I like the accent. It helps define the situation and the audience. But it is not difficult to read. Sometimes it is better to use more standard language than to use accent that makes reading awkward.
All the generations have asked your question. People are still asking it. You said it very well. The situations are tender and painful and graphic. You offered enough detail for everyone to fill in their own scenes. You hint at answers to some of the whys--people do dumb things, people sin. People are responsible for some of the disasters. But some are beyond our control. And we ask why.
The idea of the guide or guardian is O.K. He doesn't seem to have much influence on Danielle. I don't know that one instance of sexual molestation is powerful enough to cause continued problems. I would ask questions like: What was the reason for cutting her hair? Why did she lie about it? Why did she smoke pot? Why did she take Tylenol?
Tylenol is more likely to destroy her kidneys than cause mental illness.
The problems seem manufactured. What is the goal of the guide? What power does he have to help her?
I think you need to ask more questions to develop your story. But, in any case, write on.
This poem remains a mystery-who the people are, what the need is, how the situation grew? But it is very revealing about the complication of human relationships. The swell and rise of emotion is illustrated well with the form as well as the words.
This is a relaxed poem, or at least that's the best way I can describe it. Perhaps the lack of meter causes it to seem unstructured, but it has good rhythm. Some verses have strong rhyme while some don't rhyme at all. It flows very well. It mounts with tension and emotion. Good job. Write on.
I heard the lament in this poem, the restraint that limited action, movement and effort. The rhymes were solid. The form was interesting but the last verse broke the pattern. I didn't quite understand the climax, but I still enjoyed reading it. Write on.
Two of these are at least fair. The one about hatred is well written. It also has an interesting form.
The next one is also interesting. It says something. The line "run together into the sinking moon" is good.
You use some technical no-nos: an instead of and, 4 for four, u for you. Write in standard English and run Spell Check. You might find a writer there somewhere.
This is strong with emotion but not maudlin. It speaks of life and the full expression of it. I enjoyed it very much. Actually, I'm there now. Write on.
"Now your a slave in his power.." your should be you're.
I think correct punctuation would improve the poem. You pose an age-old delimma, but I'm not sure how to interpret it. Your reference to "god" does not seem to indicate control. You refer to hell without idenfifying who controls it.
This is well done, especially with long lines. Most have 7 feet. That is awkward in one or two lines, but mostly you handled it very well. The last two lines seem to be the weakest.
Ice and cold depict the emotion graphically. Good job. Well done. Write on.
You have presented very good analyses of Modern and Post-modern forms. I can't seem to break out of the traditional, but I try. My life, at least, fits the newer models where everything erupts or falls flat. Why can't I write it that way?
This is interesting and engaging. I liked the mood and the setting. Word choice was interesting also. Between the random rhymes and alliteration, you wove a mesmerizing poem. Two problems I noticed: "profane profecy," profecy should be prophesy; and "sate"--did you mean sat?
Anyway, I like it. Good job. Write on.
The rhymes and meter make me think this should be written in couplets or quatrains, but it's your poem.
"you beautiful" and "forewards..." are typo/misspell errors. Gentle and expressive thoughts. I did notice the last line emphasized a thought I appreciated. When someone writes the thought about "not being able to express in words" he or she should find some other medium to work in. A writer uses words. You shifted to something else. Write on.
This is funny and nostalgic and absolutely wonderful. We all have a memory of some girl who broke some taboo and, in some manner, set us free. It is well written and delightful. Write on.
Your description says this isn't serious. I think that may be up to the reader. I wrote a poem I thought was funny, but other people took it seriously and commented how sad it was.
This is pretty good. I liked it. The repititions and the descriptive details move it well.
This is sad story, but a wonderful tribute to someone you loved. It is badly written. It has lots of misspelled words. Run the Spell Check.
Sepaprate the paragraphs with blank lines. It makes the reading much easier.
You used a few good details and snips of action. Clean them up so that the dialogue is a separate paragraph each time a new person speaks. Review the grammar and punctuation rules.
This is too good to leave it badly done. Write on.
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