"rabbits all are force to live together" should say forced. Otherwise, this is concise, well stated and literate. I doubt that I agree with you, but, on the other hand, you make an excellent point.
This poem blends the high and formal language of scripture and acedemic writers with the common phrases of ordinary Christians to lend a unique tone.
We hear those words of the masters and of hymns and of scripture, but in our hearts and minds, they become the words of daily life. When we speak of holy things and Godly things, even common words are grand. Good job. Write on.
Mystical, dream, reality? Maybe all. The poet, the writer, the artist, the musician--find ourselves encased in our own worlds, our own minds, just trying to say to someone else what is screaming in our minds. You said it very well. Do you think the ones who aren't in a cell will hear?
Loss is so painful that it is hard to bear such sweet words. Grief feels like hot, searing pain. Sometimes anger rises up and jabs the heart. But someday these words will ring true. Someday the pain will yeild to comfort. Someday the heart can accept the gentle blessing and heal. Good job. Write on.
I like the contradictions this expresses. Repentence is hard work. King of Fools is a good title for it. Some of the metaphors are difficult. I doubt I could interpret the poem, but I still liked it. It is funny how hard it is to do such a simple thing. Write on.
This is funny and clever and somehow universal. We all wish we had or hadn't done several things. You reminded me of several things that should be on my list.
The poem is deeper than it appears on first reading. Maybe the sadest thing is that when we wish things had been different they are past changing. There is still the future.
Mystery abounds. I'm amazed. Atticus seemed to know you weren't going to find it. He just sat there and let you make a fool of yourself. Good story. Write on.
I quite agree that the death penalty does not deter murder. I doubt that anyone contemplating murder considers what will happen if he or she is caught. The murderers focus is on concealing the crime.
I believe you could refine this piece and edit it to achieve a better flow. You might take a case and follow it to show errors or evidence that vindicated the accused. A human interest element would add depth and dimension to the essay.
I guess you took down the poem about the angels sleeping in the next room. But this one has a very similar comment. You used some commas here, but I use periods too. Not everyone does. Emily Dickenson and e.e. cummings broke all the rules or made new ones of their own. I punctuate poetry just like prose.
By the way, this is my prayer too. Very well said.
This is well-written and suspenseful. I only rated it low because I thought it had a longer story to come. Why were they in prison? Why was death a better way out?
You have started this story with some interesting characters and situations.
You have some punctuation and form problems. Dialogue always requires punctuation before the quotation marks close. Dialogue should always begin a new paragraph each time the speaker changes. Separate paragraphs with blank lines or indent them. Long blocks of unbroken text are intimidating.
"The day he had been waiting for as long as he can remember finally came." This line changes verb tense. It should read: The day he had been waiting for as long as he could remember finally came. Watch for similar errors.
I assume this is not finished. E-mail me when you do more work on it if you would like a re-read.
You may be an evil man. But you tell a great story. I haven't even made it to raw oysters yet. I enjoyed the visual event. I have read other pieces of yours and I always thought you were a good writer, but I may have missed your truly corrupt humor. I'll never eat at a sushi bar with you! Good job. Write on.
I must assume the author is English. It is a funny story if a little wicked. I don't really blame him for not wanting to keep the building warm enough for all the tenants to avoid burst pipes, but his glee in the situation smacks of vandalism. Well written. Good job. Write on.
This is graphic terror, not from external, but internal sources. I can only guess at it. I do witness it daily, but I don't guess I can even approximate the distress. Being helpless in caring for one in this situation has its own torments.
I hope that expressing it clearly gives you some level of control. Some people just scream, "I don't understand!"
Good story, good personal growth, good description, good movement. I can't find anything bad to say. Except that October has always been a favorite of mine.
Write on.
This is a sad and hopeless story. The character is sympathetic; that is often not the case with a suicidal person.
A couple of observations: Insert blank lines between paragraphs. Large blocks of text are intimidating.
Include more passages that show Clarence in action. The conversations and action sequences highten the drama and depict him better than the narration.
There are places where the reader says, "You don't have the think this way. You have people who love you, etc." but the suicidal person, can't see that. They become completely egocentric. Their only universe is within their own existence. Ending life is the only escape from their pain. It is very sad.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 7:40am on May 15, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
