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Guided by prompts from WDC blogging challenges... and of course, life |
HI! I'm Jenn - and I'm all over the place (well, at least my mind is). In this blog, I have attempted to gather my thoughts on things prompted/inspired by WDC blogging challenges from "Journalistic Intentions"  , "The Soundtrack of Your Life" , "Blogging Circle of Friends " , "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" and, well, LIFE.    |
| Yes my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him - Psalm 62:5 Those of you who have read my newsfeed posts of late know that I have fallen on some hard times financially and also know that I have been blessed to receive two 3-month extensions for my upgraded membership here on WDC. In all honesty, I have been having hard times mentally, physically, and financially which have all built up to cause me great distress. It has been during this time that I have been reminded yet again of God's goodness. In addition to the angels here on WDC, both known and anonymous, angles walking in the guise of humans have come to help with those other areas which have been troubling me. You see, I couldn't afford some of my medications, even with my insurance and my psychiatrist and my hematologist have both found programs in which to enroll me that will help out with more of those expenses - which will, in turn help both my mental well-being and some of my physical maladies. You see, I have been diagnosed for some time with Bipolar 1 and General Anxiety Disorder. Through the years, my shrink has put me on numerous drugs to combat those issues. Few have worked, even fewer yet have worked without harmful side effects. The current medication I am on is pretty much my last option for keeping my extreme manic and depressive episodes at bay. The stuff is expensive. It is over $1000 USD for a 30-day supply. It adds up quick and the bank account drains quick when you're having to pay that kind of money for just one of your numerous medications. But today I got word from my shrink that I have been put on a program through the drug manufacturer that will enable me to be able to afford this medication. One more stressor lifted from my shoulders. Goodness knows I don't need to flip out again and wind up in jail or back in a nuthouse. As for the physical problems, the flares come and go - some worse than others, like the one afflicting my currently. Speaking to a dear friend of mine earlier today, I was reminded I am not in this sinking boat by myself. A reminder that I desperately needed. When everything looks to be going wrong, even the best optimist can be dragged down by the stress of it all. But I have been reminded so many times the last couple of days that I have friends and loved ones who will hold my hand to help me get through this, and that Christ will carry me when I can't go on. I'm grateful for it all. For all my WDC family, and for my other friends and family. You've all helped me stay sane through the madness that has been my life of late. For those of you who have offered an ear, for those who have encouraged me, and for those of you who have helped me keep my account intact in its entirety thereby relieving some of that stress, Thank You doesn't seem to be enough. I'll be forever grateful. You are all angels in disguise. |
For Round 7 Blogvillian Pop Up! January 13-14 -
Prompt #1 - Orange creamsickle Write about something people do that isn't necessarily a huge deal, but if everyone did it, it would be total chaos. From "JAFBG" What have you done or would never do? I'm going to say, smoking cigarettes. I personally haven't smoked since the year 2000 but my husband still smokes. I don't mind people smoking, I mean, it's their lives. But imagine, if you will, what the world would be like if everyone smoked cigarettes. We would be walking around in a haze of cigarette smoke; our lungs would have to adapt to the poison. Think about how the smoke creeps around and sits heavily in bars; the whole world would be like that. Talk about adding to the pollution and climate change! Prompt #3 - TABOO When should books be banned? Share thoughts but do answer as personally as possible. Have you had this experience? Would your life-experience or who-you-are be banned? Why is this happening now? Books should never be banned. Certain ones should be restricted from being read by younger readers, but not banned completely. Banning books is equal to the government(s) deciding what is good for each and every one of us. It takes the ability to choose what is best for ourselves out of our hands and places it in the grip of a ruling class - even if that term is not what they are calling themselves. Banning books says without saying that someone, somewhere doesn't think the rest of the population has the mental ability to choose what is best for them of their families. Me? I'm a rebel. If there is a book that I want to read, I will find it by whatever means so I can read it. Besides, why ban books? What's in them that the people banning them don't want us to read? I have my beliefs about why it is happening in this day and age, they're trying to turn the population into sheep who will go along with whatever they say - and change/rewrite history.... But that's just my opinion. |
| I feel like I accomplished something as a mother finally. Both my girls now have jobs and are more able to take care of themselves. It is something for which I had been hoping for quite some time. My oldest, at 25, got her driver's license and her first job about a year ago. She just had no desire to do so before then, as she lived with her then boyfriend and they weren't necessary. I have seen her turn into a responsible young woman in this last year. In July, she will begin her own journey as a mother. She has been more in contact with me ever since she found out the good news. I hear from her at least a few times a week. My baby girl, at 20, has been engaged and living with her fiance for the last three years. She also had felt no need to get a job. She hasn't gotten her driver's license either, even though she took driver's education at 15. This week though, she phoned to let me know she got a job in a clothing retail store. She was bored staying home all the time while her fiance went to school and worked so she decided she would get a job. I'm glad she did. Being home all the time isn't good for a person, especially not a young person. I had thought I had messed up somewhere in my raising of my girls until recently. I was afraid that my being antisocial taught them to be as well. Now I am learning different. I didn't teach my girls to be antisocial. And they did learn how to be responsible enough to get jobs so they could be independent if need be. Maybe I wasn't such a bad Mom after all. |
| Past few days have been really difficult, physically speaking. I find myself in one heckuva Lupus SLE flair. My joints hurt, my head hurts, my muscles hurt, my skin hurts, my scalp - and even my hair hurts. My hands are stiff and achy. The colder weather always makes me hurt more than other times. I'm just achy all over and so darned tired but then I can't sleep at night. Whine, whine. I could go on for hours probably. Well, it's almost that time again for me to renew my upgraded membership. I'm hoping like H-E-double hockey sticks that I'll have the funds necessary come February. Honestly, I'd love to upgrade it even further to a premium membership - but, as I said, I don't know if I'll have the funds for even an upgraded membership. I suppose only time will tell. Perchance I could persuade my dear mom to renew my upgrade for my birthday. Until then, I'll keep on writing - and of course I'll keep on working to make ends meet in this crazy world we now find ourselves. Peace y'all. Here's to a New Year. I'll stop whining for now. |
| It's been a while. I figured I'd make myself take a moment to write in my blog before the year's end though. Things have been crazy for me here. The holiday season always does it to me though. This year, I had a big decline in my emotional well-being. Depression is a hard one to fight your way out of, and it's made worse when it is couples with a "don't care" attitude about life or trying to get out of the slump. Luckily, I have people who love me and refuse to give up on me - and a wonderful shrink who knows the signs and made sure I was on the right meds to get back to being "Me". That being said, even the miracle of modern medication takes time to work. I'm slowly getting back to being myself. My battle with trying to get disability continues, and although the pain is always there, I had to find myself a job in order to make ends meet - that's taking much of my time right now. Perhaps once the holidays are over, I won't be working as many hours - who knows. Everything going on all at once doesn't really help my mental recovery though. I was blessed to get to see my daughters at Christmas. That brightened my mood for a couple of days - then life went back to normal as they headed off to their homes far away from mine. But, at least I was able to visit with them. My husband shaved his face for the first time in twenty one years because his mom said all she wanted for Christmas was to see him clean shaven. I'm still having a hard time trying to get used to him without all his fur.  I suppose there has been humor even during my dark times, if only I would look for it. For now, I must keep telling myself things could be worse. Life moves on whether I'm ready for it to or not so I must remember to look for the good things so I don't become swallowed by the bad... Maybe the year 2022 will be better. |
| My email keeps yelling at me to update my blog, so here it is. I am having a rough go at things and my mind refuses to cooperate so I am taking a step back from things until the old mind has been sorted (at least to some degree). In the event that isn't before Christmas - I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas (or holiday, depending on your beliefs). |
19 November 2021  Prompt: We've all had one or several epiphany's in our lives. Tonight, write about a moment in your life that changed the way you view the world. I thought about this prompt then thought about it some more. What should I write about? There have been a few life changing events in my life. Maybe I could write about what it was like the first time I had a seizure in front of the kids at school. How the kids mocked me and teased me for this disease that is out of my control. The names they called me, the looks they gave me, how they distanced themselves from me like my seizures were contagious. I learned just how cruel, ruthless, and unthinking people can be and it began my dislike of being around people. Or maybe I could talk about when I found out my first husband was cheating on me with my best friend's baby's momma. All while I was babysitting the kids she already had on my days off work. Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode, doesn't it? My best friend, who my husband forbade me to see or talk to, he was the one who came to my place of work and told me - shattering the glass cage that was my life. And I grew wings and flew, right into a cage of my own making. Then again, perhaps my great epiphany was the day I looked into the sky blue eyes of the man who would become my life partner, and fell head over heels for a man that at the time I didn't even know. But it wasn't then either. My greatest epiphany occurred as I lay dying in a hospital bed while my kidneys continued to fail. I prayed to God that I might be able to live a even little while longer, to meet my future grandchildren, to see my family. To actually live, which is something I really hadn't done up to that point because I allowed the worries of the world to stress me until the point of my sickness. You see, up until that point, I refused to believe in the Christian God, even though He is who my parents raised me to believe in. We must all choose our own paths after all. I was in the hospital the same time Covid-19 hit our area. The hospital was crazy with activity as the doctors and nurses tried to see to the influx of patients. The hospital locked down and would not allow any visitors to see patients, which meant I was unable to see my husband, daughters, or parents. But in the midst of that craziness, God placed some very caring people into my life; nurses who took extra time to care for me, to brush my hair, to make me feel like a normal person again - doctors who communicated with one another and somehow found a way to stop my kidneys from failing and in doing so found more of my autoimmune problems, some of which had much to do with the kidney failure. But even they were stumped by my kidneys' return to full function. But, somehow, some part of me spoke what I knew deep within me. God had made all of this happen. He brought the right people into my life, He healed me by using those people as the tools to do so. You see, God heard my cries. He told me it wasn't my time, that I still had a purpose here. And I was given more time with my family, more time to enjoy life, more time to live life. So now, I wake each morning, thankful for the opportunity to see a new day, thankful for my family and those few I call friends, grateful to be able to continue to experience the wonder that is life the good and the bad. And I seldom get stressed about the little things like the finances, or big things like when it seems life has taken a crap on me. Crap happens to everyone, not just me. God is back in my life and here to stay. I'm here for a purpose, even if that purpose is simply telling my story. I'm not out to change the world, just survive in it - and maybe bring some light to someone else's day as well. As far as my anti-social tendencies, well, I'm working on those. I have to in order to deal with people in my daily life. And God is helping me with that. I have also found forgiveness for those people who hurt me so much as I went through life. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders I didn't even know was there - but it helps and I'm happier than I have been since I was a kid. |
| 11 November 2021 Prompt: An easy prompt for tonight. I'm tired, don't want to think much, so an easy one. What did you do during the 'Great Shutdown For The Upgrade' of WDC today? Tell us all the 'gory' details! My answer is as easy as today's prompt. I drove an hour to visit my mother, enjoyed some quality mother/daughter time together, then drove the hour home. Once home, I spent time with my husband, unplugged from the rest of the world. It was lovely. |
November 17, 2021 Prompt: You have been invited to a posh dinner party hosted by one of the wealthiest people in your small town. When you arrive, your host is does not greet you, and the butler informs you they have been missing last night. A quick search by all the party goers finds him/her dead. Their body is in a small clearing in the woods behind the mansion. Being a modern day Nancy Drew/Joe Hardy type of person, you begin your own investigation. What do you find that leads you to the murderer. Who is the murderer? How was the host killed? In the office, I find chaos among the paperwork and a half shredded letter still in the shredder. After using my forensic science skills and put the pieces back together, I see that it was a letter stating the paternity of the host's only child. The paper told that the child was in fact not his own. After questioning the wife, I come away with the information that the actual father of the child is the host's business partner. Now, with two suspects, I perform more investigative work and finally determine that the wife and the business partner acted in cahoots. The wife lured the host to the wooded clearing where the business partner came from behind and choked the victim until he passed out, at which time the wife, who did not desire the truth to be known put a bullet into her husband's head then turned the gun on his business partner. |
16 November 2012 Prompt: This one will cover one of my favorite subjects, Food. Do you follow a certain regimen/diet when it comes to eating? Other than something you might be allergic to, are there any foods you avoid or limit yourself to? What's your favorite meal to prepare. Share your recipe if you like. (I have a 'killer' chocolate recipe!) Diet?? What's that?! I have always eaten whatever sounds good to me (or whatever I have available) whenever I get hungry. As far as foods that I limit or avoid other than what I am allergic to (which takes sour cream out of it), I have in the last year and a half had to learn how to limit my green vegetable intake. Which for me is difficult because I love most veggies - but because of a certain blood thinner I have to take, I have to limit my intake of foods with vitamin K. My nightmare scenario come to pass. But I still sneak in some salads, olives, or okra from time to time. And I am not a fan of fast food. When I do eat that stuff, my stomach hurts for days! As far as avoidance goes, avoidance is always the case when it comes to my relationship with beets. Yuck! Maybe one day I'll try them again, but it won't be today. My favorite meal to prepare? Depends on my mood, as most things in my life do. I love to slow cook a good venison chili with chopped onions, fresh garlic, jalapenos, and cilantro thrown in. But I also enjoy a nice dish my Mom always called "Continental Zucchini" - take sliced rounds of both yellow and zucchini squash, 1 can whole corn (drained), and fresh onion. Grill up the onion and squash then add the corn once the squash is tender. Mix in your choice of cheeses to the extent of cheesiness you like (you can also put some on the top to melt if you'd like) and cover the food. Allow cheeses to melt. Season to taste and enjoy. I prefer mozzarella and a mild cheddar in mine but combinations including pepper jack also work well. |
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You're so right, they are definitely perceptive. They know when you need extra attention, and they know when to keep an eye out for you. They are definitely a blessing from God.
