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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 05:49 I did a fair bit of writing yesterday. I got in 2000+ words. Not great, but all right. It's harder than you might think to rehash a story you've written before lol. I keep going back to what was written previously - because I've written their story out twice, I know it pretty well and I know them pretty well. But I'm finding that with every new story of theirs that I write, the MC gets even more reserved than she was before. In the very first story, she was reserved too but she had a hardness about her which would come out if she was provoked enough. In the second one, she is very timid and it takes a lot to get a conversation out of her (except for the main guy, of course, since they have a lot in common). In the third one, she appears to be downright terrified of talking to people. I've discovered that I have this weird tendency to make my main female characters quiet. In my main novel, RT, the main girl is mute. In the mermaid story, she didn't talk much but then she makes a deal with a witch and loses her voice as a part of it. Now in this one, my main character is someone who doesn't interact well at all. I mentioned this to my nephew and he said maybe it's because you're quiet. It's a possibility, I guess. But the girls are usually a lot better looking than I am!  05:57 |
| 06:40 Whoot! I'm excited! Let the writing begin! Welcome, NaNo2019! I'm eager to get going with my writing again - since I finished the mermaid story, I've been tiptoeing around my story ideas, not wanting to commit fully so I wouldn't be too invested in something by the time NaNo started, because I want to give the one I'm going to start today my all. In the couple weeks I've had since finishing the mermaid story, I've tried planning for the NaNo story - and one other. I've tried really hard, and I have made scant progress. I guess it just cements the fact that I'm a discovery writer after all. It's no good for me to sit staring at a blank document. If I stare long enough, I might even be able to fill it up, but I'll only be able to fill it with background details and I do like my little details but I can't get down anything about the plot because I can't visualise it unless I'm writing the actual story. So I guess I'll stick with being a discovery writer and then if, along the way, I happen to come up with a really good idea for what direction the story should take, then I will try to plan it out with the way the story is going and see how I do. If I even do. I'd better crack on! 06:47 |
| 05:41 I got up at 4am, thinking the beeping I could hear was my alarm so I blindly reached for my clock and "turned it off", then noticed my husband's phone alarm was going off "too" (exact same sound, be-be-be-beep! Be-be-be-beep! Be-be-be-beep! The MOST annoying sound in the world!) I didn't occur to me at this time to wonder why my alarm clock would go off at the exact same time as my husband's, since I don't wake up at four! Rather, I was confused as to why my husband was getting up an hour later. I curled up, pretending to be asleep so he wouldn't ask me to make breakfast for him and willing him to go so I could enjoy some peace and quiet and get some work done before the little one wakes up. Then I looked at my watch and it was half four by this time. I was surprised, to say the least! I'd missed out on an hour of sleep! But that's nothing new. It always feels like I've missed out on sleep, even when I manage a solid seven hours so...I think I should try eight hours. Anyway, enough of my early-morning antics. I think I got in a thousand words of random writing yesterday. It felt good but I didn't get much time. Or maybe I just didn't utilise the time that I had efficiently. I dunno. I get so lazy. But I don't think this will be a problem for NaNo. Once I'm signed up, I'm usually dedicated. With two mins to spare, I'm off! Nothing more to say for this great day! And I bid you...adieu! 05:50 |
| 06:25 I had an induction for another counselling placement yesterday. I turned up forty-five minutes late. It turned out it didn't matter - people seemed to be everywhere, it was all chaos and the place wasn't really that big. But yes, I am late. That's a big shame for someone who usually sets off for new places at least two hours early, just in case! I set off from home at about ten, got to the train station at about twenty past, got my ticket, and went to wait. But it turned out the train to Leeds wouldn't be coming for another couple of hours! So they had buses in place and I boarded one and, my God! It took forever to get into Leeds! And then there were no taxis at the taxi rank! I was so upset that I was late! But I did make it, thank God. And I've to send them a few docs and I'll be sorted for another placement, all being well! Anyway, while I was sitting in that bus, I heard James Blunt's new song. I've never been a particular fan of his - I mean, why so high-pitched? If I tried to sing that high, I'd probably do my throat in! I kid, I kid! But anyway, his pitch aside, the song just immediately caught my attention because it fits so darn well with my mermaid story - although gender-flipped so the mermaid would be the one singing it (and let's be honest, with how high he sings, he could very well pass off as a...maid). I've listened to it several times since lol. Darn you, James Blunt! 06:34 |
| 07:24 I was straining my brain to come up with a plot for my NaNo story but nothing happened. It's often like that. If I've got nothing to go on, I draw a blank. Mostly, I get an inkling of an idea in my head (at this point, it's just someone doing something - not an actual story) and then start building a character around that idea. These ideas are almost always character-building ones. Then, as I start to write, I get to know my characters better and put them into situations which they have to somehow get out of. The plot comes later. But with NaNo, I don't have that luxury. Pressed for time and on a minimum word count limit for every day, I'll have to make sure I'm following some kind of plot. But I can't think of one! So I just started writing the story, because that works best. I didn't even think to ask myself what the hell I'm doing - that came later, when I took a break and remembered that I'm not supposed to start it till 1st November!  But it's fine, I guess. I only got 500 words or so. I'll be sure to take that off my end total at the end of next month lol! I'm still struggling but I'll get there in the end. Anyway, I thought I'd begin Yuichi's enormous story. See, it's weird. I think I'm overstretching with this one. So, originally, Yuichi was going to be part of a fanfic I wanted to do for D.Gray-man (many, many years ago). It was about the whole vampire-werewolf conflict thing. But with the amount of detail I put into the backstory, I thought "What the hell! This deserves to be an original story!" But then I had the idea for my main novel 'verse featuring stories from different people and Yuichi became one of them. Or maybe initially, I just liked the name Yuichi and his character design and wanted to reuse it rather than these characters being the same people. But the thing is, Yuichi's vampire story takes place in the modern world and Yuichi the Other is from a fantasy world where people have glowing eyes and special powers. So I thought...maybe Yuichi is an immortal and the vampire story is for the far, far future of this place but at the moment, he is just a...well, not normal in any sense of the word, but...yeah... Does it sound overblown, for one character to have so much happening to him? Maybe I should just forget about the other stories and incorporate them all into Yuichi's and call the whole thing the Chronicles of Yuichi, with like a hundred volumes in the series. What a scary thought! 07:37 |
| 05:27 Less than a week away! I don't know what I'm writing! Help! Help! ...Actually, I've got a few ideas. I just don't know which one to pick. So, my options: 1. Do another Leo/Luna story, giving it a more fantastical setting this time. 2. Write Yuichi's story, which features in the same world as my main RT novel and in fact the main characters know each other. I figured this could give me some pointers on where I can take the RT novel since I want to redo the whole thing. 3. The Big RT Novel Redo. With the pressure to finish before the month is over, I'd finally have the kick-up-the-backside I need to get moving. I don't know which one to choose! Let's be pragmatic about this. I've done the positives (kind of) for each so let's do the drawbacks: 1. Leo/Luna. I haven't really considered what the fantasy setting might entail and I think it's quite difficult to pull off a fantasy without laying down some serious groundwork. On the other hand, it could be a normal setting with elements of fantasy. But I still haven't considered the plot or anything. But I could just wing it like I normally do and then a plot will reveal itself as I go along. Hmm... 2. Yuichi's story is absolutely massive and spans centuries (because he's immortal). Originally, Yuichi's story started off (back when I was a young'un) as fanfiction for D.Gray-man, but then considering how much time and effort I put into coming up with the storyline, I thought "Nah, this has got to be an original piece" so Yuichi's moved away from being Yu Kanda (kind of...maybe I should do something about the name, eh?) and taken on a life of his own, making several original friends along the way. I just feel that encapsulating his entire story would be a cross-genre, doorstopper epic that's just..beyond me at the moment. I'd like to lay down some more worldbuilding before I decide how his story is going to end. I feel it's far too ambitious, because he's got a lot going on in his life. 3. Although not nearly as big as Yuichi's story, I feel No. 3 might be too big to finish within the month and I don't just want to leave it at hitting the word count - I want to finish the silly thing. Also, I'm actually getting quite enamoured by the idea that I should do Yuichi's story before I attempt this one again - it'd really help me getting the setting right. Ding-ding! We have a winner! Leo/Luna, here I come! ...For the third time! Whew! 05:44 |
| 06:31 For the past few days, I've been writing "fluff" - non-plot-important scenes that usually feature romance between characters. It's a holdover from my days of fanfiction, when I could fill up entire novel-length stories with nothing but two characters being lovey-dovey. Now, I just think..."Why, Shiki? Why?" So yes, I have developed as a writer! Yay! I slogged through a few pages just because I didn't want to start a new story so close to NaNo but I needed to keep the writing-every-day habit alive so...yeah...I'm sure there are better ways to keep writing, but I figured with this, I could also get a feel for one of the characters - because I did something stupid after writing the mermaid story - I went back and changed the character!  I might have mentioned (most likely I have because I think I do tend to repeat stuff I've written about before, since I have a memory like a sieve sometimes) but I have two characters whose love story I'm planning to write across various 'verses and plots. Their backgrounds have already been set out - I understand these characters really well since I've written three stories about them so far. It's not a series. Each story is going to be standalone, featuring the same characters coming together as a couple, but sticking them in completely different settings. I'm thinking something of the fantasy genre will be the next one. This is for my own amusement - I'm not planning on publishing this. But these characters are too dear for me to stick them out into the real world just yet (if ever), especially through a medium like Wattpad. Don't ask me why - I just don't like the thought of it. So I've kept the girl's name since - due to her being a mermaid and all - she's quite different from the original anyway and there's a whole cultural/religious thing behind her name but the boy, it seems, is a bit more dear so I changed the character So now I'm left with a character I don't know that well, hence the writing of the dreaded fluff! 06:44 |
| 06:18 I read one of the author newsletters here yesterday and it was about how important it is as a writer to read. I'd never given it much thought before - sure, I like reading, but if I don't have time for it, I don't have time for it. But the writer of the newsletter said that it's important as a writer to make the time and I hadn't realised how important it is to continually read other people's stuff, to grasp how they add layers of meaning to their stories, how they use narrative devices and such, so I have decided that I will make the time to read at least a little bit every day. Trips to the library shall be in order! I'm reading a book about Imran Khan at the moment - it's kind of an autobiography...is that the one someone's written themselves? Or is that a biography?  Anyway, it's titled Pakistan: A Person History. I like the premise - he is speaking about the history of Pakistan from his own perspective, since he was only five years old when we separated from India, so he has sort of grown up with the country. It's a slow read - it's not a fantasy book I can whizz through. There are a lot of dates and lots of important stuff happening so it can be a lot to take in. I'm not usually into reading this kind of book but I figured I could learn a thing or two about my country. And I have! Loads! 06:30 |
| 06:14 One person is currently reading my mermaid story (I hope) but since I gave it to her, I've changed some stuff. I've changed a couple of names and deleted the enormous back story of one of those characters because it had absolutely nothing to do with the plot and wasn't important in any way. Well, it was important to the character, but not relevant for the story I was trying to tell. So, yes, I got rid of it. I feel better about having done so as I feel it's a lot smoother now, but I'm still wondering if the story is good enough. But then I don't really care because I put a lot of effort into it and I will put it on Wattpad. I don't know where I read this piece of advice but not every writer will be famous, but good writers get noticed - or something to that effect. I think I'm a good writer. So even if there are hundreds upon thousands of readers on Wattpad, if I have a good, well-written story, I think I'm bound to get some notice. This kind of confidence is quite selective. I don't feel it in most things but I automatically have this childish assumption that if I take the effort to do something, it will draw positive attention. Hah! I really ought to know better. So I'm trying to keep my expectations to a minimum - this is a platform that I have never used before and, so far, what I've found on it has not been particularly inspiring. Or maybe I haven't looked closely enough. Either way, trying to be...neutrally optimistic? Can that even be a thing? 06:22 |
| 06:49 I know stories don't necessarily come easy. Sometimes, you have to coax them out, bit by bit, and sometimes you have to battle to get them out because your own laziness gets in the way and because it's not happening straightaway, you lose the motivation to continue, so it becomes a slog. If unchecked, this battle will be lost and you'll have a story sitting in your documents file for years and years, and sometimes, you might go back to read what you've written and think "Hey, this is really good!" but pity you didn't finish it when the ideas were still fresh because now you have no idea where to take it! Those are my fears as a writer. I begin a project, I'm all pumped up, it's going great, and then a few pages in, the inspiration fades like water whirling down the drain. I may try to grasp at it but the water droplets just slip through my fingers. On the flip side, sometimes I continue with stories and I'm in the zone and I'm so enamoured by the idea of writing that I'll dedicate every spare moment I have to it. Those moments are great. Those moments are the ones where I really feel like a writer. I just wish that I had the perseverance to keep going so that every story I begin will make me feel that way, but I guess it's not possible. Some ideas just remain ideas and will never blossom into stories. 06:58 |
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