So true. This poem flows well, with a really good rhyme sceme. I'm not sure I would have added the swear words, I would have tried to find alternate words that worked the same. It's your piece, though, not mine, and they worked ok with the style of this one. I actually almost laughed at the truthfulness of this one, being a smoker myself....
This time, along with the funereal music there were two words reverberating over and over, “bankruptcy” and “failure.”
Jack walked in the front door somehow fantasying that his wife and daughter would be (maybe funereal is an typo?}
My only other concern is why some paragraphs are indented, while others are not?
Overall, I find it a very sad story that father and son had to come to these terms. I really felt badly that they never reached some sort of understanding...
It is well written with good description, good charater development, clear conflict and resolution... Great job.
Short, sweet, and inspirational, all at the same time. You seem wistful, yet generally happy cwhile contemplating your life issues. I enjoyed it a lot.
Imagery:
Beautiful imagery, well described and very nice to read.
Word Quality:
Great word usage I love your choices. You did very well.
Rhythym/Flow:
Flowed together nicely as poetry should. All in all a very good read, and a job well done.
The description was somewhat better in this one, but I still felt you could take it further. Still recommending a good edit as well. It did answer some of the questions plaguing the mind of the reader curiosity about reign's past I hope it gets into more detail as it goes along... Going well, though, the story is interesting, and keeps my attention.
burried = buried
that was the second father Reign had to bury = That was the second father Reign had had to bury (or) = That was the second father Reign had buried.
finneshed = finished ?
stoped = stopped?
A little suspense at the end here, what a great touch. Again I have to mention desription, what did the necklace look like, what kind of homes were in Jarin? anything and everything, what does it look like, us readers want to know. Also this one needs a good edit as well. I like the suspense af the last part as I already said, and the building mystery concerning his future. Both make the story well.
First of all, you have rein spelled 2 ways which way should it be?
posetions = posessions
ruble = rubble
the felling = The feeling?
hear = here
finnal = final
I definately found this chapter more interesting than the opening was. I liked it a lot. You developed the charater of Reign (or rein) pretty well. It could really use some editing, especially spellcheck, and it needs a little more description about this place he lives in etc. My favourite part was the ending where the old man finally admitted he cared for Reign, it gave a softer quality to it. Maybe you could drag that part out a bit though with he looked a Reign and said with raspy breath... and colapsed with his final words. something more descriptive like that. I do see great potential here, though, and believe it just needs a bit of polish.
valient = valiant
tomarrow = tommorrow
seeing with his own eyes. = missing word
Beggining = begining
above are the spelling errors etc. that I found. I suggest running a spellcheck to catch any others. I think it's a great idea, and is written pretty well so far.... on to the next part.
What an unfortunate, and sad story. It is well written, with good flow, good rhyme scheme, and good imagery. I found no grammatical, errors, or typos. A very good job :D
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A unique idea for a poem. I enjoyed it very much, especially the first stanza. It flows well with words that fit nicely together. The imagery is clear, and easily pictured. Overall a very good read...
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Has an almost haunting quality to it. Very well written. It flows well, and the imagery is good. It's free verse, so there is no rhyme scheme. I found no grammatical or other errors... the only real thing I can say about it is it left me wishing there was more... maybe thats just me though
I'm not sure this one flows as well as the other of your's I read, but it isn't too choppy either. I found it all worked well, nice imagery, consistent rhyming pattern, no errors that I noticed. I really liked that analogy of the daughter being a weed versus a flower... a very unique point of view.
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I like the message in this poem a lot, and it is so very true, and can also be said of women as well. As far as an actual review goes, it has good immagery, and flows well. The rhyme scheme is well done. I did find one picky little note... stanza 4 last sentence is missing ( i believe anyhow ) the final set of ". Overall, I enjoyed this poem, and am glad I read it.
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A little dark... my fave type. A good piece for one very short. The imagery, flow, and form are all pleasing both to look at and to read. I found no errors... overall a well done piece to read.
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I am not sure whether to laugh or not... the way it is written sounds almost comical, but the tale would be so almost awful to live through. It is a very entertaining poem, and I enjoyed everyword. I found no errors, it flowed well, and the imagery was well done. Very well written poem, and a pleasure to read.
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I also liked this one. It's not as easy as one thinks to write a poem in this style and keep the rythym in balance, but this one is in pretty good balance. The words you used are descriptively nice, and I found no grammatical errors. Overall a nice piece that follows the prescribed form well. Good job.
I also have an Abecedarium poem in my port if you're interested in taking a look. I enclosed a link, but don't feel you have to read it. Have a nice day.
Ok, it wasn't at all what I thought it would be about, and it broke my heart when I got to the last stanza... so sad. It's a wonderful poem, that has very well done imagery. It flows well, and I found no errors to report. There was no rhyme scheme , but the poem did follow a noticable pattern. Overall a very solid piece of poetry.
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MMM I can smell the lilacs, even though it's fall. I have a lilac bush right outside my kitchen window, and it's so nice in the spring. The only comment I have with this poem is: where is the punctuation? I see one period, and it's so important to have proper punctation in poetry (in my opinion), because it tells the reader how to read it, which determines how the piece flows. Otherwise, it's lovely, with clear enough imagery it made me long for the spring....
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Good poem, it followed the form well. The flow was good. There was a slight rhyme scheme that worked very well in this piece. Good form, and easily seen and understood imagery. I saw no erors in grammar, punctuation and such. Overall, a job well done.
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I picked this one because my real name is Dawn, and I was not disappointed, it's so pretty. I loved everyword of it, and have no suggestions for improvement (how can you improve on 5 stars?) Have a great weekend.
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