Nicely done. I am not one to usually read poetry but while doing a quiz in Tricky 0r Trick Port it lead me here.
Very nice this says a whole lot of emotion in very few words.
*until your love mutilated her.
This last line though doesn't seem to fit the flow of the rest is this done intentionally. Almost like bringing the reader to the end: With slamming against a brick wall. (Least that's how it felt to me!)
Too cute! This is a great story, the general "I hate cats!" theme through out is intriguing enough to keep the reader reading wondering what eventually happens.
I love the ending line!
Funny how cats choose their people! By the way I am a cat lover and would not call you an irrisponsible pet owner. Some cats you just can not confine to the house, they were born outside, born to roam as their mother did. You were responsible with mother and kittens, not to mention the fact of neutering. KUDOS to you just for that. You also took the cat to the new home, which shows somewhere down deep you did truly care already for lil bit.
This is one of those heart rendering stories. I cried right along with you at the grave site. I wonder what lil bit's thoughts were watching you bury a strange cat in his towel though! Hopefully the towel got replaced with a brand new fluffy soft one! LOL!
NICE JOB!
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
** This review is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: A nice story throwing a lot of turmoil around yet at the same time showing "With God's help anything can be accomplished" Even a young boy whom grew up in a boy's home can accomplish awesome things in adult hood.
Content: The fact he is expected to meet his young daughter for the first time is treated as though it will be the event of a life time. I love the "picture painted" in my mind with the use of colorful words about the bedroom and all James has done in preperation for his daughter.
Format: Could use a little work for ease of reading.
Pluses:Great discriptions, nicely done conversations, and the atmosphere given is great all the way through. Even the confrontational scenes seem to go off nicely.
Suggestions: I had a bit of difficulty during their conversation at the restaraunt. It seems a line or two was left out. This though could be my eyesight and I just missed it. I would recommend leaving a line between paragraphs just to make reading on a screen easier to do.
Very few but a few spelling errors. Might run a spell check.
All in all a very nice job. I would love to know how it goes when Jaime joins James in his home.
Write on!
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
Please remember these are your decissions, it is ultimatly up to you what works best.
Excellent job. Punctuation, form, presentation, choice of words.
An honestly great tribute to a man who obviously knew how to express love and taught that skill to his children.
This is a poem to have framed , established in all rights as one of the great poems which comes out of love. Your father must have been a kind, generous, gentle man. Amazing is the only expression that comes to mind. Thank you for a wonderful read!
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
An excellent and hillarious story for this prompt. A twist to that prompt which is a good one. Well done!
I love the ending telephone call, the exclaimed OH! is perfect. Confusing for just a short bit, you wonder if the character found herself in bed with this strange man for a bit. Then the phone call explains it. Nice job of suspense!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
** This review is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: This is a very informative article. It includes several sights which have good information over all. As mentioned though things are different in all states. Missouri happens to be a state where only parents of children are intitled to "housing and financial help" atleast from my own experience in the last five years. Being an adult with no children, under 45 years of age. Trying to get disability for multiple physical problems I have researched many outlets in trying to get help. Not legally being married I have no rights to anything from him.(This makes the laws very difficult for my situation. I personally just do not fit the government boxes.) This leaves me in a quandary of fears if something should happen to him, what happens to me? The emotional weight is not all his and the affects of my own physical and mental well being does not help the situation.
Is this abuse? Even a psychologist simply told me after 3 hours of pouring my heart out, "Go find a new family"! So who knows, at least it is not physical! That I could not deal with again if I had too!
Content: Excellent- giving many sites and a lot of information. I feel for the writer and am happy to hear they found their way out of that stressful situation. I myself have known the abuser, in a few different types of relationships.
Format: Well done format. Easy to read and set up nicely with the additional sites to look up information easily.
Pluses: All the way around this article is a plus. I will be noting those sites for usage should someone need them.
Suggestions: It is not mentioned here, but I feel the need to mention. Abuse can also happen between siblings. This type of abuse can destroy a childs future ability to hold relationships. Parents please be aware of the fact one child can affect another childs future life easily. Do not ignore the repeated cries of one child even though you may feel it is just sibling rivalry or a one time incident. If it continues it can lead to great mental harm, leading the abused child into later domestic violent situations. The words, "It was an accident" are not always true. Especially if repeated incidents are occuring even in teen years! Only the parents can put a stop to this type of abuse.
Thank you Kenzie for this information. I add the suggestion only because I know it is not always the parent(s) at fault for abuse of a child, though they influence it by blowing it off as an accident. Now these laws have also changed since I was young but when I was young abuse by a sibling was totally ignored. I have seen this in adult hood and have brought it to the parents attention. Not having children I am usually told, "Mind your own business!" Yet I tried, and that is all I can do!
Please remember these are your decissions, it is ultimatly up to you what works best.
** This review is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:This story starts off with a bang, mysterious beginning. I enjoyed the fact the older sister was worried about the brothers nightly adventures. The story is haunting yet touching to that a young boy has found joy in reading to the skeletons. A very interesting twist to the ghost story theme.
Content:Interesting and pulls the reader forward to find out what the boy is up to. I enjoyed the discriptions of the crypt. Though the one word I did have to look up. "sarcophagus".
Format:Nicely done, even the conversation between the two seems realistic.
Pluses: This is very imaginative, yet could be truth to it. Though most crypts an 8 year old boy could not pull the door open by themselves.
***I learned a new word today!***
Suggestions:My only real suggestion here would be where you first use the word sarcophagus you might inform the reader, some how the meaning of the word. The word also seems kind of overused as if you were using it from a list of words for school or something as though the word of the day.
You might also tell of how Idele might try to help his sister escape or maybe bring a memory into it of how he tried in the past to help his friend and only caused pain. Something of that sort. It is hard to imagine a boy would leave his sister running like that without atleast trying to save her.
Nicely done though. Write on!
Cemetarykat
Please remember these are your decissions, it is ultimatly up to you what works best.
** This review is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: At first I was thinking another story from a religious fanatic. As I read though I found this very informative and enlightening. I absolutly love the way you explain "Gods answer to your question." It definatly sounds as though you recieved your answer immediatly. Intelligent questions answered in the most specific way, leaving no doubt as to your answer.
Content:This tells all the reader needs to know even the scriptures and the way you went about researching this concept.
Format:This is formatted in such a way the reader feels you are speaking directly to them. Well written using layman language not just scholarly words that the general public wouldn't always understand. Well Done!
Pluses:This has made me actually think about fipping through that old bible once again. Not long ago I was looking for the passage to deal with speaking tongues "Babalon" came to mind. In a chat room the conversation had come up. I spent weeks trying to find one simple passage to explain my beliefs. In the end discovering I had the right idea but had gone about explaining it wrong. Reading this shows me where I was wrong.
Suggestions: NO suggestions. Excellent the way it is! Thanks for a great read!
Cemetarykat
Please remember these are your decissions, it is ultimatly up to you what works best.
** This review is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: A little on the slow side to begin with. Hard to get into this for some reason. The beginning paragraph just doesn't capture the readers intrest.
Content:The content of the story is well expressed yet to have the mage talking to themselves aloud is not as convincing as if they were talking to someone or something else. Remember "Showing not telling is one main point of any story." If the mage was walking and wondering where he is pointing out in the woods, maybe talking to the birds or another animal he comes upon it might be more convincing.
Pluses:I really like the last paragraph.
* He awoke suddenly to the sound of low snarling. Night had descended on the forest. Around him all he could see were gleaming yellow eyes. Mordin wolves? The realization hit him like a blow from a cave troll. He was in Mordin forest! How had he managed to wander in here? The question was pushed from his mind by more pressing matters----escaping the Mordin wolves.
Suggestions:
With memory loss would he know WHICH forest he was in, for that matter would he know the wolves are Mordin wolves? I do like the discription of the wolves, the gleaming yellow eyes. More discription is needed on them. Maybe their fur coloring, or size is different from regular wolves.
I would suggest italics or bold something to identify when it is thought not speech.
I know this work is still in progress. I hope to read again when you are farther along. Please let me know!
Oh too funny. It is all in how it's worded, and what the participants see the words meaning. Such an easily transferred word.
My question is, Why would anyone even think to speak of the birds and bees with a twenty six year old? Now that is what ya call putting things off until its a little on the late side.
A good funny read, all should enjoy this!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
* My rating and review is based on feeling and the way the story reads. Grammar and punctuation are only mentioned if glaring mistakes.
An interesting story. It kept my attention! Moves at a good pace. You have done an excellent job of showing motion and emotion. The settings are described nicely. I can picture the settings. I would like a little more description of Mila herself. Other than that an excellent story.
I will be waiting to read when finished, please let me know!
You have timed letting it end rather well actually its a cliff hanger left at the moment! "smile"
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
Wow now that's an unexpected ending. This was a good story just based on thinking a teenage boy dealing with strife in school, and jealousy of an older brother who does everything right.
I never for the life of me expected that ending, yet such a fitting ending too! It makes me wonder what Jeffs' point of view would sound like.
Nice line:
*Jeff's victory having granted her this boon
For fear of deterring the reader I will say no more!
An interesting twist on the stolen identity that is for sure.
In the below paragraph you use Brian instead of Frank.
*The little man tried to give (Brian) the 'I'm-Innocent' look, and when it didn't work, he sighed heavily and with a tiny smile, shook his head as if to say, 'Silly man, you should know the answer to that.'
I am not sure what it is but this moves rather slow and jaunty. It doesn't seem to have a rythem. The telling discriptions rather than showing makes it rather stiff and more like it is ,more narrative than first person. It starts out as though Frank will be telling the story from his view point. Then quickly changes to sounding like a third person is watching and narrating. You need to choose one or the other.
Lol, kind of along the same lines as 6* degrees was trying to follow there. It is funny how things can kaliadescope down to the actions of one person. In this case the robber started the chain.
Can I take a stab at whom the robber is? Would be an interesting read to know about that dinner. Oh I love the ending that is left open to make you wonder.
In all I really enjoyed this read. Thank you for sharing. No spelling or grammar mistakes that were obvious.
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
* This review is based on content and the feelings it has evoked. Grammar and punctuation are only commented on if obvious.
I would recommend this to all readers. An excellent read for young and old alike.
This is a story written on a letter basis.
(I actually like this idea, have saved 20> years of letters between myself and an aunt in a book form.)
This turned out nicely and flows smoothly just like reading a story . Though I wonder if a 4th grader would be this in depth in letters to a grandparent. All children and their lives are different. The story seems to tell of both worlds and intermingles them together nicely. Covering over a little more than a year in both the grandparents life and the grandchild.
I very much enjoyed this story.The ending leaves the reader wondering, one of those endings "I want to pull my hair out over!", yet I like it!
A very good read bringing smiles, tears and warmth to the soul. Very good description and feeling display.
Only one typo seen *I give them dead bread
"Should that be, dried bread?"
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
Wow, beautifully written. It is good to see friends caring about friends enough to keep one of their stories in a port. Thanks for giving me the oppurtunity to read storms work.
You just have to believe a story like this! Written from the heart and love for her child. Very heartwarming.
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
LOL! Cute and very entertaining. I liked this alot. Reminded me of when I was younger. Oh those family things I miss too much. Younger brothers are a pain yet they can make you smile if you allow it.
This is a wonderful tribute and well written story of a pesky brother now a member on WDC.
Nice job Kiya!
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
Wow nicely done. Very descriptive and explanatory.
Confused yet, oh so very nicely written. I do have to say probably the best description of a mind going through strains of sanity and insanity I have read to date.
I absolutly love the last line, though I wonder what silver lining is actually there,tarnished and falling apart maybe?
I would recommend reading this to all!
Awesome job!
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
This makes a person want to cry, laugh, rejoice, and mourn for the loss of wonderful people. I truly enjoyed reading this. It tells a great amount in a short space of time. The photos give it that wonderful personal touch.
Very moving, a wonderful tribute to a very special family. Your family obviously means the world to you.
May your angel watch over you, always!
Cemetarykat
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