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Review Requests: ON
3,563 Public Reviews Given
4,140 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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401
401
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi GeminiGem,

I really like this story about your travels on the back of a Harley.

It's easy to read as we see what you were seeing and feeling. I like that you mentioned the areas you rode through or stopped at.

The words you used helped us glide along noticing the openess of the land.

The paragraphs in this piece is done well and spaced correctly, yet there's one paragraph that was longer than the rest.

I use to live in Colorado not far from the border of Wyoming. I know that toad well. You're right it is wide open space but for me I liked it much and sometimes saw red fox running through there.

How about those boulders at the monument south of the border? The wind can pick up fast through there.

One of my stories talks about an experience we had on the way home to Wellington.

Once we went to the Badlands and such in South Dakota, although by car not bike. I loved seeing the differences between rolling hills and other terrain.

Thanks for sharing this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
402
402
Review of Menagerie of Life  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again jdennis,

I'm still looking through your port and continue to find various interesting stories.

We see a extremely successful person slowly lose hope and fate seems to allow for that.

As things turn worse, desperation causes a chain of events to happen, yet in a moment we see his humanity realised. And he's given a second chance.

The character has changed within and makes a better decision. He's stronger than ever before and strives to have a good life and be a better person.

This is what we readers like to see in characters and how they manage to work through thier own unique 7problems.

The tension builds as we see him failing, even more. Soon he struggles with his urgent need and ends up doing something which could have ended up a lot worse, yet at some point he realizes and does the right thing that makes him more human.

Nice job on it. This reader had to keep reading as I wondered just how things were going to turn out.

I didn't notice any glaring errors and it was easy to read and understand. I liked the bit of dialogue. It was just enough.

A thought came to mind and it's only a suggestion. I might have liked to see what the character was like before all of this. Examples could be anything from experiences he had during childhood or later in life, which might have influenced him in some way.

This allows us to see how he interacts with others, how he reacts to stress, or what events may have been significant. It could even be used as foreshadowing. It helps us to care for the character before anything happens. It might not apply here but I wanted to mention it.

Thank you for giving me something interesting to read. It felt real.
Write on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
403
403
Review of My Favorite Dream  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jdennis,

Ah dreams can be so sweet or sometimes frightening although in this one we see a fond comfortable place where nothing goes horribly wrong.

It's cozy and heartwarming and the dreamer is in a peaceful place and time. Eventually he's joyfully flying through the air without a care.

The dreamer reluctantly awakens and remembers those feelings which he felt and are then present in him.

This is a feel-good story, where our dreamer has found remembered joy and all is good. He's come back refreshed. And holds this dream to his heart.

Enjoyable read. Easy to understand.

I too have had some dreams I'm fond of. It's not so much what you're doing or not doing but the feeling you get. It's like being in another dimension where everything is uplifting.

That's so much better than those other type dreams where something horrible is about to happen yet doesn't but still you wake up sweaty and your heart beating fast, yet you're thankful it wasn't real, at least not in this existence.

One thing I noticed is there's no people or pets or dialogue, yet that's okay as dreams don't always include those kinds of things.

I think you've tapped into the Joyful Zone. Haha. We all should have at least one.

I enjoyed reading this item.


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404
404
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jonblair,

You do have some nice summarization going on between dialogue. I like that.

Dialogue is done well too, but there's still a few areas that might need looking at.

You wrote: You did what?" I shouted, staring incredulously at the Department's Head Detective, my rhetorical question another way of asking the Chief, "what are you, a total idiot?"

I would uncap the department heads detective and pissibly anywhere it reads chief unless it's said in dialogue.

Plus I'd change the comment from quotes to italics so that it's a thought.

* I'm seeing alot of ly words.
* the emotion is vivid between these two men. But wee are in first person so we can't know for sure what someone's feeling but most people can guess by thier actions.

Oh and dialogue tags aren't always necessary not if two people are the only ones talking and we saw who they were at the beginning of the interaction.

Example: "You know there wasn't," I reminded him again. "What about the gun? I asked.

Remove --I asked.
Do the same on much of this sequence of dialogue.

"You're lucky I don't arrest your for aggravated battery, Duggan. Fortunately for you, Mr. Moore very generously decided not to press any charges. You're free to go."

*arrest you (instead of your)

What kind of investigation are you conducting?"
*Remove the " as there is more dialogue.

I liked the glowered at each other part.

There's a random quotation mark where chief says you're walking on thin ice.

* Smooth transition to the refueling, view of the Sargeant, then the phone call.

Yet anywhere there's a change of location or time it's a good idea to add an extra line space between those two paragraphs.

Hope this helps. This is really looking good aside from a few easily fixed areas.


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405
405
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jonblair,

This is going to be a shorter version as I wanted to get these three done but give you decent feedback.

You wrote: Ten minutes later I pulled into my parking space, hurriedly walking toward the office before cautiously opening the front door

*Be cautious of using the ly words too much.

Maybe use rushed instead of hurriedly. Its less words same meaning.

I rushed toward

Cautiously is okay I think.

*. The fight scene seems believable but if you use short sentences it feels more active.

I wish I had more to say but this is coming along really well.

Before I forget can you provide a link to the next chapter at the end of each chapter?

Good job overall.

See you next time.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
406
406
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Needs attention:
Detective Seth McPherson
four door sedan (four-door sedan)
Hollywood

There was also to to twice in one sentence side by side.

I Liked this: All four doors flew open like they were spring loaded.

Lookinhg good.another good scene and good descriptions and reactions.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
407
407
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi again jonblair,

Aha.So this was the beginning of your story. Somehow I found that other one first. Oh well.

Anyway what I noticed was we don't know where Metro PD is. Can we get a location or did I somehow miss it?



The other thing I noticed is that your paragraphs are long. You might want to break it up some. It makes it easier to read.

What I liked is how we see our PI at work and how he thinks.

There's some good imagery in this too.

Delia is on first name basis. I thought she might use a title like Officer or Mister at least in front of potential client, but I do not know how PIs address thier assistants so I could be wrong. Plus I don't know if he'd be referred to as Officer once he's been retired.

Presidents who are out of office are still addressed as President. Just a thought.

There's a lot of use of "I" at many sentences you could alternate that part without losing what you intended to reveal.

Sometimes you can condense two sentences and not lose its meaning. Just change how you say it. At the same time you don't want super long sentences. I know that probably sounds contradictory.

There are some run-on sentences, but that can easily be fixed.

Aside from these kinds of things, your story has an interesting beginning. Also we see the characters and how they interact.

At the end of this first part we are left wondering what just happened to McPherson.
This type of chapter end is acceptable and is often seen in TV shows. It leaves the reader curious and they must keep reading.

P.S. I've been reading Robert B Parker's Night Passage.

Before that I read several noir private detective series. So this is interesting to me.

Good job!
408
408
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hijonblair,

I noticed your item and decided to read some of it.

I must say I was drawn in right away and my focus stayed as the story began and these two people started interacting. The detective is curious but cautious and that brings its own tension.

I started wondering why the notes were missing. Questions popped into my mind like we're they missing because Becca purposely misplaced them or because she's got a split personality, or maybe someone's trying to set her up to fail at whatever she's doing.

Anyway I liked the dialogue and how the detective noticed little things when he arrived at her place.

The last line leads us toask what happened and I'm sure we will find out in the next chapter.
There were a few errors which are easily fixed. Like combined words which need a dash.
Thanks for sharing. I hope to read more and get a better look at our detective--Matt.


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409
409
Review of Reunion  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Triv,

I noticed your item and am here to give my thoughts on it.

In the intro we see something has happened which effects these triplets causing them to not see each other.

We wonder what that was so this raised a story question and we are compelled to read more.

Nicely done.

Many years passed and we know because the triplets each have become successful in thier own way. (Although we don't see how they might have struggled or how they dealt with this time separated from each other and thier father, this part shows the passing of time.)

The rather decides to contact them because he's dying. We have to wonder why and what thier reaction is, yet we aren't sure until they do decide to grant his wish.

We still didn't see thier reaction. The father seems to be smiling or sneering. Then he utters those last words.

And those words can mean several things yet one thing clearly. Maybe he wanted them to find some sense of completion (for lack of better terms). Maybe it was one last poke at them since he was considered vindictive.

My Thoughts: I would have liked the story details filled out more, yet not spoil the surprise. I would like to see how vindictive he was so we could see him in action before the end.

I also was interested in what these triplets personal experiences and success story was.

Often what happens to us helps shape us and transform us. I just didn't see anything indicating how they felt. We want to know these characters more. Even the father could have a ba k ground which might explain or leafld up to that moment where things had changed.

If you wanted to you might consider adding more details, maybe even more dialogue.

It's up to you. If you do revise this let me know and I can take another look.

Thanks for sharing.

The premise was interesting.
however it was brief.

I didn't notice any errors as far as spelling.

Things happened in the right order too.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
410
410
Review of BONNIE  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aww. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet feathered companion. It's never easy when we have to say goodbye when their bodies expire and they go to the great beyond. I bet you have many beautiful memories of her personality.

Bonnie sure was a pretty one. One thing you never lose is your shared experiences and that bond. Wherever she is I'm sure she still knows the love and care you have given her.

Here's a little something to help with your goal to get a member ship. I know the feeling.
411
411
Review of My Nightmare  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Pernell,

I noticed your item and decided to look further and I'm glad I did

What I liked:. You described the experience of dreaming and we have a ton combined with sudden fear then we see the character busy with making breakfast when through this same window by and again our character faces fear and uncertainty .

Nice build of tension and a quick end.

He could have grabbed his shotgun nearby too.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
412
412
Review of On A Park Bench  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sandra Lynn, I e just read this piece and will share my thoughts on it.

It has a nice rythym to it as we see these two take turns interacting. It works for then even though somehow they've understood completely. Yet they do in a way as it's all connected.it reminds me of a😗spiderweb where things enter and as a😆result your in and conne Ted.

Good job on this.


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413
413
Review of Inner Child  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Thomas Seeker,

I'm back to re-rate this as I believe you corrected it or I'm blind to any mistakes.

I don't care though because this message needs to be read. So I read it again.


I totally like it. Maybe even love it. *Smile*

Thank you again.
414
414
Review of Chapter 5  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily,
I contiinue on but will reluctantly stop shortly, I will be back later to read more.

One thing I noticed is a typo but I think it is in the segment before this.

Please remove me from your plants (or smething similar).
I think you meant pants.

I am enjoying the humor we see as the item responds in such literal ways. Maybe I should say smart alecky way. We know just where that comes from, don't we.

I like it when a story has humor in it. It breaks up the tension so latr we can bring that tension higher until finally find relief.

Watching.




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415
415
Review of Chapter 3  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
And away he goes. Cliff hanger.

Poor Jon is really getting nervous as h ventures forth.

No errors. Theres a nice balance between dialgue and Jons thoughts and his actions.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
416
416
Review of Chapter 2  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi again Emily,

Oh my goodness. Our character, Jon, sure got a shocking revelation. Nice tension builds as he wants to see his Valerie.

It raises another sory question: why is he now lcked in? *Gasp

You definitly want that. Great job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
417
417
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Blue,

I noticed yourvitem limk in newsfeed and took a look.

Wow, this peson did well losing 20 lbs and she really deserves a bit of praise for that. I dont recall if it said how long it took, but for me im lucky if I can maintain my weight.

Everything looks good as far as paragraph spacing, dialogue, and descriptions. I dont see any erors either.

This certainly shows how words can sometimes drage you down rather than lift you up. Sometimes you just have to be your own cheerleader.

I just wish Nancy could somehow not get discouraged. At te same time I realise there was a word count limit and it needed an ending.
Good brief read.





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418
418
Review of Chapter 1  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Emily,
I just read the first chapter and oh what fun it is to read! I get a clearer picture of what the city might look like. Keeping in mind this is a rough draft I hope you dont mind me me telling you what caught me off guard and what cool things I noticed.

I was at first a little confused because someone was calling him "babe". I realise tat there are people who call several others babe or even honey. I thought maybe it was his wife.

Also slice of light. I might have used sliver instead.

WHAT I LIKED:

* I totally like your chosen colors. It feels vibrant and refreshing.
* that part where he's up and crouched trying to look outside .

ahh my tablet is messing with me. Again. I had this happen before. It keeps sending me back to the beginning. I will try to fix it or just send you a mre complete private review in email.


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419
419
Review of JUST ONCE  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Thomas Seeker,

This certainly had me thinking. It is straight to the point as it asks a question and makes a request that requires patience and time but also a cooperative mate.

There is a longing in this. Being so far apart whether by physical distance or other kinds can really feel painful.

Words can be meaningful but without effort it can be discouraging to the other person involved. Then again, no evident show of mutual feelings is too.

People tend to have pride or self doubt, which causes them to simply put on thier poker face or not listen closely enough.

One can only hope there's a breakthrough and both know for sure what they truly want.

They say patience is a virtue but it sometimes feels difficult.

It is easy to miscommunicate or not understand. They may say or do things that don't feel so great under pressure unintentionally or not.

Humans can often be like a intricate frustrating puzzle, and not complete with all but one missing piece.

Anyway,I may have overexplored this idea.
Thanks for sharing.
🙏



420
420
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Oh boy. I'm familiar with this I'm right you're wrong stuff. I pretty much think it's all about perspective. Everyone tends to think they are right until they are proven wrong, unless they aren't wrong.

It also can be applied to public opinion and how hurtful a believed mistake can be.
421
421
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

This shows a lot of emotion and changes. It is something almost anyone can relate to.

Its wonderful to love and be loved in return and so utterly horrible when relatonships change and people dissappear.

Yet even if it changes sometimes it promotes growth if it can make the relationship stronger. It takes a lot of honesty and open communication.

Even a lifetime seems like such a long time to not share life with a loved one.
422
422
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Pure Sci-Fi,
I'm not sure what this is for but it had me interested.
You started off in action, as the sword fighter inspected himself to make sure he was prepared for this fight.
I'm wondering why a thick heavy chain was attached to their legs. Is that so neither can get away?

I think some information was repeated. Kutan was the second best swordsman going up against the best swordsman. Seems kind of futile though knowing he will probably die since it's the law of Tatima.

He broke the law and now the King has no choice. Seems like there ought to be a better way or at least a different choice. Would these two possible say something before battle?

I think this could be done a bit different. How would each save face if they didn't kill the other?


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423
423
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Greg Schuler,

I found your item and decided to have a closer look.

I have to say it certainly had me reading from one sentence to another, wondering what was going to happen next.

Things changed quite a bit from the beginning to end as we see these two exchange pleasantries and then barbs. I like that you kept it somewhat civil although they were unpleasant with each other.

The guy was out of line as his first negative comment was like being beat over the head with his message. I suppose there is no good way to share such a thing though. If he were really a gentleman I think he might have tried harder to win this lady over, then again maybe it's best he didn't as she got to see what he was like and vice versa.

Thought provoking piece. Good job on communication, nice form.


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424
424
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi I read your item and wanted to comment on it.

What I liked: I like that it has a rhythm to it. In fact while reading it, it felt like it was a song. I'm thinking part of it might be used as a refrain that would be repeated in the song.

Also it tells a story.

What I found a little confusing:
It started off with an interaction between two people.

Soon we realize its a couple. Even the neighbors noticed.
Then we are in her thoughts when she mentions >he wont throw away her damn blue jeans.

Anyway, nicely done. I like it.


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425
425
Review of The Wood  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Doc,

I read your story and now will give my thoughts on it.

First I will say that I like the premise and reading it was easy enough. Secondly, there were a few easily fixed errors.

Here: Indian Medicine Manwho cursed the woods,
There shoukd be a space between Man and who


Here I would combine and reword to make this more concise. You wrote: Once our high school football hero, Bobby Richland, was dared to go in. Since he was the team quarterback and their leader they felt he should go in the woods.

Suggested edit:
Once, Bobby Richland, our high school football hero, was dared to go in since he was our team's quarterback and their leader.

HERE: The latest was two weeks ago when I I went back to get test results. (Doctor Badneuse or Doctor Who. *You get the idea) looked me straight in the eyes and said "You've got cancer."

I sat there and opened my mouth but was unable to speak. So many things rushed through my head.
After several minutes I said,"Are you sure? Maybe it's a mistake."

He laid his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry son, it's inoperable, but we can try chemotherapy."

(You could let your reader see his thoughts to know what hes feeling.)
So as promised I'm here.


Other suggestions: There were places where commas were needed in order to make the sentences clearer.

I think that a lot of this was telling rather than showing. By showing, it will help increase tension and let us see more clearly t th he setting. You could do that with descriptive imagery but also more dialogue.

You did great on proper line spacing between paragraphs, which are a decent length. The sentence structure was okay with varying lengths.

Overall well done. I just think with a few more details and editing this could be fabulous.




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