Anyway the good points of this poem are the actual meaning, now as someone who believes in God but not a religious go'er. This has a bit mroe religious flare to it than I am looking for!! No matter the meaning is pretty clear to me, and anybody who believes can find Him anywhere!! Anyway I love short ans sweet peoms as I am not really a peotry buff, but tend to ramble on in longer works!! ha ha ha
Good stuff and keep up the writing!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Wow pretty good Ski. I like that the ultimate battle between good and evil, even if the demon doesn't really know what or shoudl I say who he is working for. you have a few repeated phrases that you may want to change hun, the main one is...climax. Although taboo to use other terms you may want to just becasue this could be considered an erotica, and besides you don't want to repeat any word too much!
Other than that great stuff, needs a gerneral going over, but I didn't find tense switching or mis-sprellings!!
Wow hun nce chapter and a good begining to what seems like a novel or novella!!! One thing at the end of this chapter last paragraph you should make a new paragraph each time a different character speaks....
"Sweetie you looked scared to death."
"I am, I feel like just when I found you I am gonna lose you."
Well are you trying to make me cry?? I am sorry for your loss, but this monologue is perfect and I wouldn't change a thing!! I rarely hand out perfects and I am telling you that leting us into a small part of your soul in the hopes of healing means alot!!
Thank you for sharing this torn apart piece of your soul!!
Hugs and love,
Serenity
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Hi there, I can relate to this poem, often I have felt the same way. No to me it feels a bit unfinished, don't get me wrong I love the fact that is so short, maybe you could use a few more descriptive words, but than this is on;y my opinion so don't mind me!!
Great short poem and thanks for sharing memories with me!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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I wish you the best of luck and regardless of what you say you did make a difference, maybe not a world changing difference but many people felt it. Now as far as self preservation, good luck and take a dip in those clear blue waters for me as I surely need one!!
Thanks for sharing and have a blast in your retirement from a selfless job!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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What a great littel romance, hmmm, is he indeed robot or human?? ha ha ha
I guess it takes all kinds, this was a fast read and I didn't notice any spelling or grammer mistakes great job!!!
I have to say Kiya you are truely talented!!
Wow Kiya I have goose bumps!!!I love the jump you made and then the ending it really shocked me!!! Well I gus Wynona found release from her horrid life one way or another!!!
Great job, no spelling or grammer mistake s and this was written extremely well!!
Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing.
Hugs,
Serenity
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Wow this is a very intense poem, and thank you for the explaination at the begining as I would have been lost without it!! ANyway this tells a sad tale or thing I wish could be forgotten and really wouldn't exist at all. I felt the emotions pouring out of these verses and it makes my heart sad!!
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Serenity
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Hey there I liked the letter, and though I don't know much about Meg and Gerald as a couple being the time this is supposed to portray I am thinking he would not give so many bad, bloody details. I think he would tell of his hardships but not neccessarily in so much detail. Other than that this is a wonderfully written piece and there are no spelling or grammer mistake!! Great Job and thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Serenity
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Indeed a wonderful short story!!! I especially like how although it may have been over they both still loved each other and that in itself is what makes us cry!!! ANyway I noticed one akward sentence....
She chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. "Nah. It's cool." She looked up smiling, and my heart slammed hard within my chest. Jesus! Had she always looked this cute? Well, yeah...that was why I dated and was with her for almost a year, right? The bold is what I found akward, now if you read it a few times you can catch the cadence and definatley what you are trying to let the reader hear in their mind, however the rest of the story is so smooth I though maybe you could fix this sentence to be an easier read as well!! Oh well just a thought!!
The man fell outside the pub, his shirt was puke covered and looked as if he had fought a hobo over it. The man straightened up, and began to walk caughtioslyCautiously down the walk.
Ok have to say that the spelling and grammer is pretty bad, other than that, Clowns....CREEPY!!!
Anyway fix the spellign errors, double space your paragraphs for an easier read, and even a drug induced drunk can have a little better grammer, I think more people will identify with the story if you make Twinky's grammer slightly better.
Also there are some places where you tell and not show, when you have Twinky screaming with bad drug induced drunkeness you don't show us what he sees, you do however tell us...just a thought Nathan!!
I hope that you fix some of ther errors in the story and please enter into my contest, "Invalid Item"
and if you do, good luck hun!!
HUgs,
Serenity
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I like the story, thank yous o much for entring it in round three of "Invalid Item"
Now I do think you rushed it just a tad, maybe right before the ending, you could expand on it a little bit give us a bit more detail from where he closed his diary to sending him to the looney bin!!! Other than that I like the entrance really grabs the reader and makes them want to read!!
Good luck in the contest.
Hugs,
Serenity
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Ha ha ha the quest to lose weight, i only wish I had a magical treadmill I am sure my husband would throw it out befor ei killed myself!!! LOL I hope....
NAyway thank you for entering round three of "Invalid Item" this story is good, a fast read with little or no grammer/spelling mistakes.
Keep up the great work!
HUgs,
Serenity
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So I like the jist of the story so far, I did spot a few grammer and spelling mistakes but they are easy fixes!! Other than that I think you have told this prologue very well, I tend to drag on a bit when I write a prologue so great job!!
I am not sure if this prologue is supposed to be told or shown as I only know that there are two children now in control of what is left of the human race, and you tell most of the prologue.
For me when I write a prologue it is supposed to be told and not shown as it is either a catch up from the previous book, or it is a reflection of the narrator, usually the 1st person POV so really until I read more of the story I can't tell for sure!!
Thank you for sharing thjis neat idea for a story!!
I have to say you make rating and reviewing a folder most enjoyable. First off you have some great pictures that my kids were in love with as they looked over my shoulder. Second off when my eldest begged to hear the words(he is four) that you had written he agreed with every one of them!!!
Thanks so much for sharing, and now onto an item in your folder!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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well that is definatley cute, will have to remember it the next time we get a rain storm!!! I found the flow good and the tempo working well with it. Any child of a young age would love this as it doesn't concentrate on just one thing but a mixture of a few, and that is perfect for a toddler!!
Thanks for sharing!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Absolutely great!!! The flow and tempo is right on, and there are no spelling or grammer mistakes!!!
The funny thing is this is my life or what it used to be until we had kids and grew up but still close enough!!
Now I am intrigued by the book you have written wish it was here to view, then I could give you a good review, I find that I am not to good at reviewing poetry!! LOL when it comes up let me know!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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Great stuff Kiya, you are doing a wonderful thing here, I only wish I was more active sorry about that, I do think that this page is absolutely great in of the fact that we are rewarded for our efforts in the group itself!!
Now onto your mini bio!! Great stuff it always helps to let people know what you are up to!! I think it is great that you are an aspiring author and I hope that you learn as much as I did from this site. One tip, you will learn something new everyday you are here!!
I have been an author of books since a young age, although lost most of my handwritten stuff long ago, but it wasn't until I found this site that I became published by a real publishing company and I owe a lot of this to this web site!!!
Thnaks for sharing and I will visit your port again soon!!
HUgs,
Serenity
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Now this is truely a piece of art, to be able to depict such a nightmarish nightmare, and make it sound this good. I can sense the emotion of sorrow at losing a childhood, and the scared tones it raises to step into the unknown!!
Great job!!
Hugs,
Serenity
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