Format: Contest entry last modified--1:05pm on 07-07-2008 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: This scene shows a mother's frustration with an inattentive teacher. The only part that seemed a little unclear to me was whether the teacher hadn't taught him any math at all, or if she meant she thought it was supposed to be part of his IEP (which it obviously wasn't, showing her unfamiliarity with a child she'd been teaching all year). I'm probably just overanalyzing it because I'm more familiar with the system than other readers may be. Her comment sums up the mother's reasons for pursuing homeschooling while reinforcing that decision.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nice scene of a mother's encounter with bureaucracy.
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Format: Contest entry last modified--11:06am on 06-09-2008 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Interesting take on the typical high-school athlete going for glory tale. I liked the cynical twist and wondered how he was so easily bought at such a young age.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall:Nicely done.
Congratulations on winning second place in Round 47 of "Invalid Item" !
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Format: Contest entry last modified--9:39am on 06-12-2008 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: How sad the loss of our childlike imaginations! We do continue to dream, though, so there's that hope. This is interesting, but the structure leads me to expect a story beyond it--what will happen tomorrow? What is she dreaming tonight?
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Interesting story though not quite as strong as a stand-alone plot.
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Format: Contest entry--6:59pm on 05-19-2008 Word count--Exactly 55 words. (I did count Post-It as one word since it is a trademarked, hyphen-mandatory name.) Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Little action, but such an overwhelming story told through details and implied events. You maximized your word count by imbuing your statements with context through word choice ('Hearts stop. Not mine.') The death of a loved one is still not quite accepted--he/she keeps sticking the note back up on the fridge as if the lost one really will 'BRB.' (And those notes do keep falling down, don't they?) I liked the sense of time indicated by the smell being gone from the pillow, and the heavy, hollow, almost poem-like structure to the phrasing.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Excellent story, perfect use of the 55-word format, and emotionally compelling!
Congratulations on winning first place in Round 44!
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Format: Contest entry last edited--10:38pm on 05-19-2008 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: I could feel the air and the ice. Nice imagery and word choices. I liked the twist, and the incongruity between loving nature and wreaking destruction.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nicely done.
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last edited--8:53pm on 05-20-2008 Word count--Even counting 'USS' as one word, though it's really three, you end up with 56 words and so cannot be considered for a prize. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Drama in outer space! I was a little unclear on some points in the action. The ship that was sliced through was the one with the 5k people sacrificed, and was a different ship than the Fletcher? I also wanted to know more about this terrible weapon that has now been unveiled.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nice and action-packed; leaves some unanswered questions.
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Plot &/or Content: You were clear and focused in explaining the basics of your faith. You also managed to convey your beliefs in a positive, nonjudgmental way that didn't sound like preaching or fanatacism--sometimes a fine line to walk in inspirational writing.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: I liked your message, and I liked the simple, honest, direct way you presented it.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: The plot is simple and focused. The accident is the catalyst for her reflection on her life & how she lives it, as well as her father's attitude.
Characters: I could tell a lot about her father from his voice replaying in her head. Nice way to show his character, as well as hers!
Other aspects: I especially loved this section because I could almost see her eyes rolling at a parent's perceived overprotectiveness--Oh yeah, you worry all right. You worry
because I work third shift. You worry because I'm thirty-
one and still single. Let's face it, you worry.
Technical errors: Only one noted--How do you think the people who take the 'safe' way every day feel. should have a question mark at the end instead of a period. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: Nice, brief snapshot of the relationship between a father and his daughter who lives a little outside his comfort zone.
Very funny! Pure genius to prepare your daughters for life on their own, make it an attractive option, AND manage to make them think it was their idea!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: I enjoyed the clever way you described your parenting goals.
Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH,
This review is being done for the "WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum" . The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: Nice twist! I liked the general progression of the plot. My biggest complaint is that many of the events seemed touched on too briefly to be as emotionally engaging as they might have been. If you had a word count limit on this, that would likely explain it!
Characters: I liked the characters, but again wanted to know more detail, especially about why he was attracted to Marie.
Other aspects: Voice--I liked his calm, almost detached narrative voice. Word Choice--I did like the varied vocabulary and good word choices you used.
Technical errors:
and I could care less about a stranger's good fortune should be I couldn't care less.
I also noted a few places where the verb tense seemed inconsistent: that's months away-->that was months away; how she was had been dying from heart failure just a few years back, and suddenly her whole life had changed; It was at this point that the miracle had happened; a heart had become available to transplant into Marie.
Overall impressions: This is a touching story that might benefit from a little polishing.
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Good job!
Plot and content: A very unexpected ending! I liked the description of the 'warm voice.' I was left wondering if the bear (?) was going to eat the character or if he just wanted mustard to go with what he found in the ice chest. I hope that was the case!
Technical errors: Commas should be inserted after growls and after Pardon me.
Overall: This is a nice story with a good sense of humor.
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
ike,
I found your story on "Please Review" . The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: I thought the idea of the man walking, growing closer to nature and letting go of his stress and anger at a difficult time, was beautiful. You build his relationship with the tree to one so personal that he wants to share it with his grandson.
Characters: He was clearly drawn, from his plodding efforts to avoid a heart attack to his unremarkable but devoted service to his job.
Word Choice: Many words were used in error. Beware those that sound similar to the ones you intend to use! If you have questions about the differences in the specific meanings, let me know. The weight of loosing another job-->losing viscid mud-->viscous Be conscience of the children-->conscious The difference from the city air was palatable-->palpable interspaced with arbores-->interspersed with arbors Nothing special intercepted the eye-->If something intercepts his eye, it would hit his eye. I know what you meant, but this called forth a bizarre image of him poking himself in the eye. He focused on his breathe-->breath to compliment instead of compete-->complement
This phrase did not flow well with the rest of your text:after the physicalness of the tree has ceased... Maybe something like "Even after the physical structure of the tree was gone..."
Imagery: You had some lovely images with the lawns, hills, plants, and trees. This section seemed left over from an earlier draft: The effect was oriental. It wasn't anything specific. It just was. Tranquility oozed from the place. Someday he meant to spend time there, but not today. If it doesn't matter, and it's that vague, and he won't be spending time there, why mention it?
Technical errors: at the summit bordered, a "delicate forested environment".-->take out comma, put period inside quotes dunk it's head [...]it's canopy-->possessive form of 'it' does not have an apostrophe (its)
You had a number of inconsistencies with verb tense near the end of the piece. He has not followed his nature.-->had not followed He has watched-->had watched And he has seen these people prosper.-->had seen So much had occurred since the birth of this tree. The life span of the man would be a brief few moments in the life of this tree. Yet the life of this ancient oak was just a flicker in the timelessness of the cosmos. Infinitesimal, but not insignificant. Others had come to this oak seeking its shade, its quiet, and its solitude.[...]This oak had changed the landscape and environment around it, and these changes would continue long The things he wanted to accomplish were ahead. If he could leave the other stuff behind, the doubt, the anger, the blame, if he could stay within his nature, he might be able to get some of it done.[...]Johnny was four
Overall impressions: This man's journey to find peace during a difficult time is a wonderful idea for a story. I hope you will keep working on it! With some polishing it could be a really good piece.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: Oh, drama in the primary grades! I thought your depiction of the class's activities and social climate was very accurate.
Characters: The girls' complementary personalities were so sweet. I liked how they stood up for one another. The boys' behavior was so typical!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: This was a nice story about young friends. I did wish that some of the scenes had been filled out a little more.
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Great job! Content rating should be raised to 13+ because of the first word of the story.
Plot and content: Clear and focused plot, nicely presented, questionable pun notwithstanding. Just think what might have happened if all the turtles had made it across!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nicely done.
Congratulations on winning first place!
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Good job! Content rating should be raised to 'ASR' because of violence.
Plot and content: This scene shows the conflict between a card cheat and his victim--and how his victim resolves the conflict. Your word choices were good and the images descriptive.
Technical errors: I did note a few typos/errors. "What,"<--should have a question mark instead of a comma. sliding his hands to his side,<--sentence should end with a period, not a comma card cheats either"<--comma before close quotes
Overall: Nicely written, but did seem more like the ending scene of a story than a complete story in itself. Also had more errors than I'd expect in such a short piece.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot &/or Content: What a sweet mother's day story! Oh, the heartbreak of children when the flowers wilt or the balloons go deflate. These are exactly the kinds of stories to capture in writing before they're forgotten.
Technical errors: I don't think you need the comma in the last sentence.
Overall impressions: This is a lovely anecdote of how kids say things that help us share their perspective and wonder.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: The suspense built well as you travel down the road in the darkness. The deer coming at the windshield was horrifying enough, but when it turned into a man's face, it really creeped me out!
Other aspects: Word choices were appropriate and the imagery was stunning.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: You really conveyed the terror and shock of this nightmare! Thanks...I think...hope I can sleep tonight without imagining it too!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
I really enjoyed this cleverly sarcastic "letter" from a wife who is onto her husband's ploy. He's intended her gift for himself, and she's outwitted him by returning it and sweetly purchasing dance lessons--for them to take together. I loved how she maintained her pleasant disposition and wasn't fooled by his pretense! Fun story.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: The emotional roller-coaster of the story gives a good glimpse of what Ray is going through.
Characters: Ray is awfully persistent in his optimism, attempting to cajole Laura out of her bad mood! I liked knowing what was going on in his head. Laura was not as likeable, at least at first, but her stress is understandable. I couldn't help but worry about how moody she'll be in another 7 months if she's this bad now, though!
Other aspects: I thought you did an amazing job of including so many disparate quotes in the story, fitting them in well without contrivance.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Content: Your description of what you've learned from your illness is very interesting. I especially liked your explanation of why you wouldn't change it--we are all shaped by our experiences, good and bad, and if you like the person you are, you can't be willing to give them up.
Style: You give a very personal voice to this statement of how you've been changed and formed by your health challenges. It is encouraging and positive without being naively cheerful.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar! This sentence did seem to use "persevere" in an awkward way to me: And part of life includes facing physical and emotional challenges that we never in our wildest dreams imagined we could persevere. Maybe face, overcome, meet?
Overall impressions: This piece describes challenges and lessons learned without being self-pitying.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Content: I liked your views on connecting to the sacred all the time, not just in formal worship. I do disagree that Christianity itself requires formulaic prayers and stringently choreographed worship, though certainly far too many churches and denominations do. Fortunately, many are realizing how this forces us to separate ourselves from what is sacred when we are not "in church," and are striving for a more holistic approach.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: This thorough and descriptive review does make me want to check out this book myself!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: What a great description of a very emotional experience! I'm so glad you received excellent care from your hospice provider. Your story can help others know what to expect during such a painful time. So many people think hospice is just about "drugging" a patient into unconsciousness; as you point out, it is actually about supporting the patient and the whole family physically and emotionally to facilitate healing and closure, when curing is not possible.
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Content rating should be raised to 13+ because of the first word of the story.
Just think what might have happened if all the turtles had made it across!
