Wow Dave, beautiful poem, that makes me think of my children grown and away from home, it also has a love in there that doesn't seem appropriate for the feeling of children...who know, however this poem speaks of both types of love,!!!
Great job and keep up the great work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Wow, once again you have not disappointed this reader, you bring to light something so many of us try to forget, although it wasn't our fault it is still an autrocity!!!
Sinmple and to the point, this poem brings to light and teaches at the same time!!!
Great job Sherri!!
Keep up the great work!
Hugs,
Serenity
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“I dunno 'bout this anymore. I think I’ll just wait outside.”
Other than that this is a cool little story, I wouold suggest that you go through and even out your paragraph spacing as it seems you did half of it and not the other half!!
Great job and keep up the great work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Wow Sue, this is a great little story, to bad you couldn't add another hundred words, the ending as with all flash fiction seems a tad rushed, but still a great story none the less....
Where abouts in NM are you from, I live in Santa Fe!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Known throughout Ireland as a masterful sailor, some said he was blessed by Neptune himself when he was thrown off the ship as a boy. McWhyte was also an amazing swordsman, as many a gentleman has found during duels in the park. While still a midshipman McWhyte found fencing to be a great way to release the energy built up during idle time aboard ship, and continually challenged his fellow shipmates to matches. The crew even bet money with other ship ships and enjoyed watching the midshipman humiliate men almost twice his size. These skills along with his mothers influence and money, and some said beauty, had earned him quick promotions and command of his own ship.
Well I have to say if this is your first attempt it is remarkably good!! As long as all the facts are accurate, than I would definately give you a thumbs up, I am not really a reader of strickly fiction works, but you spin a good yarn and I would be interested in reading more!!
Keep up the good work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Sirons could barely make out the smaller alien ship on the bridge's viewer. With no discernible energy signature (heat, EM, or otherwise) it was easy to understand why it had remained undiscovered for this length of time. Instinctively he knew what was going to happen next. Garrett would not try to preserve this for scientific study. A man who really cared would have contacted one of the Research Labs either locally or back on Earth. Maybe arranged to split the rights to any discoveries in exchange for technical assistance and protection. But Garrett was more selfish then that and everyone knew it. He wanted his piece of the glory. Not that the Captain was any better, the Captain only cared about the Navy and absolutely nothing else I know this is you the writer speaking but the last half of the sentence doesn't seem to fit with the book to me....maybe I am dillutional, but oh well...
Other than that this is a great chapter, I like the fact that I think I am reading it out of order, but still it can stand alone, very impressive!!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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I am not really a poetry buff, but this prose hits so close to home it is scary!!! LMAO
No spelling or grammer mistakes(not my strong suit either) But I found that this prose had a good tempo and pace, and is so true it is funny.
Although we would never exchange our children for anything in the world, I believe that children teach us a lot about ourselves and that a toddler has a natural self defense of cuteness, that is hard to resist when they grin at us with paint on their hands and the furniture....
Keep up the great work!!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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“What’s up?” the deep baritone voice startled her and she nearly lost her hold on the branches and only a desperate grab kept her from toppling 10 or 15 feet to the ground. you should spell out the numbers
The smile that had been playing at the edges of JacobsJacob's face sort of blended with the lengthening shadows beneath the trees. He just looked at her helplessly.
Hidden from view comma an ancient beast listened to sounds that it remembered well. Stretching in the tight confines of its summers resting place it knew that the time to feast was coming again. Once it was dark it would hunt and it would feed again. That was the natural order of things
Back at the camp comma Colony Manager Della Brestor watched as first Natalie and then Jacob came into view. Breathing a sigh of relief she resisted the urge to yell at them. Winter was coming and it was time to seal in their camp for safety reasons. Shaking her head she knew that they had no idea of what was coming.. they hadn’t been there the first year. Actually she was the only one that really knew what happened. But she was glad they didn’t know. And that they didn’t know why she was still here. Downing another gulp from her bottle she felt the stuff burn its way down her throat. Revenge drove her and it was the only reason she was their.
At the right moment Della yelled out “Now!” and suddenly they were all inside a 50’ fifty foot dome in a large forest clearing. It was a little difficult to see through the semi-transparent force field but with some difficulty Della could still make out the shapes of the trees on the other side. As the force field increased in intensity soon it was glowing and crackling and giving off the only light they would see for the next 8 months.
Okay this is an awesome story!!! I am really impressed, there are more mistakes, mostly spelling as the words are real just wrong context, as well as missing commas, but the merit of this story is the story itself!!! I pointed out the first few, but suggest you do a quick edit as that is all it needs!!!
Keep up the great work!!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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You know what, this contest has a great potential, it is neat organised and is bring about an awarness for those who have no idea, I may have to submit something but will have to write it first!! LOL
I think you are doing a great job, and please accept my donation!!
Okay this was a great story, I have to say my heart beat was up and I was reading intensly for the next sentence to end with the narrators death!!! Great job for suspense.
Okay now for the bad...well not neccessarily bad, but I was a bit confused by the ending, I am asuming that the narrator woke up from the story; which was a dream; but the end sentence confused me even more....
Oh well, I really liked the story and you did not disappoint me!!
Hugs, Serenity
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Pretty cute, although I think I could beat it, but not with an adult conversation!!!
I like how you have the narrators voice, being very consise as well as optomistic, the last thing I want to do is go back to work after three days....unless they are spent with my mother!!! LMAOOO
Thanks for the read and share, and keep up the good work!!
Hugs, Serenity
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Okay I have to say, although I am not very good at reviewing poetry, this poem touched my heart. Isnt first love the best, however; love that burns bright for years to come is even better!!
I hope the best for your sister and her Beau, and never diappointed when reading your stuff!!
Keep up the great work!!
Hugs, Serenity
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P.S. thrid review of three, from you secret admirer for October!! Mission COmplete!!
I liked this poem, and as I attended a funeral for a close family member today it brought tears to my eyes. I can only say that it touched home with me, and thank you for sharing Sherri!!
Hugs, Serenity
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Okay I am not a poetry buff by any means, but I shall try my best!!
I didn't find any grammer or spelling mistakes...so you get an A+++
Other than that the flow is nice, the cadence good.
Now for my feelings...hmmmmm lets see, It seems to my heart that you are speaking of a great hurt, a lost love, a broken heart. When you lye awake you are thinking of those hands that so willfully and lovingly carressed your hurts and tears away!! (am I close at all)??
Great stuff, keep up the good work!!
Hugs, Serenity
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P.S. this is the 2nd review of five gifted by ~WhoMe???~
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