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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Tomorrow is the last day of freedom for the kids. Starting this year, they will be returning to school after Labor Day, which is tomorrow. The open houses were insane. I regret that we went to the 6th grade one, but in my defense, I thought we had to. I mean, I suppose we did, but I didn't really get anything out of it that I couldn't have gotten at another time. At any rate, when all is said and done, she's quite ready to go. I hope the A/B day schedule doesn't mess with her too much. I'm kinda pissed that I didn't get to meet with her case manager while we were being herded about the school to find things, but hopefully she has some news for me after the end of Tuesday. If I don't get answers, I will go into that school myself and ask. The good news is, she's with Grace in about 4 classes, and that makes me really happy. It also made Melissa really happy too. I hope the girls can stick together. I know that a couple of my other girls are on the same team (they split the grades into two teams, 6-1 and 6-2, and continue to do it up to 8th grade), but different teachers, and I know a couple of my other girls are on the other team. I hate that they're all separated from each other, but hopefully we can all get back together when we start meeting again. I'm currently waiting for approval to start meeting at the middle school. That's a story for another day though. Journey seems very eager about her classes. I'm excited for her. A bit nervous, but excited. I hope her days go well. I hope she gets a case worker that works well with her. I hope they follow her IEP. I hope she remembers to go to the nurses office and take her medicine. I'm nervous, but I think she'll do great. Going to Ryan's proved extremely necessary. The school is humongous, there are only 2 floors, but there's 6 staircases that lead from each side of the building. There's an A side of the building, and a B side of the building, and then there's the C side, and then the trailers outside, and sometimes when you think you're in the A side, you're actually in the B side, and sometimes the B side spills out to the end of the A side...heavens. Ryan gets the fun of trudging up and down the staircases every day to follow his schedule. It's funny, because at first I was upset that Ryan won't be playing soccer this season, and he also opted out of taking a gym class this year. After walking his schedule twice, I'm pretty sure he's going to get an excellent dose of cardio every day. This makes me happy and relieved. When we attended Ryan's open house, there were some upperclassmen in the halls, ready to help any freshmen that were looking for a particular room or area. Ryan was a bit lost looking for his biology class. A very wonderful upperclassmen took a look at his schedule with him to find out what room number, then looked at his schedule once more and quipped "Dang, you're smart!". I couldn't help but beam. Ryan is very academically gifted. His classes consist of Certificate of Merit classes, Honors, and AP (or Pre-AP, as in the case of his Language Arts class, as freshmen aren't allowed to take an AP ELA course.) He's got some hard courses ahead of him, but hopefully he does well and can keep up. We also ran into the high school band member that Ryan's old band teacher wanted Ryan to talk to. He's also a clarinetist, and is usually first chair in all tri-county and all county honors bands. He was happy to meet Ryan, and give him some pointers on being in band through high school. I'm not sure if they play together or not, and I'm not sure if he's a junior or a senior this year, but I think there's a lot of things that Ryan can learn from him. He grinned when he met Ryan and shook his hand, and told him "Your band teacher told me I needed to watch out for you!", which is a HIGH compliment from his former band teacher. He was signed up to take chorus this year as well, because he's a performing arts academy student, and the chorus teacher was thrilled to meet one of the academy students. I take it there's not a lot of them for the performing arts in band and chorus. I know there's a whole bunch of them for theater. I do think that chorus is going to do wonders with his breathing techniques, and help him gain better breathing and air flow for when he plays his clarinet. I hope that helps him. Ryan also made it into the youth orchestra once more. He practiced his piece pretty well, and he made it in again. Not to say that Ryan isn't talented, as he is EXTREMELY talented, but we've managed to catch some breaks, as clarinet is usually a gateway instrument into other instruments, such as the saxophone. Since Ryan has made his clarinet his home base instrument, there are a lot more doors opening for him, because it's hard to find good clarinetists. Bands and orchestras alike are always looking for good clarinetists, but they're very hard to find, as usually when someone gets good at clarinet, they ditch it for a different instrument, and kind of forget about playing clarinet altogether. We will get our last few days of relaxation in, and then Tuesday, we start a new chapter. Mother to a middle schooler and a high schooler. Never realized the day would come so fast. |
| Today marks my sweet girl's 11th birthday. I hope that these last few days events have given her such a great reason to celebrate. We've just returned from a trip to Minnesota, to see my very best friend in the entire world, and her family. It was a fantastic 6 day trip, and I was so thrilled to get to spend it with my best friend and with Journey as well. We went all kinds of places, like the Mall of America, and the Renaissance Festival, walking to get solar eclipse glasses so we could see the solar eclipse, the largest candy store I have EVER been in...many different places! I've fallen in love with a new casual quick food dining restaurant called Culver's. Such amazing food there!! Their onion rings and custard can't be beat! The burgers are PHENOMENAL!!! I would love to go there again sometime soon. I would love to return to see my best friend again sometime soon. I know Journey would love to return as well. She made very good friends with my best friend and her family, especially her "Uncle". Playing pretend is one of Journey's most favorite things, and he played pretend with her for HOURS. She enjoyed that so much. They also have wonderful pets that Journey fell in love with. This was her first long term exposure to a dog, and their dog is as sweet as can be. I'm so very glad that he was the dog that she got long term exposure from, because he's the best dog in the world. Journey was very sad to leave them all, as I was as well. I hope that we can make it back soon to visit once more. I love them all, they're so special to me. I know Journey would want to return with me as well. She did so fantastic on the plane!! I was so proud of her!! She wasn't nervous or worried at all! She brought along her stuffed Eevee Pokemon, and they did fine together. The first flight, we had to sit apart from each other, which was kind of upsetting to me, but she did beautifully. The ride back home, we were allowed to sit together by a window, and she got to watch with wonder as the sun went down and it was night time when we got back in. No moon to be seen, but that's okay. Today we're treating her to her traditional birthday meal at Olive Garden, and froyo stop at Sweet Frog. I'm also taking her to get her hands and toes painted from a nail salon. I hope all these gifts are ones she's enjoyed so far. The best one was spending time with her and my best friend and her family. I will treasure that forever. |
| Journey has made her way home from Girl Scout camp safe and sound, with many memories made, some items that she created, and whole bunch of insect bites. All in all, a good time was had. She made a friend at camp, which personally I like a lot better than going with a friend to camp, so that way they connect with each other most throughout camp itself. Sometimes I find when you go with a friend outside of camp, they tend to find other people that interest them as well, but sometimes you get left behind. I think personally, if it were me, I would just want to go in by myself and see if I could make a friend there instead. Journey does amazing going to camp on her own, without knowing someone, and this year, came back with a friend! Her mom and I connected, and we passed the girls information to each other, so hopefully we'll keep in touch. I excited Journey by letting her know that it's a possibility that we could put her friend and her in the same session next year, and she was very excited at that prospect. We're 4 days away from our trip to Minnesota to see my very best friend. Journey and I are insanely excited!! So is my best friend. We've kind of kept quiet about me going there, but I will post a photo of us on Facebook once I get there. I don't care if people get upset, this is a trip that needs to be documented. I will be taking pictures. Journey is excited to go on an airplane again, for the first time in about 9 years. I'm going to make sure she takes her motion sickness medicine so everything goes somewhat smoothly on the plane. We decided to pack our suitcase today. We'll pack our backpacks by Wednesday, and be ready to go for that night. Ryan says he's going to spend most of his time sleeping, hahaha. I asked him to set an alarm so that he wakes up in the morning to feed the cat at least. I'm having him check the mail every day, and he needs to clean the cat's litter box on Thursday, and then again on Monday. I wonder what Dixon's going to do while we're gone? He's seen Don go outside of the house for a while, he's seen Ryan leave the house for a weekend, and he's seen Journey leave the house to go to camp, and he doesn't really seem too fazed by it. However, Meowlel has rarely ever left his company, and most especially not overnight, so I'm curious to see if anything changes in his demeanor. Truth be told, I'm just his slave, so he may be dancing a jig when I leave. You never know. In less than two weeks, we will be finding out both of the kids' schedules for school. In about 17 days, we have the opportunity to tour her middle school and meet her teachers. In 18 days, we have the opportunity to do the same for Ryan and his high school. We're about halfway through August now. I was acutely aware this was going to happen. Journey turns 11 in 10 days. We are super excited for her! We got her a set of rocks and gemstones, and a book about rocks and gemstones for her birthday. She's very into geology right now, which I love. She has a very scientific mind. She also loves baking, which again, is a science, but also makes delicious things. She loves to see the chemical reactions that baking makes, and how it makes things taste. I love working with her on these things, it's lots of fun! 15 years on WDC today. 12 years of blogging. It's very much been a worthwhile ride. |
| We got a great surprise in the mail today. Journey was sent a letter, certificate and medal today for being one of our Girl Scout council's top 100 entrepreneurs for 2017. I am so damn proud of her, and all that she accomplishes during product sales. She is ALWAYS the top seller in both Fall Product and Cookie sales every single year in our troop, so to be recognized as one of our council's top sellers is an amazing feat of itself! We're in a lower populated, more rural area of our council, so it's that much harder for Journey to sell, but she manages to do amazing! She sold over 450 boxes of cookies this year, and that's the second time she's done that. Her first year of Daisies, she sold over 200 boxes, as well as her first year of Brownies. 2nd year Brownies, she sold over 300 boxes, and for the last two years, her Junior years, she sold over 450. She hit the 100 club in Fall Product this last year, which I'm not sure any girl in our service unit did, other than her. She always does so amazing at Fall Product too! I am beyond proud of her, and so excited for her to see that she's able to achieve her goals while selling. She works so hard, and does whatever she can. She has single handedly earned our troop over hundreds of dollars, if not over a thousand by now. She puts her heart into it and hustles like no one else I've seen. She's amazing. I can't wait to see what this year's product sales are going to be like! |
| I feel a need to write this down in here. Personally, I really don't care if there are comments or not, because, this is how I, myself, feel, about my life, and no two people or lives are exactly the same, and no two perspectives are ever the same either. I can't guarantee that Don will feel this way, even though he and I are sharing our lives together. This is solely on me, and I really feel that any advice given isn't going to be of any possible use to me. To be honest, I'm not even really looking for advice at this time. I just...I need to let this out. I am a needy person. This is fact. I've driven many people away because of this fact. I'm still trying to figure out why Don is here with how needy and smothering I am. I guess he loves being needed. The role of Mama placated my neediness; my little ones needed me as much as I needed them. It was such a beautiful harmony, me helping, them learning, us all getting what we needed from it. And then today, when Ryan decided he'd rather hang out upstairs in his room (not to say that I'm against that. Not at all. Teenagers need their space, and their own time. Someday very soon, he's going to grow up, move out of the house, and be on his own, and be his own company. There's nothing wrong with that.) then hang out downstairs with Journey and I, I started to realize where in this particular parenting adventure we were in. I've pretty much worked myself out of a job now with Ryan. He's very independent, he can do a lot of things on his own, including his own laundry, procuring lunch, etc. While I'm thrilled to know that I have helped mold an independent free thinking good citizen of the world, I also realize that he needs me so much less than he used to, even less than he did a year ago. In about two years, it will be even less than that, as he'll get his drivers license, and won't require me for a ride anymore. My mind goes from being innately proud of him, to wondering what I'm going to do with myself and all this newfound free time. I have Journey, but for how long? I'm even supposed to be stepping back from leading my troop, into being more of an adviser now. It's getting to the point where, my kids don't need me nearly as much as I need them. The truth of the matter is, I've always needed them. I've always needed them to need me, and want to spend time with me, and be around. Maybe I'm lucky, that I got a good chunk of Ryan's attention until he was 14. Maybe some other mothers don't even get that from their sons. We're still very close, and I love him so damn much it hurts, but I also don't want to hold him back. Just because I need him doesn't mean I'll hold him back and keep him caged. I would hate for anyone to do that to me, so why would I do it to him? The same goes for Journey. Right now, at the cusp of eleven, she and I are two peas in a pod. In fact, the biggest reason I booked a flight to Minnesota for both her and me is because when I t old her I was going, she begged me to take her with me. She and I both felt like it would be very hard on her, so, I bought her an accompanying ticket. This may very well be the last trip she ever asks me to take her with. I don't know. The years, they play tricks on me. Sometimes, I think my kids wouldn't do this or say that, and other times, I realize just how one dimensional thinking that is, and how I seem to have my kids put in a box, believing that we'll always be this way, forever and ever, and that's not the case. My life is made up in two minds-the logical, rational side of me, and the emotional, irrational side of me. I don't always realize when I'm being emotional or irrational, but eventually, my logical, rational side of me will realize I am, and tell me to stop. Problem is, my emotional, irrational side is so worked up about it all, my logical, rational side can't take over and control the flames that are busting out into the streets of my mind. A good portion of this is due to my mental health, and believe me when I say that tinkering with my psych meds for the last 8 or 9 years has helped me tremendously to listen more to that logical, rational side. I don't completely lose all control, ESPECIALLY over huge things, but sometimes, I feel a good cry come on over situations I thought I could handle but apparently cannot. I don't deny myself a good cry either, as I find it extremely cathartic and I feel a million times better after I'm done. But I digress. I realize that as the kids age, they will need me much less. My emotional side says that if I try hard enough, we can stay the way we are right now in a holding pattern for the rest of our lives. The logical, rational side of me says that's not possible, all things must grow and change, including myself, and even if I don't want it to, things are going to be different. My heart pleads for that to not be the case. I want Ryan and Journey to need me every day, just the way I need them...but my mind knows, that's not the way any of this works. So where do I go from here? I don't even know. I know right now I'm going to keep on doing my best to live in the moment and enjoy having my kids with me still at this time. I know that I need to continue helping them learn to take care of themselves and look after themselves for when they leave the nest, and when they're out there in the big world on their own. I don't want to sabotage this, or fail them just because I'm selfish. That's not what a good parent does. (On an aside note, I can't help but feel that I was sabotaged when I was a teenager as well...but that's another story for another day, and I am here to break cycles.) I know this sounds horrible, but frankly, at this juncture, there's not a lot of things I want to put my time into, other than what I'm doing now. Being Mama is one of my most favorite things, and I really don't want to have to give up being hands on Mama until I have to, but we're starting to move towards that. Soon I'll have to be far away Mama, or Mama on the phone. It's nice....but it's not what I want. Emotional, irrational side speaking. Logically and rationally, I know that what I want and what needs to happen are two different things. I'm dragging my feet and being surly about it. That's not going to help anyone in this situation, and I need to find other productive things to do with my time. Nothing seems as fulfilling as what I've been doing though. Would I do it again by fostering/adopting another little one? Honestly? I'm not entirely sure. The emotional side of me says maybe...the rational side of me says "Lady, are you outta your damn mind?? We've got kids who need money for college! Where are you supposed to find extra funds to adopt a little one??". Perhaps the two need to meet up and hold a meeting of the minds. That's not something to take into lightly. Most importantly, it's something Don and I would have to talk about. I'm not about to do something like that without bringing him into it. And frankly, I think he's fine with the kids growing up and moving on....more than I am apparently. And, funny, you'd think having Dixon would solve these issues...but the fact of the matter is, the cat doesn't seem to be too needy of me, other than to fill his water dish, food bowl, and clean his litter box. He lavishes all his attention and affection on Don....sometimes I feel like the cat and I are competing for my husband's attention. Again, another story for another day...I'm all over the place here today...don't mind me... It just hits me in waves sometimes. Sometimes, I'm fine with everything that's happening, and sometimes, my need to be with my kids is all consuming. I love all the people (and the being) in my house. I want to be surrounded by them constantly....but realistically, I know that's not possible. I've loved every single day of summer vacation so far, because I'm with my two kids day in and day out. We go everywhere together, with or without the car. I'm crying right now because, I don't know how long that's going to last. In six weeks, they'll return back to school, and soon, it will just be Dixon and me during the day. Dixon's happy right now that the kids are home with me right now, and feels comfortable being with us the whole time. When it's him and me, he usually decides to stay upstairs and nap his time away until the kids come home. Frankly, I don't blame him, and I would too, but I can't force myself to sleep. It comes when it wants to. I have no real choice in the matter, and it upsets me. My options are limited. My time is running out. Right now, I'm determined to make the most of it, and enjoy every day that we have, because who knows what tomorrow holds. It's what tomorrow holds that makes me drag my feet in the now, and makes me uncomfortable and uncertain. |
| A few things are coming up, two girl scout excursions, and then next month is chock full of things going on. I'm going to say that August will be our busiest month yet. Between Journey going to camp, and then us going to Minnesota, and then Journey's birthday, and then getting ready for school, there's lots to look forward to. Journey's 6th grade orientation is at night on August 30th. Ryan's 9th grade orientation is in the morning from 10 am to 12 pm on August 31st. School doesn't start until September 5th, but I'm glad to know that they're looking to get everything in and moving. I'm curious to see what the kids schedules look like. I really hope and pray that Journey did NOT get Ryan's 6th grade math teacher. She would be HORRIBLE for her, and just wreck her self esteem. I don't need that for Journey. That's not conducive to learning for her. I'll look and see on HAC to see if any info on when the schedules come out is available. Journey and I are really looking forward to our time in Minnesota. I was upset yesterday because I was leaving Ryan behind, but he swears he'll be okay. I certainly hope so. I don't want him to be lonely during the day because Journey and I aren't here. Don will be at work, so I hope that Ryan can keep himself occupied and okay for the time being. He also has Dixon. Curious to see more about school time coming along. I know it's not going to do any good getting the info now, as they won't be going in until 42 days now. That seems such a long time away, but really, I think it will fly by, just as it always does. I'm going to enjoy having the kids here while I have them though. |
| Most summers, I have no issues with the kids being home. Usually, the hardest part of it is affording all the food and snacks we need to keep them fed. This year, it hasn't been a problem at all. We are very comfortable, and always have food to eat. I am so appreciative of that fact. This summer has been fantastic. I've decided that I'm not going to shove school activities down their throats while it's summer. We've all been relaxing, having a good time. The kids can always occupy themselves, and are fairly independent. We stay downstairs together, watch movies, they play video games, we chat a lot, having a great time. There's a lot of camaraderie with the kids and I. The 5 of us (Dixon included) are a very tight knit family. I live in a house with all my favorite people (and a favorite being in Dixon of course!), so I enjoy the time I have with everyone while we have it. I don't get sick of my kids, which many people have tried to guilt me into. I'm sorry that they were miserable, but that doesn't mean I have to be too. I'm quite happy to be home with the kids, enjoying our days together before they go back to school. I'm so glad we get another month in August. I'm thrilled that they don't go back until after Labor Day, which means I can hang out with them just a little longer. I don't feel so rushed. I hope they don't either. We still have plenty of time. Dixon has grown used to the kids being home, and finds it a good reason to come stay downstairs for most of the day. Normally, when it's just him and me, he likes to take the opportunity to sleep on everyone else's bed while I stay downstairs. Not much company for Meowlel, but those are the breaks. We haven't been talking about the upcoming middle school and high school year just yet, but I know they know it's around the corner. I know all too well that it is also. Next week, we'll be going school supply shopping for Journey to get all her needs, and get some basics for Ryan. We've been told that the high schools let their course teachers decide what's necessary for the students to bring. If I think back to when I was in high school, I don't really recall having a school supply list, I just walked in with a zippered binder filled with blank paper and multiple folders, pens, pencils and erasers. It seemed to suit me just fine. I know things are going to be different for the kids (I don't recall ever having a school supply list when I was in middle school either, but Journey does for the next 3 years, which is fine by me.) We've been doing some Girl Scout activities this summer so far. Journey's gotten to see her friend Ben twice now, we also went over Melissa's house to see Grace, and Journey is hoping to get to see her good friend Bradley in the upcoming weeks. We also have a Girl Scout event going on tomorrow, and then again on the 27th and the 28th of July. August is going to go by very quickly. Journey spends a week at summer sleep away Girl Scout camp from August 6th to 11th, and then Journey and I leave to see my best friend in Minnesota on August 17th, and return August 22nd, one day before Journey's 11th birthday. Journey's birthday, we're doing the usual, going to Olive Garden and Sweet Frog. She's not having a party this year because none of her friends are going to be here during that time. That's the only drawback to school starting after Labor Day, everyone's using it as a last chance vacation before school starts again, which means that no one is here for her party. She seems to be okay about it for the most part. I'm glad to hear it. Ryan suffered the same fate in June, as all his friends were out of town for his birthday. His best friend and he spent a day together before Ryan's birthday, which I was super happy about. I will continue to update as I feel for the rest of the summer. I'm sure I'll have plenty to say when the kids go back though. |
| Journey and I have been talking a lot lately. I'm quite glad we are, because we're covering topics we wouldn't usually. I appreciate all the time she's putting into this with me, it means a lot. We were discussing hear idea for her Silver Award project in Cadettes. I explained to her how making the fidgets is important, and going to the schools and delivering them is important as well, but the biggest piece of the puzzle that she needs to do is to talk about how important fidgets are for kids like her. I know this is a hard topic for her. There are quite a few days when she doesn't want to admit that she has autism or ADHD. Sometimes she wishes she was just average and neurotypical, and in a way, I can't blame her. But, without her testimony, the project doesn't have the same authenticity to it or the same importance to it the way it would if she were to tell the kids that she knows first hand why these fidgets are needed. When I explained that a couple of days ago to her, she was right on board, and she was willing to do what it took to put this project in the air. At this time, we can't work on the project, because we need to work on the journey first. I will guide and facilitate as much of their project as I can once the journey is over. I think it's wise to start off that way instead, just to cover our bases and make sure that we're headed in the right direction. I don't ever want her to hate who she is. I don't ever want her to think that autism or ADHD are bad words, or that she's a terrible person because she has them. I want her to know that, although they're challenges to have, that doesn't make her any less than anyone else. She deserves to be here just like everyone else does. I want her to shine who she is to the world, and let them know that she's amazing no matter what. I hope she believes that from here on out. I'll be sure to remind her every step of the way. |
| I am a planner. Ever since Don and I got together, I have been. Before anyone else was in my life, I flew by the seat of my pants, never caring really where I ended up or what I was doing. I was under the belief that something would always turn up. Ahhhh, the life of a young adult whose only concern is herself. Now that my life involves 4 other beings, I find myself trying to plan for as much as possible, for the sake of stability. It helps calm my mind to know that I have something up my sleeve just in case something should happen. It's not always foolproof, but I've found that 8 times out of 10, when something goes down, and I have a back up plan to get us through, I'm a lot more calm and rational. I can keep us afloat and keep moving forward, hardly missing a step. I've made an art out of turning full fledged panic into plans A-Z and thensome. The end of childhood for both of my kids is drawing to a close. One is soon to be 11 and in middle school, the other 14 and entering high school. I have been heartily warned that the last 4 years of his public education will go by quite quickly, which I realize is probably true. This means that Journey's 3 years in middle school will fly by as well, and the next thing I know, I'll be looking at a freshman and a senior. This realization has led me to a lot of panicky, restless nights. It has also brought me to other realizations, such as the fact that Maryland is a very expensive place to live. This particular area is very expensive, and where we are right now at this time is the only place that we can really afford here. Truth be told, it was never our intention to be here forever, and if we did stay, we'd literally have to stay in this apartment for the rest of our time. There's really nowhere else to go within this area that we can afford, even if I did get a job, at say, Food Lion or something of the sort. Don and I have talked in semi-deep discussions about making a return to Colorado, after all is said and done. I've cried many times though, thinking that we would be leaving the kids behind, or leaving the kid's only known home behind. I know that the kids are just as sentimental as I am, and I don't want to hurt or crush them. However, we would love to return to where this all began. Last night, the kids and I talked about it all. I know that after Ryan finishes high school, he would like to look into college, like a 4 year university college. He asked if it was possible to go to one in another state, which I explained is completely possible. I did want him to know though, that if he chose a school close to here, we wouldn't leave him here to fend for himself while we moved cross country. Likewise, Journey has told me that she does NOT want to attend a university. She cannot bear the thought of leaving out of our house to attend school in a completely different area. I explained that it's quite simple to take community college courses while staying at home with us, which she was over the moon about. While I am buoyed by the fact that my children are looking to further their educations, I really don't want to leave them behind here. So, we started talking. Ryan said that if he does attend a university in the area, he would be willing to make the move to Colorado with us, if we would let him finish out his fourth year of university to do so. I explained that that wouldn't really be too much to ask, and also told him that if need be, all accredited colleges transfer many credits over, so if we did make that move, he could also attend another university somewhere else as well. We'll see how that all plays out a bit later though. As for Journey, she told me that she'd be willing to wait with us for Ryan to finish out, and that she would like to attend a community college after we've moved. I am quite pleased with this idea, and I love the fact that she's willing to make the move with us. I'll be sad that the kids will be moving away from most of their childhood friends, and I'll be sad that I'm moving away from my girls, but the time is coming, and we must start planning for it now. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger and brighter by the minute, and I want us all to be prepared for what may come. My heart is so full, knowing that the kids would like to make the move with us. We are such a tight knit family, so close together, and always wanting to be close. I don't want to be far away from my kids. I want them to be at least a state over where I can easily visit them, and help take care of their little ones when it's time, etc. The talk last night helped bring some peace to me, both in the present, and for the future. Instead of fearing what's going to happen to us, I'm more willing to look forward to these next 7 years without as much hesitation. |
| Last year should've hit me harder, as Ryan became a full fledged teenager. However, in the next 4 days, Ryan's going to turn 14, and it differs so much from 13 in so many ways. Firstly, he was still in middle school when 13 hit. It wasn't too big of a change. He was just starting teenagehood, and though it's a big milestone, 14 seems so much bigger, because it means he's off to high school in the fall. Much like middle school, I can't seem to wrap my head around this one very well. I have no choice but to cope with it as it comes. I still find it hard to believe that Journey's going into middle school this coming year as well. 11 still seems so young. There are occasionally times where Ryan shows his teenage-ness, groaning, rolling his eyes, mumbling "Whatever" under his breath, but they are few and far between for now, I'm happy to say. I love him so much, and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. This whole raising a teenager is new to me, I've never done it before. So far, he's making it a little easier on me. We'll see what the household dynamics are going to be like in a couple of years when Ryan's 16 and Journey's 13...should be interesting to say the least. Ryan and his best friend are going to have a hang out session on Thursday in lieu of a birthday party for Ryan, as all his friends that would be guests are going to be gone at that time. I'm glad that his best friend is making time for him though before they head out for the summer. Ryan doesn't get to spend a lot of time with him since they've been going to different schools. I hope Journey gets to spend some time with friends as well. We got to see her good friend Ben the other day, which they were both thrilled about. Those two also don't get to see much of each other because of attending different schools. Hopefully everyone keeps in touch. |
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