This was a great piece of work. Very descriptive, making me visual the story. It was short and sweet. I enjoyed being thrown into the storm and how the main character suddenly was fighting for survival. If you want some advice, I would say that use the talent that you clearly have in regards to description and put it more into the main character so the reader starts investing their feelings in them living. otherwise it was really good.
I loved the description in this poem. The snap and sizzle at the begining almost made it seem like it was in the room with me. I dont know how to write poems so I appreciate people that do. All I can say is this was great I hope you keep writing more creative descriptive pieces like this.
This is a good story. If you wanted to make it better I would make the characters more relatable to the reader. Even by describing stacy in more detail. Describing the place she is in. Showing danger in the way of urgency. eg: lifting my heavy arm I reached for the laptop helplessly, it shook and colapsed to the bed. A creek came from behind the locked door and the jingling of keys.
It will keep the reader reading and invest their emotions in the story.
I liked your poom. It was short and I liked its biblical context. The rhyme kept me reading. The way you use eve as all woman and the importance of giving birth makes all woman relate. I was going to say that maybe you should choose a darker more in depth subject but woman, children and motherhood are deep subjects and you made them light and relatable. Well done.
That was beautiful. I loved it, honestly. It was long enough to tell an in depth story and I have to admit it was great. If you want some feedback I would say that maybe for your next peice of work talk about a deep dark subject and maybe make it light and sweet like you did this poem. Otherwise well done.
I liked this. The ryhme kept me reading. It was short and sweet. It was also innocent about what people day dream but everyone has daydreamed about one or many of the things you describe. I hope mroe see your work and you should maybe do a poem about something dark or and important topic and show the light playful side of it. (Just a thought)
I am speechless. At first I scrolled down the page and was like "oh this is really long" but it was an amazing story. I was going to give the feedback that maybe you should show more description of the characters and their surroundings so the reader can become more attached to the main family. But I felt like I knew them and was sad when they all died. Your message was something I havent really thought through before and the ability to think of technology in the future is something I have had trouble to imagine. But you did it well. It was realistic, interesting and sad how technology has no end and it may be the human races demise. The only advice I would give is that you either make it shorter because I'm afraid people will see how long it is and not bother reading a very good story, or making it longer and pulling them in at the begining with more description of the main character and family, so it connects them and makes it harder for them to skip the story. Well done, I am glad I read it.
Nice poem. You made a dark and depressing subject about a daughter losing her mother but kept it light with the use of the dead tree coming to life. Good description and positive message. Hope you continue writing about sad and dark subjects, but use your gift of writing to make them hopeful.
I loved this! It was honest and pure. I think everyone feels like this at one point or another in their lives. A lot of readers will relate to this. The rhyme kept me reading and flowed nicely. I am not good at writing poems so learn to appreciate someone when i find they can. It wasnt to long or to short and got your message across. I connected to the persona and enjoyed it. Good job.
I have never been someone who is good at writing poems. So when I see a good piece of work I cant help but applaud you. This was short and sweet. It was general so all readers can relate to it because everyone has a first love. I hope you carry on writing poetry and make progress into other topics.
I have to admit that this story caught my eyes over all the others because eating disorders are rarely talked about. At first I thought I would read a few sentences and move on but once I began I couldnt stop. The repetition is effective. The last sentence hits the point home and the short but sweet story is overall very good. If you want feedback, the only thing I would say is to make the reader connect more with your characters, you should describe them more and the setting they are in. But other then that I thought it was great.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cassie88
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 9:19am on May 09, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
