I'll get it all out in a timely fashion this time. *Bi-pap* Okay, so as far as this goes, we found out that my oxygen levels are dangerously low when I sleep, so I was thrown in for another sleep study to determine how high of air pressure they need to put me on while I sleep in order for me to get maximum amount of oxygen to me. So yeah, I'm at the highest amount that they can give you? Crazy, isn't it? Kinda scary too! Which is the reason they have to BI-pap it. If it was a continual stream of 2400 centimeters of air pressure, I'd be blown away, my sinuses would erupt, and my ear drums would blow out. No can do. Therefore, they have to split it. I breathe in, take 1600 in with me, breathe out, pull in another 800. Back and forth, in and out. It follows the rhythm of my breathing, so that way I don't get all kinds of air just blowing in my face the whole night. The funny thing is, ever since I was a kid, if there was air blowing directly into my face, I always held my breath, because I felt like I was going to suffocate. Can you imagine how it feels to have a face mask on, pushing air into your system the whole time? Trust me, it's REALLY HARD to work with. I feel comfortable with it though, and every time I put the mask to my face, I feel a certain level of comfort, contentment, and sleepiness. We're currently waiting for Johns Hopkins to get back with me on the equipment before I can get one of those bad boys in my house. They called on Friday about some paperwork that my doctor filled out wrong, so I'll give them a few days to straighten everything out, and then we should be good to go. I hope everyone is right-I hope it does revolutionize my life, in the right ways. *Encampment* For the first time ever, ALL my girls attended encampment. That has never happened with my troop before! The strange thing was, they all attended when we were working a station, instead of going around to stations. They all said that going around to stations was the fun part, but yet not all of them ever went to the ones where we went to stations. They're silly. I'm glad I had all hands on deck though. Liz is phenomenal, without her aid, I don't think we would've been ready to pull this off. Her confidence in us really rubbed off on the girls, and they went in there as proud as could be, doing what they could. The girls and I have made big cards of thanks to both Chandra and Liz, for all they've done for the service unit and all they've done for us. I will miss Chandra and her troop so, but I know they're all bridging to be wonderful women that will go on to do great things. And Liz? I hope she's around for at least as long as my girls continue to move up. I don't ever want to see the service unit without her. She's a gem. Liz has always believed in me and my girls. That's invaluable to me. It means the world. I hope to finish the cards by our end of year meeting, so I can give them to them at the next SU meeting. It was really cute, many of them listened and decided to bring a denim top of some sort, and I gave them all kinds of old time mechanic names to choose from. Journey decided to be Ernie hahaha. But there were others too, like Jeb, Pete, Hank, Roy, Eddie, etc. I thought it was a cute theme. Our station was called the service station, and had 6 multi player mini games that had to do with cars and garages (I think I forgot to mention that the theme for encampment this year was called Winona Grand Prix. Winona after the camp that we held it at, and Grand Prix because we were racing wooden cars. NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH BOY SCOUTS PINEWOOD DERBY!!! We'd get sued. But our service unit was given this really great race track as a gift, so our service unit decided to use it as the theme for encampment. I thought it was a really great idea. The girls had a blast I think! Two of them had to leave earlier in the day, but all in all, it was still good. The hard part was dealing with cranky little Daisies that had been out in the sun all day, hiking around. Their little 5-6 year old feet were probably tired, they were probably thirsty, in need of a nap and a snack, and were just all in all grouchy little creatures. My girls were aggravated by this, but I think they forget when they were that age, being out in the wilderness and sun all day, and what happens to you at that point. At the end of the day, I asked if they 'd do it again. Their response? "We'll think about it"  I'll take what I can get at this point! *Ryan, SMYOC and AVPA so far* Ryan's been given lots of opportunities lately for his clarinet skills. He was asked to be an accompanist to the youth choir that had a concert a few weekends ago, playing for the choir's rendition of "So Long, Farewell" from "The Sound of Music". To be honest, I despise that song, and "The Sound of Music" is definitely NOT my most favorite musical, but all in all, I'm glad that he can put that in his repertoire. We also attended his end of the year band banquet, and the weirdness that the band kids oozed is pretty infectious! They're quite silly, and are proud to own it. I'm ecstatic to know that Ryan belongs so well with his people. The older kids took him right in, and have baptized him as one of their own. I love the camaraderie. Journey seems to have found it enchanting as well, so much so that she's now asked to learn how to play the flute, so that she may join the middle school band. I have no qualms with this whatsoever, and I hope that we can rent a flute this summer for Journey to learn the basics so that she can play the best to her abilities. She wants to be a part of a group, something bigger than her. I know we have Girl Scouts, and that's a great group to be a part of, but she wants something that's inside school, and not just after school. I understand, and I don't have a problem with it at all. When I was her age, I was in choir, and I kept that up till my freshman year of college. Choir was everything to me. I miss it a lot. I'm super glad that Ryan has all this to be a part of for his high school career. I was wondering if maybe he could possibly be the first AVPA kid to double major in chorus and band (can that be a thing??), considering he's going to spend the rest of his high school career in both band and chorus, and he's in the AVPA, so...I don't know. I'll bring it up to his teachers, and see what they think. It's good for him to have found a home. It's good for him to have found friends that are in similar boats and understand him. Band kids may be strange, but they're my kind of strange, and I like them. *NHL Playoffs!!!!* There's nothing better than playoff hockey. Well, okay there is. It's better when your team makes it in to the playoff hockey. What's even better is when your team makes it farther up. What's even better than that is when your team is playing for the Stanley Cup, the most ultimate sports trophy ever. For the first time in 20 years, Don's beloved Capitals have made it into the Stanley Cup Finals. I haven't seen him this giddy in I don't know how long, and it's so cute and sweet and endearing to me! I love seeing him light up over this, and it's so special to me that I get to share this time with him. We were together when the Avs won it in 2001, but it just wasn't the same the way it is now. Back then, it was me and my best friend Suzie, and it was a fairytale I will never forget. The magical season that never stopped giving as I like to call it.The NHL couldn't have written a better script if they had tried. It's Don's turn now though. It's Don's turn to live through all this, and get in on his team's action. I am so super stoked that this is happening for him, and I'm glad he's letting me sit with him on the roller coaster. We're not sure what lies at the end, but we'll find out together, and that's the most I could hope for. Because he and I are so passionate about our teams and the sport in general, I fear the day his team ever meets mine in the Stanley Cup Finals. Perhaps we should've had prenuptials written before that could ever happen...too late now... Anywho, I'm super excited for him and his team. His brother flew out all the way from Florida to come spend time with him and watch a couple of the games. Don's mentality is the more the merrier, and I'm glad to hear that. I'm so happy for him. I fall more and more in love with him, seeing him like this. This, the passion, the hockey, that's what brought us together in the first place. It's almost like re-kindling our romance. I love it. There are currently 12 school days left to the year, and then the chapter on 6th grade for Journey and 9th grade for Ryan closes. So far, I'd have to say it's been a good year. It's been a great year for Journey. Middle school has been more amazing for her than elementary school ever was. She's shining even brighter now than she ever did when she was in elementary school, and I am so damn proud of her. Things are coming so much more easy to her now, and I don't know how, but I hope it stays that way. I'll do whatever I can to make things fair for her. Ryan's knocked 9th grade out of the park, I couldn't be more proud of him if I tried. he only dipped down to a C ONE TIME this year, and I believe it was an interim, not a marking period grade. I'll have to look again to make sure, but either way, that's really really good, considering the kid's in all honors and AP classes. These kids are so amazing. I am so damn proud to be their mom. They humble me in every way. It's an honor. |
| There was a lot that happened last week, that I think I'd like to put down for prosperity. Bare with me while I go through the entire week(did I spell that right? Or is it B-E-A-R? I'll never know at this point....anywho...) really all the good stuff started happening when I went to Journey's IEP meeting. The meeting was all about her evaluations and assessments that she took, and that she takes every 3 years, to redetermine her IEP. All aspects this time around pointed to both autism and ADHD, as we know she has (been diagnosed by both a doctor and the school system.) I know though, they need to check these things and make sure it's all correct, and that the student is getting what services they need most. We're very fortunate that both the schools Journey's attended have been great at writing up and following IEPs that Journey's had created for her. I've heard horror stories from other parents about how hard it is to get services, and how schools are trying to kick kids off IEPs so they don't have to worry about specializing anything for these kids. It pisses me off and hurts me, but also at the same time makes me so grateful for the good systems we do have put in place here. It was only me at the meeting this time, no Don there, so we got to chat a bit (because I like talking about Journey, that's one of my favorite subjects are my kids!), and we talked about how much she's changed from when she was little...even since last year! Her new case worker this year told me how she took a huge eraser to Journey's paper the other day, because Journey wrote a paragraph, but it wasn't pertaining to anything they were asking her, and she was totally fine with it. Didn't blink an eye, didn't sniffle, didn't cry, didn't anything. I sat there with my mouth hanging open, asking "Are you sure this is the same child? Are you sure this was Journey?" Seeing as they've only known her since this year, I don't think they realized why I was so shocked. Last year, in elementary school, if one of her teachers had erased an entire paragraph of her hard work, regardless of if it pertained to what they were asking or not, she would've burst into tears, would have to go out to the hallway, get a drink, take a walk and calm down. In turn, they were shocked that I was shocked, seeing that they've never seen her act any other way. My girl can be quite the conundrum! Since it was only me there that day, and Don was at work, I was allowed to regale some tales about when she was younger, and how far she's come. I told them how if you knew her when she was 4 as opposed to now, you wouldn't even know she's the same child. I told them how we've tried to do everything we can to help her gain the upper hand in an already uneven playing field. They all told me how wonderful of parents we are, by doing the best and doing what's right by Journey. I'm thankful for the accolades, but it seems strange that other parents wouldn't want the same for their own children as well. We're very lucky that we were able to get referrals and such for her, and able to get her into gymnastics, and Girl Scouts, etc. All of this has helped her broaden her horizons into the world, and has done her a world of good. All I want to do is help give her options to be the best she can be. The next day, on Friday, I had an appointment with my sleep specialist, who advised me that I have severe sleep apnea, and has jump started me on the process of getting equipment ASAP so I can begin to take treatments. So far I haven't heard back from my insurance company, but I'm hoping that I don't have to call them before they send things out. I know that a friend of mine had some trouble with her insurance getting the equipment covered, but she also doesn't have it as severe as I do, where it's much more of a life or death situation. I guess the degrees of severity matter. Here's hoping that I get the equipment soon. I'm supposed to go back in for another sleep study, this time to fine tune where the air pressure should be. They found that I do need to have a bi-pap instead of a c-pap (continuing tomorrow...) |
| So, things are slowly starting to progress for me. I haven't been swelling recently, which is very good, but I also attribute that fact to the diuretic I'm currently still on. I'm sure if I weren't on it anymore, I would still be swelling, and we'd still be having issues. I'm hoping to get better in terms of sleep as well. I went in for a sleep study, and found that I have severe sleep apnea. Hopefully when the doctor gets all my results in, I'll receive a call to come start the paperwork for the equipment I'll need from here on out. It's not going to miraculously cure me of all my ailments, but I'm hoping that it at least helps me get more restful and thorough sleep, and helps to stop me from taking a nap all the time during the day, and hopefully will give me a little more energy to try and become more mobile than I am right now. I can't guarantee anything at this point, but those few things would certainly be very helpful. Small pieces of the puzzle, here and there, are helping to get me back on the track I need to be on. How I've managed to lose so much of my mobility is a mystery to me, as it is to Don as well. One moment I had it, and the next moment, it was gone. Almost completely retracted. Never seen anything like it before. I hope we can continue to move forward and find the answers to all the things that are plaguing me, and help me get back on the road to health once more. Journey's IEP meeting is this Thursday. Don is unable to come with me, but I'll be there to hear everything they have to say. When I read the information they gave about the autism testing they did with her, and the info back from me, and then her teachers, it was quite interesting. There are still parts of her that are very rigid, and I guess I just haven't really noticed that. Or, maybe because she's progressed so far already, I've kind of turned a blind eye to it? It's so less noticeable than it was before. Hardly anyone would be any the wiser. Journey's actually pretty up front about it, and doesn't seem to mind. She owns it. Our troop has a sister troop in Michigan of pen pals that we're hoping to meet over the summer, and one of the first things Journey put in her letter to her pen pal Emily was that she has autism. I've never actually seen her say or admit that to anyone out loud before, it was kind of amazing to me. Most parents of kids with ASD say it's heartbreaking when their kiddo finally realizes they're different. I'm not sure if or when Journey ever realized that, but I'm hoping it wasn't pointed out to her in a horrible way. I just know that at some point, she knew she was different, and she makes no excuses for it. She'll tell you, straight out, that she has autism, and she doesn't let it hold her back. I'm so damn proud of her. She's an amazing young lady. I hope all the information they have for me is going to help her in 7th grade, and give us an idea of where Journey's headed from here. It was funny, because last IEP meeting we held (to basically address that it was time for her to take her assessments and re-evaluations again), the school psychologist was talking like she didn't believe that Journey was on the spectrum, and it was very upsetting to me. I re-iterated her entire story right then and there to that school psychologist, making sure she saw the points where that conclusion was drawn. If there's anything that upsets me, it's when people start questioning if she has what she has, or if there's a need for an IEP. I know my daughter better than anyone, and I know when she's still in need of assistance. I'm not going to let someone talk me out of her IEP and tell me she's graduated. I know when she is, and she's not. Journey's caseworker saw what was going on, and called me later to assure me that Journey will still have an IEP, that we're currently just updating it to more of what she needs and weeding out what she doesn't. That was a big relief to me. Threats of taking her off her procured services make me angry. She shouldn't have to fight the system to get the same level of education that neurotypical people get. That's why the IDEA act was born. But anywho...school is starting to rush by to the ending. Just the other day we were graced with an email that said despite one extra day of inclement weather, it was waived, we don't need to make it up, and we still get out on June 15th. I found this a bit silly, as it's law here in Maryland that school starts after Labor Day, and ends no later than June 15th. I don't see how we'd be willing to cross this law with one flimsy day of inclement weather, but I suppose the school can pretty much pull whatever it wants to. That being said, end of year things are starting to happen. 6th and 7th grade have field day at the middle school, and I decided to write in to the school nurse and Journey's homeroom teacher to ask that they please find Journey an alternate activity, preferably inside, for the day. In both 3rd and 4th grade, Journey was taken to the nurses office, once under her own power, and once with the aid of two other people carrying her, during the elementary school's field day, due to heat exhaustion. Journey actually fainted, she was so overheated and overworked. She had to stay the rest of the day inside, wearing cold packs, and eating popsicles. I don't want that to happen to her, so I made sure to let it be known to her homeroom teacher and nurse, so they could find her something more suitable to do. I also write this down on her application into summer sleep away camp for Girl Scouts, so that way they know that this is a possibility, and to try and not over-exert her. Pool time is very helpful to her, as is drinking copious amounts of water, and staying in the shade. I don't know if they do field day in high school-I'm assuming not, especially because of organized sports teams throughout the seasons in high school. Ryan just finished having his last band concert of the season with his high school, and I have to admit, they sounded pretty amazing! He's always complaining the the concert band is always messing around, not paying attention or doing anything they're supposed to be doing, but when I heard them play their three songs this last concert, I was blown away, they sounded great! Better than they sounded when they were in 8th grade! I didn't tell that to Ryan though, because I doubt he'd believe me. He can be such a negative Nancy sometimes. All in all though, I'm proud of all that he's accomplished this year in band, both through the school and with SMYOC. Super news about SMYOC as well-he's been asked to be the accompanist for one of the chorus songs that the chorus is singing at their concert. So, he'll be shining on his own with his clarinet while the accompanies the chorus itself. I thought it was really neat of them to do that, they usually ask the ambassador kids to be the accompanists. I wonder if they see just how much him having private lessons now is paying off. I hope they do. And I hope that the lessons are making themselves well known with his newfound playing. He's been meeting up with his high school counselor to get his schedule straight for next year. He's going to be taking one of his necessary classes to graduate over the summer this year, in order to keep chorus on his schedule. I'm glad that he likes it, but I hope it doesn't come to the point where he fails that class, ad then he's out of luck for going into chorus the years after too. He also decided to put off taking chemistry until his junior year so he could take jazz band. While I'm extremely thrilled he's taking advantage of all the arts program and AVPA, I'm worried that he's putting off a lot of hard and necessary classes he's going to need to graduate, and end up spending all his fun tickets at the beginning of high school, and be burnt out by the end. I hate to say it, but I almost kind of wish that the required number of kids to create a jazz band class didn't come to fruition, so he could go back to getting his chemistry class taken care of. I can see the path this is going down, and I don't like it. I've already had to ride him constantly these last two quarters to make sure everything gets done, and nothing gets left behind, and I'm pretty much the bad guy at this point. I don't want to be, but if that's the role I have to play in order for him to get himself together and able to do what needs to be done to graduate high school, then I'll do it. I honestly can't believe how fast this year has gone. I really feel like I haven't been able to get anything done with my girls this year like I wanted to. We still need to finish the journey so those of my girls that are looking to do silver can do so. According to my calculations, after encampment this Friday, we have exactly 1 meeting before the end of the year party. I'm seriously going to put out holding a few meetings at the library for those girls that would like to finish their journey and be ready to go onto silver next year. All my girls should be allowed that opportunity, and I feel like I've failed them terribly. One of my parents came up with a fantastic idea to hold meetings every other Friday still, but when the school's schedule doesn't allow us to be there that particular Friday, we have a back up place where we'll meet and hold the meeting there instead. This is fantastic idea, I just need a place where we can do it. I'm hoping that her community center is okay with it, and we can use that facility when they chips are down at the school. Hoping to discuss this more when the end of the year comes. I do like the idea though. And last but not least- Journey has always been a fan of my hockey team, since she was tiny. I don't know if it's because she wants to be like Mom, or if she considers it a bonding point, or what, but I absolutely love it. I love that even though she doesn't really know anything about my team, she's embraced them as hers, and she'll try to watch with me. She's an amazing daughter, and I'm so lucky and grateful to have her in my life. I love her more than life itself! When I was 19, I was quite petite, and I couldn't find any real clothing geared towards petite women, so I purchased a lot of Avs stuff in youth size extra large. To this day, I still have a bit of it, which I saved, in hopes that one day I would have a child that would be interested in wearing them. I tried to pass my Roy jersey and favorite sweatshirt off to Ryan when he was that size, but he refused them. Even though he's named after the greatest goalie to ever play for my team, he wouldn't wear the jersey with his name on it. Ryan's loyalties lie with his dad, and their Capitals. I accept it (begrudgingly). Hey, could be worse, could be a conference rival, or could be an old rival. Better that it's not, right? Okay then. Well, thankfully, here comes Journey, and she wants to root for my team too, so yay! I'm able to get her Avs gear, and she loves wearing it. Back when I was 19, I bought this beautiful, thick, practically authentic, fully stitched and embroidered youth size jersey to wear. It was the first one I ever bought myself, and I loved it. After some time though, I outgrew youth size extra large, and had to hang it up in my closet for someone else. That time finally came this morning, 18 years later. Journey asked to wear it to school today, because the student body was asked to wear a shirt of their favorite team, and since she's adopted the Avs as hers, she wanted to wear it. I nearly cried, watching her don it. It's a little baggy on her, but aren't all hockey jerseys on people? She looks absolutely adorable, and I love that she's taken to it, and that she loves it. I also handed down my favorite sweatshirt to her, which is also youth extra large, and my track/rain jacket that's Avs and youth extra large as well. It comforts me to know that these relics I held on from my youth are now able to fit my child as well. The tradition continues... |
| For now, it looks like things are starting to go in the right direction, other than our living situation, which is scaring the shit out of me. As far as my health goes, I'm on top of things and getting things taken care of. I've been seeing my primary, the cardiologist, the endocrinologist, the pulmonary, getting a sleep study done here on the 9th of May, and things are starting to look up a bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty hefty, and it's still hard for me to get around without a lot of wheezing and heavy breathing, gasping for air, but I'm getting there. Lord help me, I'm getting there. The cardiologist put me on a diuretic, so I've been able to shed the water weight so far. It doesn't mean that I'm back to where I was at the beginning of the year, but I'm getting better than I was before. I can stand for longer amounts of time. I can start to walk a little farther. It's not ideal, but it's better than it was. Hopefully my sleeping issues will get fixed too, and we'll be on the road to make me feel better. Journey's been doing testing and evaluations for her new IEP at middle school. So far, I've been told of two different people testing her, but I haven't heard of any others. I'm not exactly sure when we're holding the new IEP meeting with all the findings in it, but I'm going to assume it's after all these assessments end. I'm hoping it's before the end of the school year at least though. 3rd quarter report cards were good for the most part...Ryan's stating to agitate me by not doing what he needs to do and make the work he misses when he's absent for a field trip. Drives me bonkers. I hate how it's like he just doesn't care. He only cares off to start the new thing, and try to start fresh- but that won't work because the past grades effect too. I'll try to elaborate more later, I'm exhausted and almost falling asleep again. |
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