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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Today was Ryan's 8th grade promotion. We took Journey out of school today for her to come see it with us and support her brother. We were given a ride by one of Don's soccer parents, which was very nice. I went out and jinxed us on the car we were looking to get-it seems the owner had a change of heart, and decided to keep it. Quite maddening for us, as well as those who continue to give us rides to the things we need to be at, but, luckily, some really great friends have stepped up to help. It was a fantastic ceremony, and I'm proud to say that I didn't cry at all this time! That's not to say I won't cry ever again, or at another ceremony for Ryan-I'm willing to bet I'll cry at his high school graduation...possibly. Not sure yet! I'm almost certain that I'm going to cry at Journey's 5th grade promotion tomorrow, however. I'm bringing the camera and a whole bunch of tissues with me, just to make sure!! I find it neat that this will be the first, last, and only time that Journey and Ryan will ever "graduate" at the same time. Being spaced 3 years apart, when Journey promotes from 8th grade, Ryan will be in 11th grade. When Ryan graduates high school, Journey will be a freshman in high school that year. If Ryan goes the college route and completes his associates, Journey will be in 11th grade. When Journey graduates high school, Ryan will hopefully be in his 3rd year of college, and if Ryan graduates with his bachelors, Journey will have been removed 1 year from high school. Saturday, we have our bridging ceremony for my troop girls. Ten of them are coming back as Cadettes next year, and I cannot be more thrilled about that than I already am. I love these girls so deeply, they mean so much to me. To know that they've been continuing with me since Daisies and Brownies is just amazing to me. One of my girls and I worked together to iron on and sew all of the insignia yesterday. She's been working on her sewing skills, and I am super proud for all the hard work she put in to all those vests yesterday. We did it as a gift to each girl, so that way all her insignia would be placed on correctly. (Heaven knows, there are a few parents in the troop who haven't really looked at the insignia placing form when I hand them to them!) I hope they appreciate all the hard work that she put into it. I know I do! All in all, these last 3 days are all about new beginnings. I'm hopeful to an eventful and fulfilled future. |
| We're looking into getting a new to us car in the next couple of days. There are all kinds of things up in the air right now, and there's a few things that are holding us back from making this a streamlined process, but we're doing what we can do to get it done. My hope is that we'll be able to attend all the things we need to attend starting this Saturday without any hiccups or hitches. I shouldn't have said that, because that's usually how bad shit happens. Omg. Anywho.... It's really happening. In one week, Ryan will have been promoted from 8th grade to 9th grade. Just like that, he'll be getting ready for his freshman year of high school. One week from tomorrow, Journey will be promoted from 5th grade to 6th, and will be getting ready for her first year of middle school. A chapter has closed for us. We are now officially the parents of older kids. A "tween" and a teen. It amazes, overwhelms and astounds me. Yesterday I was talking with Ryan about how it's all going so fast, and how the next four years are going to fly by, and how I'm not ready for them to leave me yet. I haven't been preparing for that. There's a huge decision we have to make as a family when 7 years here is up, and I'm pretty sure those 7 years are going to fly right by. So, starting this Saturday, we have lots going on. Ryan has one of his last soccer games of the season Saturday morning, and then he has a full dress rehearsal of his symphony/orchestra's gala, which is the next day, Sunday. Monday, we're getting stuff with the car figured out, Tuesday is our last outreach forever, Wednesday, Journey is missing Fun Day (field day) to come sew all the uniforms together with me at Melissa's house (which Melissa and I thought was a good idea...her girls won't be participating either, because of how horrendously hot and humid it is during this time of year. Last year, Journey got heat sickness and had to be aided to the nurses office where she stayed for most of the day. I don't want that to happen to her again. I'd rather she opt out.). Thursday is Ryan's 8th grade promotion, Friday is Journey's 5th grade promotion, and Saturday is the bridging ceremony. Then Sunday is a cookie money activity with my girls. LOTS going on. Very busy time of year, most especially for this year. Roz is set to be towed to a junkyard Friday at 9 am. I must say my sweet goodbyes to my girl before she goes. I love her, and I will miss her so. I will keep her key with me, the same way I did for Char, to remember her by. |
| My sweet Roz is on her last legs. There's something seriously wrong with her, and we definitely don't have the money to get her looked at or fixed. We've had Roz for about 7 years now, and she's done us some real good. I love her so much. She taught me to trust into driving again. I felt comfortable behind her wheel, and I grew to love her almost the way I did Char. I'm going to miss Roz a lot, and I know that she'll be better suited for other things when we get a new car and decide to take her to an auto parts field. I know there's something seriously wrong with her, and I know that it would probably cost more than what she's worth to fix it, and the fact that she's almost 20 years old, and that she has over 100k miles on her, she wouldn't last very long at all. She gave us a great 7 years though, and I couldn't be more grateful to her and all she did for us. She took us to Ocean City. She took us to pick up Dad from the airport. She took us all kinds places. I don't think I'll ever forget her. I want to keep her key, the way I did Char. Don can give them his key. I want to keep the one I have. To always remember Roz. These last few weeks are just FLYING. I was supposed to go to my best friend's house in Minnesota next week, but we had to push the plans back, as Roz died, and we only found out too late that we would've had a solution to take us to the airport. Perhaps it's for the best that we pushed it back though. Don's aunt is hoping to help us get a new car sometime in early June, so hopefully when we go in August instead, the new car can take us. We shall see. If all else fails, I have a back up plan in place. I just hope I don't have to use it. It's a really good plan though. We're a week away to Don's 33rd birthday. We're two weeks away from Memorial Day. June 5th is the very last Monday of the school year for the kids. Journey's field day is the 7th, Ryan's promotion is the 8th, Journey's promotion is the 9th, and Journey's bridging ceremony is the 10th. My girls are also going to a paint party on the 11th, so we have lots going on that week. I'm going to enjoy it though. Everything is going so fast though. Yeesh. These next 4 years are said to fly by, even faster than the last three years Ry's had of middle school, and even faster than the kids were in elementary school. We're looking to start holding meetings in the middle school for my troop now. I just thought it was a better jump. I thank LES for all they've done for us, but it's probably time for us to fly from the nest now and go onto the next big adventure. |
| Once again, the school year is full steam ahead, rushing to the end. It's already May, and I am not even close to prepared for all the chapter ends that are coming. I feel like I've been caught sleeping, and I just don't have what I need to cope and make it though. I have no choice in the matter though. The school year is ending; the Girl Scout year is ending, and I have no choice but to accept it, and work with it. There's been so much going on in the last two months, it's a wonder that I've gotten a chance to breathe. We have appointments and events and so much going on, and it won't end until the school year and the Girl Scout year end, and then what? Well, I shouldn't say that, because a mere 70 days later or so, we start school again, in new buildings, and new times, and new places, and new faces. I must admit, I didn't think it would all go by so fast. I thought going day by day would mean that i would have more time...that's not the case at all. There are days when I think it's dragging by, and I can't wait till Don and the kids get home, and they get home, and it's like, from that point, time flashes forward to the end of the week, and I'm sitting here going "What happened? I thought it was Tuesday? How did it get to be Saturday already?". Our whole household has a lousy concept of time to begin with, but this just makes it all the much harder. I can assure you, you are never really prepared for anything life throws your way. Just hang on for the ride. |
| As of April 27th, 2017, Don and I have been married for 14 years. When Don and I got married, he was just about to turn 19, and I had just turned 22. We were so young, but we had known since we first got together 16 years ago that we wanted to be together forever, spend the rest of our lives together, and get married. 6 months into our relationship, we got engaged. A little less than 2 years later, we got married. Ryan was born after that, and then 3 years later, Journey was born. I'm not going to lie, there have definitely been some hard times. The first 5 years of our marriage was ultimately the hardest. We both had a lot of growing up to do, and we both had to cope with so many stressors in our marriage and in our outside family. But, we worked together, and we made it through. Not to say that we don't have issues anymore; sometimes we argue, but we always come back together, stronger than before. I like to think that Don and I are able to model a healthy relationship to our kids, so they can see what relationships look like. We don't present them with only the good sides-they see Don and I disagree many times. But they also see us apologize to each other, and talk it out. They see the hard work we put in every day to make this marriage work. I hope they remember that when they decide to get into a relationship. |
| We were at the bus stop this morning, when a neighbor commented about how tall Journey is getting. I took a clear look at Journey, and realized she HAS grown. I need to measure her again, but I'm pretty sure she gained a half an inch or more. They're growing by leaps and bounds now. I can't keep up with them. I'm pretty sure Ryan grew another inch or so. I bought him size 8 shoes to grow into...I think he's almost there now. I can only imagine how tall he's going to be when 17 hits. Soon I'll be the shortest person in the house. Journey lost her very last baby tooth the other day. We had to get it extracted by the dentist because we were afraid that she wasn't going to wiggle it out and it would turn into a husk and crack, so we decided to take care of it before it got to that point. The dentist let us know, this was the very last tooth she would ever lose. The night I played the Tooth Fairy for the very last time, I cried. I can't believe it's already over, just like that. It's only a month and 3 weeks before school is over, and elementary school is over forever. Middle school and high school will be our reality for the next 7 years. A new chapter has begun. My sweet girl is bridging from a Junior girl scout to a Cadette. I can't believe we started this adventure as Daisies, and now here we are, becoming Cadettes. No longer little girls, we're big girls now. So many new changes. A younger version of myself would be freaking out about all these changes, and the lack of control that I have over this time, but I'm doing a lot better about it now. Come what may, we'll keep sailing these waters and see where they take us. |
| According to the blog updater, it says it's been 19 days since I wrote. Perhaps it's time for an update... School is flying by at a break-neck speed. Monday starts our spring break, where we'll have an entire week off to ourselves. I miss the days when we could afford to go to Ocean City, as it's been about 4 years or so, but finances are what they are, and I'm sure we'll be just fine and appreciate the break anyway. I know Dixon will be quite happy that the kids are home the whole week. He loves it when everyone is home. I wonder if it will confuse him because Don's not home? I guess we'll find out. There's a lot going on with our troop right now; we're discussing things like encampment, wrapping up badges, what we want to do with our cookie money, and putting on our own bridging ceremony. So far I have 8 girls signed up for encampment. I'll need the parents to put in the payment for them before May comes. I also need to let the girls know again that the glen shelters don't have cots in them this time. I hope they'll be okay with this. We also need to figure out what we're doing with breakfast on Saturday morning. We don't have to cook anything, but I do need to buy some stuff for it, whatever they want to do, especially if it's cost effective. I'd also like for us to do the lunch program there, which is $5.50 per person. I think it's a much better option than trying to spend more money for sandwiches and stuff. Either way, I'll run it by the girls and see what they think. I'll have to talk with them at our next meeting on the 21st and see, and get payment then. As far as our cookie money goes, the girls have some amazing ideas, including indoor skydiving, paintballing, going to a pottery place again, going to an amusement park, going to the zoo, going to a spa, going camping, or going to Build-A-Bear. Yes, seriously. When my girls were in Daisies, we did a Build-A-Bear party, and my girls say they want to re-live that magic again. They're so funny! As far as bridging goes, they almost all want to do our own ceremony. There will probably be some costs incurred, which I don't think they realize. We also need to discuss uniform and insignia options. Will the parents be paying for all of that? Last bridging ceremony, we decided to use troop money to pay for uniforms for the girls when they bridged. I'll discuss it with the parents more in May, and see what they think. I'm excited for us to do our own bridging ceremony again, which means I get to write another speech for my girls. More than likely, I'll be crying my eyes out again LOL. That always seems to happen. Ryan was given a course schedule that his 8th grade teachers have recommended him for for next year in 9th grade. Almost every class is either AP or Honors. I am so ecstatic over that! I don't want to burn him out though, but I'm super proud of him. His teachers think he's capable of such great things, and we think so too. Ryan ALSO made it into a youth orchestra here in our county! He had auditioned a couple of years ago, but they told him that because he doesn't take private lessons, they wanted him to do that before they let him in. He hasn't gotten private lessons as of yet (we can't really afford it), but his friend told him that the orchestra is more lenient about that requirement now, so he could try out again. The night that he tried out, not only did they tell him he made it, but they also had him stay for his very first practice! There's a pretty hefty cost to him being in this orchestra (we need to pay for tuition, and for his uniform, and the conductor asked that we try to get him to see a private tutor at least once a month), but this is for elite players; not just anyone can get into this orchestra. You have to be REALLY good in order to get in. The conductor even told Ryan that he was extremely talented, which made my week. This kid is amazing on clarinet. My guess is that he's going to make AVPA at the other high school...but I wonder if it will be too much clarinet for him. He might just choose the National Academy of Finance instead, which is more academically challenging. This kid has a super bright future ahead of him. Promotion time is looming close; and with that means extra costs. Journey's class photo as well as the entire 5th grade class photo is coming up, as well as her 5th grade t-shirt for Fun Day. We had to go and buy Ryan a nice business dress shirt and tie for his promotion, and paid for his 8th grade yearbook. We also paid for Journey's 5th grade yearbook. I don't know if Ryan has any other extra school costs (I know that there's a picnic at Blue Crabs Stadium for the 8th graders and their families sometime before they get promoted, but I'm not sure what those costs are or if there are any). but we'll certainly find out at the time comes I suppose. The end of this year is going to be amazing. So many memories, so many new beginnings. |
| The final IEP meeting with LES has been scheduled for April 25th. This is what they call her transition meeting, going into middle school. I can't believe this is actually happening, we're actually getting ready to move her. While I'm super thrilled that she's moving up (there was a moment there when I feared they would hold her back, only because of her math grade currently, which has more to do with her bombing a test than anything else), it will be bittersweet to leave the halls of LES behind us. They were my children's first educational home. They are growing and flying now, and I will miss that school and their staff so very much, most especially Chrissy. Oh my god, I'm going to miss her so much. She's been my ears, eyes and heart with my sweet girl this whole time. I am hoping that Journey is going to be at the meeting with us. I would like her to talk about what she needs and what she thinks will help her. I'm already putting in word that she needs to NOT have Ms. Samuel. That would be a train wreck waiting to happen, and Journey doesn't need that pressure. I want to make middle school work for her, but I'm not exactly sure how at this point. I'm hoping that Journey herself will have some better answers for us all. Some days, I find it hard to believe that Journey is going to middle school. So much of her presents like a smaller, younger girl. Sometimes I get confused, and think she's 9, when in actuality, she's already almost over half way to 11. I remember when she was a baby, and I was just dying for her to hit her milestones, and grow. I wanted her to be old enough to crawl, walk, sit, play with her brother, talk...I think when she was 3, it hit me harder than it ever did before, and I kept saying "something's wrong, something's not right, something's going on...what's happening?" In a way, her autism diagnosis has helped so much. It helped get her the services and help that she needs, and it gave us some answers and insight to what's going on with her. She's such an amazing girl. Sometimes it feels like she's still so little, and has so much farther to go, and sometimes she surprises the hell out of me, and shows me just how far she's come. This weekend we had a cookie booth, it was the last one of the season, and she would call out loud and proud that they had Girl Scout cookies, and it was the last day to buy. She is like me in many ways, but she is also not like me. Next year, I'm going to walk her to and from the bus stop every day, just like I do now, but it will be much earlier and a bit farther. She won't get the luxury of the bus coming to her, she'll have to walk to get to it. I don't mind either way. We'll see what she has to say about it. I worry about her though, because she's so tiny, even for a 10 year old, and she doesn't yet know how to protect herself. I'm seriously considering a workshop for my girls when they're Cadettes to learn self protection. Ryan's a big kid, I trust he can take care of himself, and I don't think he'll be messed with nearly as much as Journey will. I worry about her all the time. Not that I don't think she's capable, not at all. I just am scared that she's going to get taken advantage of, and something horrible could happen to her. I don't know if this is because she's a girl, or because she's tiny, or because she has autism, or because she's so sweet and agreeable, or a combination of all of the above, but I feel it's my duty as her mom to go and protect her as she goes off to middle school, as best as I possibly can. If that means walking her to and from the bus stop every day, I will do it. I was telling Don the other day about how I might be more willing to allow Ryan to move away from us, across the country or whatnot, but that I really wanted to be where Journey is. That doesn't mean I want to keep her living in the house with us forever, it just means that I worry about leaving her behind here in Maryland if we decide to go back to Colorado after the kids have graduated. I don't want to leave her. I want to stay close to her, to take care of her and keep her safe. So, April 25th will give us some ideas and answers about what we're going into when middle school comes. I'm hoping this transition is easy on all of us. |
| The other night on Facebook, I posted a picture of a pencil that we received at a rising freshman orientation that we visited at a local high school. The caption I wrote for the photo was that we attended the orientation, and that things were going swimmingly, entering the walls of the high school with Ryan. However, once they handed me the pencil with the words "Class of 2021" printed on it, I began to cry. It made it so much more real. There's an end date to this; it's not just "in the near future". It's no longer an uncertain date. No matter which high school Ryan attends, he will be known as the graduating class of 2021. That will be his class moniker for the entire 4 years they attend there. In an interesting turn of events, each local high school has something called an "Academy", which focuses on certain aspects of curriculum. Ryan received a special letter in the mail from one of the high schools, courting him and asking him to apply for their National Academy of Finance. It's a very highly touted program, and he's been pre-selected because of the amazing grades he's had in middle school. He was then also asked to apply for the Academy of Visual and Performing Arts, as his clarinetist skills are amazing. Both of these academies are housed in a school that's out of our district; however, they do have a bus hub system that picks up and drops off at the local elementary school that the kids attended (well, technically, Journey is still attending until June of 2017), so he would easily be able to get to that school. He did send in applications to both, and is looking towards getting his audition information for the AVPA soon. We will also be attending a private reception for the NAoF on the 13th, that starts at 5 pm. I have never seen a high school court a middle schooler, a la colleges courting high schoolers, before in my life. I started to get ideas of what his junior year could start to show, with colleges sending letters, asking him to apply to their school. Truth be told, Ryan is in a far greater position to attend college than Don and I ever were. I am cautiously optimistic for his future. I know that anything can happen, but I'm excited for him to see what unfolds. Right now, he's mulling over his options. He also put in another application to the SMYOC, which is a youth orchestra in the local area. He tried out for them his 7th grade summer, and was told that without private lessons, they did not foresee him in their ranks. He was greatly disappointed, as was I, and then he turned around and made Tri-County Honor Band as the only 7th grader in his middle school. His perseverance astounds me. To me, Ryan has always been one of the most amazing kids I have ever known, and I don't just say that because he's my son. Ryan has always been advanced for his age, physically, mentally, emotionally. He surprises me all the time, and I am bursting proud to be his mom. He's one of the most amazing humans I've ever had the pleasure of knowing personally. I love him with my entire heart. Watching him accomplish all he's accomplished so far just fills me with so much pride and appreciation. It's real now. This is really happening. I hear the next four years are going to be a roller coaster and fly by quickly...I hope we have time to savor a few things and enjoy the ride. |
| I was always under the impression that my kids were different-they didn't pine to be part of the in crowd, or have what other kids have. They always struck me as the kinds of kids that were grateful for what they had, and were happy with the friends and people that loved them, and didn't need anymore attention or affection than that. While part of this is true, it wasn't until last night that it actually hit me that they long to belong as well. Not in a brand specific, look specific kind of way, but in similar ways. Journey longs to grow up, and wear grown up things that her friends wear. I just recently purchased her an article of clothing that immediately boosted her confidence, and although at this time she doesn't need the clothing, it made her feel like she's actually the age she is. She feels grown, like she's ready to take on middle school now. She longed to have what her friends have, and need. Although she doesn't need it just yet, it was that longing to have it that set her there. Last night, Ryan was playing on Steam with some chums on Rocket League. He admitted frustratedly to them that he can't use a game controller to play, because we can't afford one right now. The dejection in his voice as he admitted this had me almost heartbroken. He longs to keep up with his friends, and be able to play as well as they play. Unfortunately, our budget doesn't allow for that, so he has to get along as he is right now. It would be so much easier for him if we could just get him the game controller, but again, that's not how the budget works. But my question still remains...why do they feel they have to compete or impress these other kids? What is it that makes them feel they need something in order to belong, to be considered normal? I remember when I was in middle school, a friend of mine had an Adidas jacket that I longed for. I never got it, but I tried not to make a big deal out of it. In fact, I don't even think my parents knew, other than the couple of times I mentioned the jacket. Perhaps I notice it more from our kids because I'm very in tune with them? I hate that they have to go through this adversity, but at the same time, it's good for them to realize, you can't just get what you want because your friends have it. Sometimes, it's just not in the budget. Sometimes, it's not a good idea, or it's not something you're ready for yet. I don't want them to start comparing themselves to those that have different life experiences than them. No one has it easy, even if they do get things handed to them all the time. I know it's hard for them, but I hope they understand and appreciate as they get older. Journey already recognizes and understands the value of a dollar. Ryan, to some extent, does too. He's much more vocal though about the things he wishes he could get, whereas Journey realizes just how much things cost these days. I know right now they're pretty grateful kids who don't ask for much, and I feel that I can't get them what they'd like, but, money dictates at the moment, and outfitting them with clothes that fit and shoes that fit are much more important than game controllers and Nintendo Switches. |
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