Grab it! This reminds we of a horror movie of some kind. I was embrassing your thougts your the feelings in your words. It was obvious that you were not happy with yourself in the beginning and then finally light at the tunnel. This was coollllllll
like one of those broadway plays(the live ones)
um, um something to think about, Never thought I ever read about a tear like that.
um, um you strongly have away with words. The zealous you use to heighten this really was super. The part about the ant and the roll they play, in the army and how you put that idea together with tears was something to think about um(smile)
Praises to you, very well written straight from th heart. I found that words that you project in this piece are fewer than most today. Everything you said hold real meaning. A true novelist, straight from the heart and soul of first hand experience.
Keep this up and you are there. Name is Lights, Motion Pictures! Yes you can!
Very, well written. I like the entire idea aboutthe planet along with eyes of someone that you may have encountered. The choice of words were coollll the concept you have at the end about the rain is a plus to me. How you put things pertaining to the atmosphere together with
earthly ones. Very coolllllllllllllllllll!
I am crying, I am crying you touched my heart. This is the writing of greatness. Greatness in the since that these words generate from your heart. I feel you in this piece. The only -I saw was that a couple of words could be changed at the end of one or two sentence. Read it out loud and you will see and hear it as I did. Overall this is ready for a book of poems for a woman who has to depart from her child. Or it is a special poem insert in a book. This is touchy.
Keep writing!
As I can see you did meet the guide lines for the contest.You are over the hurel your poem looks good. To say that each word begins with a s was quite a challenge, I bet. Hats are off to you for having such a lengthy piece as well and not just making it a one to three liner and moving on.
The s words to descibe this sixteen year old was truly selected carefully, I can tell.
Very interesting contest
Well done, Well done, I am clapping again and again. I quess I get excited when I hear a gift unfolding right before my eyes. I have no faults in this piece at all. If anything where is my frame! HA! Ha!
Keep On Writing
Very interesting concept, this brings to mind of a place where children used to be and are no longer there. The only thing that I see in this, is mainly the choices of words that are at the end of each line. The idea is great and with a little eraser just at the end of a sentence and a quite moment to read out loud. I believe we have something here that readers can follow and take a interest in. Keep Writing!
I can feel you, your words hold me close and they whisper in my ears the things that are nice and promising from someone dear! Wow, you really got me going on that. Do not stop!
I am trying to stay with you,butttttttttttt I do not get your last line. I am sure you have a reason for it but to me it is far out of place. Why? Because the flow you have with your words before that are all up beat and promising and then you reach this great THUMP and everything comes to an END. You do want your readers to stay with you through the high and low rides. Think a little more about this piece, keep writing
Yellow is the color of daffodils and if you decide to use ribbon and make it yellow too, the only thaing that is missing here is line #3 should have a tune that has some rhythm and makes music with line #2. Do not stop, keep going!
It is obvious you know your stuff and reader will follow this movie, novel or pleay. Ever bit of this is in full detail. Nothing has been left undone. Characters a plus your plot a must see or read item. The movie of the year or the latest publication, by none other than yours truly Christina. These results can only come to pass when you put all you have into your work.
That is what I see in this story, all you have! The structure is great the characters are just right, the plot one in a million. Does it hold my attention yes, it did. Keep on writing!
Oh, can not forget to mention all the detail that you give in your piece. Excellent!
I am not clear about what you have written, is this a poem or a thought of the way you are feeling at that time? Help me understand this simply, if it is a poem, then there is no rthym to your words. In poetry writing you often hear a sound, sometime it is loud and then other times, it can be low. In this piece I hear neither. One thing you do have and that is the ability to put your feelings down on a sheet of paper. Now, the only thing that is missing is to find a tune to those words, and work them! This can be done, you are on your way. (I am smiling)
Rewrite me!
Sheep
Sound like the top is down or the windows are all the way down, however I am going for the ride and I think this is a remarkable concept. Well, thought out even,before the keys were in the ignition. Love the idea that all of a sudden this thing/person was in the car with you and you could not get rid of him.
Much detail, which is a good thing, suspense a plus this will hold readers to the page waiting to see what is next . Even ,they are sitting down watching this play out! The end is something else too, the cell and both of you are still together. Makes you wonder if you were ever in the car! This is a well thought out piece.
Sounds like novel writing to me, plenty of details, feelings and expressions. I began to feel that I was in the slush of a old beat up male strip joint. While I was there I saw her the one shoving her breast in the clients face. This piece is real nice and does deserve a great ending. I can feel that you are going somewhere. Readers will follow you!
Vertago, this is interesting and good reading piece. Many times in life there is no logic to things, and many like logic than fantasy.Nevertheless, this is great writing your argument supports your research. Good ground work, structure a plus, It is noticeable that this is a well thought out essay.
HA! HA! HA! This is toooooooo funny, just a little more rhythm that will give a liitle more laughter. Overall, your concept is great and that is you want your audience to Laugh. I like it, keep writing!
Are you really real?? This is like watching a motion picture at the theatre when everyone is spellbound and you can not even hear the theatre mouse pass by. Good stuff, good stuff. Well, I am still waiting for more. Gifted, gifted that you are. Great character selection, plot superb, detail excellent and the best ending yet. Whenever your audience waits for more, you have something going on!
Keep On Writing!
Oh, maybe I'm sitting in the movies watching Horror Night. This is a real good story, the character of Mary and Henry was great the role that Mary played was completely
outstanding. Well thought out plot and Henry being theLight in Shining Armor. Not to mention the children that were in the well, probably for years. This is rated A+ in my book of reviews. I have to remind myself there is no more Alfred Hitchock! Or is there? Great
This has all the makings of a movie, I could see myself motionless and I read your words. This is a serious plot the characters are like none that I have seen, maybe the ice man. Even so, you have a gift here and itshould not be push under a bush somewhere. This was a very interesting story. Was this chapter 1??? Keep writing
Very interesting, you did your homework with this piece. The up and downs were presence and your rhythm shows up in all needed places. Happy and Sad all in one, made the viewer feel confident and then shred all the sad to a moment of new. Great writing piece,your writing is enpowering. Good Job!
Nicely written and with a little fine tuning this will be great. Your formation is in place and your word structure is a plus. Think a little more about where you want to go with your words of choice.
In reading this I felt like I was in Mississippi sitting on the porch under the Crap Myrtles. I can see myself in this character. This may some fuuny but I like to clean too and I believe that everything has a place. Nevertheless, your work in great, (1) the method you use in your details (2) the depths in your writing about the areas
where the story was written. (3) You constant focus on Meghan, Gloria and the Chief
which is always good in writing, never traveling away from your subject.
Interesting piece
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