Your work is interesting and thought-provoking. The background information you supply is rather like a brief synopsis of the story, giving pertinent details, but only enough to whet the appetite and make the reader wonder what comes next.
Although your writing is good overall: well-spelled and punctuated, and in keeping with the accepted rules of grammar, there are portions that are a bit wordy as well as instances where commonplace words could be replaced with something a bit out of the ordinary to facilitate the stimulation of your reader’s imagination, thus lending realism, creativity, and deeper originality to the tale you will weave. Utilizing words that are seldom employed will make your work fresh, different, and noticeable. I’m not saying to seek out obscure archaic words that will have readers running for the dictionary; I’m simply stating that some words have been so overused in modern writing that their power to manipulate the imagination has weakened, whereas the use of a forgotten or less familiar word will evoke stronger mental images on the screen of the imagination, helping you to convey your story, and aiding your readers in their quest to see the tale as you envisioned it. I find that the use of such words, especially in works in the fantasy genre, add immeasurably to the depth of realism the author is able to create.
 TECHNICAL REVIEW
The first people came to their Earth from the Eyebright’s Dimension, crossing the tenuous boundary between their worlds that existed high on the Cliffs of Serentan. They were a strong race, gifted with the power to manipulate and control Aé, the force that inhabits matter itself. They used this power to conquer the land, bringing up cities and fortresses, and spreading across the continents.  But as time  went by,  the new generations forgot about the boundary  on the Cliffs of Serentan, and as they did so, they also forgot the power of Aé…
You don’t need “But”. Just start with “As time went by” and eliminate the extra word.
Here is one place where a different word would help the reader feel the pulse of the story you are telling. “Went” could be changed to “slipped”, thus giving a smoother, calmer impression of time gradually flowing by rather than the stark everyday “time when by”.
You don’t need “the”. If you don’t like the way it sounds without it, you might try a different phrase, such as “successive generations” or “subsequent generations”.
You already told us where the boundary is so the phrase could simply be “the boundary”.
You don’t need “so”.
You don’t need “they”.
Revised, this sentence could appear as: As time slipped by, subsequent generations forgot about the boundary, and as they did, also forgot the power of Aé…
All except the People of the North, powerful men and women who still trained themselves to control the magical substance. They lived by themselves on the continent of Nairi, where they quietly passed their gifts on to their children.
Adding the phrase “that is” after all would help the reader understand what you are saying. If would also make the sentence more complete. You might also add “for” after “except”. Otherwise, it is confusing at first as to whether you mean “except” or “accept”.
Later, you refer to the Warriors of North as well as the People of North. Here you have “the”. If this is a term you will be using throughout the story, it should be the same.
The comma here could be replaced with a colon since the remainder of the sentence directly described the People of North.
Also at : “Powerful” could be replaced with robust, dedicated, diligent, or some other word to make the description more vivid. Instead of just saying the People of North were men and women, you could say that they were generations of men and women. This will give your reader some insight into the idea that some time had passed since the arrival of the people and that, living on separate continents, each group may have developed their own traditions. You can build upon this later in the paragraph as well as in the story.
The phrase you use is commonplace and could be enlivened to involve your reader’s imagination a bit more. You give some additional details in the next sentence that could be incorporated into this first sentence of the paragraph to better round out the thought you are trying to get across. See below.
You mention that the People of North lived by themselves. Were they secluded, isolated? Could this have been part of the reason that they were the only ones who continued practicing to control the Aé? Incorporating this information into the first sentence of the paragraph would make it more interesting for your reader. Once you have them interested, you can make a new sentence of the remaining bits of information from both sentences to round out the paragraph.
The people had one gift: control of the Aé. Therefore, “gifts” should be “gift”.
Rewriting this paragraph would allow your readers a glimpse into the minds of the People of North. If you use words here such as “traditions”, “entrenched”, or “bestowed”, your reader will begin to form a strong bond with the People of North, giving them incentive and desire to read further, which is what you want them to do.
All, that is, except for the People of North: generations of robust men and women who upheld strongly entrenched traditions revolving around the Aé. They lived secluded lives on the isolated continent of Nairi where they painstakingly bestowed their great gift on to their children.
But one generation, born under the fire of Aelt’s Comet, was not satisfied with the quiet existence. A rift occurred, and some of the young men and women broke away from the peaceful People, calling themselves the Warriors of North. They left Nairi forever, and, in small bands, attacked the other continents, Ailsa and Lamar. They easily subdued the non-magical inhabitants and set themselves up as kings.
Get rid of “but” and start with “however”. It is more dramatic and gives your reader a stronger clue that something is going to change for the quiet People of North.
There is a lot of wordiness in this sentence. The next few notations refer to changes that can be made to words and phrases to build interest as well as eliminate the wordiness.
Changing “one” to “the” makes the generation being spoken of a little more specific.
“Birthed” is a much more interesting word.
“Beneath” carries the same meaning of “under”, but it is more dramatic and adds to the mounting suspense.
Change “the” to “their” or “this”. “Their” would make the existence more personal to the rebellious generation you will speak of next while “this” would draw the reader in, making them feel like events to come will effect them, too.
Instead of using the comma followed by “and” to list events that occur, you can tell us about them as they happen. Simply replace the “, and” with “when” and go on from there.
Eliminate some wordiness here by taking out “some of the young men and women” and inserting “members of the younger generation”.
Instead of “broke away from….” You could simply say “formed their own faction” and clear up some of the wordiness.
“Calling themselves” is awkward. Replacing it with a colon would really polish this passage.
If you speak of these events as ongoing instead of past, your reader will become more involved in your story, wanting to know what will happen next. That’s part of the excitement of reading a story: following along and being a part of the action instead of just being told about it afterward.
Also at you use “they”, which is fine, but a different word would cast much more emotion on the subject, and emotion will draw your readers into the story. Were these ones exiled? Were they cast out of their communities? Were they considered traitors or deserters? Whatever you would consider them to be, if you use that word to refer to them instead of a general “they”, your readers will glean more insight into the story that is to come.
Rearranging the rest of the information in this sentence and adding a bit from the next will make a much more interesting read. See ideas in the sample rewrite below.
“Attacked” is okay, but overused. “Raided” or “pillaged” would get the reader’s imagination working.
Adding a little bit more information will prepare your readers for the adventure they are about to embark on through your story. You say that the inhabitants of the other continents are non-magical, but if you emphasize that point by also saying they were easily subdued because they didn’t have the power of Aé on their side, or something like that, you give the reader an inkling of the power the magic held for the people and a feeling of what was lost when they gradually left their traditions behind, becoming complacent with life on their Earth. That’s the sense that I am reading into what I have read so far. If it is different from that, only you can say because it is your story. I was just saying this as an example of what you might add to fill out the introduction to the prologue. 
However, the generation birthed beneath the fire of Aelt’s Comet was not satisfied with their quiet existence. A rift formed when members of the younger generation formed their own faction: Warriors of North. Leaving Nairi behind forever, the rebellious exiles formed small bands and raided the non-magical inhabitants of the other continents: Ailsa and Lamar. Without the power of Aé on their side, these ones were easily subdued and the Warriors of North set themselves up as kings.
The fiercest of all the Warriors, Aleron, created the kingdom of Irinifa on Lamar, and fashioned himself a lineage called Aé, after the mysterious force. Aleron’s followers became the first nobles of Irinifa; they made themselves lineages, too, and used their power to subdue the previous inhabitants of the area.
You don’t need “all”.
“Established” would be better here than “created”.
“Called” is rather impersonal. “Named” is better, but an expression akin to “came to be known as” or “he designated that it should be known as” or “assigned it the name…” would give the reader a clue as to Aleron’s attitude. From this bit that I have read, it seems that he is haughty and desired to make a name and reputation for himself that will live on in perpetuity long after he is physically gone. The way he decides on a name for his lineage can express this nuance about his personality.
In place of “after” you could use “as a tribute to” or “in honor of”. Either would add character, express the emotion involved, and be more interesting.
“Supporters” or “backers” would give more strength to this statement and convey the kind of relationship Aleron had with this ones. “Cohorts” or “co-conspirators” would also work.
Instead of “became” you could create some drama and dignitary-type pomp by rearranging the thoughts in the sentence and saying something on the order of Aleron appointed the first nobles of Irinifa from among his staunchest supporters…
This section is wordy and rough. You might say that they followed Aleron’s example and concocted for themselves high-sounding lineages to bolster their importance among the conquered peoples.
You already told us that the inhabitants of these areas were subdued, so you don’t need this section to repeat what we already know.
Not long after Aleronthe stabilized his rule, he saw the need for a magical school to bring up their sons and daughters in the way of Aé, lest they lose their power, too. He founded the Academy, the first and the premiere magical institute in the world. Craftily, and to gain the trust of the non-magical peasants, he sent Sensorists, who could feel for Aé, to find those commoners who could be trained one day to manipulate the force.
So the Academy began, a mixture of common and noble children, all with one shared focus and one mutual goal: to one day conquer Aé and fully subdue it to one’s will.
These two paragraphs could be combined into one.
It would be good to begin this paragraph with a subject instead of stating an undeterminable time period. For instance: Aleron stabilized his rule and soon thereafter saw… I really like the word “stabilized; excellent choice there.
Did Aleron’s name change or is the word “the” accidentally tacked on there?
The rest of this sentence is wordy and could be trimmed considerably. Something like: …saw the need to train the children of his kingdom in the way of Aé, lest…
“Lose their power” is dull and understated. Aleron has taken over a new land, and established a new kingdom over which he rules as king. This should be more dramatic. …lest they abandon the magical traditions of their ancestors, thus allowing their powers to wane. You could even include that Aleron had witnessed first-hand the unspeakable weakness that comes of forgetting the importance of Aé and that he would tolerate no such weakness in his kingdom. This would really add to the development of his attitude and outlook on life as well as the value he places on the power of Aé.
“First and premiere” sounds redundant. “Premiere” is a noun that refers to the first public performance of a play or a film. “Premier” (without the final “e”) is an adjective that means of foremost rank or first in position and importance. If Aleron’s Academy was the first, it would also have been premier. Just use one; I vote for premier. 
This sentence is wordy and confusing. You are giving a lot of information here but it seems jumbled and disordered. Reorganizing it and using words with deeper meanings that don’t need so many explanatory words surrounding them will help. In a crafty display of solidarity, he commissioned Sensorists to travel throughout the land to collect peasant children who exhibited potential to be trained in the ways of Aé. The word “solidarity” describes the act of unification in which both sides would have to trust each other. The fact that it is called a “crafty display” indicates that perhaps there were underlying motives we will find out about later and purely selecting students for the new Academy wasn’t the sole purpose of the expedition. The title “Sensorist” is pretty self-explanatory when you team it with the duty they were charged to carry out, so explaining it in the paragraph isn’t necessary. Sometimes an author will make a list of all of their characters and explain unusual words and titles to their readers before beginning the story. This promotes the readers’ understanding of the material presented, hence allowing them to grasp the meaning as you intended it instead of making a guess and later being confused because their guess was incorrect. I do like the word “craftily” as well as “peasants”. Both were great choices that give the reader needed information without throwing an abundance of words at them. Good job!
I don’t like the phrase “manipulate the force”. It is too reminiscent of “Star Wars” and you don’t want to implant any inkling in your readers’ minds that your story is going to be a retelling of something they’re already familiar with. I don’t think your story will be anything like “Star Wars”, but “the force” could lead some to think of that series and cloud their opinion of what to expect from your story. You always want the reader’s imagination to be a clean slate so you can write your story upon it without having to contend with preconceived notions as to what it will be like based on similarities of expressions that conjure memories of stories heard or read in the past. Can you think of another way to say this? Earlier you said something about the People of North being trained in the ways of Aé, which is why I used that terminology when I wrote the sample sentence above. You might also consider “bend the power of Aé” or “call on the mystic forces of Aé”. There are many different ways to say this, and they could be used interchangeably, but since the children will be taught at the Academy, it is likely that the faculty/curriculum would choose one standardized method of stating this so that all would understand what was being spoken of.
This is the paragraph that could be joined to the previous one. Both speak of the opening of the Academy and complete the information as a whole. There is a lot of information in this sentence. It would make a bolder impact if a little bit more information could be added and then the sentence divided into two.
You don’t need “so”.
You already told us how the Academy began. You could begin the sentence: “Classes at the Academy”, thus giving yourself many more options. “Commenced” is one word that readily springs to mind, but there are others as well.
Better still, you could begin the sentence with a description of the student body. Then you could create the second sentence with whatever information you have left from the original sentence and further explain the student body, joining the two distinct and separate groups into one unified class with one goal. That would really help your reader to feel some of the conflict while giving hope that this unification of the students might somehow lead to a unification of the people as a whole.
A description of the mixed backgrounds of the students could refer to them as a conglomerate, or a composite group. Either would indicate the bringing together of a variety to form one collective mass.
The remainder of information in this sentence could be used to create a second sentence. With the addition of a couple of adjectives, this sentence could describe the varied backgrounds of the students and go on to tell how their common focus helped to unify them.
Since you are telling of the Academy’s inception, your readers will undoubtedly assume that the fruition of the goal is yet in the future, so “one day” isn’t needed. The fact that it is a goal also implies that it will be something that is reached in the future.
One revision of this passage could be: With a conglomerate student body of common and noble children, classes at the Academy commenced. Though their backgrounds differed, all students shared one focus and concentrated on one mutual goal: conquer Aé and fully bend it to one’s own will.
Hundreds of years later, when the Eyebright’s Dimension, the People of North, and Aelt’s Comet are all the stuff of legend, three girls meet at the Academy.
I like this sentence. I especially like the phrase “stuff of legend”. That’s excellent and it adds to the mystique of the promised story.
The only thing I would change here would be to replace the period with a colon. The next portion introduces the three girls mentioned here. A colon would alert the reader to that fact.
Eunae Sun is a lonely, quiet girl in an unfamiliar country. Her gift is the power of sensory, and she is the lone spectator to the series of events that almost destroys her world.
You could delete “is” and use a colon.
Join the information about Eunae’s gift to her description or allow it to stand on its own. Separating it from the rest of the sentence will allow the dramatic revelation that she is the lone spectator of the yet-undisclosed event that rocks her world to make a greater impression on your readers.
Changing this sentence to future-tense will add to the mystery and suspense surrounding the foretold event.
Make this more dramatic. “Almost” could be replaced with “threatens to”, adding action and urgency to these mysterious events. Eunae Sun will be the lone spectator of a series of events that threatens to destroy her world.
Kasity, middle Ké, the youngest of the three, cannot and does not understand the significance of the future, and lives day by day. She does not worry; she does not contemplate; from time to time, she does not think.
I will assume that the meaning of the name will be brought out in the story itself.
As in the description of Eunea Sun, a colon would work great here to introduce the description of this character.
Reverse “cannot” and “does not”. Cannot adds to the fact that Kasity does not understand, not the other way around.
End the sentence here and add the remaining bit of information to the next sentence. It will make things much clearer for your readers.
After adding the last bit of information from the previous sentence, “she does not worry” could be altered: “with no worries” or “without worries”.
I just wanted to say this is an excellent word choice!
Calixte, middle Cé, is a vessel of terrifying power and shrouded secrets. Caught in a web of politics, love, betrayal, and forces beyond the intangible, her fate was sealed long before her birth.
Again, I will assume that an explanation of the name will accompany the introduction of this character in the story.
Again, a colon would be great here, as above.
Now that's what I'm talking about! This is an incredibly powerful paragraph that took my breath away. Your word choices are impeccable, their meanings adding to the deep and lasting impression we get of this character. This is awesome. Use more words like these in all of your writings; they fill in so much fine detail that you would never be able to describe otherwise, details that are needed to bring a character to life so they can play the role you have assigned them as the story plays out in the theater of the reader’s imagination. WOW! This is a 5-star paragraph!
The Eyebright's Dimension tells a tale of loyalty and treachery, of deepest friendship and deeper enemies, of magic and the infidelities of the human soul.
It explores the pettiness of childhood experiences, the bonds formed early in life, and the strangeness and mystery of finally growing up.
It tells the story of three inexplicably different girls, and the timeless legend that drew them all together.
All three of these paragraphs can be joined into one. They all give the reader small glimpses into what the story holds.
You want something stronger than “tells” here. Try “weaves”, “paints”, or “sculpts”. You don’t just want to tell your readers a story; you want them to travel to the world that you created, live among your characters, and be a part of the events you will paint for them with your words. Let them know right now, in your brief and unofficial introduction, that you are capable of taking them on that journey.
Describe “bonds”. Are they unique, important, fragile, long-lasting, far-reaching?
Something seems to be missing here. Perhaps the addition of “that comes” for a phrase that reads “…the strangeness and mystery that comes of finally growing up.”
I think that this paragraph should go before the one that talks about growing up.
Instead of “tells” how about “reveals” or “recounts”.
You would make a greater impact with “the adventures of” instead of “the story of”.
Great word!
You could continue the list of highlights with the details that are contained in the paragraph prior to this, adding “while” as a transitional bridge from one section to the next.
The Eyebright’s Dimension sculpts a tale of loyalty and treachery, of deepest friendship and deeper enemies, of magic and the infidelities of the human soul. It recounts the adventures of three inexplicably different girls, and the timeless legend that drew them together while exploring the pettiness of childhood experiences, the far-reaching bonds formed early in life, and the strangeness and mystery of finally growing up.
But before the Dimension, before any of the girls knew the Legend of the Eyebright, the encounter of three sisters one moonlit night set these events in motion...
You could add “existed” here and let the reader know that your story begins before the Dimension ever came into being.
You could separate each of these statement with “…” to add suspense to your introduction. (See sample below.)
You can leave the girls out of this section. If your story begins before the Dimension was created, then it will be obvious to the reader that the girls would not have known about the legend because they would not have been born yet.
Describe the encounter. Was it mysterious, unexpected, or a chance encounter?
You don’t really need “these”.
Add more drama to create a burning desire in your reader to get to the story and find out what happened. (See sample below.)
But before the Dimension… before the Legend of the Eyebright… the chance encounter of three sisters one moonlit night triggered a series of events that could not be halted…
I will try to read more of your story soon and review as time allows. Such reviews take a great amount of time, though, so it may be a while before I get back to you. Your introduction makes me want to read on, however, and I am not typically a big fan of fantasy works, so that says a great deal.
Have a great day!
Deborah
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“The smell of turf is everywhere” is so out of character here that I had to smile. 
careworn face seemed to relax and a peaceful serenity enveloped her as she 
DEBORAH 
