Format: Contest entry last modified--12:00am on 08-24-2011 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: I liked the implied collusion between the mom & the daughter to sway the dad. You did a good job conveying the plot only with dialogue. I did wonder about the grab bar--whether the mother just wouldn't admit she was scared, or if it mattered that she always did that.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nice!
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Format: Contest entry last modified--9:32pm on 08-27-2011 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content:The plot couldn't be simpler, but your word choice and the structure of the story make this woman's accomplishment just as big an achievement as a K2 climb. I liked the touch of joy you conveyed in the last line, too. Describing each breath as "tainted with the smoke of days gone by" immediately lets us know her condition and situation in a vivid way.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Great job!
Congratulations on winning first place in Round 206 of "Invalid Item" !
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--10:59pm on 07-09-2011 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: The plot is direct. You make his decision clear without explicitly stating it. The juxtaposition of looming (which implies it is impending) and breaks (which is happening) seems awkward to me. The final phrase (he’ll awake by her side) is not technically wrong, but I keep wanting it to read he'll wake up beside her or he'll awaken at her side.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Good job.
Congratulations on winning second place in Round 200 of "Invalid Item" !
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--10:53pm on 05-23-2011 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Poor Charlie. His plight is obvious, and you used some interesting phrases to describe it. I did wonder if he's truly delusional, or just prone to daydreams...or does he really have secret powers? That maybe he hasn't discovered yet?
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall:Good job.
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--1:31pm on 05-24-2011 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: The characters and plot are clear, but the writing needs some revision. A few phrases show the effects of the word count constraints (Doorbell rings. We are Child Services., etc.)
Technical errors: Several verb tenses are inconsistent (cried...looks, etc.)
Overall: Emotional story; could use some polishing.
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--6:40pm on 05-26-2011 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Oh, she fell for one of the oldest ploys! Poor girl. I like how you constructed it only with dialog, and used particular phrases to give clues to the context.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Good job.
Congratulations on winning first place in Round 194 of "Invalid Item" !
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--6:11am on 03-20-2011 Word count--Oh, I hate to say this, but it's only 54 words and so cannot be considered for a prize. ("Sweet heart" should be one word...) Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Nice contrast between their peaceful seaside morning and the alluded to devastation in Japan and war in Africa. More political statement than plot, but conveys strong emotion.
Technical errors: "It’s so beautiful morning."<--word missing or typo
Overall: Good potential.
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I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--5:59pm on 10-07-2004 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: I liked your use of the senses. You paint a familiar daydreaming scene. The first sentence seemed a little awkward. (Of course, being startled out of a reverie by one's boss is a little awkward, too...)
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Good descriptions.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--10:40pm on 12-11-2010 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: This brief scene shows a relationship initiated between the artist and his inspiration. You conveyed his enraptured nervousness well, though plot is limited.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Good emotion.
Congratulations on winning second place in Round 177 of "Invalid Item" !
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--2:00pm on 12-11-2010 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: I liked your unusual character and new perspective. I might have chosen to say "she" instead of "the girl" initially, though I know that would affect word count.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Good job!
Congratulations on winning first place in Round 177 of "Invalid Item" !
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--9:44pm on 12-02-2010 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Little plot/action, more of a character sketch. I wouldn't have thought of Cameron--he seemed to me to suffer more from holding back from his dreams because he was afraid to stand up for himself. Maybe "Gary"? [Last American Virgin]
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nicely solicits pity.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--4:17pm on 11-09-2010 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Good context given, though the second sentence seems a little out of place. If referring to the fact that he had been doing well until the meeting, I'd change the verb tense: "Until fifteen minutes ago he washad been set."
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nice depiction of a bad day.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--6:04pm on 09-25-2010 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: The feelings of the character are depicted well, and one can infer something about her family situation. Contains very little plot, however; more of an emotional snapshot.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Good emotional content.
Congratulations on winning first place in Round 166 of "Invalid Item" !
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--7:03am on 09-07-2010 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Simple plot, clear action. Your word choices and phrasing describe the characters well--sighed, pale, whispered, caressed. This is one of the few examples of when repetition of the same word ("boring") in a 55-word story works--it was instrumental in reinforcing the idea.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Great job!
Congratulations on winning first place in Round 164 of "Invalid Item" !
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last modified--5:54am on 07-06-2010 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Clear scene and good description of the character's feelings as he/she faces the test. Good word choices--dividends, flowed freely, etc.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nice job!
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
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