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3,552 Public Reviews Given
4,129 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}
*Angel* Hello again 2serious,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title:
Appropriate
*Bulletv* Premise: An encounter at the teller machine.
*Bulletv* Format: It looked good on the page. nicely paragraphed. Good line spacing.
*Bulletv* Flow: The words chosen are easy to read and understand. The sequence of events seem logical too. .
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: I liked the questions that you bring up about why this other person took the money that wasn't hers. Unfortunately, some people have no integrity.

*Idea* Might need edit/revision:
the word forget should probably forgot (when she got her groceries and the reciept)
Also you wrote she put it in the back, but I think you meant bank.

The questions are legit but you might want to use commas so you can combine some of them in one sentence.


*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: I"m sorry that this happened. It's an easy mistake. I had it happen at a hardware store which was about to close.

By the time I remembered my mistake, the doors had closed and I was on the phone calling them. They never found the money but did give me a discount on my next purchase. It was my fault though. And I needed that money.

When I have too much happening around me, I tend to lose things or forget. Seems like there is so much to remember these days. When did our lives get so busy with a card for everything? I'm betting I could wallpaper my bedroom wall with all the cards I have had to get for grocery stores, banks, auto club, etc. I might have to put a filing cabinet on wheels one day and a steering wheel too.

Sorry. I'm being a bit facetious. Can't help myself.

Anyway, You did a good job on this item. I can see an improvement in your writing.

Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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452
452
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
You can ignore the message above.

Hello again 2Serious,
I revisited your page while looking through old reviews. I found that item I had reviewed and sent a message, not realizing you edited the item and put it in this new item area.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: I'll say it again. This was a fun read. I'm glad you edited it because it looks so much better now with its paragraphs and line spacing.

You might want to put the original title up there and then explain in the description it's an edited version as of whatever date you did it.

Anyway, I loved the humor and the details you added to this.

Write more like it, okay. I need something to read. :)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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453
453
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I re-read this and I'm not sure if you edited it or not, but this still makes me laugh. Now I have to give it a higher rating because there's not too much that makes me laugh every time I see it. And I can appreciate that.


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454
454
Review of Hope?  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

Hello Jack--Save me from Myself,
*Tulipp*

I was looking through your port and found this *Gold*. I might as well read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: Judging by the question mark. I believe this asks a question.
Premise: It's a bit obscure but I think the person has been severely let down.
Format: The format is okay. It is split up some, maybe to emphasize the premise.
Flow: The word choice is simple ones, but the thoughts seem abstract.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The first few lines had some description in it. That allowed us to see what the character is doing, but also set a mood.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision:I would try to make this more clearer. Although I realize something isn't right, I am not sure how to fix it. \

There were a lot of questions asked midway through the item.

*Idea* I'm pretty sure the rose is symbolic. Either that or I am reading way too much into this. That tends to happen with art also.


*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions:My guess is that this "rose" would be the ideal mate, this one he longs for. The person in the poem has already experienced the thorns, and wonders if he will ever see the "rose". On the other hand, I might be way off. I simply couldn't tell which made more sense to me.

Considering the bolded sentences. I'd Sometimes someone took a chance and returned to wherever this is and things didn't turn out so good.


Thanks for sharing this with us.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
Hope
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455
455
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

Hello Maryann,
I was hunting around in your port for something g to read and review and found this.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: The title is fitting.
Brother and sister decide to discover what might be found in the forest. While there they find a strange looking object.

*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: the format works well for this with its paragraphing and appropriate line spacing. Words and sentences are written in a way which is easy to read and understand.

*Bulletv* I LIKED: I liked how the children were portrayed and interacted like children do. There is a playfulness.

The tension started when the children discover the strange looking object. It increases when a door opens and a being greets them. She seems friendly enough but as events sometimes happen. Things are not as they seem. Still the children are curious although cautious.


The writer has foreshadowed by way of the mention of the sunflower seeds which end up helping their journey later. It adds interest that the boy had scolded his sistèr for making messes.

*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: There isn't much I'd want to change about this item.
The story is reminiscent of the Hansel and Gretal story. Yet different enough to make it fresh and interesting.

I might have chosen a few of the words in the story for the title.

*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:
There were some areas where the sentences led with she then showed her doing something. To avoid repetition. It might be good to reword it while saying the same thing. Sometimes the character is moving about and it can be used as the introductory clause.

The alien ended up restrained in that place where the girl would have been. I'm still wondering if the woman's friends might show up there or the craft would be rediscovered. Yet the answer to that isn't. Necessary.

This was fun to read. Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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456
456
Review of Once Upon A Time  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Taryn,
*Tulipp*

I'm here to read and review your item. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: The title causes interest in the reader although this has been used many times.
Premise: A feeling of loss is revealed.

Format: The poem is written in one long segment. I'd break this up in certain places. like right after a given thought is expressed, and then use line spacing and then continue where it was left off.

You wrote:
Once upon a time in a not so distant land,
there was a woman who had fallen in love
with a knight of a man.
Her love, as true and rare as diamonds.
Her dreams, sparkling like gold ; (extra space unneeded)
fueled her hunger for happiness untold.

* {there was a hint of rhythm and rhyme there but is not continued below)

She thought nothing could shake her incredulous faith
that love conquered all. (maybe where might be a better word her than that)
Until one day her infallible knight
told her a tale of infidelity,
of two ships passing in the night.
And just like a piece of coal that cooled
after coming alive in a blaze of fire;
her dreams had been reduced to ashes
of unfulfilled desires.
Her heart like a rock
thrown into still waters that run deep,
sank so low she couldn’t breathe.
Her knight in shining armor had turned out to be a cad.

Flow: The sequence of expression seems appropriate as things seem to change from better to worse.
The words used and how they are arranged are easy to read and understand.

*Poseyv* What I liked: I liked that she was able to move on, even though it hurt her. Not everyone can do that, and those that can find an inner strength to do that.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I would reword it a little, and try to make it more concise while saying the same things.

Two ships passing in the night is well known idiom, and a little bit cliche. You might want to make up your own like that with the same meaning. Think about what other things pass by each other without recognizing the other. I'm thinking of drivers along a one lane highway. or the shooting stars in the night sky.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: I liked the rhyme in this but it's mostly at the beginning and end.
I would reverse the last lines so it ends on a positive note.

If this is a personal experience, I'm sorry for your loss. It can be heartbreaking when you invest your time and energy but mostly your love and then have to let go of it.

Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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457
457
Review of Flickering Love  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Myopensud,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: . Good

Premise:. The firefly and the star have an encounter.

Format:. It is done in stanzas with appropriate line spacing between each.

Flow:. There is rhyming in this yet some words look okay but aren't really rhyming. Nice try though.

*Burstp* What I liked:
. The firefly had high hopes and it's spirits were lifted as the shiny star shone brightly maybe even twinkled but sadly the star watched as the firefly fell away.just the sheer size between the two is contrasting which makes this an interesting pair. The distance also is apparent. Could be that even though the firefly wishes to join the star, he or she will try anyway regardless Iof the difficulty.

This seems to happen in real life too. You reach for the stars. Yet it seems like you never get there.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision:. The stanzas are all different lengths. Some are five lines and some are six. Etc.
I would make this more concise by having then either equal or show a pattern of it.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:
Funny that I found this item because I was just thinking a our fireflies last night when I could t sleep.

I remembered seeing them when I was a little girl. Sometimes I'd just stand out there in the dark watching them floating around like in a cloud.

I was so delighted by it that i had decided to capture them and use them to make a lantern.

Unfortunately my brother told me that they would die if i tried to keep them in a jar and that only if I removed their back end would they light.
You can guess what happened.

Yes those poor little fireflies died. Plus the part that lights up wouldn't. And so I never tried that again.

I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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458
458
Review of Rise Up  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Coffeeg* Hello again Thomas Seeker,

I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: . It works for the content of the item.
Premise:. The message is clear. Do not fear death.

Format:. The item looks attractive on the page with its white spacing

Flow:. The sequence of lines helps us understands what this is about. It is written In easy to read words.

*Burstp* What I liked:
there is a feeling of reassurance that although the body expires. There is more to it than just that alone.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision:

Where it says >now we live though you. I wondered if that should ha e been through you instead.

There might have been a need for commas in some parts.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:

You have created some inspirational messages which almost anyone can appreciate.
I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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459
459
Review of Enchantment  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello Koyel,
I somehow came across your name on one of the sidebars, and in your name it said it is your birthday today. I thought I might review something of yours and so this is it.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: The title fits the content well.

*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: Although I don't know much about poetry, I assume this is the propler form, where the top part is much like the usual rhyming sequence, while the lower half is a different type of rhyme.

The words flow well enough and use of imagery is evident.

*Bulletv* I LIKED the image that is at the top. It adds to the feel of the item.

The piece is arranged on the page in an attractive way.

*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: I didn't see anything that needed editing or revising. If there were errors I didn't notice.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: Write more like this. This was nice to view and read. Thanks for sharing.
*Balloonr* HAPPY }BIRTHDAY! *Balloonb*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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460
460
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
SHADOWMOON
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Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.
*Clock* Hello again db,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review. I know I reviewed this but noticed the content area was blank. Not sure how that happened so here I am to give you another review. I wonder where my review went to?

*Burstv* Title:
Good
*Burstb* Premise: Comfort food and the people who like it.
*Burstp* Format/Flow: Nice spacing and appropriate separation of stanzas.


*Bulletv* What I liked/ What needed edit and revise:
There are names mentioned and each has their food and then a bit about them and how they relate to the food item.

There were some places that needed to be uncapped like Pasta.
Thin as a bed felt odd to me. Not sure how a bed is thin.
Thread might work though. thin as a thread.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:

Nice rhyme and rhythm to this piece.
Bravo for your effort and creativity. I hope that this review was helpful.
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461
461
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
*Moon* Hello there 2serious,
I was looking around on WDC for something interesting to read and re view and I found this. It looks like you're fairly new to the site and writing, but that's okay. We all have to start somewhere.

Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.


*Bulletb* Title: The title fits the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: The prompt is being stuck in a public bathroom.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: Writer does have some line spacing between paragraphs, but I'd break this up a little bit more, while keeping related thoughts together in a realistic fashion.

It is easier to read smaller paragraphs, but you could have some brief ones and then a longer one. Remember that all dialogue needs its own paragraph. Use " and " for that and space between each set of dialogue if you do.


*Heart* I liked: I liked the lead up to where the woman is stuck in the stall. We have a rise of tension as she gets prescribed some medicine which will cause her to tinkle more often.

*Pencil* Suggestions: You kept on topic and used the prompt well. All you need to do is change it so it's not all telling, but showing instead. It makes it feel more immediate when you show us like we are there with you as the character.

*Thought* Comments: I like that we see the woman's thoughts. Often this is indicated with italics.

Nice start on storytelling. This could be a really hilarious story i you increased the horrifying experience. Think of Lucy on I love Lucy show. She was always getting herself in weird predicaments.

I thought maybe she'd first attempt to climb over the bathroom stall, only to have her foot slip off the toilet seat and into the toilet seat. This will have the "eww" effect. I would totally gross out if I had to crawl under the bathroom stall in some public places. Who knows what's down there, which came in on other shoes or any other way.

But then she has a brilliant idea of sliding underneath the door. And if she got stuck she might then have to figure out how to squeeze herself through there before anyone comes in and notices. If she happened to have something in her backpack or other bag that could help with that all the better. Maybe at first before she came to work, she could have stopped at the store or just picking up something left in the car, which one of her kids never had put back.

To increase tension, she might hear muffled voices that come near, a door creaks open slightly, and then just as quickly stop as whoever it is gets called away. This provides a build up of tension, then relief, then build up again.

This would allow for an awfully embarassing position when she ends up stuck.
These are all just ideas if you chose to build on this story, but the premise is there for you to play with. This is a good starting point.
Also I would write out most of those numbers.
20 twenty
16 sixteen

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462
462
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
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*Sun* Hello there,

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Burstr* Title:
*Burstr* Premise:
*Burstr* Format:
*Burstr* Flow:
*Burstr* What I liked:

*Pencil* Might edit/revise:

*Thought* Comments/Suggestions:

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


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463
463
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Bird*

Hello db,
I found your item on your port, and I'm glad I did.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*
*Star* Here we see a captain going on a fun journey with animals, albeit a fantasy where animals can do more than the usual things.

IMPRESSION: The title fits the content of the item. There is a rhythm and rhyme going on in it yet in some places it's off just a tiny bit.

The names were effective.
*Idea* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS:

The cook on should probably be The cook on board
first mate, a rabbit, named Daisy (uncap rabbit as it is a noun not a pronoun)

What is vegetable food? Maybe could make this vegetable soup?

The piece has a fun feel to it, where nothing really bad happens, although the ants met their own demise.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

*Heart* Dreamin1
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464
464
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Thomas Seeker,
*Tulipp*

I dropped by your portfolio and was looking around to see what new items you might have and found this. I decided to read and review it.

It's odd that after not being here for a while that I came across this because even today this idea applies to a personal interaction I had earlier.

I only review what causes me to think and feel something. I send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

First of all, you might want to rate this so it's made public to more members. Your title is rated but the content isn't.

Title: Appropriate.
Premise: The different parts of ourselves that make us a whole person.
Format: Pretty much good. Nice spacing between paragraphs, plus there is some indented lists.
The title was offset more than I thought it might be, but that could be personal preference on the authors part.
Flow: Nice explanation of what this will be about, plus you go into more detail to explain your idea.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The thought process here breaks it down so anyone can understand and also apply it to themself if they want to. A lot of times people try to ignore those parts of themself they feel is ugly or useless. And often times hate themselves for even knowing they exist. It could be something that doesn't serve a person well or vice versa, which also has other feelings with it. It could make the person feel uncomfortable rather than excepting what "is", and either doing something about it like apologizing or letting it go. Instead of labeling it. (at least that's one thing this reviewer got out of this).

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I found a few areas that needed editing. It was nothing major though, and can easily be fixed.

The first sentence bothered me for some reason. I think it's because it reads "all their characteristics", but you named two. A few words saying you would focus on those two might make it better, even though you have the two words there.

Here: When you hide away, repress, or bury these impulses see you begin to create your shadow, or your inner monster. (the word 'see' isn't reading right here but it could be that the author is more present like he's saying "see what I mean". In that case, I would add a few commas. one before and one after "see".

Here: We were all force (I think you meant forced)
Here: What I intent (I think you meant intend)

There is a place in this where you used the word 'lot', but I think you meant to write> a lot. (for me it should be one word but the right way is used in two words). I think it's at the end of one of the paragraphs, yet I can't find it now.

There was a need for some commas on introductory clauses, etc. Also some places had commas where it didn't need it.

* If ignored, they will come out.

* Love was the experienced (experience?)

Also I would break that sentence up.
Love was the experience. You grew and

I just noticed the word experience appeared twice in two sentences in the same paragraph. You might want to reword it and maybe make it more concise and then you won't have to use it but once. Think of another word that might be used instead (if there is one).
*Idea* The demonstration about the kitten helped create a visual to understand how different perspectives bring about different actions. The caring/non caring could be labeled as good or bad.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: It makes me think of how many times I've chosen to sit back and let events unfold or develop on their own, yet at the same time struggled with that. Sometimes it's the other way around and I want to prevent something from happening, or encourage it. It's also a frame of mind. We might think things that aren't true at all but unless we can understand we might not know that.

People tend to label things in life. It's hard to see our loved ones making choices or doing things which ultimately affect others in ways that might not serve them well. What do we do? We can't live other people's lives for them, but we can be responsible for our own choices and lives and also allow ourselves to experience ourselves fully.

That means that if we realize that something we said, did, or felt (or something we didn't say, do, or feel?) didn't work out so well for us or someone else, we can always make new choices. I hope that makes sense to someone other than just me, but it is what it is. :)
On a personal note, I had a choice today and decided to voice those thoughts and now both myself and the other person interacted in a more productive way because of it.

Please keep writing. The topics are interesting and informative.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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465
465
Review of Second Chance  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Bobbi,
I found your item while surfing around in WDC. I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: The title fits the content of the item.
Premise: A doctor has a second chance when the woman who disappeared shows up in the ER.
Format/Flow: The paragraphing was fine with its line spacing and proper lengths. the sentences were varied enough to create a rhythm.

*Burstp* What I liked:
Often times writers don't use dialogue and it's a shame, but here you do include it as well as flashbacks. I read that flashbacks shouldn't be that long but this was easy to read and understand when we were in the past and when we were in the present.

The character's emotions seemed natural as we see him move about in his daily life and deal with a lot of emotion.

The transition was appropriate as Joe had to really figure out how he felt and what he needed to do, if anything.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision: I am not sure what I would change about it. I didn't see any glaring errors in it or misspelled words. The little bit of terminology used seemed correct and was easy enough to figure out and understand.

I might have included a bit more about Joe's futile search for her, like where he went and what close calls he had during that time. This could build up the tension as just as he thinks he found her, it's a dead end.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions: This is one of those stories that you start reading and have to keep reading because you aren't sure what's going to happen next.

It has a beginning, middle, and end, plus there are some nice details (imagery) in it so that the reader feels like he or she is there.


I could see how there could be a group of stories just about the lives of the doctors and what they see and how they might have a connection with those being cared for. Or it could be about this particular hospital. or even just Joe's life afterward. Just an idea.
I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Night Time  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Moon* Hello there Nicole,
I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

*Bulletb* Title: The title is appropriate and fits the content of the item.
*Bulletb* Premise: Someone is watching the night sky.
*Bulletb* Format/Flow: The format on this could use a little editing. I'm not sure but maybe some line spacing between stanzas or at least centering it. You'd have to play with it a little to see what works best.
*Heart* I liked: Nice imagery. stars glittering like jewels on black velvet. It made me think of a jeweler showcasing his item on the jeweler's cloth.
Shooting stars are like fireworks.

*Pencil* Suggestions: The man in the moon, should be man on the moon I think.
Description of the item could be enhanced. Maybe something along the line of:

Showcase of the night.

*Thought* Comments: The trio of words near the end give this a nice cozy feeling. The person is happy and content, even if we don't know why. Nice use of rhythm there.

Thanks for sharing this joyful item.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Broken  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*Tulipv* Hello my friend Hunters moon,

I happened to notice this on the Hub.
Title: made me curious
Premise: words can hurt
Format: perfect form for the requirement.
Flow: words were carefully chosen which makes the item both meaningful and concise.

*Burstv* What I liked most:. It said five for five. I wasnt sure what that meant but then i noticed why. It is five lines but each line is five syllables.
good job on this.
*Burstbl* Where I found errors, typos, or other things that might need edit and revision:. I did not find anything I wanted to change.

*Burstv* Other Personal Comments:. How true it is when words said in haste seem to be everlasting.
Thanks for sharing.

This item is being considered for "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Blinded  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer

Hello Pen Name,

I wish you had a name, yet Im guessing that being anonymous might feel better for some reason.

I happened to see your item on the sidebar here at WDC, and I just had to take a closer look. Needless to say, I'm glad I did. Lets see how many ways I can say WOW.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: Your one word title caused a curiosity in me, and I knew I had to read more.

Being blind is one thing, but being blind in a world of forever dark well that's hard to know what it's like unless you experience it. Yet in some ways humanity seems as if we are in the dark, and walking about blindly.

*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: paragraphing was well done with it's proper line spacing. The thought sequence seemed on target also.

*Bulletv* I LIKED: I liked the psychological bend to this. The writer gently helps us focus on this dark and seemingly meaningless existence. At the same time, we wonder how this could happen and why.

There is a omniscient quality to this piece, yet at the same time we see the character walking about blindly, and yet we get to see things that he sees, yet it too includes us.

The character's experience saddens him yet this observing is what he must do, until at least a sliver of light appears and grows, and with it understanding and all good things develop.

The last part about walking ties it all together. The last line is hopeful and powerful too.
I hope some day to walk until I find the light.

*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: I didn't feel as if anything needed to be changed.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: I very much enjoyed this item. The sadness welled up in me a bit, but the writer was able to draw us back out again.
Thanks for sharing and write again. I look forward to reading more of your items.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Forever.  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
Hello SirKnowItAll,
*Tulipp*

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: Okay. but you might want to change it later when you fill this in.
Premise: Someone's life has been in turmoil, and it's because of a woman. Yet another woman gives his humanity back.
Format: It's a very short blurb and so we're not sure where it's going yet.
*Poseyv* What I liked: The premise raises a story question. How did the woman do this? How did the man's life change?

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I"d just start writing and see how it goes. You already have the premise

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: Because of the mention of a beginning and end to life, which apparently this one doesn't have, I kind of thought this might be a vampire story, but I wasn't sure.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You might want to first take a look at "A Message from Your Reviewer
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.{/i}

*Angel* Hello Donald Previe ,
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.
*Compass* Title:
Appropriate
*Bulletv* Premise: I am not too sure yet beings this the first chapter, yet judging by your title I could guess.I liked that you
Provided a little background history of these two and their connection.
A good hook At the beginning makes the reader curious but also hints at what the story is about.
A story question makes readers wonder why. Or what happened. This could be the lull before the storm.

Without a hook we are just seeing characters doing somewhat ordinary things in another era.

*Bulletv* Format: It looked good on the page.
*Bulletv* Flow: the words used are easy to read and understand. Nice paragraphing with the line spacing separating each section.
*Bird* Liked/favorite parts: It flows fairly well. It does have an old world feel to it.
*Idea* Might need edit/revision: Although I liked this I really wanted this to have some dialogue. I might have missed it.
I think he might hear the girl call out to somebody or he might hear bits and pieces of the conversation. Even ericsson could briefly converse with our character. What I am saying is to change some of this into scenes.

When the land is mentioned you might want to be more specific about how beautiful it is. What is growing there? Is ther a scent in the air? Use the senses. Are the workers wiping their brow or wearing a bandana or hat? Are they swinging a sickle or gathered under the shade of a tree gulping down water? And there are trees mention what kind of tree? May be it is an elm or an oak Or even a pine tree. Consider the mood you want to create and the location.

Also vivid imagery helps. I liked the mention of the Meaty hand. It heled to visualize Erckson.
Being more specific especially on those events or things that you want the wafer to remember more.
Helps the reader get a hint of what is important.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:. Nice start to this story.
Thank you for sharing. I hope that this review was helpful.
*Star* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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Review of Left Unheard  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 13lue,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.

For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: It fits the content of the item.
A lost love wishes to renew what they had or didn't get to have.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: the format looks fine and so does the flow. The lines have a continuance of thought as the person expresses their frustration with how things often went. This time he feels more assured yet at the same time cautious. It's kind of like he has this inner knowing yet the mind says to be careful, and so he is bravely going ahead if given the chance.
*Bulletv* I LIKED: I liked that strong emotions are portrayed but also that it ended on a positive note with hope.
*Pencil* MIGHT NEED EDITING: I didn't see anything that needed editing.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS AND OTHER COMMENTS: It is a lovely sentiment of thoughts and heartfelt emotions and a looking forward to try yet again. When something means that much to a person, they do keep trying until they know for sure it's just not going to happen.

Good item. Thanks for sharing.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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472
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hello there Katrina,
*Tulipp*

I found your item and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticisim. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: Good. It's appropriate to the content of the item.
Premise: This describes Winter and the longing for it to be Spring.
Format: It looks good with it's 4 line stanzas at the beginning. and the two line stanza near the end.
Flow:

*Poseyv* What I liked: The winters can be very cold and gloomy at times, unless you're the type that likes playing in it. Even so, after a bit it's time to warm up inside a home or cabin or what not. Spring is looked forward to as it's like a new beginning after the new year, and soon everything blossoms, and with it our spirits might rise even more.
You had some good imagery started with: draped with ice.
I'd use more of that. You know how the leaves had turned gold, rust and crimson, then dried up and faded away, then got blown away by the wing.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I didn't see anything that needed revision.

This item has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.{/b}

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
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Review of The Cabin  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)

~~ *Heart* ~~


Hello 13_lue,
I found your item while surfing WDC for items to read and review.


For disclaimer, pass cursor here: *Smile*

*Bulletv* TITLE, PREMISE, CONTENT: It's simple and effective. The word alone makes me curious. Cabins are interesting and so I wondered what about the cabin might be special.
*Bulletv* FORMAT/FLOW: Good formatting and line spacing, but also a certain rhythm is kept.
*Bulletv* I LIKED How we got to see the inside of it. Nice touches about the wood but it could be more specific too. What kind of wood? Oak maybe or pine?
*Bulletv* MIGHT NEEDED EDITING: There were some words capitalized and I didn't think they should be. I figured that maybe those were words required to use if this was in some kind of contest.
*Thought* SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS: Nice job on it. The two names sound familiar but at the moment I can't place them. Maybe they were murderers?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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474
474
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello Big Bad Wolf,

Where's lil Red at today? Have you seen Grandma?
Owooooo
Anyway, I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

*Tulipp* BASICS
Title: What title? Kidding. it's appropriate.
Premise: Thanksgiving day and dinner with friends and family.
Format: Good. I like how part of it is shorter in the middle then gets bigger at the end.
Flow: Words chosen are brief but reveal what's on the dinner menu.
*Burstp* What I liked:
I liked the last line best because it's not really about the food, although it's part of it. but it's about the loved ones and togetherness. I miss it so much. For the longest time, I was used to having that but now that I'm older, nobody wants to do that anymore it seems or some have passed on.

*Burstr* What felt like it needed editing and revision: Thanksgiving doesn't seem normal without pumpkin pie and cool whip or something like that. Is it any wonder we gain weight after the holidays or during.

I might have added another sense to this like scents or sounds.

*Thought* Personal Comments/Other Suggestions:
Too bad I didn't use turkeys on this review. Tradition you know.
I hope that this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Drop by our group room by clicking on the image below. You can leave comments, thanks, request a review, or even join our team.

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475
475
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Note: You might want to take a look at this first. "A Message from Your Reviewer
Hello again AJVega,
*Tulipp*

I found this "Soul Census - War of Shadows - Book 1 Chapter 1.1 and decided to read and review it. Keep in mind that anything I mention is only my opinion. I only review what I like, and send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

Title: It would be good to provide sub-headings to the chapters to distinguish them from each other. The numbering is a bit confusing also. It would make it easier so that it shows up which one was reviewed.

Premise: The etheral people are separated and lose some of the connection they had, but now Zarad is promoted and is about to learn what his assignment is, even though it means being separated from his loved one.
Format: I would combine some of the paragraphs, but dialogue needs to have its own. Other than that it looks okay.
Flow:

*Poseyv* What I liked: Nice build up of tension or anticipation as we wonder what will happen next.

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: Imagery: As I said in my other review, for details be more specific about colors. Here purple is mentioned. Think about what colors names are for purple. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking lavender, violet, amethyst, eggplant, fuschia, orchid, lilac, etc.

Anything can have details, but briefly mention it, unless it's important and then focus on it, like say if something about it means something or has magical powers.

*Idea* It might have been nice to enhance the density ring. It might have a unique color or various colors with some kind of texture like fog like look.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: The story is being filled out more as we go along. I at first thought these two were going to earth but unless I misunderstood they won't be on an earthly existence. This may be a preliminary transition place or something.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

Please click on the link to be taken to our group homepage, if you care to leave thanks, comments, or requests for reviews.
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