Hey there Carla, sorry it took me so long to get to this review!! Now I have a few things to point out, try putting a space between every paragraph it will break up the page, make it more inviting!! Also you have a few run on sentences but other than that, I too hope they rebuild!!! LOL
I enjoyed this family home town delight you have walked us into and you wrote it very well, there are no spelling errors so good job there!!
Thanks you for the share!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Wow this is truely emotional. I can feel the anger, and fortunately I found an ass and he turned out to be the best of men!!
Other than that I feel for you, and there are so many kinds of abuse out there it is unbelievable, I too am a victum and I passed over it with a lot of help!!
Know that there are plenty out there who have felt some kind of abuse and regardless of how bad abuse is abuse!!
I hope this helps, you have a few grammer mistakes but nothing major, they are easy fixes!!
Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Wow very short, and yet you make the reader think about what these words really mean. I found myself reading it over and over, wondering at what I left behind and what I hope to gain this year!!!
Thank you so much for the share, and keep up the great work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Jeez, how many times have I felt exactly like that?? LOL
Anyway great poem with no grammer or spelling mistakes, and the flow is even and good!!!
I like that you were able to put into words that so many of us feel so often, I only wish I had something longer to review as I am somewhat a poetry idiot!!
Keep up the great work!
Hugs,
Serenity
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well this grden poem is more than just about gardening!! ha ha ha
Seems to me the narrator loves someone very much and regardless of what this person has done, she has the green thumb to help turn their life around!! Nice metaphors!!
Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Wow when I first started to read the story I could not have seen the ending if I had the ability to read minds, wonderful you have covered many genres and for that great job!!
I love the entire significance of the story and you did a great job of spinning the tale!!
Good luck in the contest and keep up the great work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Cool Story I was a bit disappointed that it was not a bit longer!! Although I did put a word limit on the contest so I guess I can not complain overly much!! ha ha ha
ANyway no spelling or grammer mistakes so great job there. The accent of Paendragon adds a great deal to this story and I love it!!
Good luck in the contest and keep up the great work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Hey there, another poem about love I do believe. I always hated the autum makes things look like they are dying, now spring and winter are my favorites, winter becasue of the icy beauty, and spring becasue things seem to come back alive!!
I like how you incorperated the leaves to help signify your new love and the dawn of the day to show the new feelings with the horizens...does that make sense?? LOL
Hugs,
Serenity
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Very heartfelt, I can feel the emotions of a young heartbreak, although I have seen older patrons of this stupid game called love ask themselves all the same questions. I guess that is this thing we call love, it is confusing heartbreaking and full of the wonderful things as well!!
Great little poem, keep up the great work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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I too would be ready to rant and rave possibly in public to embarrass and humiliate this person. Human beings are not to be owned, and I was once displayed just like this poem states, it is very discouraging, however the most disgusting thing is that some out there don't care, they think they have it made...sigh!!
This little poem has given me goosebumps and reminded me of why I left him!
Thank you for the reminder of helping myself grow stronger.
Thanks for the share and keep up the great work!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Now that said I have to say I completely agree with the concept. Although I am almost that 30 something, it seems to me that depending on the persons goals in life is to where they are in life. As for me, my parents, rather my mom had accomplished more than I have. My father is still the same old cowboy he always was. This idea of an "American Dream" Holds us back more than anything else. I hate to say it, but it should not be an "American Dream" That drives us but our own dreams, and so I think many of us immature 30ish people feel the same way!!
Other than that I enjoyed the first two parts of this article/monologue more so than the rest, and i have to say you have a few grammer spelling errors.
Other than that it is very imformative as far as having a informed opinion about something and possibly becasue you are one of these 30ish people who like me, have not done or accomplished as much as would be expected by society!!
Thank you for the share!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Well so far I love this story, interesting and it definately held my interest. I would suggest that you leave a bit of a hook at the end of each part, just so the reader is gagging to read more of the book/story!!
I didn't find any grammer or spelling mistakes so great job there as well!!
Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Serenity
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You have a great dialogue going on, and this short story is definately action packed.
I wish there was a bit more emotion, but then I am not a firefighter, emotion may very well get you killed and so it could be described perfectly!!
I noticed one mistake: Picking himself up, Six took off down Corridor C as the building collapsed. He sprinted until reshould be he reached the outside, diving to safety. Six tore his mask off, gasping for air. He had succeeded.
Other than that you did a great job!! Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Serenity
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I am touched by this monologue! Maybe it is the music I am listening to, however; I think if I would have gotten to go to my Granny's funeral I would have felt much the same, as it is I was pregnant during the death of three of my grnadparents, there is no mourning for them, as I may have miscarried, the only happy feeling I can hope to have is to know they probably met my children before I ever did!!
Thank you for sharing and as there were no grammer or speeling mistakes you did a great job of showing your feelings!! It can sometimes be hard to do without the mistakes!!
Keep up the great work and WELCOME to WDC!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Well I feel like you I know all the much better!! This is a great idea and more of us WDCers should do it!!
ANyway you think you have a lot of movies eh? I have you beat hands down, and if you are a mash fan than I assume you own the series, jeez I wish Trapper John had stayed on the show; sigh, oh well BJ was pretty cool as well.
Thanks for sharing!! and will come and lurk some more soon!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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wow hun, rough childhood. I saw a few grammer as well as spelling mistakes, but am not pointing them out, as this is a monologue it seems just fine the way it is!!
I know you feel better for having gotten all the crap that happened to you off your chest, and I feel sorry for your whole family, all becasue of one woman!
I have to say it again, but it takes more to be a mommy or daddy than tha eactual deed and your story/ monologue confirms it!!
Thank you for sharing!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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I only wish my family was half as normal as yours. Well now I have a better relationship with everybody in my family. I imagine my sister felt the same way when I had the first grandkids, though I didn't get married till age 25 and had my first child the same year. Oh well, she is ten years my senior and I have done a lot of things before she did, and I admit to being the spoiled baby of my family, although some was her own bad decisions.
I love the rant, and i bet you felt better for having gotten it out. I do it as well, I am sure there will be another after this next visit with my mom!!
Great stuff and I am glad I read it!!
Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Serenity
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I think this is a great idea. My only thought is it is your hard work and if you aren't sure then find another alternative. This is your dream we are talking about!!
Yea it may get your foot in the door, on the other hand it may hinder your progress!!
I will email you a more detailed monologue!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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The cell phone of the women sitting next to Chris suddenly beeped into life, startling everyone but Nelson. The lady gave an embarrassed smile while she shuffled through her pocket. After yanking it out, she answered in a tone of voice similar to a pissed ofshould be off receptionist and began droning on about her mother and the state of her car.
Chris looked at the clock again and watched the dull heartbeats of seconds roll by.
The magazines wedged under his armpit dropped to the ground like a stone to his feet, snapping him out of the daze she had some how put over him. Chris wiped his eyebrows with his thumb and noticed they were soaked itin cold sweat, then gave the five dollars to Zeb. As he did his index finger brushed against her palm which was warm and somehow sticky.
Her focus remained on Chris as she punched some figures into the till and let cash draw fly open, scooping out some coins and placing them in his hand.
“Two and forty pence asis your change, sir.” She said, “andyou can either replace the period of the last spoken line, or upper case the and if you don’t mind me saying so, what a wonderful head of hair you have. A mane like that would be rare these days, am I right?”
Ok that definately verifies freaky friday girl!!! Way to go about the whole horror issue. Now I have pointed out a few things above, also I suggest you go back through a space every paragraph!!
Other than that keep up the great work and good luck in "Invalid Item"
Hugs,
Serenity
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I think this is a pretty good story, I was a bit disappointed that it was not longer, I am curious to learn more of this story, and think you could easily into something much longer.
Also I understand why you did it, but the background info just draws the reader in to be disappointed at the end, you have left a hook that I am curious to know the ending!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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It is often sad that parents are so unable to understand that their kids will not live up to every expectation they have for them. I can honestly say that when my kids get older and if they choose this life then I may be upset, but like to think that I would support them.
Perhaps it is becasue I have so many gay friends, that I think I could handle it.
Oh well, this is definately a teaching story, and as there are no grammer/spelling mistakes, it teaches a valuable lesson well. I do believe there are parents out there who will never change, however; I like to think they are a dying breed.
Thanks you for sharing!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Incredible!!! What a great story, I am in love with this picture you paint of death!! The vivid descriptions, the raw passions, jeez if only we could all write so well, the world would be flooded with so many great reads!!!
I wouldn't change a thing!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Well I have to say you have a rare talent for starting telling and ending a short story in so little time!!! Somethign I have yet to accomplish, although I am gonna give it a try soon, a friend and I are setting challenges to one another and this was one he sent to me!!
ANyway thankfully Megan relented and all the boys are home for the holidays!!
Once again you have not disappointed this reader!! Keep upt he great work!
Hugs,
Serenity
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