Things I liked: This simple looking little poem has deeper levels of meaning that I caught at first glance. It moves from learning the name of the man, to aging, then aged, then, annihilation.
Things I didn't like: "ex-hail?" Is there a hidden meaning here?
Form: Free verse? There are many new forms, but I am not familiar with one that has this configuration.
Rhyme: No rhyme, but a very good repetition that carries it forward and emphasizes the course.
Things I liked: The word choices and phrases were very good. It is descriptive and romantic.
Things I didn't like: It is short. I mean by that it doesn't explain why it is in the past. I'm curious.
Form: Free verse.
Rhyme: N/A
Comments: Good job. In your description of the poem, you misspelled comma, important, and reason. Use Spell Check and the dictionary. You have too much talent to kill it with poor spelling. Write on.
Things I liked: I like the rhythm and flow of the poem. I like the emotion behind it. Sometimes I feel like that, too.
Things I didn't like: Grammar and spelling mistakes hurt the poem. I don't mean the ones that were intention--"kinda" is a colloquilism that works because it sounds like we talk. "alright" should be "all right." In some cases "your" should be "you're." If you intend to mean "you are" use the apostrophe. If it means possession, use your. Review the comma rules, too. Commas help things make sense.
Form: Personally, I like form to be consistent. Sometimes, it's O.K. to break that one. Use your own judgment.
Rhyme: Solid; sometimes it helps to use words that aren't so common. I notice you change the rhyme scheme, too.
Comments: I like the repetition of the phrase "I just want you to know." It ties the poem together even with the other inconsistencies. Good job. Write on.
Things I liked: This is a painful story. The difficulty in telling it well lies in good details and satisfying emotional content.
Things I didn't like: Poor grammar, punctuation and flow. It was inconsistent and lacked control. Gouging out the eyes seems a little over the top.
Metaphors, Meanings: Not enough informaiton.
Comments: I do think the piece needs work. It is overloaded with graphic details of horror. If you edit it, I would be glad to rereview and rate it.
Write on.
Things I liked: The emotion in this story is rich and powerful and honest.
Things I didn't like: It needs to be broken into paragraphs with indents or lines of separation. Large blocks of unbroken text are intimidating. Grammar and punctuation needs editing. "Our selfs" should be "ourselves" Review the comma rules. Avoid run-on sentences.
Metaphors, Meanings: At the end you refered to a "baby son." That needs to be explained--how old was he, who were the other people, etc? I realize that explaining all that makes a longer story, but it deserves that much time and effort.
Comments: Deeply emotional things are difficult to write about. That is why they are satisfying to real and write. Bringing them to life is hard because it comes out of the writer's experience and soul. Hang in there and write on!
Things I liked: This is a meaningful tribute to someone who taught you well. It displays appreciation for the teacher, the dance and the poetry. You are a cross-trainer!
Things I didn't like: N/A
Form: Shaped and formed, it carried the thoughts and even the movement of the dancer.
Things I liked: This is a good idea for an essay. I enjoyed it. It is creative, intellectual and instructuve.
Things I didn't like: There are a few rough spots, possible typos with a missing word, or oversights. Read aloud to find them.
Metaphors, Meanings: This translates into many other situations. If you manage to pull it off, it may also work on your parents friends, employees, and your children's love interests.
Things I liked: I am fond of seasons and cycles as metaphors of life. This poem explores them as colors, too.
Things I didn't like: There wasn't anything I didn't like except I thought it could have been longer and explored more.
Form: Free verse.
Rhyme: None.
Comments: It traces the cycle and seasons, but it doesn't speak of harvest or results or achievements. Those are left to the reader to imagination. Good job. Write on.
Things I liked: The Italian sonnet is not a common form, but you did well with it.
Things I didn't like: I didn't like the awkward, inverted line
"I cannot stand, to from him be a part." Part of the problem the punctuation.
The last verse has missed rhymes, too--lass, bliss, miss doesn't quite make it.
Form: Good. This is a more challenging form than the Shakespearean sonnet because it is less common.
Rhyme: Most of the rhymes are solid. Some of them are too famaliar and become uninspired and boring.
Comments: Good job, especially for a first effort. You might work on shaping sentences that flow naturally and find new and original rhymes that hold to the meaning.
Things I liked: The mystery and power of the story is impressive.
Things I didn't like: The Victorian tone is difficult and oppressive. If it were lightened so that it read easier, I think it would benefit the story. The long, rambling sentences and difficult words and phrases become confusing.
Also, the large blocks of unbroken text are intimidating. Break at the paragraphs with a blank line.
Metaphors, Meanings: Rich with subtle and hidden meanings, ghosts, gobblins, fears, and threats.
Comments: Read the story aloud. If it is difficult for you, it will be more difficult for the reader. Don't lose the tone completely. Keep it with some of the elements of the Victorian, but soften it for the modern reader. We are not as hardy as our ancestors.
Things I liked: I liked your honesty. Sometimes we try to put a nicer meaning on our own intentions and actions that they merit.
Things I didn't like: I couldn't find much, net even a typo.
Metaphors, Meanings: Any time you talk about the Bible or the inner life and the public life there are many double meanings. I see in your son's questions the same criticism you and I probably had when we were 17. It's funny how the same people come up in every generation--the cynics, the faithful, the greedy, the artists, the lovers. Which ones will we follow? Which will we be?
Comments: My son-in-law calls me a religious fanatic. I pray for him, but I hope I make that kind of impression as long as I live. Write on.
Things I liked: It is easy to follow with suspense and avenues to persue.
I think it is an excellent beginning.
Things I didn't like: fought, not faught, in the last sentence.
Metaphors, Meanings: I suppose "Krauts" is not politically correct anymore, but that was the language at the time. I assume he was talking about WWI.
Comments: Good story, good beginning. I did not rate it high since it is unfinished, but it may well change later. Write on.
Things I didn't like: Formatting. See comment below.
Form: I think the poem would read better if it broke at the rhyme.
Rhyme: The second line is a little stretched, but the rest of the rhymes are strong.
Comments: I think it is fun to get to share the message of Jesus and his life with people I will never meet. I have been thinking about the meaning of life and future life lately. Thanks for reminding me. Write on.
Things I liked: I like hope. I like defining it and sharing it and enjoying it.
Things I didn't like: This line, "keeping us never apart" There is a way to say what you need to without the convoluted negative. Punctuation wouldn't hurt.
Form: Good lines, mostly. They read solidly.
Rhyme: None
Comments: I think you might do a lot more with this beginning. Hope is huge. Explore! Write on.
Things I liked: The story is sad and true to life. It probably is true for many people.
Things I didn't like: If it is poetry, it needs more definition with rhythym or line length or rhyme.
Metaphors, Meanings: The muse is excellent.
Comments: Sorrow, sadness, lost love, all tragic elements of great writing. It is hard to live in though. I am reading this as autobiographical. I hope you don't get attached to it in a way that precludes happiness.
Things I didn't like: "loosing" should be "losing." Reference to Tyra Banks confused the meaning. I know she protests the ultra thin ideal, so using her confounds the meaning.
Form: The form did not compliment the piece. It seemed to me it would do better as a prose poem.
Rhyme: Some random and near rhymes, but they were not significant in the poem.
Comments: Good thoughts and good foundation. The Bible is the perfect ultimate resource.
Write on.
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