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Rated: 18+ · Book · Writing.Com · #2251487
Guided by prompts from WDC blogging challenges... and of course, life
HI! I'm Jenn - and I'm all over the place (well, at least my mind is). In this blog, I have attempted to gather my thoughts on things prompted/inspired by WDC blogging challenges from "Journalistic Intentions, "The Soundtrack of Your Life, "Blogging Circle of Friends , "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS and, well, LIFE.
BCOF Insignia The Original Logo.Soundtrack of Your Life Logo

Signature for those who are nominated for a Quill Award in 2021
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September 3, 2021 at 8:07am
September 3, 2021 at 8:07am
#1016666
9/3/21 – 5:00am Prompted By Life

I’m writing this now to have documentation of what is going on with my body currently, before my questionable memory erases much of it. Who knows, my healthcare team might find this useful...

Pain level right now is around 9.

Yesterday evening, a pressure was building in my head right behind my eyes and extending up and back until it felt like my head was filled with concrete or some other very thick substance. Somehow, finally, I was able to go to sleep, a fitful dreamless sleep but sleep nonetheless. I awoke early this morning to the assertion that I am in another flare. I knew it was coming, I haven’t felt “right” in a few days, just didn’t figure it was going to hit me like this. I mean, it was only two days ago that I took my weekly dose of Methotrexate and I take the Prednisone and Hydroxychloroquine every day as prescribed. Right now, I should be feeling great. But instead, my skin feels like it is crawling, like a nest of fire ants is stinging me just under the first few layers. Every inch of my body itches but scratching just creates pain. Pressure creates pain, even the smallest amount. My nerves must be seriously messed up. Imagine not being able to be touched – so much so that the pressure of your clothing against your skin causes pain. That’s where I am right now. If I press really hard or scratch non-stop, it gives some relief, almost feels good. Maybe it feels good because it stops the itch for the short amount of time that I’m doing it. Doing so isn’t feasible though and would cause more harm than good. But I can’t sleep anymore today in any case. Laying down just creates too many pressure points all at once while the rest of me is still crawling with the itchies. Even the insides of my ears itch.

I’ve noticed a weakness in my limbs as well. Trying to walk from my bedroom to the kitchen to get a cup of water was torture. It’s like I woke in an alternate universe where the force of gravity is a lot more than what it is in reality, pulling me down. My shoulders, legs, head, and arms seem to be experiencing the most pain right now. My bones ache like they’re filled with liquid lead and all of my joints hurt. My head hurts and it feels like I’ve been clenching my jaw tightly for some time even though I am making a point of keeping it slack. It all hurts, all of me, to the point that I am nauseous. My hands are swollen so much so I cannot make a fist. - And I’m shaking. I’m wondering how long this will all last before the seizures are triggered again; the big ones, not just the petit mal that happen multiple times a day. I noticed yesterday my eyes fluttering and trying to roll back. I never did go into a grand mal though. Speaking of eyes, mine are super dry again. The right one looks like tiny blood vessels have burst within it, making it all bloodshot. And I couldn’t cry if I wanted or needed to; the tears have dried up too. I’m a mess.

While I am cursed to have these ailments the rest of my life, the flares themselves come and go – and I never know when or how a flare will present. This one just hit me hard after a month or two of only having mild ones. And this one is one of those that makes me wish I could end it all. Whichever diseases are causing this flare, I know it won’t last forever even if it seems like it right now. So, I’ll ride out the pain and discomfort. Lord knows pain killers would only be a temporary fix and probably do more harm than good.

September 2, 2021 at 3:23pm
September 2, 2021 at 3:23pm
#1016612
BCOF Insignia


DAY 3215 September 2, 2021
Prompt: “Autumn leaves don't fall, they fly. They take their time and wander on this their only chance to soar.” ~ Delia Owens
Use this quote to influence your entry today.


As soon as the tree let loose,
the leaf began its final journey.
At the mercy of the Autumn winds,
         it floated gently;
                   hither and yon
toward the ground far below.

Others were falling around it
each with a jig of its own.
Passing by its companions,
it acknowledged them with a wave.
And continued on
with its whimsical ballet.

Surfing from current to current
the leaf danced upon the breeze.
executing loop-de-loops
and summersaults
         twirling, whirling, pirouetting,
waltzing with the wind.

Until gently it landed
amongst a pile of its fellows.
So much delight taken in this flight
on this, its final day.


22 Lines
September 1, 2021 at 11:31pm
September 1, 2021 at 11:31pm
#1016560
The Original Logo.


PROMPT September 2nd - Where do you see yourself five years from now? Be realistic, write about your writing plans, or other plans you may have.

         Realistically, I hope to be alive in five years. According to the doctors, I should have died three years ago. Facing my mortality has been a hard pill to swallow. (And I know about swallowing pills...) It has given me a new appreciation for the complex beauty of life. A gratefulness for the little things and every single moment. Even now, I am living on borrowed time. Last year, I somehow survived complete kidney failure and a blood clot. My healthcare team is still stumped. But, I know the reason I'm still alive. The Lord still has plans for me.

         In the event that I am still alive in five years, I will still be residing in the home I currently live, taking care of my animals and plants, away from the world at large. I'm sure I will be grateful for all the little things in life that make it worth living, and not allowing all the problems in life to overwhelm me. If I last 5 more years, I will have celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary and my 50th birthday. I hope to still be coherent enough to continue writing and I would like to have a compilation of my poetry published at some point as well. If I am still coherent and mobile, I might decide to tutor teens in the sciences. It would be great to get back into the research lab but I think that ship sailed when I chose to teach. I could, however, volunteer at the local arboretum, animal shelter, or state fishery - as plants and animals help to calm my anxiety and create a sense of "rightness" in me.(I also would like to be a grandma by that time, but that is something I have absolutely no control over.)

         In the event that I do pass away within the next five years, I hope my family respects my wishes and has me cremated, my ashes tilled into the ground at the old homestead, and a tree planted amongst those ashes. In which case, my remains will lie where my soul feels at home.

         Regardless of which way the pendulum swings on my life, however, I predict my soul will continue to be content. I will be where the Lord wants me to be.
September 1, 2021 at 3:18pm
September 1, 2021 at 3:18pm
#1016509
BCOF Insignia

Day 3214: September 1, 2021
Prompt: Words to use: autumn, sapphire, honeysuckle, clouds, golden, peace, serenity, and time.


The last vestiges of summer were everywhere. The heat still held sway over the weather, drying and choking the plant life. In the shaded areas, you could still find beds of honeysuckle. Their scent lifting into the warm dry air, rejuvenating weary hikers as they walked the trails nearby. Cicadas trilled their songs of life in the dense undergrowth of the woods on each side of the trails. It was a beautiful day, rays of sun coming through the forest canopy in golden shafts of light to shine upon this and that until clouds moved in altering the the play of light through the trees. Autumn was on its way, with cooler days and falling leaves. With the hint of the change in season, a blanket of peace was felt by all who entered the wooded park. It calmed their nerves and whispered of better times to come. As evening approached, the faintest hint of fungus could be smelled in the air, teasing the senses and luring me off the beaten path. The deeper into the woods I ventured, the darker it became until I was lost in the emerald expanse. But still I was driven to find the source of that divine scent, that earthy aroma which tugged at my being and so I continued on. Daylight retreated, being replaced by a cool evening and before I knew it darkness was upon me. Bleeding from the bramble and vines, I finally stumbled out of the forest, only to find myself in a glade I had never seen. The sapphire sky shimmered with constellations unknown to me. There, at the edge of the glade was the source of that delightful scent! A mushroom the likes and size of which I had never encountered. I plucked it from the ground so I could take it back home to study. I must have stood again too quickly because the most terrible pain I have ever felt assaulted my head. I awoke to find myself with no mushroom, in the parking lot of the park I had been exploring. All that remained from my experience was a headache and a longing for the serenity of the Fairy Glade.
September 1, 2021 at 1:21pm
September 1, 2021 at 1:21pm
#1016499
I had originally thought I would put all of my blog prompt responses for each day in one daily entry, however, my brain didn't like it that way. So for the next month or so there will be multiple entries per day. If anyone actually reads my blogs, sorry for blowing up your feed. But, on with it shall we?

The Original Logo.


For the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS on this 1 day of September 2021, the prompt is: What room in your home do you use the most? The least?

         I spend most of my time at home in my back yard, and since the prompt asked for what room in my home, my back yard could not be a valid answer. So, the room in which I spend most of my time is the living room. I have a nice big window that covers about half of one of the walls in my living room that allows me to look out at my front gardens and yard. From my living room window, I can watch hummingbirds flit between feeders and squirrels running up and down the trees in my front yard.
         I seldom go into the room that belonged to my daughters. With only two people living here, there is no need for a three bedroom house so their old room is pretty much closed off so that it eases the demand on our heating and cooling. I do step in from time to time to reminisce, but not very often. I'm still going through empty nest syndrome and their absences hit me hard sometimes.
         Three bedrooms and only a married couple living there? Doesn't that mean I have another extra bedroom? No. The third bedroom has always been a room for our reptiles and my books and craft stuff. I go in there daily to see to the lizard - and the tortoise when she isn't in her outdoor habitat. That room is a peaceful sanctuary, if you don't mind the heat.
August 31, 2021 at 11:09am
August 31, 2021 at 11:09am
#1016418
Here's to the end of August! Slowly, eventually, summer will be gone and Fall will appear with a burst of color and cooler weather. I, for one, cannot wait! I'm one of those persons who loves Fall. Not just because of the cooler weather and eye-pleasing scenery though. I love the smell of fall! That earthy decay scent that leaves and other dead plant material begin to take on when they've fallen to the ground, almost fungus-like in its odor. The hint of crispness that the cooler weather lends to the air that tickles the nose. And the feel of Fall, a slowing down of the natural world, finally ending the frenetic paces of spring and summer. It is me coming into my own. I belong in the Fall.

And now, on to today's BCOF prompt:

Day 3213: August 31, 2021
Prompt: The first thing I did when I turned 21 was _________. If you're not 21 yet: The first thing I will do when I am 21 is ________.


Thinking back on my twenty-first year of life I have to go through the fog of my poor memory. However, I do remember going to a restaurant/bar and ordering my first legal alcoholic beverage. My family joined me in celebrating, and we went to a bar in Waco, Texas called "Buzzard Billy's Armadillo Bar and Grillo". I love Cajun food and it was my day, so that is where we went. The gator etouffee was delicious. I ordered my family members each a drink of their choice and ordered what they called a Blur Hurricane for myself. What goes better with Cajun food than a drink reminiscent of Louisiana, right? Uh. No. That was my first taste of a fruity mixed beverage. The first in a long line of trying drinks so I could find the right one for me. What I learned later on was that I'm quite picky when it comes to alcoholic refreshment. I'm not big on those fruity, cloyingly sweet concoctions.
But back to my twenty-first birthday celebration, shall we? I remember the vibe of the place; how there were taxidermied critters everywhere. They had them hiding in the rafters and made a part of the lighting fixtures, on the wall like hunting trophies, everywhere. I was enamoured with a huge alligator on the wall opposite our table. It was so big and must have been extremely strong in life. Such a beautiful animal! I wanted to watch a creature like that in its natural habitat, survey the way it moved and reacted during life. And I suppose there was an inkling, even back then, that I'd be happier moving farther East in Texas and that one day, my life would be immersed in the nature I so love. But, that was my twenty-first birthday and it took a while for me to grow beyond those inklings. My birthday didn't include big parties or club hopping just a nice gathering of family. I was, after all, already a Mom and had responsibilities beyond my own welfare.



Just Jenn

** Image ID #2254180 Unavailable **
August 30, 2021 at 3:15pm
August 30, 2021 at 3:15pm
#1016384
Day 3212: August 30, 2021
Prompt: "Courage is grace under pressure." Ernest Hemingway
Write about grace under pressure.


         As a former teacher of middle school and high school science, I was able to experience first-hand what it means to have grace under pressure - and discover where I am lacking in that particular aspect.
         I believe most teachers will experience a good deal of pressure during their tenure and as such will learn whether or not they have what it takes to show "Grace Under Pressure". Teachers have to plan their classes, usually weeks in advance. They are expected, however, to be flexible in their plans enough to be able to spend more time on areas where their students are not grasping the topic. Easy enough, right? Well, add in poor behavior from students, parents who think their children do no wrong, limited resources, being forced to teach to tests and restricted from teaching certain topics within their discipline, and excessive scrutiny from administration (especially toward the end of the school year, testing time). Not to mention, if you are teaching for a school that holds a certain sport or sports in high regard, you are pressured by administration, coworkers, and parents to "give" athletes grades that they did not earn for themselves just so they can continue to participate in sports - thereby creating an unfair atmosphere for the non-athletic students in your class and those who work hard to make passing grades. Standing by your morals can sometimes cost you your job - or in many cases, lead to a breakdown of health and/or mind. There's that pressure, where's the grace?
         How do you live up to all of those demands on top of the ones you put upon yourself daily? Like I said, it can lead to breakdowns or poor health. In my case, in the end, I had to remove myself from the public school platform. I apparently did not have enough grace under the load of pressure working in a public school had placed upon me. And I am not a fan of being told to give someone something they did not earn. I cannot abide dishonesty. I found that my love of teaching could not keep me away from teaching, however, and started teaching at a private school instead of a public one. While there are definitely fewer pressures placed upon a teacher's shoulders at a private school, there are still pressures (this is life, after all). But learning from my mistakes and holding to my morals, I did well in the private education sector, until my health showed just how bad it had really gotten due to the stresses of my job.
         Nowadays, people say I show grace in how I deal with my illnesses, that I must be courageous and strong to live with all the pain and all of the illnesses in general. But I don't see myself as strong or courageous. I do it because I have to. Because if I don't, I wouldn't really be living - I'd just be a shell of a person wasting the oxygen of those who are really living their lives.

         But in the end, maybe that's actually what courage/grace under pressure is all about; doing what we have to do because we have to do it in order to live our lives within our own standards, to continue to be ourselves. And you know what, while the pain doesn't go away, it becomes easier to tolerate eventually. So do the other obstacles we have to face in life.


LeJenD'Poet - Just ME

girl with pencil
August 29, 2021 at 10:10am
August 29, 2021 at 10:10am
#1016305
BCOF Day 3210 “Why do we go away? So that we can come back. So that we can see the place we came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see might see us differently, too..” ― Terry Pratchett
Your thoughts about Pratchett's view on change....


         Pratchett makes sense to me - it's happened in my life as a matter of fact. Recently, I returned to visit my family in the town in which I grew up. It was for a party for my great niece so there was more than just family there. What a pleasant surprise to find that some of the folks I happened to run into were old school-mates of mine! I had purposely not been back to visit more than my parents' home for over twenty years. Going into town brought back such nostalgic memories. But coupled with those memories was the inevitable change a town goes through over the years. Some of my most beloved landmarks were torn down, and replaced with new buildings in most cases. It was a feeling of it being "the same yet different." And those people who I knew from way back when, well, they are a nicer lot now. Grown in maturity through the years, some enough to apologize for the Hell they put me through as a teen. Back then, being the different one - the outsider was hard for me. Going back made me realize that I did what I needed to do by staying true to myself. And you know what? Those people had different memories of me from then. They don't remember me as the weirdo, the butt of everyone's jokes and rumors. Some did remember what they put me through and apologized for it. That was nice, but for me, I put the past behind me long ago. It was just lovely to get to catch up with those people I spent my formative years with. We go away, sometimes to come back, sometimes to escape from unhealthy situations, other times just to go because going is what makes us US. But coming back is almost always an option.
August 27, 2021 at 10:49am
August 27, 2021 at 10:49am
#1016228
BCOF Day 3209 27 August, 2021 - "Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time." ― John Lubbock.

Most of us as adults forget what it was like to simply lay on the grass and be one with nature. When's the last time you laid on the grass and looked up at the clouds? Did you try to identify different cloud shapes or simply just absorb the beauty? How did you feel?


         I love laying on my back in the grass. It is a great way to relax and ground yourself. When I lay on the ground, I not only look to the sky and its clouds and/or stars, I also imagine that all the negative energies and feelings inside of me are being pulled out of me into the ground. It leaves me feeling calmer and more refreshed and has, on more than one occasion, helped ease pain.
         I also love looking toward the heavens. I guess you could say that I am a girl with my head in the clouds. But there is such beauty to be seen there! So much that still instills feelings of awe and wonder in me - even after all these years. Watching the aerial dances of birds and dragonflies, the movement of the clouds as they scuttle through the sky ever changing their shapes as they go, the dance of the stars at night and maybe even getting to see a shooting star or two, and seeing the moon in all her phases and how those phases change with each passing day. Yeah, I guess I do have my head in the clouds.
         And to lie under the trees and look up through their branches and leaves is an experience in and of itself. How you can see each separate leaf as it rustles in the wind, the sighing sound they make as they shiver amongst one another, the green of the leaves as seen from underneath and how you can almost see light through each one as the sun shines upon them. And watching all the critters that call the trees home as they go about their daily lives, squirrels playfully chittering, woodpeckers busily knocking holes in the sides of the trees, other birds coming and going from branch to branch and tree to tree, and the thousands of insects working tirelessly to take sustenance back to their holes and hives - the cycles of life that would normally pass us by because we tend to focus on humanity rather than widening our senses to include the world around us. Have a peaceful day folks. Go lay in the grass and look up at the sky.

LeJenD' - Just Jenn

** Image ID #2254180 Unavailable **

August 26, 2021 at 1:23pm
August 26, 2021 at 1:23pm
#1016181
Day 3208 August 26, 2021
Please use these words in your entry today: Birthday, number, young, elderly, candles, paper, and a clown.


They all gathered in the house to celebrate Grandma's ninetieth birthday. The young, middle aged, and elderly all packed into the small house together, as no one wanted to miss this special day. Someone even hired a clown to bring laughter to the monumental event. Grandma wasn't fond of clowns though, and asked Auntie why they couldn't have hired a male stripper instead. Auntie responded that a stripper would not have been appropriate with all the little ones running about. Many of us chuckled at Grandma's continued spunk. She'd always been a strong and blunt woman, way ahead of her time. Momma decided it was time to light the candles on the cake for Grandma to blow out. But the funny thing about having as many candles as the number of years being celebrated, when you are celebrating that many years, the first candles you light tend to be melted down quite a bit by the time you finish lighting the last of them. Grandma just told her to get rid of all the candles but one and she would just blow it out and that would be just fine. Said she didn't need any fire hazards in her house at her age. After the candle was blown out and everyone had their fill of cake, punch, and ice cream, the presents were brought out for Grandma to open. She slowly and carefully opened each present making sure she didn't rip the wrapping paper and replacing those gifts that arrived in bags back into the bag they came out of. This had the children going nuts, as they were ready for Grandma to get to each of their presents faster than she was going. All in all, everyone had a wonderful time and left with tears in their eyes and memories of the best birthday party ever.


LeJenD'Poet - Just ME

girl with laptop

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