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191 Public Reviews Given
541 Total Reviews Given
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1
1
Review by Black Willow
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ken,

You write at the end of the song: "Your reaction, impressions, criticisms, - yes, even praise - are all equally welcome."

I like to think that my English is good, and my vocabulary sound. However, I feel that there are not enough words for me to describe what reading this made me feel. And so I will settle for just one word:

Beautiful.

Thank you for giving me, and the WDC community, the chance and the honor to read your works of art.

~Dana
2
2
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star*Dear Helene,

This is a Rising Stars Member-to-Member review!

"The Long Climb to Freedom" is a story about a young woman who, after suffering in silence for a very long time and holding herself back, finally decides to take her future in her hands and chose her own path.

I could easily connect with your protagonist, since my mother has been making my decisions for me for a very long time. Sometimes parents try to live their lives through their children, and it's not a very good thing to do, in my opinion. On another note, I think your story is very well written - even though you passed from past to present tense, the time was consistent and I didn't lose the timeline, which is very good.

The main character is believable and her feelings are very logical. She wasn't whiny, and that's something I liked. You made it obvious that she is suffering without making her annoying. Good Job! *Bigsmile*


I have just a couple of small suggestions that I think might help to make the story even better. Please remember those are just my suggestions, and you know your own work best!

- She shoves Barry in the ribs: “Who is doing History and Form?!” - I believe that the ':' should be a point, since the sentence ends there, and then there's a quote. *Smile*

- “It sounds to me more like you’re trying to convince yourself, but I’m listening,” he takes a sip of his beer.

As I see it, it should be: "...but I'm listening," he says, taking a sip from his beer.

- Barry sits quietly for a moment, quietly sipping his beer - I think that you can easily avoid using 'quietly' twice. Maybe something like: Barry didn't speak for a long moment, quietly sipping his beer.

- "but I sure as hell am going to write my own ending.” - I'm sure your character is excited about the beginning of living by her own choices, but I don't think she would use the word 'hell' in her conversation with someone much older than her. Just something I thought about.

- "except good luck with the mum!” - maybe something like: "...good luck with your mother." would sound better, coming from a professor...


To conclude, I enjoyed reading this story, it is well written, clear and has an interesting protagonist.

Thank you for a wonderful read!
Dana
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3
3
Review of Internet Ted  
Review by Black Willow
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear anastasia,

I enjoyed going through your well-designed port, and this is my last review from the package you won at the Rising Stars Auction!

"Internet Ted" is a short story about a woman deciding to meet a man she's been chatting through the net with. She has many doubts as to what the date will be like and about her decision, and in the end the guy she meets is nothing at all like she imagined he'd be.

I found this story funny, and it does show that you can never know what to expect when agreeing to meet a man you've spoke to through the net. Internet brings us many new possibilities, but it also holds many dangers...

I have just one small suggestion for you to consider:

- Ellen ordered a white wine - is should be either: 1. Ellen ordered a glass of white wine.
or: 2. Ellen ordered white wine (without the 'a'). *Smile*

Other than that, a nice short story!
~Black Willow
4
4
Review by Black Willow
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear anastasia,

This is a good article about Gift Points etiquette, and it inspired me. Listing different ways to say 'thank you' to a helpful reviewer, it offers every person, whether high or low in GPs a way of saying thanks.

I'm glad I found this item in your port, and recomment it to everyone who is searching for ways to show their appreciation to the wonderful reviewers found on this community!

Thank you for this and write on!
Dana
5
5
Review of Grandpa, Tell Me  
Review by Black Willow
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi ,

Wow! This is a great story! *Bigsmile* A story made of song titles, it flows very well, is interesting and entertaining, I enjoyed very much reading it.

Five stars go for the originality in the use of the prompts!

Write ON,
Dana
6
6
Review of I Live in a Box  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Dear Jace,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review!

"I Live in a Box" tells about the (ramblings? Nope, don't think so *Smile* ) of a guy living in a small town, and how he likes it there better than the city.

It's time for a short story: I live in the city Bat-Yam, in Israel, and I work in a skyscraper in Tel Aviv, another city. It's a building where rich people live, and I'm the receptionist. Anyway, the point is that when I think of how it is to live in such a building, it doesn't excite me at all. I'd rather have a small house, on the ground, with a garden and a couple of dogs and cats, and a swing on my porch. Maybe even a small swimming pool *Laugh*. The most important thing is that it has to be somewhere in nature.

I think that the city, while having its positive attributes, also does bad things to people. It makes us tired, we forever hurry from one place to another and life is pretty hectic. So I see what you mean when you say that you preffer to live in your small town, the 'box' as you call it, and enjoy your calm, silent life.

I enjoyed your little piece of prose very much and found no typos, so I give it five stars, and wish you all the best!
~BW
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7
7
Review of Absolutely  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ali,

This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy!

"Absolutely" is a story about a young girl who decides to stand up for herself and her relationship with her friend, and show the "It-Girl" that she had the right to live her life and not be bothered by silly people.

*FlowerR* I enjoyed reading this story very much. It was realistic and interesting, your characters were well-described and I could connect with your main character even though the story was short - that really shows your skill, because causing this sort of connection between reader and character isn't easy.

I only have a couple of small suggestions which can make this story even better:

- "she was barely keeping her anger in check," - the comma should be a point here.

- "laughed until they couldn’t breath" - should be: couldn't breathe.

This is all, and other than that, the story really was a good one to read, and I enjoyed the fact that Melissa got what she deserved - indeed, there is the type of girl in every school, in every country, and so it is very easy to feel happy when she gets what she deserves, for once.

Thank you fos sharing this story and WRITE ON!

Black Willow
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8
8
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Sticktalker,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review! *Smile*

"Copyright Law Summary" deals with a very slippery subject. Nowadays, with the evolution of the internet, the matter of correctly dealing with matters of copyright, and making certain that the rules are kept is very difficult indeed.

When you post something on the Web, how can you know if anyone takes it and uses it? That's a scary question, for me, and I'm sure many authors can relate, because what we write is ours - we sweated for it, we poured our souls into it, and we own it by every possible right. Thinking that after all I put into my craft, it can be stolen, just like that, is an unpleasant thought.

I always found the matter of copyright rules to be somewhat confusing, and I'm glad that I found your article. It helped make things clear.

*FlowerR*Thank you for this, write ON!
~Black Willow
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9
9
Review by Black Willow
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Helene,

"The Emptiness of My Mind" is a poem about losing a friend. It is a personal note, in as such it is touching, and very engaging.
It is written well and there are no wasted words - the fact that it is short and to the point adds to the impact. Well done! *Smile*

Just one small typo I noticed:

*FlowerR* "now i suddenly must" - the 'i' should be capitalized.

My favorite part:

"my mind is as
empty
as your room next door"

Thank you for sharing this and Write On!
~Dana
10
10
Review of Love Scars  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Coco,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review! *Bigsmile*

"Love Scars" is a poem that describes the sadness and pain of a love gone wrong.

*FlowerR*The emotions that arose in me when I read it were - deep sadness and dispair. Every word is at the right place, and the impact is great.

*FlowerR* In the Poetry Analysis class I'm taking now, our teacher said that poems don't have to rhyme in order to be good. Your poem is powerful and it needs no rhymes.

*FlowerR* Just a couple of small things, which of course are up to your consideration:
I found that the punctuation through the poem is inconsistent - once you begin a new sentence with a capitalized word, once not, and the punctuation makes one halt in the process of reading. I feel that if you change it to be consistent, it would become an even better read!

All the best,
Dana
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11
11
Review of Love is Red  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Tony,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review!

I'm reviewing this personally for you, and that's why your name and not your mom's is here *Bigsmile*.

Love takes different forms and may be in different colors - jealousy makes it green, sadness makes it blue and there are some other examples, but you've captured the very essence of love - it is red!
Love is warm, powerful, and beautiful - as is the color red! Well done, it is a great poem and from me it gets FIVE STARS!

Write ON,
Dana
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12
12
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear SoCalScribe,

Happy 8th Bday! *Bigsmile*
I've been looking for advice concerning novel writing, and I read yours because it speaks of NaNo. This article is very good and it touches many problematic points, in an organized way.

What helped me most was the "LEAVE THINGS UNFINISHED" section, as I never thought about stopping at a crucial moment, but then I read this and knew you are right - it does make writing the next part easier.

Thank you for writing this!
All the best,
Dana
A Proud Member of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" 
13
13
Review by Black Willow
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Voxxylady,

Your article about chosing between different POVs is a very good and helpful source as a simple, easy to understand introduction.

Thank you for posting this, it helped me a lot.
Just one small thing:

...Was it over? Was this how it ended? She debated. She could either turn and face the horror or close her eyes and let the fates decide what was to happen.”
- In the sentence above, you closed the citation marks, but didn't open one at the beginning.

Thanks again and write on!
Blackwillow
14
14
Review of ETERNALLY YOURS  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear WhoMe??

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review!

I'm in a romantic-non-cynical mood today, and as I picked this poem and read it, I fell in love! *Bigsmile*
As a firm believer in Fate, knowing that someday father Time will bring me my soulmate not upon a white horse but in a white limo (have to stay up-to-date in this fast-paced world, no? *Smile*) reading your poem about finding your soulmate made me smile.

It is well written, and flows good because of the rhymes, and I'm giving it five stars because of all of the above. You are a very special person and you deserve all the love in the world!

Thank you forthis emotional read,
Dana
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15
15
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Sherri,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review! *Heart*

What a beautiful poem about love. Sherri, this poem lifts the spirit and gives hope to those who still didn't find their 'other half'. It is pure, happy and filled with love; I could feel the bright energy of your love as I read this poem.

I give it five stars because of its perfection, and because it trully warms the heart!
Write ON!
Dana
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16
16
Review of Metamorphous  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Dear Ken,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review!

Your poem is beautiful and so romantic, it's been a long time since I read something that describes passion in such a tender way.

My favorite lines:
"As we lie, wrapped in the moon's glow,
The heat of the moment abates.
Yet the ember that we watched grow
We know, deep inside, still awaits.
The passion that's left us aglow
will return; it patiently waits."

This is beautiful. Like the tides and waves of the sea, passion rises and slowly ebbs, until it comes again...

I'm giving this five star because it's a beautiful piece, very romantic and sweet!
Thank you for a touching read,
Dana
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17
17
Review of The Stoning  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello!

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review *Bigsmile*

I've read Jackson's "Lottery" for my Literary Theory class, and as soon as I saw this poem, I remembered it. As I finished reading this poem, I saw that you had the story in my mind as well!

This poem is about a woman loving another woman's man, and the couple being punished by the crowd by stones thrown at them. You managed well to tell a story through this poem - and what I liked most is that by the third part on, you inserted rhymes, it really quickened the pace of the poem as the happenings developed.

I'm giving this four stars because it's a good read, only the flow at the beginning is a little difficult.

Thank you for sharing your work, and WRITE ON!

~BlackWillow
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18
18
Review of Absence of Time  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Pat,

Just a little member to member of the Showering Acts of Joy review!

This is a lovely poem about an experience of meditation by the sea. Walking on the beach, we are connecting with nature, with the oneness of things, we join the wholeness of the universe, it is a magical experience indeed, and I think you've described it beautifully! *FlowerR*

I especially liked how the poem moves through the physical to the spiritual and back to the physical, as you feel the sand between your fingers... well done!

Thank you for this artistic read,
Hugs,
Dana
19
19
Review of LightWorker  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)
Dear dejavu_BIG computerprobs ,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review!

A lovely poem thanking those who make this world a better place. I think it's great that you wrote a poem about this subject *Smile*

Just a couple of small corrections to make this poem even better:
- "Your tired and weary, your not at your best," - in both places it should be "You're", since it's 'you are'

Other than that, a very well written poem.
Write on!
-BlackWillow
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
20
20
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Bikerider,

This is a Showering Acts of Joy review!

This story touched me very much. I served in the IDF for two years, and even though I haven't been in the operative forces, I've heard many tragic stories, and friends of my friends have been hurt in battle. Living in Israel, you see soldiers everywhere you go, it's such a big part of our lives.

Your story tells about brothers, but not the blood kind, they are soul-brothers, and in my opinion, sometimes this counts as more.

I salute all soldiers who risk their lives in order to protect their people, families and country. With God's help, maybe there'll come a time when we won't need wars anymore.

I give this story five stars because it's close to my heart, it's very touching and very well written. Truly, your story brought tears to my eyes.

All the best,
Dana
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
21
21
Review of Green Eyes  
Review by Black Willow
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Mitch,

This is a beautiful and touching story. It moved me. You wrote it well, the main character's pain and conflicted emotion is easy to identify with, and the ending is happy even though we know that the true ending is somewhat tragic.

Thank you for a good read,
All the best,
BlackWillow
22
22
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear datchessbarbie,

This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy!

Your resolutions for this year are written in a good order, devided into sections and sub-sections in a way that's organized and easy to read.
Another great thing is that you update it as you achieve the tasks you've set for yourself, and as the year continues, you can always look at it and be inspired by how much you've already achieved.
The resolutions themselves hold importance both to your evolvement as an author, and to the community of WdC as you aspire to join groups and hold different contests.

*Star*I only have one advice, which you can take into consideration or completely disregard, it's up to you, of course:
When we decide upon many "heavy" resolutions, we might be over-excited by the beginning of the new year and not be realistic. I'm not saying that you're doing it here, it's just something to think about! *Bigsmile*

Wishing you the best of luck,
Write ON!
Black Willow
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23
23
Review of Iceberg Lessons  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

This is another review from Showering Acts of Joy!

*Star*This story is about an iceberg which is carried close to the shore by a mean storm. A woman sees the iceberg as it makes its way towards the shore and decides to experience it from up close. It's a story which shows us another beautiful aspect of nature.

I noticed a couple of points which require attention. Please remember these are only my suggestions, you have full rights to accept or disregard them *Wink*

*Star*Suggestions:

-She nodded; I’ll be going in soon, just a few more minutes.” - You forgot to put a quotation mark at the beginning *Smile*

-"“Sure did,” Crystal flirted right back, “that storm really did move in quickly.”" - there should be a point after "back", and then the second part of the quote should be capitalized. Like this: “Sure did,” Crystal flirted right back. “That storm really did move in quickly.”


Overall, a very nice story. What's left for me to say is --

Write ON!
Black Willow
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24
Review of First Heat  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello,

This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy!


*Star*This story is about a couple who finally meet each other in person after having conversations on the internet. It is told from the POV of the woman as she recalls the events of the meeting.

This is a good story, however I have a couple of suggestions which might make this story even better. Please remember these are only my suggestions, you have full rights to accept or disregard them *Wink*

*Star*Suggestions:

- "I reflected about the events of the night before, all I could do was smile." - this should be separated by ";" not by ",". Consider re-phrazing it to something like: "Reflecting upon the events of the night before, I smiled."

- Consider breaking the story into paragraphs, it would be much easier to read that way *Smile*.

- "A pull of me closer to him let me know that I wasn’t the only one feeling the heat of the moment" - I believe this would be more fluent: "He pulled me closer, making it obvious to me that I wasn't..."


I'd like to give you a good advice that someone once gave me: In order to check if the story flows well, try to read it out loud to yourself. Sometimes it helps you notice things you wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

Thank you for this interesting read,

Write ON!
Black Willow
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25
25
Review of Santa's Mission  
Review by Black Willow
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Amay,

This is a review from the Showering Acts of Kindness!

What a beautiful Christmas story. An ex-Marine serves as a Santa Claus in a parade, grating a small girl a wish which seemed impossible. I was deeply touched, this story warms the heart and shows that we all can make a person's life better, sometimes with a small act, sometimes with an act which requires more work.

*Star*There are a couple of small typos I noticed through the story, but know that those are only my suggestions:

"He’d been one of Santa’s very special" - this one should be "He's", because in the story we see that he is still doing that.

"He’d loved being Santa’s helper." - I believe this should be "He loved".

"A precious little girl stood before him, once again with the saddest eyes." - consider maybe changing this to: "A precious sad eyed girl stood before him." or "The precious girl stood before him, her sad eyes looking deeply into his soul." This might flow better.

*Star*Overall, it is a great story, and with a little fix, it would be a lot better!
Write ON!

BlackWillow
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