Things I liked: The meaning. I have found this true in my experience.
Things I didn't like: The second line of the first verse is weak. It shouldn't have the semicolon. Recast it.
The first line of the second verse doesn't work. Treason is not precious; it is cowardly or self-serving or cruel. There is a way to make the line work, but stick close to the meaning of the word.
Form: Good form,
Rhyme: The rhyms are good, but don't sacrifice meaning to achieve it.
Things I liked: The sense of fear and pain is real and immediate.
Things I didn't like: I didn't understand the reference to the fear not being from "him." Is the laughter from "him?"
Form: The form was appropriate. The short lines gave the piece a breathless quality. I sensed her trying to still her heartbeat so she would not be found.
Rhyme: None, but that's O.K.
Comments: In reading it, I didn't feel that she felt the door and locks protected her. She was still fearful, still vulnerable. She was still trying to find safety. Good job. Write on.
Things I liked: I like the meter and the gentle tone.
Things I didn't like: Uneven line lengths violated the flow.
Form: Quatrains are easy to read. I like verses with coherence and meaning.
Rhyme: Last line of every verse, but that's O.K. It is very subtle.
Comments: The ending was a little disappointing. I'm not sure why. I guess I wanted her to love the knight, not just the tale. But it's your poem. Write on.
Things I didn't like: The decision and the explanatory paragraph at the end. I don't like the argument that death is better than life. I figure that death is something that will come without our help. The information in the last paragraph could have been incorporated in his monologue or left out completely.
Metaphors, Meanings: The power of love and commitment to family is evident and overwhelming.
Comments: This is moving and deeply touching. Even in my denial of its reality, I see the sincerity of his love. Dying to be with them should not have to be. There is life for him if he can face it alone.
Write on.
Things I liked: The questions are ones I ask daily. The answers seem to change like the rainbow.
Things I didn't like: I think I disagree with you. We are destined for good works, right enough, but we gain heaven by his actions on our behalf, not by our deeds.
Form: I like the form of this poem. I like poetry that looks like poetry.
Rhyme: I like rhyme too. It could be stronger in a couple of places, but still, it works.
Comments: My disagreement with your philosophy does not detract from the form and style, but I cannot totally surrender to it, either.
Things I liked: Excellent word choices. The poem shows power and movement. It is full of tension and anticipation. There are some very good rhymes.
Things I didn't like: In the first two verses the beast changes from an eagle to fire to an angel to a horse to a dragon. They call that mixing metaphors. Choose one.
There are some near rhymes and some stretched rhymes that disrupt the flow. Either make it rhyme or don't.
Form: The verses are coherent and well paced.
Rhyme: I like rhyme, so I am impressed with the effort. Don't give up.
Comments: Nothing happened. Nobody won or lost. Just went for a ride. It needs a climax or a victory or a sad demise. Just my opinion.
It has some promise. Write on.
Things I liked: This is a current concern for many people. You examine both sides of the question. You were not dogmatic.
Things I didn't like: You used a lot of useless words. For instance: And consequentially tattoos become a hot topic in every school all over the world.
This sentence is unnecessary: In the following I want to discuss both sides of the medal to find objective and subjective reasons for and against tattoos.
This whole sentence is a mess: One good means of practicing their own will is, of course, to get a tattoo, since parents are in general against such a self-disfigurement, because, on the one hand, it could be an indicator for losing control over their own children and, on the other hand, for aesthetic reasons.
I edited it like this, but there is still a better way to make your point.
One good means of practicing their own will is to get a tattoo. Parents are, in general, against such a self-disfigurement. It could be an indicator of losing control over their children and for aesthetic reasons.
Please indent or separate paragraphs with blank lines. Large blocks of unbroken text are intimidating, especially in longer pieces.
You identified point one and point three, but you failed to identify point two. Either do all or none.
Comments: I assume this is a class assignment. I did not edit the whole thing, but you will get my drift. There are times when you need a "however" or an "of course," but they are rare. Make a rule not to do it more than once on a page or, maybe, in a chapter.
Learn to write lean. That means use fewer words. Be efficient. Words are too valuable to waste. They must say something.
Things I liked: This is well done. It flows with power and assurance.
Things I didn't like: The last line doesn't match the previous ones. There is some way to help it.
Form: I don't usually write free verse, but I can appreciate it when others do. This one works for me.
Rhyme: I like rhyme, personal choice, but it's not absolutely necessary.
Comments: Good job. The importance of the title dictates that it should be with the body of the poem. Most of the time, it doesn't matter, but this time I would include it.
Things I liked: Excellent descriptive narrative. Several very good images.
Things I didn't like: Some awkward word usage, for instance, "nightly robe." Night robe would be better. "Unblinking become my eyes"--passive voice is usually weak, but this one is worse. Check for others.
Metaphors, Meanings: I'm a little confused about the metaphor. I'm not sure if it is a dream, a vision or an other-world experience. It is arresting, in any case.
Comments: Large blocks of unbroken text are intimidating. Indent paragraphs or add some blank lines to separate paragraphs.
I hate to rate. I have no idea how to rate this piece.
I am writing a story about the Civil War. In it, some discussion of slavery, human rights, and other social issues will occur. I wondered how I would be able to deal with them. I don't think this article has solved my problem, but it has made me aware of it.
I think you cheated! You are supposed to tell me what it's about. On the other hand, many meanings are possible. Perhaps it refers to a person fighting an addiction, some illegal or immoral yearning, or perhaps it is gore and failure of everyday life. Most of it is based in a primitive setting, but the vision of the car wreck brings it back to current time. I didn't like that. I wanted the metaphor to remain consistent. The building to the climax was very good. Fear and dread were well-defined. Good job. Write on.
I understand the title is also the beginning, but it is too far removed from the poem. It need to be joined.
I think this is a universal experience. When some division occurs, it done's take much to restore the relationship, but both have to agree, to acquiese, before things can move on.
I am far too old and traditional to give up capital letters and punctuation. Lack of them does not destroy meaning in this poem, but I don't think they would hurt it either.
Grippingly tragic. Victorian to the end. I don't know that it couldn't be improved, but I couldn't find anything to fix. To make the diary seem more Victorian in character it might use more of the ornate and flowery language of the day, but it was arresting the way it is. I hesitate to change it. Write on.
Take another's view! All the systems neatly catagorized, all the answers cleverly phrased--philosophers, you gotta love 'em. What would the rest of us write about if there were none? You described him well. I've known a few who fit the profile. Well done. Write on.
There are a couple of fragments and a couple of run-ons. I wasn't sure if you intended to use them like that.
This is an interesting story. I would like for "him" to have a name. He seemed like a vapor. Of course, that's what he became. Did her name change from Skye to Yuki? Or did I miss something important?
The standard advice is "Show, don't tell." You definitely told. You might try writing it in the other style and see how it changes the impact. I think it would have more power and be more moving. I would care about her more.
Dream, fantasy, preview? It could be anything. It is labeled poetry. The form robs it of that quality. The only hint that is is supposed to be poetic is the random rhyme. Break it into paragraphs or verses. Or maybe just change the label to "Monologue." Review the comma rules. Several are unnecessary.
In either case, the visual images are sharp, clear and tormenting. It brings to mind Rod Serling and Stephen King.
"Games People Play" will live forever. The poem says it all. Whatever the payoff, we have our game rules set and we stand by it forever. You stated the rules well. The rhymes are effective for emphasis.
Your port is interesting. I will try to read more of them. Write on.
Separate the paragraphs with a blank line like you did at the end or indent them. Large blocks of unbroken text are intimidating. Run Spell Check. There are a couple of words, typos I think, that it would catch. One is "fett" for feet. I couldn't find them when I started to write.
This is good observation of human behavior. It is well-stated and revealing about the character. I enjoyed it. Write on.
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