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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: Cute little story on mothers instinct. Mothers do know their children even if only seen a few minutes after birth. It's an inherint part of them after caring the child for nine months.
Content:Kind of cute expressions of the childs looks. Puts the nurse in a stumped position. How do you answer such questions, all babies look funny when born. This one looked funny to all I suppose. Teeth. LOL!
Suggestions:Think that last line of hollering "uh mama" might just give him away as a new born would scream unintelligently and thats that. Then a newborn couldn't be above the camera without supernatural forces. Interesting story. Will be waiting to see where this one might go from here.
Write on! Thanks for sharing!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: I normally do not review poetry so please take that into respect.
This flows smoothly and seems to hold a lot of meaning, both straightforward and underlying tones. Nicely done.
Content:The ripening of a relationship, soon to overripen and fall from the tree parted ways but never to far apart by heart.
Format: A common four lines per stanza type poem. This is done well and makes a whole lot of since in short and to the point statements.
Suggestions:None noted within poem, the last line is not really needed as it is obvious from the poem they will always care for each other. Each in their own way. Time changes all!
Write On! Thank you for sharing this lovely poem.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Nice piece and what a way to deal with the power of "death" and it's meaning, within a story of generations.
What a powerful piece this will make polished up, thank you for sharing it.
Content:
I really enjoyed the tale of generations. Memories like this are irreplacable as each generation passes the story down. Wow how that story could grow, especially if written down and passed down as this is. Beautifully told all in all. Write on!
Format:Some kind of break is needed to mark where the tale switches each year.
Point of view is kind of confusing. Several places of mixed tenses cause the reader to have to reread and decide what is meant. A good read over from a point of reader, not writer and I am sure you will catch most of these.
Pluses:Vivid descriptions where the reader can actually imagine standing at the base of this tree, or climbing high with the challenge into the branches. Great showing of the scenes.
Suggestions:He was exited (excited), but knew the presents had to wait for the party.
After the child turns ten, the ribbon stays where it was and the tradition starts again with the next generation.
confusing tenses here but I believe I would go with: After the child turns ten, the ribbon stays where it is. The tradition picking up with the next generation.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best. Thank you for sharing.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Nice, easy to follow. A pretty good sum up of information. Helpful sites to answer questions listed also, big plus to such an article.
Format:Well laid out, flows smoothly and well spaced. Nice and easy to follow and read.
Pluses:The sight lists are great pluses. Easy to go from here. WRite on! Thank you for sharing this.
Suggestions: Just a few technical that caught my eye.
1st paragraph: Which to (do) you go on?
But you. (Except you.) might sound better.
or you were Gifted or Dyslexic or have some another (other)form of learning disorder.
Somewhere it should be noted that though the point of the story is diversity, some of these afore mentioned body language and signals people put out, are exactly what they are. The way this is written, someone with one of these is likely to believe these body signals are not something you should pay attention to . This is where life gets confusing as some people do tap there foot because they are nervous, some do mean for you to leave when their body language is saying leave me alone. This is one of the main problems with socializing for these people. Who should they trust?
What language should they listen to, as they were not handed this manual at some point?
These sites are great places to start answering these questions but some mention of the other side of the coin should be present in the basic article, I would think.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Nicely done flash story. Managing to have a beginning , middle and end that wraps things up nicely.
Content:Descriptive and keeps the reader moving on. Even being written in first person doesn't keep the reader from becoming the dreamer. Hoping and wishing for the dream to continue.
Format: Nice formating easy to read. Good title.
Pluses:Strangers became even stranger. Friends became fiends.
How true this can be!
Suggestions: none noted. I love the imagery , think that of the boss is perfect. Nicely done. Write on!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
This is not something I can review as this is obviously from the heart. It is very well written, tells a complete story.
Sad yet uplifting it definately is. YOu and your brother were obviously very close. Those memories will always be with you.
Along with a very lucky charm.
My only recomendation would be to put at least one line of space between paragraphs. Would make easier to read on screen display.
As far as technical spelling and grammar nothing caught my eye. Though these subjects I leave to those in the know.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Dang now that's some scary stuff there. That would tell a little too much information to the "other" woman , least I would hope any woman out there would run from that fast and far. LOL!
Content:Well done for flash fiction. Think that about sums that relationship up.
Format: Liked the letter idea. Can see how it fits flash fiction, would be simple to keep under the word limit. Expansion would be easy on this.
Pluses:Liked the sign off. "until the end, " Where's the nearest police station, lol!
Suggestions:none, Well done!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:I liked the descriptivness, yet the story seemed incomplete. Why was Joan on the street? Why did the place she was at kick her out? Why would the police ignore her?
Content:I understand it was mainly about the shopping bag , just seemed to much emphasis put on how heavy the bag was to her. This is repeated in three or four paragraphs. Only a few clothes and a portable tv why was it so heavy? Was she getting weak, how long since she had last eaten?
Format:Easily read and keeps the reader moving on in the story without losing your place.
Pluses:‘You’re special.’ She said, giving the only present that she had.
Not sure but guessing the only present she had was her kind words.
Suggestions:‘She has an appointment here with social services in the New Year. At least she turned up this time.’
You say New Year but it doesn't say at what time year this takes place. Is it Christmas? Or just a few days before the New Year? Needs clarification.
All of your speach needs Quotation marks you have used apostrophe's
" " when speaking the sentence should be in quotations.
Thank you for sharing. Write ON!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
You just really have to laugh at these. A nice selection of, well teenage thinking. Got to love it.
I like the lay out. You can tell where one comment stops and the next starts.
Yes, I remember such questionaires in school, had to wonder what the teacher did with those. Oh what a shame for some of the things we wrote on those type things.
Thanks for sharing these, oh so special metaphorical comments.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:
Now that was a good chuckle. Very humerous, and yes would have to wonder about taking advice from that angel.
Content:
Original- The fashion angel--too good.
Format:Good short, well done fitting a lot of colorful description, a little explanation, and a lot of laughs, all in a few words.
Pluses:Just got to laugh over , Fashion Angel- I can actually picture this as I lived with a sister I called the "Fashion Police" about all she would be able to do as an angel. LOL!
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Very interesting to read of a different culture. Some of the words were a little large for pleasure reading but probably fit the story just fine.
Content:An interesting tale of a young boys devotion to pleasing his grandfather.
Format:Nice flash story, tells a full story in very short amount of words.
Pluses:Liked the ending and how the character got their nick name. Strange how some statements stick with us for life.
Suggestions:None noted. Nice job. Write on!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Very telling of how the author saw her characters should see a psychic. Some are believable some are not. Hard to say.
Content:Good descriptions and could picture the scenes easily. The story is very incomposing of how people see the psychic and nice touch of birthday gift, usually when seen.
Format:Nicely done, easy to read.
Pluses: “Well I wouldn’t expect to,” I replied, deadpan. “I wasn’t born here.”
Absolutely loved this line! Excellent!
Kind of liked the revealing of the noone else remembered her birthday, yet can understand why she felt bad even mentioning it. Too bad the friend didn't take heart and change the outings direction instead of ending it. (Then reality steps in, few will react any different than displayed here.)
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Write on, and thank you for sharing.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:An interesting story. Though I find much confusion when reading. Once I got past the first part it made more since.
Content:It is an interesting story over all. Just needs a little tweaking. The family and introducing the sister, and genetics all that distracts from the content of the actual story. Descriptions of the people and comparisons might come off better if introduced throughout the story instead of all at the beginning.
Format:Suggest cutting out the first two paragraphs and fill that information in later during the story.
Pluses: Love the ending and the way the children figure the mystery out. Very creative twist to a will. Making a sad situation memorial.
Write On! Thank you for sharing.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: Interesting collection of thoughts for a poem. Though I stumbled at : Though both nine
took me a bit to figure out oh age, duh!
Content:Seems kind of incomplete for some reason though I can't figure out why. Maybe it's the usage of letters for each one and the letters seem well as if they should be in order yet that wouldn't make since either.
Format: Never really sure with poems will leave that.
Pluses:
The last love for me, named Dear Lady "C",
Are you sure it's last love? I mean come on you admit your a man of a million ladies lusted. LMAO! j/k
Suggestions:Only one Dame "J"
Might use : But left me Jaded,a melonchy bard.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Nicely done. Such feelings are hard to express clearly you have done a nice job here.
Content:simple, clear wording. Flows smoothly.
Format:Not sure on poem formats but I like the way this transforms from one thought to the next.
Pluses:Discriptive, yet not overly done.
Suggestions:
Ripping pieces apart from my soul.
Might insert the word within and remove from. I know count sometimes affects poems though so this may not be able to be done.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Painful and heart tearing. An insight into a world I hope I never personally know. So very sad!
Content:Fufilling and gives the story from several angles. Very interesting and keeps the reader wanting to know more.
Format:Well done.
Pluses: I liked the order of the letters arriving and the way of telling about the feelings on both sides of the war. Even the soldiers feelings are made stronger by the fact you already knew how the man and his pregnant wife were on the run.
Suggestions: In their situation the smallest mistake is a death sentence Ivan thinks as he watches what is left of his friends stagger pass. (past.)
Nothing else to comment on. Nicely done.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
An interesting and pervocative story. I got a bit confused but after the second read I think I understand. Maybe the male character needs a name. All the He and she gets a bit distracting from the main subject the voodoo dolls.
Interesting it is! Write On!
Spelling and punctuation I leave up to members in the know of these things. Please take my review as it is based: Pure feelings from a readers point of view.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
Nicely done, Keeps the reader moving throughout the story, plenty of action words and description. Though there is little action in the "scenes" what action there is is suspensful and keeps reader reading.
Heart wrenching and touching.
Sometimes we look back after time has gone by to moments like these and so many memories flood back. That special "friend" in life can never really be replaced. Sometimes the friendship survives other times it can't. Never does it leave the heart either way it falls.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
Thought you might enjoy this
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1262641 by Not Available.
is the erotica version 18plus only.
"Invalid Item" the modest version- please read this one if under 18.
Hi there,
This is not a review on technical writing as this "story" I could not possibly even begin to correct writing or even annalize technique or any of that. I apologize for that, but I can and will say. EXTREMELY SAD!
I am crying, was within the first paragraph. This is heart wrenching for many reasons. Probably the most painful, "Knowing my life will be reduced to much less in the end." Though also knowing I have no child , for their heart to break over my death. Nor sister who cares, nor even an x- sister n law that will care.
This gave me such a reflection it made me think of the old saying.
" Tis not what you do while here on Earth, but what you leave behind."
Her daughter should know and always be told. She may not know her mother but her mother is part of her, she obviously loved her enough to make sure she had the start in life of living with grandparents that could give her the love, encouragement and support she needs in life. Knowing she could not do it herself. A sacrafice of the most heartbreaking kind.
A terrible life she must have led never feeling loved!
( Most likely she didn't call for the simple fact she probably believed no one cared ! When we feel the most alone is when we push those we love away.)
This story wrenched my heart . Thank you for sharing it!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
( May Trista's angel carry her on through the years to come. )
I got so caught up in this story and the mystery of the pens I sat here and let the water for dishes run over in the sink. LOL!
I love the ending, yes, the pen can be a dangerous weapon or the wonderful release depending upon the words used. Words can change lives!
I did find a few left out words and a couple misspellings. Nothing to stop the flow of the reading though. Might want to reread your self,am sure you will catch.
Write On!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
I'd have to say I rather enjoyed that. A great accomplishment to use that many forms of poetry and make it make sense on top of that.
A work of art here. A good laugh on top of that though not a complete week is covered, would be interesting to see what Friday would bring. LOL! A wedding perhaps.
Write On!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
*crying* Very nicely done. Needs a little bit of punctuation repair and a few capitals at beginning of sentences. Otherwise nicely done. Words which compel a person to reach out and hug the writer.
"Nobody's Perfect" perfect comment to put in there.
I am not good with poems so will leave detailed review to another. My review is based on feeling from the poem. Which in this case "WOW" know those feelings all too well, nicely expressed!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
Uhoh I apologize , wow just started reading the enteries. Seems our minds was on the same thing. Seems my basic theme is the same as yours. I will rewrite my entry .
Again I humbly apologize in no way meant to copy your idea, had not read any entry as of when I wrote the story. Now wishing I had.
Very well done, many obvious mistakes . LOL!
Huggs and smile.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
Laughing and rolling on the floor. Good heavens, what will the creative minds on Writing.com come up with next? Superb idea here. This will give all those bad reviews and reviewers a run for their money.
(Clue: Time to dig all those reviews where you wanted to strangle the reviewer out of the old bin. They could be useful here!)
This was so interesting had to go write my story, post it, then start reading others. Still laughing from just the two I have read.
Thanks for a wonderful day of "BAD" reviews to give. LOL!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
(Ok now I hesitate do I rate this a "5" for a great idea? Or, a "1" to fit the idea?)
It's a five definately!
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